


Buzzcut Season

by teddyiam



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Bellarke, Clexa, Ice Mechanic, Kabby, Linctavia - Freeform, Memori - Freeform, Multi, Murphamy - Freeform, Octaven, Princess Mechanic, Sea mechanic, braven, briller - Freeform, jonty, minty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:31:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 100,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7012648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddyiam/pseuds/teddyiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an emotionally charged reaction is defined as a crime, sixteen-year-old Gemma Collins is sentenced to spend the next year in the Skybox. Eleven months later things become even worse when she and a hundred other delinquents are dropped to the one place everyone thinks is inhabitable: Earth. Alongside her twin brother and few close friends, this young heroine finally has a chance at a fresh start. Will Gemma and the others survive? Is it possible to fall in love and stay sane surrounded by chaos? Will she rise as a leader on the ground? What friendships will Gemma make—and keep—on Earth? Will she lose herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If you’re familiar with the TV show, then you know that there are violent scenes. I don’t consider what I write to be as graphic as the show, but I do include some scenes so please be careful reading my fic if you could be triggered.
> 
> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.” -David Jones

Sitting on the firm metal chair, I can’t help but notice that my hands are shaking like mad. I shove them in my jacket pockets in hopes that they’ll stop if I quit looking at them. The stillness in the room is crushing me, and I hope that someone will come retrieve me soon. My mind is spinning a mile a minute, replaying the last hour’s events. Everything is blurry yet exceptionally clear. I seem to remember every detail while simultaneously struggling to understand what I did.

As I recall what happened, fear sets in. I distinctly remember the anger bubbling in my chest. My mind was cloudy as I stared at him with a clenched jaw, listening to him degrade my deceased parents. The way he degraded them as well as my grandfather, who has devoted his life to the Sky People, was enough to make something click inside me that not even I had known existed. The next clear thing I remember is being pulled off Marcus Kane by two young cadets who dragged me away on behalf of Chancellor Jaha’s orders.

Now here I am: waiting in an isolated room in the Ark. I’ve been here for who knows how long, anxiously awaiting to hear what the Council has decided about my fate. I’m done for, I know it. They’re going to float me. It doesn’t matter that I’m underage. I didn’t simply attack Kane—Jaha’s right hand man. I threatened him. I put a knife to his throat, stared him in the eye, and begged him to keep talking in order to see how this would play out. I’m completely and utterly fucked.

Even as a child, I was notorious for being curious. I’ve never gotten in much trouble and never for anything serious until now; however, my curiosity created a name for myself with the Council and various sectors of people on the Ark. I wasn’t necessarily rebellious—not in the sense that I created mayhem or caused trouble. Trouble always seemed to find me as how my grandfather and I always put it. If my grandfather hadn’t been the Chancellor up until I was nine years old, then I wouldn’t have escaped punishment for the small things as easily over the years.

Curiosity is in my blood. I’ve craved knowledge and sought answers from the time I could talk. I didn’t always mean to pay attention to things or listen to conversations of the Council members or things of this nature, but I always tended to learn things that I shouldn’t. With my curiosity also comes fierce loyalty and an instinct to defend. And that’s how I landed in this sticky mess. My grandfather raised my twin brother and I; he’s served the Ark from the time he was twenty-years-old, and I’ll never let someone disrespect him. Marcus Kane’s words were not only uncalled for, but they were hateful. I snapped. And there’s no turning back now.

The loud clicking of the door unlocking breaks me from the dark thoughts of my fate. I glance up at the door to see a familiar face. It’s one of the young officers who pulled me off of Kane. This officer was friendly—much nicer than the other one that’s for sure. This one is more personable, and I feel at ease around him despite what I’ve gotten myself into. His brown eyes and wide smile are warm and inviting. He looks like he's only four years older than me, but he’s managed to do good things for himself by having this job. This officer seems like he has a great head on his shoulders and seems incredibly nice. I only hope that he won’t ruin his life like I’ve ruined mine.

“Miss Collins,” he says calmly, “it’s time for you to come with me.”

Because I am far too nervous to say anything, I simply nod and stand up. The officer gestures for me to come forward, so I do as instructed. As I approach him, I notice his name tag reads “Blake.” His last name is Blake, I conclude; Officer Blake offers me a soft smile. I try to smile back, but it’s weak because I’m full of fear as he puts cuffs on my hands.

“I have to,” he whispers. Then, Officer Blake meets my eye, staring at me intently for a brief moment. “I know you wouldn’t actually hurt anyone.”

With a hand on my elbow, Officer Blake and I make our way down the hall. Some people eye us as we walk by, and I wonder what they’re thinking. Do they know what I did? Are they just curious as to why a young girl of privilege is cuffed?

Officer Blake and I are quiet for most of the time. We walk down various hallways of the Ark before he finally breaks the silence.

“You know,” Officer Blake says, “I saw what you did today. And I’m not saying it was a smart move or even okay to do … but I understand. Under the circumstances, I don’t know if I would’ve stayed calm either. Perhaps you didn’t react the way you intended or should have, but I don’t necessarily blame you, kid—”

“I’m not a kid,” I say nonchalantly, which makes him smirk. “And they"—I nod towards the door and by ‘they’ I mean the Council—"probably aren’t going to treat me as one after what I did to Kane. Whatever they do to me can’t be any worse than the shit show that’s going on the Ark.”

We come to a halt in front of at the end of a familiar hallway. The door we’re in front of leads to the room where the Council always have their meetings. Officer Blake shrugs; he reaches forward to knock, but he stops himself.

“You sure are interesting, kid,” Officer Blake says, emphasizing 'kid’ with a smirk etched on his face. I roll my eyes and fight a grin. “You’re curious, very curious—and ambitious too. Don’t lose that, Gemma.”

With a raised brow, I stare at him confused. Officer Blake is an interesting character to say the least. Finally, he knocks on the door. At first, there’s silence, but then there’s hushed whispers and footsteps coming from other side. There’s a nudge in my side, and I turn to look up at Officer Blake.

“May we meet again,” Officer Blake mutters with a smile.

I smile widely back and nod, but suddenly, the lock unclicks, erasing the smiles off of our faces. When the door opens, the person front of me is standing someone that I hoped I wouldn’t have to see: Marcus Kane. His right eye is a deep shade of blue and swollen a bit from where I elbowed him as I knocked him to the ground—just before I put a knife to his throat. Kane doesn't break away from my lingering cold and stoic stare. He seems to be replaying this morning’s events just like I am. My gaze lingers on his battered eye again, cringing at the terrible feeling pooling in my stomach because of what I have done.

After a moment, I notice that I’m staring and start to feel uneasy. I gulp and look down at my feet, hoping that Kane didn’t notice.

“C'mon in,” Thelonious Jaha’s voice calls from inside the room, ending the awkward silence.

Kane and I share one last look before he moves to the side, letting Officer Blake guide me inside the Council’s meeting room. The uneasy feeling creeps back in when I notice the entire Council is sitting around a circular table. They all watch silently as I enter; the sound of a pin dropping would echo in here. I breathe in heavily, but it hitches in my throat when I notice that my grandfather is sitting next to Chancellor Jaha. Why is he here? I wonder. Panic bubbles in my throat and makes it difficult to breathe or think. My grandfather hasn't been a member of the Council for seven years so he technically shouldn't even be allowed in here.

The sight of my grandfather here causes my heart to beat wildly. Officer Blake and I come to a halt in front of an empty chair at the round table. The seat rests between who I recognize to be Abby Griffin and an unfamiliar Council member. He must be new, I conclude. Straight across from the empty seat is Chancellor Jaha; my grandfather is on his right and Kane is on his left.

“Sit down, Gem,” my grandfather says quietly. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

Even if he's disappointed in me, upset with me, or angry at me, my grandfather will never show it; for my sake, my grandfather would never do anything to let me down. As much as you think the smile would help ease my nerves, it only painfully tears at my heart because it just reminds me how he won't show how much pain I've caused him. Officer Blake moves the chair back slightly for me because my hands are still in cuffs.

“Thank you,” I murmur, taking my place in the chair.

I stare across the room at three men in front of me. Jaha tells Officer Blake that he is excused, and I hear Officer Blake’s shoes echo as he makes he way to the door. Once the door is shut and locked, the discussion begins.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Jaha says, staring back at me with kind eyes. His hands are folded on the table in front of him. “You know why you’re here, Gemma. Your actions this morning were totally uncalled for. Although you acted in haste and out of emotion, your attack against Marcus Kane"—Kane and I glance at each other fleetingly—"was inappropriate. Because you grew up with a Chancellor as a grandfather, I am sure that you know how all crimes are handled. Is that correct?”

I nod and say, “Yes, sir. I am aware.”

There is a brief pause as the Council members study me. Jaha watches me with a blank expression. I try not to show any signs of being too scared or even angry in case that might work against me somehow.

“Would you like to speak before you are taken to the youth prison to live in confinement amongst the rest of the Ark’s delinquents?” Jaha asks, ending the brief silence.

Confinement—he said confinement. This is not a death sentence. The Council is sending me to the Skybox instead of floating me. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. My heartbeat returns to normal, and I feel incredibly relieved. I shift in my seat, trying to get comfortable. Because I can’t seem to find the right words to say, I am silent for a few moments.

“So Gemma?” My grandfather asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Do you have anything to say?”

“I do,” I say, nodding and placing my cuffed hands on the table. I straighten up in my seat. Although I’m relieved, I’m not entirely confident speaking in front of the Council and my grandfather after this morning’s events. “I understand that what I did this morning was inappropriate. From this day forward, you all have my word that I will do everything in my power to act more rationally.”

Jaha nods in approval at me. He obviously seems to like what I said. However, he has known me since I was a child so perhaps he has a slight personal bias in favor of me.

“Anything else?” Kane questions earnestly and coldly. He obviously wants an apology.

Kane crosses his arms in front of his chest. I stare right back at him with a blank expression. Kane raises a brow as if to encourage me to speak. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me; Jaha and my grandfather’s gaze are the most powerful.

“Although my actions were inappropriate,” I begin, not breaking eye contact with Kane, “I do not apologize because they cannot be undone. I know I acted in haste, but I do not apologize. I would also like to acknowledge that the reason that provoked my actions was also incredibly uncalled for… I’ll do my best not to act in haste in the future. Chancellor, I recognize that I am at fault and rightfully accept my punishment. And trust me sir: I mean no offense by what I am saying now. I only wish to make myself clear and my voice heard. To the entire Council, I know that you do not approach circumstances like this lightly, and I thank you for this punishment rather than the alternative.”

I stop there, feeling as though this will suffice. Kane meets my gaze again for a brief instance; his jaw clenches with fury, but he doesn’t speak. I don’t speak or make any sort of move to indicate that I have any more ill-feelings towards Kane (even though I do). The Council is quiet for a moment as they internalize what I say.

“Chancellor, shall we let Gemma have some time with her grandfather and brother before she is collected to go to confinement?” Abby Griffin asks politely.

My face lights up at the thought of having some time with my grandfather and twin brother before having to spend the next two years in confinement. I know they’ll be able to visit, but those times together will be different. One way or another I’ll have to thank Abby for at least asking for this on my behalf. Perhaps my grandfather will be able to give her a note for me.

Jaha nods and says, “Of course. As I do not see her as a threat to either one of them, I will grant Gemma Collins the right to stay one final night in her quarters with her family. However, for precaution, two cadets will remain outside of the door. Let me make myself clear: Gemma, you will not be able to leave your family’s quarters for any reason until I come to retrieve you at ten in the morning, meaning that you are not allowed to attend the masquerade tonight. Since dinner is just about to begin, you may get dinner with your family, but Officer Blake will accompany for precautionary purposes. For breakfast in the morning your grandfather will be permitted to bring you some back to your quarters. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” I nod. “Thank you so much, Chancellor. I really appreciate the chance to spend a final night with my family very much.”

Jaha nods and tells the Council that they are dismissed. Many of them stand up and walk out of the room together. After a few minutes, Jaha, Kane, my grandfather, and I are the only ones left inside. Officer Blake is standing in the doorway, watching us slightly and waiting for a cue from Jaha. I look around the room and awkwardly wait for a cue as well. My grandfather makes his way around the table towards me. I stand up as he does so. Once he’s in front of me, he watches me silently.

For a few moments, my grandfather and I watch each other in silence. I hear Jaha whisper something to Officer Blake. With that, he and Kane exit the room, leaving my grandfather and I alone. I’m embarrassed to look at him. Earlier I didn’t want to seem weak in front of the Council, but now that we’re alone I’m brutally reminded of what I’ve done. My grandfather (and my brother too) doesn’t deserve to experience what I’ve put him through—and will continue to put him through because of my actions this morning. When I look into my grandfather’s eyes, I’m reminded of the man I’d run to when my father drank too heavily before he was floated for stealing alcohol. My grandfather and I have watched reruns of soccer matches since I was toddler.

Standing before me is the man who came to every speech and debate tournament I participated in, the man who tucked me into bed every night for years when I was little, and the man who went above and beyond to provide for my brother and me. My grandfather did everything for us, even when my father was still alive. He always made sure that we did well in our classes and encouraged us that we could do whatever wanted and be whatever we wanted. From the time I was born, my grandfather has been my hero. Looking at him now, my heart falls because I’ll barely see him anymore now and because I’ve let him down more than I’ve ever imagined possible.

Tears prick my eyes, but I push them back. I take a deep breath.

“I knew from the moment you could walk,” my grandfather says, “that you’d be a handful and always leave me one step behind. From the moment you could talk, I knew I’d be trying to keep up with your wit, outsmart you for your safety, and beat you at your own games. I always managed to keep up with you, Gem, but you’ve really outdone me this time. For the first time, you’ve managed to get yourself into a situation where I can’t help you—and worse: it’s one that’s so sticky that not even I can get you out of it…”

I look down, ashamed that I’ve put my grandfather in a tough position. I’ve disappointed him and embarrassed him amongst the highest ranks in the Ark. I gulp back the tears that are building. Looking at my grandfather, I’m reminded of my twin brother. They resemble each other so much, and it hurts to think of how I’ve hurt my twin brother too. My twin brother and I have been attached at the hip since we were born. I’ve abandoned him—both of them. The last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is hurt the two people that I care for most in this world.

The fear I had before is nothing compared to the pain I feel when I think of how I’ve hurt the two most important people in my life.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble. I run a shaky hand through my hair. “I’m sorry, Pops. I’m so sorry—”

“Gemma,” my grandfather says quietly, putting his hands on my shoulders to make me look at him, “no matter what you do, I’ll always love you. You could never ever make me feel any other way. You are one of the most incredible, intelligent, and driven people to ever live on this Ark… Who you are, is going to take you far in life. And it’s going to help you do great things for us all. Please don’t lose yourself in there, Gem.”

“I won’t, Pops. I promise.”

My grandpa smiles brightly at me, “Let’s go get dinner. Shall we?”

I smile and wrap my arm around his shoulders. Walking out of the room, my grandpa and I walk with our arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders. Officer Blake follows us out, trailing behind us as we make our to retrieve Finn before getting dinner. A week ago I never would’ve expected I’d be here, but this is my life now and I’ve got to learn how to accept it. Eventually we make our way to our quarters and knock on the door. Finn calls from inside and says that he’s coming. When he opens the door, his eyes fall on me. His jaw drops, obviously not expecting to see me.

Before I have time to register what’s going on, Finn wraps me tightly in a hug. I wrap my arms around my twin just as strongly. I close my eyes and try to enjoy this moment as much as possible, attempting to remember every last second of it. My time with them is ticking, and I’m going to do everything I can to remember as best as I can. At dinner, my grandfather and Finn joke around with me like normal—as if I’m not being locked up in the morning. Finn hasn’t asked a single question about what happened since he last saw me being dragged away by the cadets.

Right now I’m glad because I don’t want this moment to be ruined. Right now is all I have with him. Tonight or tomorrow morning he can ask questions, and I’ll be glad to answer them. For now, we’re all just trying to enjoy our last night together as a family. I laugh with them at dinner and let them do most of the talking, trying to soak in their voices and their mannerisms in hopes that I won’t forget them. Hope. That’s all I have now, and it’s running very thin so I do my best to cling to it so that I don’t go crazy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I figure, if a girl wants to be a legend, she should go ahead and be one.” - Calamity Jane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Between the three of us there is an unspoken agreement to make dinner last as long as possible. We take our time eating so that we can make the most of our final dinner together. Finn and I goof around like usual, poking and elbowing each other as we joke with one another. A few times our grandfather has to remind us to quiet down because we’re being too loud, which is very typical for us. Eventually, we must return to our quarters per Jaha’s request. We return our trays of food to the conveyor belt before exiting the cafeteria.

As we exit the cafeteria, Finn wraps his arm around my shoulders. I wrap an arm around Finn’s waist and peer up at him with a grin on my face. Finn smiles back at me and hugs me tightly again. My smile waivers when I think about how this is one of my last interactions with my twin brother. I try not to ruin our final moments by letting myself be overwhelmed with sadness so I do my best to push these terrible feelings aside. Finn must notice because he pulls me closer to him again—as if he’ll never be able to hug me again. When we reach our quarters, Officer Blake says he’ll stay outside and report to Jaha.

Watching my grandfather and Finn enter our quarters, I hesitate to follow them for a moment. I glance at Officer Blake who meets my eye fleetingly.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Officer Blake smiles, “You’re welcome… I don’t know what I would’ve done in the situation, but I can’t not say that I wouldn’t have attacked him either. I heard what Kane said. It angered me so I can only imagine what you went through. What I’m trying to say is … I wouldn’t be surprised if I had acted the same way if I were in your shoes. And I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

I smile at him. For a moment, we’re both silent.

“Thanks again,” I say. “I really appreciate that.”

“Any time, kid,” Officer Blake smirks.

I roll my eyes and shove him in the ribs when my grandfather and brother aren’t looking. I enter our quarters and shut the door behind me. I look around the living room and notice that my grandfather has settled on the couch with a book in his hands. Finn is nowhere in sight. I was hoping Finn would wait around for a few seconds because I really want to speak with him.

“He went to his room,” my grandfather says, peering at me over the brim of his wide glasses.

I smile and say, “Thanks, Pops.”

I walk to him and plop down next to him on the couch. My grandfather smiles warmly at me. Many nights my grandfather and I spent time on this couch, reading silently together; each of us have read many novels on this couch. I’ll hold tightly to these memories while in prison. My grandfather most notice what I’m thinking.

“I’ll bring you books if they’ll let me,” my grandfather says. “If not, Jaha will learn to be okay with it.”

I laugh at my grandfather’s statement. Although he’s no longer Chancellor, he still has a large influence on the Ark. He never really uses—or even abuses—his power, which I strongly admire about him.

“Thanks, Pops,” I say once I’m finished laughing.

“You’re welcome… Now go to talk to your brother. He’s struggling more than he’s letting on. Poor Finn isn’t going to know how to act without having you around all the time.”

I hug my grandfather, and then I make my way to Finn’s room. Inside I can hear music playing; the music is turned down just before Finn tells me to come in. I open the door and see him lying on his bed with a comic book in his hands.

“Hey, you,” Finn says brightly. A smile plastered on his face.

I smile and quietly say, “Hi, Finn… Can we talk?”

Finn nods and gestures for me to sit on the foot of his bed. I close the door before walking over and sitting down on his bed.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Finn says softly, breaking the silence. “I don’t know how I would’ve handled it if I had been alone, but I know you, Gem. And I know you didn’t mean it.”

I look at my hands rather than at Finn because deep down I don’t really know how I feel about what I did to Kane. I know it was wrong, inappropriate, and extremely stupid. A piece of me regrets doing it because it was so stupid, but after the nasty things he said I’m not sure if I would’ve reacted any other way. When it comes to holding the knife to his throat and threatening him … well, I probably wouldn’t have said that if I had not been emotional and had been thinking logically instead. That’s the one thing I’d do over again if I could. I don’t actually want to kill Kane—or anyone for that matter.

But the thing is, if I hadn’t been pulled off him in time or at all, would I have stopped myself? Suddenly, I’m flooded with the feelings that I felt in that moment. Rage bubbled throughout my body, even in my fingertips. Fury blurred my vision. My mind was cloudy with emotions that I had never felt so strongly before, and I’m not so sure what I would’ve done if Officer Blake and the other hadn’t been there to pull me away. And that is the scariest part of this whole experience. Not knowing what I would’ve done scares me far more than the fury that I felt towards Kane.

“I didn’t mean it,” I say. Fear returns as I think about that moment; I play with my fingers like I usually do when I’m nervous. “I said what I said, but I didn’t want to kill him… I’m scared, Finn. I’m only sixteen! I’m going to have to spend nearly two years in the Skybox. That means I won’t be able to be with you and Pops for over a year. And what if they decide to float me when I’m released?”

I pause, take a deep breath, and try to regain my composure. “I don’t want to be floated Finn…”

“You’re not going to get floated, Gem,” Finn mutters. “You’re going to be just fine. I’m not saying you’ll be splendid. Sure confinement will suck, but you’ll have visitations. And you can guarantee Pops and I will come every single time.”

I smile weakly at my brother. Why is he so calm? I wonder. How is that he can be so supportive? Here I am: I’m abandoning him and Pops yet Finn is nothing by kind to me.

“Why are you so sure things will be alright?” I ask. “Why are you so supportive, Finn?”

“Because you’re my sister. You’ve got me for the long haul, Gem. Through thick and thin, we’re family. And this is what families do—support and protect each other … even if they mess up and do something stupid every once and while.”

I laugh at the last part.

“Of all the people I could’ve been stuck with for as a twin,” I say, smiling widely, “I’m glad I got you. Thanks for being there through better and worse. I’ll always have your back—even when I’m in confinement. Nothing will ever change that.”

Finn smiles “I love you too, kiddo.”

“I’m younger than you by five minutes! I’m going to the Skybox tomorrow morning and you’re still going to play that card?”

I laugh loudly and throw a pillow at him, which earns a loud laugh from Finn as well. For the rest of the night, Finn and I talk about lots of things: sports, our favorite books and movies, and old memories. It almost feels like nothing’s changing, like I’m not being sent to the Skybox in the morning. I savor the last night I have with my brother because it’ll be all that I have to hold onto when I’m in confinement.

It’s a little past midnight when I decide to go to my room in order to get some sleep. I go back to the living room and find that my grandfather has fallen asleep reading his book. I cross the living room, and then I take the book out of his hands. My grandfather stirs as I do so, opening his eyes.

“Hey, Gem,” Pops mumbles and rubs his eyes.

“C'mon, Pops,” I whisper. “You fell asleep on the couch. Let’s get you to bed.”

I offer him my hands and help him off the couch. My grandfather wraps an arm around my shoulders as we walk down the hall to his room. I grab a pair of flannel pants and a white t-shirt that he usually sleeps in, placing them on his bed so he can change.

“Thank you, kiddo,” Pops says quietly. He’s stand beside his bed by the night stand.

I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. “I love you so much, Pops.”

“I love you too, Gem. And don’t you forget it.”

“After all you do for me, I’d never be able to forget. You’re one of a kind, Pops. I wouldn’t trade you for the world, Old Man.”

My grandfather chuckles and says goodnight. I smile and say goodnight before leaving the room. I take a long, hot shower, thinking about how quickly my life is changing. Once I’m done, I head straight to my room to change into my pajamas. I’m exhausted as I crawl into bed. With my hands behind my head, I stare at the ceiling that’s scattered with different sizes of plastic glow-in-the-dark stars. I smile and think of how my grandfather helped me put them up when I was almost four years old, not long after we moved in with him. It had only been a month after my father was floated, and it was almost the fourth anniversary of when my mother was floated simply for having twins. My heart sinks when I think of them.

What would my parents think of me? Would they be as disappointed in me as I am? I roll onto my side and grab the bear my father gave to me on my third birthday. How did I end up here? I wonder. Today’s events still some surreal, but the antagonizing pain rockets through me when I remember that this is my last night in bed in the comfort of my quarters. Thankfully, I fall asleep soon, falling into the comfort that only sleep can provide.

* * *

When I wake up, it’s quiet in our quarters, which signifies that it’s still very early. No matter how hard Finn tries, he usually can’t keep quiet. He ends up dropping something or running into something in the mornings. I turn to face my bedside table and realize that it’s seven o'clock. Three hours. That’s all the free time I have before Jaha comes to take me to the Skybox. I decide to get up and prepare myself. I take my time getting changed, trying to enjoy the comfort of my own room and my own personal space for as long as possible.

I walk through the small, narrow hallway and run my fingertips along the wall, trying to memorize what my quarters are like for when I’m in confinement. Jaha said I couldn’t leave until he arrived to pick me up so I’m not so sure how to spend the rest of my time. I plop down onto the couch in the living room, deciding to read a book until my grandfather and Finn wake up. Around seven forty-five, my grandfather walks into the living room, cleaning his glasses as he enters.

“Oh, hey, Gem,” Pops says cheerfully. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be up yet or not.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say with a shrug. “It’s a big day.”

Pops sits down next to me. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be alright, Gemma.”

“I know,” I whisper, looking down at the book in my lap instead of him.

My grandfather wraps an arm around my shoulders and hugs me tightly.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes with breakfast for you and Finn,” he says.

How my grandfather is so calm and collected on a day like today I’ll never quite understand. I thank him and continue reading where I left off. For the next ten or fifteen minutes, I read in silence. I start to wonder when my brother wake up. As if on cue, there’s a thud in the hallway and the sound of Finn swearing under his breath. I close my book and watch Finn as he walks into the living room, rubbing his eyes. He’s fully dressed, but he’s barely awake still.

“Morning, Finn,” I say, placing my book on the coffee table in front of me.

Finn smiles and plops down on the couch, laying his head in my lap.

“Good morning, Gem,” Finn says with a grin on his face. “Did Pops go to get breakfast?”

I nod. “He should be back soon.”

Finn and I talk while waiting for our grandfather to return with breakfast. When he returns, the three of us eat at the kitchen table and laugh like it’s an ordinary day. Afterwards, we watch a soccer match that we haven’t seen yet. Finn and I cheer in the final seconds of the game, excited that our favorite team made the winning goal. We dance around the room and make fools of ourselves. A loud knock on the door stops Finn and I our tracks. I lower my raised hands, and the smile on my face fades. My eyes scan the room and notice that clock reads ten o'clock sharp.

There’s a moment of silence that echoes throughout our quarters. Finn glances at me, which is when I notice that the light in his eyes has disappeared just like mine.

“I’ll get it,” Pops says, standing up to answer the door.

Another knock echoes. I shiver as it rumbles through me, reminding me that my freedom has come to an end.

“Coming!” Pops calls. A few seconds later he answers the door and says, “Good morning, Thelonious. Come in. How are you?”

Jaha smiles, “I’m fine. Good morning to you too, Benjamin.”

Jaha enters and peers around. His gaze rests on me.

“Good morning, you two,” Jaha says, addressing me and Finn. “Are you ready, Gemma?”

I nod, unable to speak a word. The anxiety has settled in again. I close the distance between Finn and I. My arms wrap around his torso, and I hug him tighter than ever before. Finn wraps an arm around my waist and one around my shoulders, tugging me close to him. I bury my head in his chest and try to remember everything about this moment so I can hold onto it forever.

“I love you,” I mumble. Finally, I pull away and put my hands on his shoulders. “Be good, Finn. Take care of Pops for me.”

“I love you too, Gem,” Finn says with a smile. “Take care of yourself in there… I’ll see you on visitation day.”

We walk towards the door where Jaha and Pops are still standing. Pops smiles at me when I approach him. I wrap my arms around his shoulder and smile as he hugs me. Unable to let go, my grandfather is the first to pull away.

“I love you, Pops,” I say, kissing his cheek. “Keep Finn in line.”

“I love you, Gemma,” Pops says and pats me on the shoulder.

I look at Jaha and nod as if to say I’m ready. The longer I stay here, the harder it will be. Jaha says goodbye to my grandfather and brother. He puts a hand on my elbow and guides me out the door. I glance over my shoulder and wave at them. My heart falls when the door is closed. I look around the hall for any signs of Officer Blake, but I can’t find him. That’s odd, I think. Both of the cadets are unfamiliar, and that makes me uneasy. Jaha asks one of the cadets to take out their cuffs. I put my wrists out so that the cadet can put them on.

“Where’s Officer Blake?” I ask Jaha. “Wasn’t he standing guard last night?”

“He’s okay, Gemma,” Jaha says, not answering my second question.

With one cadet on either side of me and Jaha leading the way, we begin walking down the hallway. There’s a few seconds of silence, but I can’t get Officer Blake off my mind. What happened to him? I wonder.

“Thelonious, what happened to him?” I ask again.

Jaha looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “You are far too curious for you own good, Gemma. For reasons that I will not reveal to you, Bellamy is no longer a Cadet.”

My brow furrows in confusion, trying to think of something Bellamy could’ve done to get in trouble. There were no weird noises or occurrences outside my quarters last night. Did Bellamy do something when he took a break that could’ve gotten him in trouble? I’m silent for the rest of the walk. I don’t pay much attention to the halls that they guide me down. Eventually we arrive at the main doors that lead to where the youth are kept in confinement. Jaha enters a code on keypad, and the doors slide open.

Inside the Skybox, I’m led down a few more halls. Jaha helps the workers register me into the system. My fingerprints, blood type, and more of my personal history are entered into the system. After about half an hour, I’m finally done with preparation. Jaha turns to me and asks the cadets to leave us alone for a moment.

“Gemma,” Jaha whispers only loud enough for us to hear, “please take care of yourself in here. Your grandfather can only protect and help you so much, and there’s very little he can do for you while you’re in here. I’ve known you since you were a kid, and I see so much potential in you. But it’s up to you now, Gem, to be smart… Take care of yourself, kiddo.”

“Thanks, Thelonious,” I mutter. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Jaha smiles slightly before ordering the cadets to take me to my cell. I learn from the cadets that I’ll be sharing my cell with one other delinquent. They guide me down some narrow paths in front of cells that hold other youths of the Ark. Finally, they stop in front of a cell that happens to be mine. They remove my handcuffs and hand me a small bag. With the duffle bag I was given to me, I enter the small space. My arms are wrapped around the duffle bag as if I’m hugging it. My ears are trained on the door, waiting to hear it close yet it doesn’t. I turn around slowly and see that it’s still open.

“Your roommate is here,” a cadet says, noticing how look at them confused.

Just as he finishes his sentence, two more cadets come into view with a girl in between them. She appears to be my age—a year older or younger perhaps. Her hair is very dark bronze color and hangs straight past her shoulders; her eyes are sharp green, but they’re welcoming nonetheless. She’s angry. Oh god, this girl is frustrated as hell. One of the guards take off her cuffs and tell her that she can walk inside. The guards shut and lock the doors behind her, leaving the two of us alone. Silently we both look around the small space that we’ll be sharing for the next fourteen months that we spend here. I look to the left of the room and eye the bunk beds.

“Do you want the top or bottom?” The girl asks softly. Although she’s still angry, her demeanor is much friendlier to me.

A smirk covers my lip. I hold my tongue, not wanting to make the joke because I can’t tell if she’d find it funny or not. I definitely don’t want to start off on a bad note. I glance at her and notice that the same thought flashes across her eyes. We both chuckle at her question, and she gives me a sorry sort of expression.

I shrug and say, “I’m indifferent. Do you have a preference on either of the beds?”

“I’ll take the top one then.”

She throws her duffle bag onto the top and climbs up the ladder at the end of the beds. I sit my duffle bag on the bottom. I sit down on my bed and rest my back on the wall; my legs are outstretched in front of me and my feet dangle off. It’s quiet, except for the buzz of motion and conversations happening outside of our cell. Suddenly, there’s movement in front of me. The girl’s face is dangling in front of me.

“Sorry, I forgot to ask,” she says with a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Gemma,” I say, smiling back. “Gemma Collins. I’ll be seventeen in two months. What about you?”

“Octavia Blake, and I just turned sixteen… You’re one of the Collins twins, aren’t you? Twins aren’t very common on the Ark.”

She sits back up on her bed so I can no longer see her face.

“My brother and I are the only pair of twins actually. The one child rule is incredibly strict in this place… Perhaps that’s why our my mom was floated the day we were born.”

“My mom was floated too… I’m a second child so I sorta know what it’s like.”

“So they found you and locked you down here for something you had no control over. Am I right?”

“Yup. It’s fucking insane… What happened to your dad?”

“He was floated when I was three. After our mom was floated, he became in alcoholic. He was making a scene in a hallway near the Council’s chambers. Throwing chairs, yelling at the top of his lungs, and doing whatever damage he could seemed to be the only thing on his mind. A cadet found him drunk, and he was caught with a stolen bottle of whiskey in his hands. It’s safe to say that the Council wasn’t going to let him get away with it. The vote was unanimous… It was one of the hardest things my grandfather had to do.”

“I’m sorry about your parents,” Octavia says quietly. “I never knew my dad. I never knew anyone really… I’ve been locked away and in hiding from the day I was born…”

Octavia’s voice trails as the sadness lingers in the air. For a moment, we’re both quiet. I take in everything that Octavia said in. She seems nice and cool so I look forward to spending the next two years in the Skybox with her. She’s a sixteen, a second born … and a Blake. Bellamy Blake only seemed to be five years older than me, which means it’s perfectly logical that he could be the brother Octavia was talking about.

“Wait, Octavia,” I say slowly. “Is your older brother Bellamy?”

Octavia doesn’t speak nor does she move. I would notice if she shifts because the beds aren’t the stablest. Eventually she does shift and she walks down the ladder. Octavia sits down crossed legged at the foot of my bed.

“You know my brother?”

“He was one of the cadets that pulled me off Marcus Kane yesterday after I attacked him,” I say.

“You attacked the Marcus Kane?” Octavia asks surprised. I nod. “Girl, we’ve got a lot to tell each other. You go first.”

For hours, Octavia and I talk, learning about one another. She tells me about Bellamy, and I tell her about Finn and Pops. It turns out that Octavia and I have a lot in common with one another. I get the feeling that she’s just as determined, curious, driven, and stubborn as I am in some regards. We have similar sense of humor, which is great because we laugh lots. As Octavia tells me about a childhood story with Bellamy, I laugh, feeling the fear and apprehension I had earlier disappear. I could get use to confinement, I think with a wide smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” -Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

With Octavia, I think the next year in confinement doesn't look too boring after all. The first week is full of banter and laughter. Even though we never seem to stop talking (like at all), we never run out of things to talk about. We are given notebooks and pencils so we doodle and draw pictures to decorate our walls. Octavia and I get along so well, and we tell each other everything; other than Finn, Octavia is the only person I’ve ever felt this comfortable with. She’s the only person I’ve ever been able to trust so easily, especially so quickly.

Maybe it’s a Blake thing, I think. I remember how comfortable I was around her brother and I barely knew him. Octavia, like her brother, makes me feel at ease; she understands me so well. Despite how it can sometimes seem that we talk forever, we do have more moments of silence than one might think for two strong willed and curious girls. In these moments of silence, Octavia and I have some of our best conversations. Before living with Octavia I never understood this phenomena; I enjoy our moments of silence just as much as I do our conversations because it’s nice to have time to myself but not be lonely.

Although Octavia and I are already best friends, it doesn’t completely fill a piece of me that’s missing. It doesn’t completely erase what I have with Finn and Pops. Above my bed is a piece of paper that I’ve tapped to the bottom of Octavia’s bed. I made a yearly calendar on it so that I can keep track of the days. I made it partly to keep my sanity, but I also made it so I could count down the days to when I can see my family. As a part of my punishment and the rules of my confinement, I only get visitations once every two months; on the first Sunday of every other month, Finn and Pops are permitted to visit me. Some days drag by. Others go by much faster.

I don’t discuss visitation days with Octavia because I don’t want to make her feel bad. Bellamy isn’t allowed to visit Octavia after what happened so I steer away from discussing visitation days with her. However, we do talk about our families quite often. Remembering our families and talking about them helps us feel grounded and as sane as we can in here. It’s usually not hard because visitation days seem so far apart.

That is until now at least.

It’s the week of my first visitation day. For the first time in two months, I’ll be able to see my grandfather and brother on Sunday morning. I do my best not to make a fool of myself, but I can’t help but talk more about them with Octavia this week. Octavia is patient and understanding with me, which I’m incredibly grateful for. The days seem to drag by, but the end of the week I look back and realize it flew by. On Saturday night, Octavia and I go to bed early; both of us are tired from staying up late the night before. Surprisingly, I fall asleep easily and quickly. I fall asleep happy and excited about seeing my family in a few hours.

When I wake up, most of this section of confinement is relatively quiet. Most of the prisoners are either still asleep or awake but too tired to make much noise. I lay in bed for moment and enjoy the temporary tranquility. I get dressed, knowing the guards will be here in about half an hour. Afterwards, I lie back down on my bed and read the book that I got when I traded with another delinquent during a recess last week. I’m just about to finish a chapter when a voice interrupts me.

“Prisoner 157.”

I look up to see a cadet standing outside of my cell.

“It’s time for your visitation,” the guard says.

Sitting my book down on my bed, I walk to the cell door. The cadet puts cuffs on my hand before opening the door. Once the door is opened, I go to step out, but Octavia’s voice stops me.

“Hey, Gem,” she says in a sleepy voice. I look up to her bed from where I’m standing and notice how she’s smiling down at me. “Tell your family I said hello. I hope you have a great time seeing them.”

I smile and softly say, “Thanks, O. I’ll see you later.”

The cadet shuts and locks the cell behind me. My heartbeat speeds up slightly the closer we get to the visitors’ quarters of the prison. When we approach a set of doors, my breath hitches in my throat when I look through windows to see several people waiting. This is it, I think. Finn and Pops are inside here. The cadet enters a code, making the doors open; he directs me inside and takes my cuffs off once we enter. I look around, excitedly looking for my family. A wide smile breaks across my face a second later when I spot them.

“Gemma!” Finn says estatically, standing up immediately.

Finn and I walk quickly towards each other. I wrap my arms around his shoulders instantly and jump into his arms. Finn spins me around before setting me back down. With an arm wrapped around each other, Finn and I walk over to the table where Pops is sitting. Pops gets up once we are in front of each other; he smiles and hugs me tightly. I smile. For the first time in two months, I’m with my family, hugging them like it’s the last time all over again. Pops releases me and puts a hand on my right shoulder.

“It’s great to see you, Gem,” Pops says, smiling. He sits back down.

“It’s amazing to see you guys,” I say. The smile on my face still hasn’t faded.

Finn and I sit across from Pops. The two ask how I’m doing and what it’s like living in confinement. I tell that I’m doing alright, considering that I’m living in a small cell surrounded by other cells that are holding other youths on the Ark. I tell them about how incredible my roommate Octavia is and how she’s made living in confinement much more bearable that I ever thought possible. They both seem happy that I have a roommate that I enjoy. After talking about Octavia for a bit (as well as assuring my grandfather that I’m being well fed and treated fairly by the staff and guards), I go on to tell them about how I keep myself busy.

From reading to doodling and talking with Octavia to playing games with other delinquents during the recess, I have found all sorts of ways to stay busy. I’ve done a decent job of keeping my mind off negative thoughts. However, some days I am rather sad and spend my time in bed, but neither of them need to know that. Those days aren’t as frequent anymore fortunately. We seem to talk about for what seems like forever so I change the subject and ask about them. Finn tells me about how school is going and how he’s starting to look into potential careers. Pops tells me about a new book that he’s reading and about how he’s joined a book club with some of the other adults in the communication sector of the Ark.

For a couple hours, I laugh and talk with them, enjoying how I feel whole for the first time in months. Life in confinement hasn’t been completely terrible—thanks to Octavia. But not seeing my grandfather and twin brother for the first time in eight weeks is absolutely amazing. I feel so happy to see them that it’s difficult to find the right words to explain it. It’s wonderful to see them both. Time is nonexistent to me as I catch up with my family.

“Miss Collins.”

The three of us look up to see the same cadet standing next to our table. I piece of me is happy that he didn’t call me by my number in front of them. I’m accustomed to being reduced to a number, but I don’t think Finn and Pops are.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “but it’s time for you to return to your cell. Lunch begins in thirty minutes.”

I nod and say, “Okay. Can I say goodbye?”

The cadet nods and steps back a bit to give us room to say goodbye. I return my attention to Finn and Pops. They stand up so I follow suit. I hug my grandfather first. Pops reminds me to be careful and to be good. I assure him that I will. As I turn around, Finn engulfs me in a tight hug before I have time to fully register what’s happening. I giggle and wrap my arms around my brother’s torso. Finn and I are silent as we hug, trying to make it last as long as possible. Neither one of us wants to say goodbye—not again.

“I’ll see you in two months, Finn,” I mutter against his chest.

I still don’t pull back and neither does Finn.

“I know,” Finn mumbles. “I just don’t like saying goodbye, sis.”

“Then, don’t. We won’t say goodbye, alright? See ya later.”

Finn smiles. “See ya later, Gem.”

I look back and forth between Pops and Finn.

“I love you both,” I say, smiling at them.

They say that they love me and that they’ll be back at the same time in two months. I turn to the cadet and say that I’m ready. He puts the cuffs back on my rests before guiding me towards the entrance of the visitors’ room. As they door slides open, I turn to look over my shoulder at Finn and Pops. I wave as best as I can in the cuffs and smile when they wave back. I wish I could’ve had more time with them, but I walk back to my cell with a big smile on my face. When I enter the cell, Octavia is sitting in her bed and drawing in her notebook. She smiles at me when I enter.

“That just might be the biggest smile I’ve ever seen,” Octavia says. I blush slightly, suddenly aware that I am, in fact, smiling very widely. “How’s your family?”

“Good,” I say. “They’re both great actually. It was nice to catch up with them.”

Octavia smiles and says she’s happy for me.

“Hey,” she says, walking down the ladder, “I’ve got a new drawing to put up on the wall.”

I walk over to her, and Octavia hands me the drawing. My heart swells with happiness at the drawing. Octavia has outdone herself this time, I think. Cartoon versions of Octavia and I are standing together, arms intertwined. Next to Octavia on her right is Bellamy, who has an arm dangling loosely around her shoulders. On my left is Finn with his right hand is on the side of my face; he’s laughing. Beside Finn is my grandfather, and he’s smiling the same toothy grin he got when he saw me enter the visitors’ room this morning. The cartoon versions of all of us makes the photo that much better and more adorable.

I never imagined that I could for anyone more than I do for my grandfather and brother, but that changed when I was paired with Octavia. Octavia has quickly become my best friend, and I’d do anything for her. I know she’d do the same for me. Looking up from the picture, I see Octavia smiling at me.

“Do you like it?” Octavia asks hesitantly.

“I love it, O,” I say.

We hug each other tightly for a moment. We decide to play with the deck of cards until a guard comes to take us to go eat lunch. For a moment, things seem normal as I laugh with my best friend. It almost seems like that nothing bad or strange could ever happen. Little do I know that I’ll desperately want to get this feeling back in a couple years.

* * *

Time in the Skybox has its ups and downs, but with the friends I’ve made it has lots of ups. During the first week, I met a pair of boys named Monty and Jasper at the daily recesses all prisoners are granted. They’re always together. If you find one, you find the both of them. They’re brilliant and full of energy, but I like them. They liven up this place with their jokes and laughter. I spend nearly every recess with them, playing cards or discussing theories about the Ark. Octavia usually did her own thing during recesses, and I normally let her be.

During my second visitation with Finn and Pops, it’s nice that I can tell them about Monty and Jasper. It makes them happy—especially my grandfather—that I’m happy. The pair might be almost two years younger than me, but they’re wonderful and friends nonetheless. At recesses, I noticed that there is a boy about my age who normally sits alone. He taps his fingers on the table absentmindedly, stares off into space, and plays cards by himself. His dark brown hair flops into his face, and I see him brush it out of his eyes from time to time. This boy—"His name’s John Murphy, Gem,“ Jasper tells me—and I never speak, but we do meet each other’s eye occasionally.

This happens for a few months, but neither of us make a move to talk to one another. I’m intrigued by this Murphy fellow. The thoughts of why he’s alone, why he never interacts with anyone, and what he did to get in here go through my mind. Today—after six months in the Skybox—thoughts still fill my mind as I play cards games with Monty and Jasper in the rec hall. Like usual, Murphy is sitting in the same spot and behaving like he always does.

"Gemma, quit staring!” Monty mutters, elbowing me in the side.

I glare at Monty. “I am not staring!”

“Gem, we both saw you staring,” Jasper says with a grin. “And we saw Murphy staring at you. We just aren’t quite sure if you’re simply staring at each other… Or is it sexual tension or murderous rage?”

I roll my eyes and laugh.

“Look,” I say still chuckling, “there is no sexual tension between Murphy and I. We’ve never spoken before. I didn’t even know he existed until I landed myself in the Skybox. There can’t be any sexual tension if we don’t know each other, you dipshits.”

The boys chuckle. Monty hands me the deck of cards and says it’s my turn to deal. We’re silent as I deal the cards.

“So why is Murphy in here?” I ask.

“He killed someone,” Jasper says casually, picking up his hand of cards.

I pause and stare at Jasper. I can’t believe he just said it so nonchalantly. My eyes scan back over to where Murphy is sitting. As if he can feel my eyes on him, Murphy glances in my direction. We stare at each other for a moment. After a moment, Murphy nods his head at me, and I do the same to him.

“Damn,” I mumble. I raise my brows as I talk, surprised that he did such a thing. “He really killed someone?”

Jasper nods and sifts through his cards.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Monty says. “You attacked Kane and nearly kill—”

“I didn’t nearly kill Kane.” I straighten up in my seat. My brow furrows in anger. “Yes, I attacked him. And yes, I threatened him, but I didn’t nearly kill him, Monty.”

“Would you if you had been alone with him?” Jasper asks quietly. He doesn’t mean harm; he’s just curious. “If no one had been there to stop you, if you had just had a second more, would you have killed him?”

I place my cards back on the table. Resting my head in my hands, I close my eyes and remember that dreadful day six months ago. The day that I completely and totally fucked up; the day that I was torn from my family and my quarters. I remember the anger boiling throughout my body. The need for revenge had never felt so strong. The memory of me running across the hall and attacking Kane is still a blur. The moment it happened I wasn’t quite aware of what was happening. That is, until I was on top of him and holding a knife to his throat. Until I saw the shock and fury in his eyes did I really come to. I remember the venomous words leaving my mouth: Say it again. You keep talking, Kane, and you’ll be a dead man. I shiver as the memory is fresh in my mind.

I open my eyes and briefly look at the two boys. I don’t want to know what they’re thinking so I look around fleetingly. My gaze rests on Murphy, who’s watching me. His brow is furrowed, and he’s watching me with a curious expression. I turn my attention back to Jasper and Monty.

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I really don’t know. I’d like to think I wouldn’t. And right now I don’t want to kill him… In that moment, I really don’t know what I would’ve done.”

Jasper and Monty look at me sympathetically. Jasper opens his mouth to say something, but he’s interrupted.

“Prisoner 157,” a cadet says. We all look up. “Come with me please.”

I nod and stand up. “Of course, but why?”

“You have visitations.”

“I’m not supposed to have visitations until next Sunday,” I say, confused. I’ve kept careful track and my third visitation isn’t until next week.

“Come with me,” the cadet says, gesturing for me to come. “I’ll explain on the way.”

I say goodbye to the boys and follow the cadet. The cadet explains that Jaha made an exception allowed for my visitation day be moved up a week. “Just this once,” he emphasizes. With a hand on my elbow, the guard leads me to the visitation quarters where I assume my grandfather is waiting. Other than my grandfather and Finn, Finn’s girlfriend is the only other one who’s ever visited me, but she only did once. My heart is pounding so loud; it’s the only thing I hear as I’m guided through the prison.

Finally, we make it to the visitation quarters. My gaze is fixed on the door, searching for a sign of my grandfather—or maybe even Finn. The doors slide open, and I’m guided into the room. I see my grandfather sitting alone at the same table as usual in the quarter. Alone, I immediately start to walk over to him. I pause in front of the table, which finally gets my grandfather’s attention. With a weak smile on his face, he looks up at me.

“Hey, Pops,” I stutter. I sit down in front of him. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you—or Finn?”

My grandfather puts a hand on mine, which makes me stop talking. I realize I’m rambling. That tends to happen when I’m scared out of my wits.

“That’s why I’m here,” Pops says slowly after a moment. “It’s Finn, Gemma. He did something—Finn is in trouble.”

I look at him with a worried expression. “What happened, Pops?”

“At an unregistered time last night, someone was spotted outside of the Ark in a restricted section. So the Council and some cadets went to the spot where the person exited. Well, when they got to the place where the door is … they saw Finn. And Finn was in the suit.”

I gulp, trying to process what my grandfather is saying. Spacesuit. Finn. Trouble. My twin brother is in some serious trouble if this story is true. I don’t not believe my grandfather; I trust that he’d never lie to me. The only thing is, it just doesn’t make sense. Why would Finn leave the Ark like that? He isn’t trained to work outside of the Ark. Finn doesn’t completely understand how any of that works. Sure, Finn likes a rush, but he’s not stupid. I try to make sense of what’s going on.

“What are they going to do to him?” I whisper.

My grandfather doesn’t speak immediately. Once again, he tries to offer me a small smile. My heart falls further when I notice how the smile doesn’t cover his face. Pops puts a hand over mine again.

“They’re sending Finn in here,” Pops explains. “Finn’s going to spend the next six months in confinement along with you.”

I prop my elbows on the table and rest my head in my hands. Closing my eyes, I feel my jaw clench like it usually does when I’m sad or nervous or even angry. Right now it’s a little bit of all three. I’m sad because my brother deserves to live better than this; he shouldn’t be the one in here. I’m the only one of us who should be in here. I’m nervous because I don’t Finn to get hurt. What if they float when his sentence is up? I’m angry that he would get himself in trouble, but I try to remind myself that things just aren’t adding up.

“Gemma,” Pops mumbles. With my chin resting in my hands, I look over at my grandfather. “It’s going to be okay. You’re both going to be alright, Gem.”

And that’s all it takes for me to break down. Crying, I put my head on the table and bury my face in my elbow. Pops still holds my other hand. For a while, we sit just like this in silence. Occasionally, Pops talks about random things, like the soccer match he watched or the book he recently finished. I’m not sure how long it is before the cadets say I have to leave. I heave a sigh and sniffle; I rub my eyes and stop the tears (for now). We stand up, and I look at my grandfather with a somber expression. The thought of how he’s going to be alone now rumbles through me. Pops quickly wraps his arm around me, hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, not wanting to let go.

But I have to. I whisper goodbye as the cadets lead me back to my cell. Octavia is sitting on her bed, drawing in her notebook, and humming a tune I don’t recognize. I mutter a thank you to the cadets. Even after the cell door is locked and shut, I don’t move. I still stand directly in front of the door; my arms are wrapped in front of my chest, trying to keep the pain and tears from flowing again. Octavia watches me quietly because she must notice something is terribly wrong. After a couple of moments, I walk slowly to my bed.

I sit with my back against the hard, cool concrete wall. My feet dangle off the side of the bed. I feel the bed shake, but I don’t bother to pay attention to what’s happening. Octavia’s movements flicker in the corner of my eye, but I don’t bother to look to see what she’s doing. My bed sinks down a bit as Octavia sits down next to me. I finally look to my right at Octavia. She silently takes my hand in hers. I smile weakly and let my head fall on her shoulder. The silence is damaging yet nice. Right now all I just need a friend to comfort me. Octavia always seems to know what I need. Right now I just need her company, and I’m incredibly lucky to have her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” -Carl Jung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Five months later...

Singing out of tune with Octavia, I dance around the cell in my oversized white t-shirt and skinny jeans that are tucked in my socks because the tile makes my feet cold. Octavia laughs from her spot on her bed and holds her stomach because she's laughing so hard. It's only nine o'clock in the morning, and we've been up for the last two hours. When you've had as little sleep as we've gotten lately, you'd probably be as goofy as we are too. Octavia finally gets down to dance with me; this goes on for several minutes before we're interrupted.

"Prisoner 157. Prisoner 493."

We stop in our tracks. My hands are paused in midair as I look towards the cell door to see three cadets standing on the outside. I stand straighter and put my arms down.

"You two need to come with us," the same cadet says.

Octavia and I glance at each other. I raise a brow, and she looks at me with a confused expression. I grab my grandfather's leather jacket that's hanging on the bedpost and put it on because it's suddenly very chilly. Maybe it's the temperature ... or maybe it's the eerie feeling I'm getting from the cadets. We approach the cell door as they unlock it; we hesitantly take a few steps out of the cell.

"What's wrong?" Octavia asks. Concern is evident in her voice.

"Where are we going?" I question the cadets.

"We'll answer your questions when we get there," one of them says.

I step back slightly from the three of them, trusting my instinct. I don't feel comfortable with how suspicious they’re acting.

"Why can't you answer now?" I ask incredulously while trying not to sound rude.

The three cadets all share looks, not enjoying that I'm not going easily. Octavia steps closer to me. By the look on her face and her demeanor, I can tell that she's not trusting them either.

"I don't turn eighteen for six more weeks," I say. "Please tell us what's going on. We deserve to know where you're taking us—please just give us something—"

"We don't have to tell you anything," the third cadet spits out, stepping forward.

I step back even more. Octavia and I take each other's hands.

"Yes, you do," I fire back, trying my best to remain calm. I stand up taller to appear more confident. "We may be delinquents, but we still have rights. And that's one of them so just—"

"Now, don't make this any harder than this has to be, kid."

All three of them step forward more; I back up again, bringing Octavia with me. A serious and rigid expression covers my face as I say, "I'm not going anywhere without seeing my grandfather or brother."

"Gemma, maybe we should just listen," Octavia whispers.

"Listen to your friend," the second cadet says sternly. "Just make this easy for all of us and come with us—now."

"I want to talk to the Chancellor," I declare, not backing down.

"I'm not the Chancellor, but I used to be. How can I help?"

My head snaps up to look over my shoulder. A few feet behind me stands my grandfather, who's smiling brightly at me.

"Pops!" I say, sighing with relief.

I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Pops hugs me back tightly.

"It's going to be okay, kiddo," Pops whispers. "Just listen to the cadets. You two will be alright if you do."

"I'm scared," I admit quietly. "I don't trust them."

"Then trust me okay?"

"I've always trusted you, Pops."

I hear a small gasp leave Octavia's lips. Before I can turn around to see if she's okay, a sharp pain shoots through the back of my shoulder. My body starts to go limp; my sight and mind become fuzzy, which confuses and frightens the hell out of me. The world is spinning as my knees buckle, but Pops keeps me from falling.

"It's okay," I hear Pops whisper in my ear. His arms are still wrapped around me as he sits us down on the ground. "You're going to Earth—both of you. You get to go to Earth, Gem!"

And that's the last thing I hear before everything goes quiet and my sight is gone.

The next thing I know I'm waking up in a seemingly small and dimly lit room. I blink my eyes a few times, trying to adjust to the light. After a moment, I realize it's a dropship. I'm sitting in one of the seats, but I'm not buckled so we must not be leaving very soon. I brush the hair out of my eyes, which is when I notice a thick metal bracelet on my wrist. They must've put that on me while I was out, I conclude. I glance to my left and see none other than John Murphy. Murphy meets my gaze and winks at me, which makes me chuckle.

I don't say anything; instead, my mind flashes to the final moments before I passed out. I was talking to Pops outside the cell with Octavia. Octavia! I think. I look around wildly in search for my small, dark-haired friend since my grandfather said she's going to Earth too. Where is she? Is Octavia okay? I stand up, pat Murphy on the shoulder as if to say goodbye for now, and start to walk around the dropship. People are sitting in their seats or on the ground, chatting amongst one another. I step over legs and arms as I walk around.

"Octavia!" I holler. "Octavia, where are you?"

I continue walking over people to find her, but at first, there's no response. My heart beats erratically the longer that there's no response from Octavia.

"Gemma?!"

I turn my attention straight ahead and see a familiar figure standing several yards away from me. A smile covers my face when I recognize Octavia; she smiles too and jogs towards me. I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"You're okay," Octavia says excitedly.

"And so are you," I say, releasing her. A smile covers my face because I found her. "Are you hurt, O?"

She shakes his head and looks me up and down. "No, I'm fine. What about you? Did they hurt you?"

I shake my head too. I'm about to speak, but I'm interrupted by a voice behind me.

"Gemma, is that you?"

I turn around swiftly because I would recognize that voice anywhere until the end of time. Brown hair dangling in his eyes. Tall, sturdy frame. Familiar bronze colored eyes. Finn! In an instant, we run towards each other and wrap our arms around each other. It's a strange feeling to be in my twin brother's arms. Partially, it's a sense of relief because I'm incredibly happy that he's okay and that we're together; on the other hand, I feel worried and even defeated. Finn shouldn't be going down to Earth to die. A death sentence isn't on the list of good things I had in mind for my brother.

"Man, am I fucking happy to see you!" I say happily, letting go of Finn.

"It's good to see you too!" Finn says enthusiastically. His eyes widen with excitement as he continues. "We're going to Earth, Gem! We'll be some of the first ones to walk on Earth in a hundred years!"

I chuckle and roll my eyes. "Well, let's hope that the dropship doesn't explode upon entering the Earth's atmosphere or on impact if we even make it that far."

"Way to ruin the excitement, Gem," Octavia giggles.

Finn smiles at Octavia, and they both greet each other. They've gotten to know each other quite a bit during recesses at the rec hall. Although they're not extremely close, I see them becoming best friends in the near future.

"Oh, c'mon," I say, laughing. "Don't act like it hasn't crossed your mind."

"Of course it has," Jasper snickers, popping up from his spot on the ground beside us. "It's crossed everyone's mind, but here's the thing: not everyone wants to be a buzzkill, Gemma."

We all laugh, but our moment of happiness is quickly shot down when a computer operated voice echoes throughout the dropship. The voice tells us to quiet down and listen to the following instructions. Our chatter stops; we all look around at one another, waiting for instructions. Then, the voice tells us to get seated and prepare for take off. Octavia, Finn, and I sit down across the aisle from Jasper and Monty. Once everyone is seated and buckled, the voice claims that the we'll be taking off in a two minutes. An eerie silence fills the dropship as that announcement registers.

"Let's get this party started," Murphy mutters enthusiastically next to me.

I smirk at his comment. My fingers tug at the straps on my shoulders, making sure they're tight incase the drop is rough. Conversations pick back up when the voice doesn’t immediately return over the speakers. In hushed tones, Finn, Octavia, and I make predictions about what Earth is like. Since Finn is on my left, Octavia is one seat down from me, which means I have to lean forward to see her better. The voice comes back over the speakers and starts counting down from sixty. Sitting straight up in my seat, I glance around the dropship. A few seats down from Jasper sit Clarke Griffin and Wells Jaha. Clarke and I are pretty good friends. We're not best friends—not like her and Wells are (or used to be)—but we're good enough friends.

Considering we both grew up in the same social circles, we became acquaintances yet never grew much closer than that. When the voice gets to ten, I start to fidget nervously because I’m afraid of everything that could go wrong. I’m angry that I’ve been sent on this death mission to the one place our people barely escaped a hundred years ago. I lick my lips and fiddle with the straps on my seat in attempts to distract myself, but it’s not really working. My fingers are quivering, so I place them under my thighs. I notice how Murphy is eyeing me, but I ignore him because I grow more nervous as the voice keeps counting down.

"You all right there, sweetheart?" Murphy asks, smirking at me.

"I'm fine," I grumble, annoyed by his demeanor and frustrated with this entire situation. I don't dare look at him so I don't give myself away.

Five. My hands are shaking. Four. I triple check the straps so that they're tight. Three. I shake my shoulders and straighten up again. Two. I take a deep breathe. One.

The dropship breaks away from the Ark. The take off is rough and bumpy, causing all of us to jostle around in our seats. I close my eyes and grip the closest thing I can find; finally, after a long, agonizing minute, the ride becomes smooth. When I open my eyes, I see that I'm holding Murphy's wrist.

"Sorry," I mutter, letting go immediately.

"Don't be," Murphy says, winking at me.

I roll my eyes and laugh. "You sure are interesting, John Murphy."

I notice how Murphy cringes when I say his first name.

"It's Murphy—just Murphy."

"Alright, Just Murphy." I grin. Murphy rolls his eyes this time because of the joke I made. "So what brings you here?"

"It's a complicated story that no one else needs to know."

"Oh, are we going to play hard to get?"

"It's not a game," Murphy says bitterly.

His voice is laced with anger, making me squint my eyes. I always seem to squint my eyes when I'm concentrating very hard and focusing my attention on something.

"What about you, Squints?" Murphy asks. His attitude is friendlier. "What brings you here?"

I raise a brow and say, "That's kinda personal, don't ya think? I don't know if we've reached that point in our friendship yet, Murph."

"Murph," he mutters. "That's a new one."

"I like it." I wink at him. "I think I'll keep calling you it."

Murphy smiles at me. I look over to talk to Finn and Octavia in order to see how they are. There dropship is full of a soft buzz as all one hundred of us talk amongst ourselves. For several minutes, the ride is fine and everyone is fine. Suddenly, there is a jolt, making me hold my breath.

"What was that?" Octavia gasps.

"It's just the Earth's atmosphere," Finn says.

There's a buzzing sound and soon Thelonious Jaha appears on a screen. Everyone stops talking to hear what he has to say.

"Prisoners of The Ark, here me now," Thelonious begins. "You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable."1

I groan again at what Thelonious says because it’s all a load of bullshit. I respect him, but sending me and ninety-nine other kids to die is not a decision I can support. This mission serves a greater purpose, but the decision to send us down here is easy for the Council to do when they're not one of the members being sent to die. They don’t care about any of us; we’re just disposable items that they’re using for their future.

"Your dad's a dick, Wells!"2 Someone shouts.

I glance over my shoulder as best as I can to see who it was. I see two boys smirking and roll my eyes at them. Wells has nothing to do with his father and his actions. Unfortunately, I know that people won't let Wells see the last of it; the terrible things are just getting started for Wells.

Thelonious continues, "The drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain 300 people for up to two years."3

Everyone's whispering and complaining about what Thelonious is saying.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Finn fidgeting in his seat to my left. I look at him just in time to see him float out of his seat. Finn looks down at me with a wide smile; his eyes are sparkling with excitement.

"Finn!" I say loudly, growling with annoyance. I reach out to pull him back down, but he moves so that I can't touch him. "Get back in your seat! You're going to get yourself killed!"

"Oh, chill out," Finn sighs. A cheeky grin covers his face. "Live a little, sis!"

Finn does a slow backflip in front of me. I groan and cross my arms, knowing that he won't listen to me.

"You should listen to her, Finn," Clarke says loud enough for us to hear. Two other kids start to take their seat belts off. "Hey, you two, stay put if you want to live."

Finn moves his arms so that he floats towards Clarke. I whisper for him to come back because by the look in his eye he's going to start trouble. I watch him halt in front of her, floating in mid-air. (Finn and Clarke never really spoke with or interacted with one another before we were all sent to confinement.) Although I'm more focused on what's about to happen between the two of them, I manage to hear Thelonious say something about Mount Weather and how it's crucial that we get there if we want to survive; he says it's our responsibility to survive.

"Hey," Finn says to Clarke. "You're the girl who's been in solitary for a year because she lied—"

"And you're an idiot," Clarke says bitterly. Her clenches, and she narrows her eyes at my brother. "You don’t know anything about me, Collins. I didn’t do anything half as bad as you—or half as crazy as your sister—to get in the Skybox You wasted a month's worth of oxygen for a spacewalk that you're not even qualified for, Collins—"

"Oh c'mon. Like you wouldn't have thought it was fun too?" Finn smiles cheekily and winks at her.

The dropship starts to shake and tremble. People start to scream. Clarke orders the other two boys to stay in their seats, but they don't listen; they float up and laugh. Finn meets my eye, and I can tell that he knows this isn't going to end well.

"Finn!" I holler. My voice is laced with fear "Come back here now, Finn!"

Finn starts to float back to me, but the dropship shakes incredibly hard and throws him to the side. I scream for my brother. I strain to see him, but I can't find him because there are row of seats in front of where he was tossed.

"Gemma," Octavia shouts. I turn to face her and see she's holding out her hand so I take it, holding it tightly. "It's going to be okay! Finn is alright!"

After a few more agonizingly long moments, the drop ship comes to a halt. I sit still for a moment in order to see if we're actually done moving. I let go of the breath I was holding and start unbuckling.

"Gemma," Clarke says, "be careful."

I get up and run towards where I saw my brother fall. I see others getting up too.

"Finn!" I say when I see him sitting up.

In front of him is one of the boys who had been thrown too. Finn meets my gaze; a somber expression is etched on his face. I know then that the boy is dead.

"Finn, is he okay?" Clarke asks, standing next to me.

Finn shakes his head as we walks to us. I say that we should go downstairs and see what's going on. With Octavia beside me and the others tailing behind us, we all walk downstairs. A man's voice is speaking loudly, ordering everyone to stay back.

"Don't open it!" Clarke says. "What if the air is toxic?"

"If it is," the man says, "every single one of us is dead no matter what."

The voice is all too familiar to me. I look at Octavia fleetingly and see the recognition in her eyes as well. We share a smile as we realize Bellamy is on the dropship too.

"Bellamy?" We both say at the same time.

Octavia and I push our way through the crowd to get to him. Once I’ve made it to the front, Octavia rushes to her brother and engulfs him in a hug. She comments on his outfit, asking why he's wearing a guard's uniform. Bellamy just smiles and ignores his question as he turns his attention to me. If I’m not mistake, I see a sparkle in his eyes when his gaze rests on me. I bit my lip and fight back a grin as we wrap our arms around one another.

"Hey, where's your wristband?" Clarke asks.

"Can you just give us a second?" Octavia says scrutinizingly. "My brother and I haven't seen each other for a year."

"No one has siblings!" A guy argues.

"Well, not only are they siblings," I refute, frustratedly, "I have a twin so mind your own damn business!"

"Hey, she's the one they found underneath her family's floor. That's Octavia Blake!"

Octavia growls and lunges forward, but Bellamy and I stop her.

"Octavia, don't!" I hiss. "You don't want to get started like this."

"Yeah," Bellamy agrees. "Let's give them something else to remember you by?"

"Like what?" Octavia sighs.

"Being the first person on Earth in a hundred years," Bellamy says with a grin.

Octavia smiles. With a final glance back at me, Bellamy opens the hatch door. The sunlight is blinding at first, but quickly my eyes adjust. I've never seen so much green and so many plants in my entire life. I gasp in awe at how beautiful it looks and smells. Octavia slowly walks out; she stops at the edge of the door. She breathes in deeply before stepping on the ground. I hold my breath as she takes a few steps, worried that my best friend might get hurt. I let it go after a few seconds when I realize nothing is going to happen.

"We're back, bitches!" Octavia screams.

Bellamy and I laugh while the others shout with excitement. Bellamy wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me out of the ship; wrapping an arm around his torso, I scream with excitement too like the others. I hug Octavia as Bellamy pats her on the back. We start to walk further, but I'm pulled back when someone wraps their arms around me.

"We made it, Gemma!" Finn says happily.

Throwing me over one of his shoulders, Finn spins around in circles. We holler with excitement as some of the others all laugh at the sight of us. Finn finally sets me down; he smiles widely at me as he hugs me tightly again. We're both beyond ecstatic to be on Earth. I hug Monty and Jasper, chatting with them enthusiastically. Clarke passes by me, and she gives me a small smile. I can tell that she's worried and determined to start working immediately. Typically, I'm just as driven as she is, but right now things are okay.

Right now we're on Earth and most importantly: we're alive. For a moment, I really want to soak this in while I can. There's going to be plenty of time to work, stress, and fight to survive in our near future. I'm going to absorb as much happiness and peace as I can while it lasts. For that reason, I goof off with my brother, Jasper, Monty, and Octavia, enjoying the greatness of our first moments on Earth.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 3 are direct quotes from the show. I wanted to include Thelonious’ speech that aired on the dropship. I do not own these. All credit is given to the show.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We stopped looking for monsters under the bed when we realized they were inside of us.” -Stephen King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Monty nods, unable to speak. He does, however, manage to gaze up at me and the sight tears my heart to pieces. His face is solemn and his eyes are dark with sorrow. I reach out for him and accept Monty as he enters my embrace. For a few moments, we’re both silent; neither of us ready to leave Jasper alone across the river—much less acknowledge what happened to him. Monty sniffles and tightens his grip around my waist Tears fill my eyes, knowing that his heart is broken. Finally, Monty lets go and stares down at his feet. I whisper that we should go, so we both follow the others. Walking in silence is eerie, especially after how we'd been so happy and joyful just a few minutes ago. Finn looks back at me and offers me a sad smile. I try to smile back and hope that if I fake it for long enough, I'll feel better soon. A sharp, blood curtailing scream ripples around us.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The ultimate measure of a man is not where stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

When we arrive at camp, all hell has broken loose. There is shouting coming from the large circle of teens, and my heart pumps loudly in my ears from fear of what might be happening. I jog towards where a large circle of people is and push my way inside it. Once I break through the crowd, I see Murphy and Wells are dueling with knives in the very middle. I run to the center where they are fighting and I shove Wells out of the way just as Murphy lunges forward again. Murphy stumbles as he collides with thin air instead, but he regains his balance. I place myself between them with my left side to Wells, put a hand up in front of each of them, and stare Murphy down. Murphy grins at me.

"Hey, Squints," Murphy chuckles. "Welcome to the show!"

"Back off," I order. I spit the words like they’re venom..

"What are you going to do?" Murphy sneers back.

Murphy doesn’t back down and remains in a fighting stance. I bite the inside of my cheek while my fingers bubble with anger because of Murphy’s behavior. How dare he fight Wells who has a weak ankle and doesn’t have a group to back him up, I think. I move around so that I’m facing Murphy. Staring at him through squinted eyes, I feel my hands clenching by my sides; I feel my body stand tall and strong, ready to defend myself—and Wells—if I have it comes down to it. I glance at Wells who relaxes slightly. Although his shoulders droop, I can still that Well is tense—as if he's waiting for something bad to happen.

"You don't even want to know," I growl. I turn to face Bellamy. "You're digging a hole that we're not going to be able to get ourselves out if this keeps going, Bellamy."

Bellamy doesn't speak so I continue.

"Listen up, everyone," I shotu, spinning around slowly so I can see everyone. "I'm not happy with what's happened either. I hate how they've treated us. I'm angry at the Council for sending us down here to do, for locking some of us up for petty crimes, and for forgetting that we're human too. And I know what Bellamy's offering sounds appealing after what we've all been through, but we can't not have order."

"Why should we listen to you?" A guy behind Murphy asks. "Your grandfather used to be the chancellor before Jaha. You're one of them!"

"I am not! I don't stand with the Council—and I never have. If you knew how I landed myself in the Skybox, you'd understand... What Wells' dad has done and what my grandfather did doesn't define either one of us. Do you think I like them keeping tabs on me?" I raise my wrist to show off the band. "Hell no! The Council has made poor decisions—and I agree on that. I don't want to work for them or stand with them, but we can't disband from them completely. Without the Ark, we won't survive because they have resources we need. Trust me when I say that I'm very ready to rebel against them too, but I beg you to remember that we need them. Whether you believe it or not, we do."

I pause for a moment to let my words sink in. Looking around, I notice many people don't have their wristbands on anymore. I'm fine with rebelling against the Ark—hell, I support it one hundred percent; however, I don't want any of us to die, and that's what's going to happen if more people take theirs off too. I want to rebel, but I recognize that we'd be in danger if we disconnect completely from the Ark. I glance at Wells' wrist fleetingly, noticing that his is gone. Wells must notice because he moves his wrist and blocks my view.

"How many wristbands have you guys removed?" Clarke asks.

"Twenty-four and counting," Murphy smirks.

"You idiots!" Clarke cries. "Life support on the Ark is failing. That's why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you're not just killing them—you're killing us too!"1

Bellamy enters the circle and stands beside me.

"We're stronger than you think," Bellamy says. His voice booms. "Don't listen to her. She's one of the privileged. If they come down, she'll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes. I say you're not criminals! You're fighters, survivors! The Grounders should worry about us!"2

There's an uproar of agreement, which causes me to cross my arms and glare at him. I'm fuming with anger because I really can't believe that Bellamy is convincing them all to completely turn their backs on the Ark. I'm not happy either, and I distrust most of the people on the Ark; however, without the Ark, we're not going to survive very easily.

"Trust me, Gem," Bellamy murmurs only loud enough for me to hear.

"You're making it hard," I reply bitterly. 

Bellamy’s facade falls ever so slightly at my harsh tone, but he doesn’t want to break in front of the crowd. In a soft voice, he asks, "What can I do then?"

"Meet me halfway."

"Come with me, and we'll talk about it."

Clarke eyes me and looks at me confused. She thinks I'm on her side, and that's where she's wrong. There are no sides—it’s not so black and white down here. On one hand, Bellamy is right; the Council shouldn't control us like they used to anymore, especially down here. Clarke is right too because the wristbands are our only connection to the Ark who have the resources and intelligence we don’t have. Without the wristbands, we're all done for. The Ark still keeps us alive as much as I hate to admit it. The only side I'm on is keeping us alive while maintaining order. We can't act like animals. Bellamy leads me to Octavia so he can check on her before we talk alone. He bends down so he can be face-to-face with her. Octavia huffs quietly and crosses her arms in front of her; she annoyed, but she doesn’t want to bother Bellamy anymore. However, she's thankful for her brother. It's clear that part of her is relieved he’s here to help.

"You let her go with you?" Bellamy asks me disappointedly.

"I"m not your sister's babysitter," I reply. "I want her to be safe just as much as you, but she's not a kid anymore, Bellamy. You can't put her in a corner and expect her to stay until you say it's okay to get up."

Bellamy's face softens when he realizes him right, but I can tell that he doesn't want to admit it.

"Thanks for keeping her safe, Gem," Bellamy says softly.

"No problem, Blake. Your sister is a lot stronger than you give her credit for, ya know."

Bellamy smiles and mumbles that he knows I'm. After speaking with his sister for a moment, he looks up at me and asks if we can talk; together we walk several yards away where no one can overhear us.

"I agree with you just so you know," Bellamy murmurs.

"You have one hell of a way of showing it," I say bitterly.

"Gemma, the people on the Ark are the ones who got us into this mess. We don't need their help that much—"

"Bullshit, Bellamy! There are doctors and farmers and engineers up there who can help us survive down here. There are women and children who deserve to live, but they won't if they think we're dying. Time's not infinite on the Ark—you heard what Jaha told us on the dropship. We all got ourselves into this mess, Bellamy. We all did things we shouldn't have done to wind up down here. It's on us to own up to it... Are you ready to do that?"

Bellamy stares at me. His face is completely serious. Whatever he did to get down here is very serious. Bellamy looks around to see if anyone is close before leaning close to me.

"I shot Jaha," he whispers. He leans back and speaks normally again. "That's why I can't have them come down here. They'll kill me, Gemma."

I sigh and cover my face with my hands, trying to wrap my head around what he just said.

"You shot Jaha?" I repeat slowly. Bellamy nods, but he stares at his feet. "That's fucked up, Bell... I mean, he's pissed me off too, but Jaha's not the problem. What you did to get down here isn't important anymore. The problem is that we need to figure out what we're going to do down here. What's important is that we survive, Bellamy. We need to focus on all of us because we’ll hurt each other if we only focus on our own problems. You have to help me create order."

Bellamy is quiet while he mulls over what I've said. He runs a hand through his hair and rests it on the back of his neck.

"You're right," he mumbles, "but I don't want to maintain too much contact with the Ark."

"Okay," I say. "Once we figure out how, we'll keep our contact minimal. Contact with the Ark will be purely for survival."

Our conversation ends here because some of the others approach us. Finn plops down next to me, but Clarke remains standing with Monty and Wells beside her.

"Where's the food?" Bellamy asks, changing the subject now that the others are here. "I didn't see any with you all when you came back."

"Yeah, that's because Jasper was speared in the chest," I say. Bellamy looks a bit shocked; he looks me up and down to make sure I'm okay. "I'm fine, but Jasper's body was taken. We heard him scream, and then we realized he wasn't there anymore. After the attack, we thought it was best to come back here and figure out what to do."

"Attacked?" Bellamy asks. He throws an arm around my shoulders. "By what?"

Finn shrugs. "More like who... We couldn't see them, which means they're well adapted and excellent at survival. It's safe to say that the last guy who died on the Ark wasn't the last Grounder."

Bellamy looks at me and raises his brows in surprise. I nod as if to reassure him what my brother said is correct. Finn eyes how Bellamy's arm is still wrapped around me. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Finn glances between Bellamy and I before settling on glaring at the curly brunette next to me. I smile at my brother because I know he’s only being protective. I hear Bellamy smirk, and I'm sure a grin is covering his face.

"It's true," Clarke adds. "Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here... At least we know that the radiation won't kill us. We can survive."

"But the bad news," I say, "is that we're going to have to figure out how to survive while simultaneously defending ourselves against those people—whoever they are."

"What do we do?" Finn asks.

"We get Jasper back," Clarke and I say together.

We spread out to get some stuff together for our journey to get Jasper back. I meet Clarke outside the dropship; we talk absentmindedly, waiting for the others to meet up with us here. I tell Clarke that I'm going to keep working on getting some sort of order. I say that I'm not the biggest fan of maintaining our relations with the Ark, but I know that it's crucial we do in order to survive. For that reason, I'm going to work on getting the others, especially Bellamy, to be more compliant and logical.

"You can try," Clarke says, trying to sound supportive, "but I'm not so sure they're going to listen, Gemma. I hope you're successful with it."

"It's interesting, don't you think?" Wells says, coming up to us with a bag of sorts in his hands.

"What?" Clarke says in a monotone voice. She doesn't even glance up and acknowledge Wells.

"That we have powers rising amongst us already. We have one leader: Bellamy is on end of the spectrum—a completely radical end of course. And then there's you, Clarke. You're on the opposite end—"

"I'm not leading anyone," Clarke snaps.

"But then there's Gemma," Well says, ignoring her. He smiles at me. "You're smack dab in the middle, Gemma. It's like you want to rebel, but you're still tied to the old ways in a sense."

I smirk. "Whatever I can do to help us survive... I'm not trying to be a leader either. I'm only trying to do my best to make sure we all survive. The rest of it—like becoming a leader—is secondary to me."

Wells chuckles, but Clarke simply continues getting stuff together in a bag. I watch Wells collect his stuff and notice how he's been scratched. I reach up to touch it with my thumb. Wells looks down at his feet rather than at me.

"Don't touch it," Clarke orders. "It might get infected. Keep it up covered, Wells, so it doesn't."

"When are we going?" Wells asks. He follows Clarke's instructions to cover the scratch.

"We're going," Clarke says, nodding at me. "You're staying here, Wells."

"My ankle's fine," Well complains just as I say, "He's coming with us."

Clarke glances between the two of us hopelessly.

"C'mon, Princess," Finn says, halting next to me. "You need more people, so let him go."

"I'll come!" Monty says eagerly.

I shake my head, which makes Monty frown.

"She's right, Monty," Clarke says.

"Like hell she is!" Monty shouts in a whisper. His voice is full of despair. "Jasper is my best friend!"

"You're needed here," Clarke continues. "You're a communication and farming mastermind. We need you to work on establishing communication with the Ark. If we lose you out there, we're all screwed."

I nod and pat Monty on the shoulder. "You do that, Monty, and we'll bring Jasper back."

"Please, Gemma," Monty mumbles. "Jasper's not just my friend—he's my brother. Every memory I have there's Jasper. I just can't—please bring him back, Gemma."

I assure him that I'll bring Jasper back alive.

"Gemma, this is a suicide mission," Finn says. "You shouldn't go. None of you should go actually."

"Are you going to be a coward, Spacewalker?" Clarke asks, raising a brow as if to test Finn. "Or are you going to come with me and your sister to bring Jasper back?"

Finn sighs, unsure what to do. I know he wants Jasper to be okay, but he mostly wants to protect me. Changing the subject, I speak up and say that we need to get weapons; Wells holds up his knife.

"A gun, Wells," I say. "We need a gun."

"I know where we can get one of those," Clarke says, heading straight towards Bellamy.

I follow right behind her, not wanting her to make Bellamy any angrier at her than he already is right now.

"You're lucky you didn't die," Bellamy says to Octavia when we approach them.

"Thanks to Jasper she didn't," I say bluntly. "He jumped in the water and pulled her out."

"Are you guys leaving now?" Octavia says. I nod. "I'm coming too."

Bellamy shakes his head and makes her sit down. "No way, Octavia. You're not going back out there right now."

Clarke agrees, saying that Octavia will slow us down because of her leg. Bellamy glances up at me, and I can see that he's not happy I'm going either.

"What do you want, Clarke?" Bellamy asks, standing up and looking at her with an annoyed expression.

"You've got a gun, right?" Clarke asks.

"And what if I do?"

"You'll follow me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because the two of us are going," Clarke says, pointing at me. "You want them"—she glances at the other campers—"to follow you, right? And you don't want everyone to think you're the only one who's scared. Do you?"

Bellamy unwillingly agrees to come. "Murphy, come with me. I'll keep an eye on Gemma for you, Finn."

I gaze at Murphy just in time to see him wink at me, causing me to laugh loudly. This morning I had never spoken to Murphy before yet here we are. We're flirting with one another, but we don't exactly like each other's presence or trust one another. I turn my attention to Bellamy and stick my tongue out, which makes everyone chuckles. Bellamy orders Atom to watch Octavia—more like babysit. His sister groans and stomps away, but Bellamy tells us that it’s time to go rather than take a moment to reassure his sister. For a while, we all talk absentmindedly as we walk through the forest. Murphy and I chat, continuing to flirt. Although he can be a huge pain in the ass, I find myself enjoying talking to Murphy. He's very humorous. Clarke and Wells chat in front of us.

"I was right," Bellamy smirks.

"About what?" Murphy asks.

"You two—I guessed that you'd two get along and eventually become friends."

Bellamy’s comment makes Murphy and I chuckle. Perhaps Bellamy's right, I think. Although I'm willing to get to know Murphy, I'm still very weary of him because I know what he did on the Ark. Plus, I don't like how much of a follower and asshole he is; however, I'm not going to let it get in the way. I'll keep my guard up with Murphy just like I am with everyone else, but I won't let it determine how I perceive everything about him.

"Whoever these people are," Bellamy says, moving up to stand next to me, "they're bullies, Clarke. They're not just going to give us Jasper freely and easily."

"We have to try," Clarke says.

Clarke starts walking a bit faster, determined to save Jasper. Murphy and Bellamy fallback slightly, but I still keep moving at the same pace. I focus my attention on the two boys behind me in hopes of hearing what they're saying.

"I'm going to get Princess's wristband," I manage to hear Bellamy murmur.

"And what about Squints?" I hear Murphy whisper.

"She'll take it off on her own accord," Bellamy whispers, "and she'll do it soon. She's against the Ark more than you think, Murphy, so just give her time alright? She'll be coming to us to take it off in no time."

Bellamy's words make me cringe slightly. Although I agree the wristbands are a bit of nuisance, they're also crucial to our survival. What he did to get down here is getting in the way of him thinking properly. Bellamy's actions on the Ark are getting in the way of keeping us all safe down here. I'm not going to stand for that. Bellamy's my friend, and I want to stay friends. However, I'm not going to risk anyone getting hurt or anything because of him. I keep walking and pretend as if I heard nothing, but in reality my guard is up.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 and 2 are direct quotes from the show. I wanted to include Bellamy and Clarke's speech. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who would ever think so much went on in the soul of a young girl?” -Anne Frank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Silently, I make a mental note to warn Clarke to keep one eye open from now on so she won't be caught off guard when the guys confront her; she’s determined to keep her wristband on, which I respect and understand. As for me, I’m more than ready to take it off because I'm tired of the Council having control over me, even when they're not here. I’ve come close to asking Bellamy or Murphy for help, but just before I do Pops comes to my mind, which makes me reconsider. I don’t want him to think I’m dead because I know he'll be devastated. I don’t want anyone on the Ark to think we’re all dead because then we’ll actually be dead in no time since they won't try to communicate with us. On the other hand, I only care if a certain amount of people keep them on; if just enough people keep wearing their bands, then maybe the Ark will still think Earth is survivable.

A poke in my ribs breaks me out of my daydream. I look to my left to see Bellamy grinning at me as Murphy takes his place on my right.

"Hey, you," I say, smiling up at him.

"Are we getting close yet?" Bellamy asks one step behind me.

"Yeah, this really feels familiar."

Bellamy, Murphy, and I chat quietly about who these people are that hurt and took Jasper, what else they’re capable of, and how we’re going to find ways to keep the others back at camp safe. We joke a little bit too, and I notice that Murphy is getting more comfortable around me; the longer we talk the I'm more comfortable with him too. Murphy is incredibly loyal and driven, I can tell. As much of an asshole as he is, Murphy is smart and curious. I think he has a lot to offer to our survival if people will actually give him a chance like me.

"Will you hurry up!" Clarke complains loudly.

The three of us speed up to close the distance between us and the other two. Suddenly, the energy surrounding us changes as tension radiates between a certain blonde teen and freckled young man. Bellamy gets out his gun, halfway pointing it in front of him.

"Put it away," Clarke says with a voice laced with scrutiny. Her eyes follow every movement of the gun in his hand.

"Make me," Bellamy smirks.

"Put it away, Bellamy," I order. With my hands on my hips, I squint at him as I try to figure out what game he's playing.

"If she gives me her wristband," Bellamy seethes, "I will."

"I'm not taking it off!" Clarke fires back. "I'll have to be dead for the Ark to think I'm dead!"

"Brave, brave princess.”

"Why don't you come up with your own nickname, huh?" A voice chimes in behind us.

The four of us swiftly turn our attention back the way we came. My brother is grinning as he stomps towards us, indicating that he is annoyed with Bellamy’s behavior.

"Finn!" I exclaim. "I knew you'd come after us."

"Of course," Finn says, throwing an arm around me. "I can't let you have all the fun... Now let's split up so we can cover more ground. Clarke and Gem, come with me."

“No way!” Wells stammers.

Wells’ eyes are as big as saucers as he looks fleetingly at Murphy and Bellamy. The same thought crossed my mind too soon as my brother suggested that plan because, quite honestly, I don't want Wells to be alone with them either. Although I trust Bellamy and I'm becoming more comfortable with Murphy, I'm worried that they won't cut Wells a break and it could lead to serious trouble.

“I’ll go with Bellamy and Murph," I counter. "Wells, you can go with the other two.”

With a fierce look in his eyes and cold stance, Finn glares at the tall, curly-haired young man on my right. He's gone into over-protective brother mode, which Bellamy knows all too well. Silently, Bellamy sighs and rolls his eyes at my brother before turning to me with a cheeky grin; Finn doesn't seem to like it at all that the camp rebel is so casual around me and incredibly close with me.

"I'll take care of your sister, kid," Bellamy says firmly. “Now let’s go.”

I punch my brother playfully in the ribs and assure him that we’ll be okay; I remind them all that right now finding Jasper is our main priority. Clarke agrees and starts to walk in the same direction as earlier with Wells close by her side. Finn turns his attention back to me and asks me if I’m really sure that I’ll be all right. Wrapping my arms around his torso, I hug my twin brother to let him know everything will be okay. Finn hugs me tightly back and whispers good-bye before jogging to catch up with Clarke and Wells. Finally, I turn my attention back to the two boys who are standing quietly next to me. We veer off the the trail the other three are set on in hopes that we’ll be able to find Jasper by going in a different direction. The three of us keep talking as we walk, trying to find any trace of my best friend. Murphy and I continue to flirt and be sarcastic with one another, which makes Bellamy laugh.

"Does your brother have a thing for Clarke?" Bellamy asks curiously.

The question is innocent, but little does Bellamy—or anyone else—know that its all much very complicated. I can feel my blood start to boil as I think about what only I know and how I wish things were different. It’s Bellamy’s fault for asking such a question considering everything, but he doesn’t deserve for me to take my mixed feelings out on him.

So, instead, I simply shrug and say, “I don't know. I don't really keep up with who my brother does or doesn't have a crush on.”

Bellamy chuckles and puts his hands up in defense, mumbling that it was an innocent question. I roll my eyes and giggle at his response. For a few minutes, we're all quiet while we study our surroundings for any signs of Jasper.

“Gemma?” Bellamy asks again. “You said Jasper was attacked a few seconds after he landed on the other side of the river?”

“Yeah, why?” I question him, squinting as I try to figure out what that has to do with anything.

“I’m just trying to think of what it means."

“Maybe these people really just fucking hate Mount Weather ... or Sky People,” Murphy poses, chuckling. 

“I think you’re onto something, Murphy,” I say excitedly. Murphy grins back at me. “It’s safe to say that they’re as surprised to see us down here as we are to find them living here. They probably never expected us like we never expected them so they might feel scared or threatened.”

“So it makes sense to just attack the first person you can?” Murphy says perplexed. His brow is furrowed. “That doesn’t seem fair or logical to me, Squints.”

“I mean, what would you do if this was your home and some large piece of metal fell from the sky and released a hundred unfamiliar looking young people?” I ask. The two boys simply shrug. “Now think about this: there are a few barriers between the dropship and Mount Weather. Distance is obviously the biggest one, but the river is too. They could’ve taken any of us—or all of us actually—out whenever they wanted to, but they waited until one of us made it across the river. And why is that? What if we were one step closer to something they didn’t want us to find? Maybe they want to keep us as far away from Mount Weather and the supplies as possible.”

“This theory could definitely work,” Bellamy concludes.

We keep talking about how we're going to make it Mount Weather if these unknown people are acting like this. About ten minutes later we come to a small clearing where an oddly shaped dead tree rests in the center. The other three appear out of the woods a few yards away to our right; Bellamy waves them over and they close the distance between us. We regroup and share all of our theories and thoughts so that we’re all on the same page. Then, we decide that we should move forward to see if there are any clues in this clearing. A strange noise erupts around us as we get closer, causing all of us to pause. The noise doesn’t stop, and we keep walking to investigate what’s on the other side of the tree.

Once we’ve made it to the other side, we all gasp at the awful sight before us. My hands fly to my face and cover my mouth, but the gasp that surpasses my lips is loud nonetheless. Clarke and Wells stumble backwards. Wells removes the gun Bellamy gave from his waistband while moving to stand in front of Clarke protectively. My hands are shaking slightly as my arms fall down to my side; without really thinking clearly, I grab Bellamy’s hand because I can’t bear to think that my best friend is wounded like this.

“Jasper!" I cry, stepping forward instantly to save my friend.

I start to walk forward to get him down, but Bellamy and Finn both pull me back by one of my arms. Clarke takes advantage of this and moves forward. I glare at them over my shoulder, frustrated that they’re keeping me from getting to my injured best friend. Finn gets the hint and releases his grip on my elbow. Bellamy’s hand lingers on my wrist for a moment longer as he stares at me worriedly, but I brush away my confused thoughts off as me overthinking things.

Jogging forward, I close the distance between Clarke and I. She’s only a few feet from the tree's base when I’m finally one step behind her. We both gaze up at Jasper with bewildered expressions.

“What the hell?” Clarke mumbles. “How did they—?”

A squeal leaves Clarke’s mouth and her voice is cut off by a loud rustling below us that sends a strong gust of wind upward. I barely see Clarke start to fall, but I manage to grab her hand. No matter how hard I try to keep my feet rooted to the ground, I don’t stand a chance at being able to stay upright. My body falls just as swiftly as Clarke’s. I drop quickly and land roughly on my chest on the unforgiving cool grass, which knocks the wind out of me. Somehow I manage to keep a tight grip on Clarke's hand as she dangles in a deep hole.

“Shit!” Finn swears loudly.

My strangled moans and gasps are so loud that I barely hear how the boys dash forward to save us. Finn is the first person I see because he falls to his knees next to me; he rests a hand over mine that isn’t holding Clarke’s. 

“Help me get her up!” I choke.

Bellamy’s fingers brush mine as he wraps a hand securely around Clarke’s wrist. “I got her, Gem. Someone move Gemma now!”

I feel two arms wrap around my waist, but I’m not quite sure who it is because I close my eyes in pain for a moment. When I open my eyes, I realize Murphy is the one moving me; he doesn’t move too far, but he makes sure there’s enough room to set Clarke back on the ground. Murphy helps me sit up and crouches in front of me while my breaths becomes less jagged. His brows are furrowed in concern as he stares at me with caring bright blue eyes. We watch my brother helping Bellamy pull Clarke back up. Wells stands behind me, but I still hear him ask if I’m all right. I simply nod because I’m not ready to speak quite yet.

The boys help Clarke stand. She sighs quietly and noticeably relaxes her shoulders. Finn comes back to me and crouches next to Murphy. My brother brushes some hair out of my face before resting one hand on my shoulder.

“How do you feel?” Finn asks quietly. He searches my face for any clues. “Are you hurt?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine—I promise. Clarke, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she whispers, brushing her shirt off. “Let’s get Jasper down.”

Finn climbs up to tie him down, ordering the other three boys to catch him. I notice how Wells keeps glancing at Clarke. He's worried about her; that boy really likes her, but she doesn’t seem to even notice how infatuated he is with her. It’s cute, but I feel bad for Wells. Maybe Bellamy is right—with Finn here, Clarke doesn’t notice Wells. Whether or not she might have a slight crush on my brother, she just doesn’t seem to see Wells in the same light that he sees her. Finn calls out that he’s about cut Jasper down and that the guys should get ready. They catch Jasper, and Finn climbs back down.

When the boys lie Jasper on the ground, I kneel beside him and push his hair out of his face. I place two fingers on his wrist to check his pulse. It's faint, but it's there—he's alive. He's whimpering so I try to soothe him by running a hand through his hair. The stillness is broken by heavy panting and footsteps coming towards.

“What is that?” Murphy asks, peering around us.

I glance around from my spot on the ground, but I see nothing. The noise is getting closer. It sounds very animalistic. I start to see the tall grass part, meaning it's coming this way.

"Wells! Bellamy!" I cry, pointing in the direction. "Get ready to shoot!"

Wells holds his gun and points it in front of him. The noise starts moving in another direction, and Wells turns around. Wells starts shooting, but we can still hear the whatever it is running. Suddenly, I see a panther or lion of sorts come barreling at us. Wells shoots and hits it, making it fall to the ground. He shoots again, but he's out of bullets. Thankfully, it's dead. My heart is beating rapidly in my chest and the gunshot is still ringing in my ear. I glance around to see that Finn is staring gapingly at the animal. Clarke is staring at Wells as he slowly lowers his hand.

"Now she sees you," Bellamy says. His eyes are fixed on Wells.

Neither Wells nor Clarke speak. I look back at Jasper, who, by some miracle, is still alive. I tell them we need to get back to camp and start making sure that Jasper will make it through the night. Finn agrees, asking Bellamy to help him pick Jasper up. The two start carrying him and walking back toward camp. Clarke leads the group while Wells and Murphy carry the animal at the very back of the line. I walk between the two groups of boys. My hands are shaking slightly so I shove them in my jacket pocket. The jacket is comforting because it's my grandfather's old one. It still smells like him, like home. I savor it while I can because I know that Earth while mask the smell soon enough.

Fortunately, we arrive back at camp at dusk. All eyes are on us as the six of us walk back into the quarters of our new home; Clarke orders Wells and Finn to bring Jasper into the dropship. Bellamy pauses in his tracks and sets the dead animal on the ground. Murphy and I continue forward as a small crowd forms around us. Everyone approaches us and starts asking so many questions, so quickly that I can’t keep up. Murphy stares at me with an uncertain expression so I take control. After a few seconds, I manage to get them all to be quiet so that they can actually hear me. I tell the others that Jasper is alive but he is gravely injured. Everyone gets excited when I tell them that there will be food to eat tonight, but I inform that there’s a limited supply and it’s going to be a while until it’s ready. 

When they realize I don’t have anymore information, the crowd breaks off into small groups. Finally, there’s only one person left standing with Murphy and I: Nathan Miller. I smile at my good friend Nate, who was close with before either of us even ended up in the Skybox. We became best friends when we were seven years old; after class, we decided not to go back to our quarters and tried to sneak around the Ark instead. Fortunately, his father and my grandfather were the first ones to find us so they saved us from getting in trouble. It’s safe to say we became the best of friends once we weren’t grounded any more.

"Hi Gemma," Miller says quietly. He’s never been a man of many words.

I smile and ask, "Do you know how to cut an animal and prepare it to be cooked?"

He shrugs. "I was raised in Agro Station so I've studied it... I can do it, Gemma."

"Good. I need you and Murphy to start on that for me."

They both agree that they'll do it. I pat Miller on the shoulder and thank him. I smile at Murphy and wink him, making him smirk. The two boys then head over to the animal. Wells comes up to me and asks what he can do. I tell him that he can start a fire so we can cook the animal once it's ready. I walk around the camp and meet a few campers that I don't know. At first, they all seem hesitant since I seemed to go against Bellamy earlier in the day. They warm up to me quickly though, and I feel as though that I'm fitting in better than I thought I would. Bellamy comes up to me just as I'm rotating to talk to others.

"You're making friends," Bellamy says with a smile on his face. "I'm glad. They need you—we all do, Gemma."

I smile. "Me too. A lot of them are nice. I just want us to be okay. It's about more than just surviving, ya know?" I pause and watch Bellamy for a moment; a small smile is on his face as he watches me. "Hey, you want to come with me? I heard from two of the campers that there's a really neat place close to here. Apparently, it's kinda trippy."

"Sure."

Bellamy and I sneak out of camp in hopes no one will follow us. I'm not quite sure where this place is, but a glowing part of the forest shouldn't be too hard to find in the dark. Should it? After walking for ten or fifteen minutes, I see a purple glow about forty-five feet away. I smile and point straight ahead. Bellamy's eyes narrow, but a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

"What is that?" Bellamy whispers.

I don't respond. Instead, I take his hand in mine and tug him forward. We walk swiftly towards the spot. When we reach it, we notice a large part of the forest is glowing in purple and blue. I smile wider at the sight of it. It's beautiful! I've never read or heard of anything like this before. How is this possible? I wonder. Letting go of Bellamy's hand, I step forward. I look around, admiring how stunning this all is. I spin around slowly and giggle at how it looks as I do so. Bellamy chuckles softly from his spot about ten feet away.

Turning back around, I look at Bellamy. He's already watching me closely. A bigger smile appears on his face. I can feel a blush creep on my face; I hope he can't see it from where he's standing. Bellamy closes the distances between us yet neither of us speaks.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I ask, hoping that it will distract him from how my cheeks flushed and my ears have turned pink.

"Yeah," Bellamy mutters. "You are."

I blush a darker shade of pink and look at my feet. Bellamy takes my hand, and I look up at him to see what he's thinking. His dark, curly hair is hanging in his face. His eyes are warm and inviting. I'm not sure what this feeling is, but it's nice. Some of his hair is plastered to his forehead because of sweat. I brush it back gently with my fingers so that I can see his face better. I bite my lip and I try to fight back a smile because of how comfortable Bellamy makes me feel, even with the crazy shit that's going on. Bellamy squeezes my hand; I can't help but smile up at him.

"Let's go it, shall we?" Bellamy asks.

I nod and agree. Bellamy wraps an arm around my shoulder; I wrap an arm around his torso. We laugh and talk quietly on the way back. At camp, the others have started cooking. Murphy approaches when he sees us, telling us that they're all taking their wristbands for food. I'm not happy with it nor do I oppose. The three of us walk to the others are standing in front of the fire, eating and removing their wristbands. Pieces of food are on sticks. I eye them eagerly. Glancing at Bellamy, I find him already watching me. Bellamy raises a brow at me and glances down at my wristband.

"Are you gonna take it off?" Bellamy asks, insinuating that I should.

"There are no rules," I say. I take a stick.

Bellamy's mouth falls open slightly, surprised that I'm going against what he said and what he's established. I smirk at him and take two more for Finn and Clarke, who I know are still wearing their bands. Bellamy starts to laugh. I smile up and thank him for the food. Bellamy simply says don't worry about as I walk to the dropship where Finn and Clarke are talking. They take the sticks excitedly, and we decide to sit away from the main group. The three of us talk and laugh. I keep glancing at Bellamy on the other side of camp. If I'm not mistaken, I catch him watching me too and he glances away to pretend he's not.

"What's up with you two?" Finn asks, biting into his food.

"Me and who?" I ask.

Clarke giggles and says, "You and the king of the rebellion of course."

"Nothing. We're just friends."

"For now at least," Clarke laughs.

I look back at Bellamy one more time. Bellamy's already watching me. He smiles and waves so I wave back. I change the subject with Finn and Clarke. Internally, I can't help but wonder: what is happening with me and Bellamy? Whatever it is just feels right. For a while, most people stay up and talk. I enjoy talking with my brother and Clarke. Clarke opens up quite a bit; she even relaxes some. The three of us stay up and talk for so long that most of the camp has gone to their tents.

Walking around camp before going to bed, I notice that there are two kids who are between the ages of ten and twelve. The three of them are by far the youngest ones here. There's a boy and a girl, who appear to be twelve and ten respectively, sitting in front of small fire. The boy is staring blankly into the fire. The girl is quiet, but her eyes are fearful. I walk over to them and say hello quietly. The boy says hi and the girl smiles.

"I'm Gemma," I say, sitting down next to the girl. "What's your name?"

"Mason," the boy says. "I'm twelve."

"I'm Charlotte," the girl says. "I'm twelve too."

"Are you guys holding up okay?" I ask. "I know things have been pretty wild over the last couple of days."

The boy shrugs and says that he's fine. He just misses home. The girl nods, but her face gives her away; she's trying to be brave. I smile at them, hoping it'll make them feel better.

"It's going to be okay," I say softly. "We're going to be okay."

The girl watches me closely. "Are you sure? Do you really believe that?"

"Yeah." I nod, smiling. "I think we're going to make it... If you two ever need anything, you can come to me. I promise. Nothing is too insignificant. I'll be around if you ever need me."

They both say thank you. The girl smiles widely at me, and I can tell what I said registered with her. I say goodbye and head towards my tent. Quietly I crawl inside my tent so I don't wake Octavia. I put on an oversized sweatshirt that I found in the supplies on the dropship. It's not until I lie down that I realize how exhausted I am. The events over the last couple of days have been physically and emotionally draining. Soon I fall asleep and find comfort in the silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is peaceful. There is wild. I am both at the same time.” -Nayyirah Waheed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Rolling over, I try to fall back asleep, but after a few moments I realize that's just not going to happen any time soon. I open my eyes and see that it's still a bit dark outside with only a soft glimmer of sunlight. I decide to get dressed and go outside to see what work needs to be done. I try to be as quiet as possible because Octavia is still sleeping. As I walk outside, I shrug my grandfather's jacket on and I hear Jasper moaning and decide to check on him. When I enter the top level of the dropship, I see Monty and Clarke sitting beside him. Jasper looks awful; he's sweating, shaking, and whimpering.

"Hey, guys," I whisper, walking over to them. "How is he?"

"He's stable," Clarke murmurs. "I think he'll start improving real soon."

"Let's hope so," Monty adds.

I peer at both of them. "I know what Bellamy said... I'll try to talk to him out of it. I think Jasper is going to be fine—we've just got to give him time."

"As crazy as it sounds," Clarke says softly, "the Grounders saved his life. If they hadn't cauterized the wound, I'm not sure he would've made it this long. I'm doing the best I can. I was scared earlier when we were cleaning it because he kept shaking..."

"You're doing amazing, Clarke," I say, smiling at her. "We'd be lost without you."

Clarke smiles back and says thank you quietly. I chat with Clarke and Monty for a few moments. Clarke says she needs some fresh air so she leaves to go outside. I tell Monty he should get some rest, but he says he doesn't want to sleep until Jasper shows signs that he's getting better. I tell him that I have to go because I promised Bellamy I'd work with him; saying goodbye to Monty, I exit the dropship. I walk outside to see that Bellamy is up and walking around. When he meets my gaze from across camp, he waves at me and smiles widely as we walk towards each other.

"Morning, Gem," Bellamy says cheerfully.

"Good morning, Rebel King," I say.

Bellamy rolls his eyes at the nickname, but he chuckles nonetheless. I grin up at him because I can’t help but rid myself of the butterflies swarming in my stomachs at the sound of his laugh. Bellamy smirks and asks if I want to help me out, saying that there's a bit of the wall that needs repaired. I agree and follow him. Not all of the wall is up yet, but there's a good bit of it that is standing. Bellamy talks and jokes with me as we fix a patch of the wall; I laugh loudly at his jokes, which makes him smile. I'm surprised how easily we get along after all we've been through. Neither of us are the same person we were when we met a year ago, but Bellamy and I have become fast friends here on Earth nonetheless. I might not agree with everything he does, but I trust Bellamy—I trust him completely, and there's not many people I can say that about. I smile as I hand Bellamy some tools and take a moment to be thankful that I've got a friend like him down here.

About half an hour later Murphy and Miller approach us.

"Morning, Squints," Murphy says, winking at me.

"Morning, good looking," I say, smiling widely at Murphy, exaggerating it to look like a five-year-old's smile.

The three boys chuckle.

"What's on today's agenda, Bellamy?" Miller asks.

The four of us get started on another project that Bellamy needs help with. Over the next hour or so, the rest of camp wakes up and starts to work on their assigned tasks. Slowly but surely, everyone's at work and has found a steady rhythm. Around noon I watch as Bellamy tries to teach Murphy how to throw knives; Murphy keeps swearing because he can't get the hang of it. Jasper moans loudly again, and Murphy tries to blame it on him.

"Jasper's not your problem," I scold him from my spot on the ground several yards away.

"You think it's easy, Squints?" Murphy asks angrily.

I shrug, not wanting to reveal my secret. No one knows, but I can actually throw knives exceptionally well. My grandfather collected knives so I was very intrigued by them when I was growing up. One of his closest friend's on the guard started teaching me to throw them when I was eleven, saying it would be great practice if I ever made it to Earth. I practiced almost every week up until the time I was arrested and I got incredibly good at it, but I never told anyone (other than my family) about my talent. My grandfather's friend taught me to respect my skill and always reminded me that it was gift—and not something I should ever abuse. That's why I never told anyone about it, even on the Ark; I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression and think of me differently.

"Then, you do it," Murphy orders with a sarcastic tone.

I stand up and walk to him. Murphy hands me the knife. Stepping back, Murphy crosses his arms in front of his chest; he smiles cheekily at me. It’s clear that Murphy thinks I won’t be any good at this—that I can’t possibly be any better at it than him.

"Show us what ya got, gorgeous," Murphy says flirtatiously.

The small group of boys that are watching us chuckle at his comment. I twirl the knife in my hand and look at the tree he was throwing at, but I decide that's too easy. Turning to my left, I look around for a tree further away and I smile as I realize just how I’m going to put Murphy in his place.

“The thing about throwing knives, boys,” I say, stepping to the side a few inches so that I’m in the correct position, “is that you have to consider all of the angles. You have to consider your stance, your position near whatever you’re about to hit. You have to consider the velocity of your throw or hit—and when you’re just throwing the knife, consider the distance. Consider your grip on the knife as well.”

The boys all watch carefully while I move into position and adjust my grip on the knife. An intrigued yet confused expression is etched on Murphy’s face as his eyes follow my every move. Bellamy’s eyes are sparkling with excitement; he’s hanging onto every word because he never knew how much I knew about knives. Not to mention, he knows me well—and knows I’m about to give Murphy one hell of a wake up call.

“Now, we haven’t even discussed how to use knives in combat,” I continue, staring ahead at my target in the distance.

“You stab them of course,” Murphy chuckles.

Rolling my eyes, I just continue and say, “It takes more than just that, Murphy. You have to know a little about anatomy because depending where you use the knife—and why—impacts how you use it. It’s not always about stabbing in combat, guys... Now, do you see that tree about ten yards away? The one with the branch that sticks out oddly about eight or ten feet up?"

Murphy scoffs. "Yeah, but there's no way—"

He stops talking immediately when he sees the knife stick firmly into the tree. It's sticking level with my chest, which is exactly what I wanted to do. The boys whistle and shout with glee at what I did. I dust my hands off as I look over at them all. Bellamy is chuckling; he claps for me and congratulates me.

"What were you saying, Murph?" I ask, raising a brow as if begging him to test me.

Murphy whispers something about a lucky throw. I walk over to him and pat him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, cutie," I say flirtatiously. "You're still my favorite badass."

Everyone laughs loudly. Murphy fights to smile, and I see his cheeks turn pink. Bellamy comes up to me and starts talking excitedly, asking me about my hidden talent. The boys stick around to see me throw a few more. I try to teach them all, including Murphy, some tips about how to throw knives and how to use knives. After ten or fifteen minutes, Bellamy decides that he and some of the others are going to go hunting.

"I'll come!" Murphy says.

"You're staying here," Bellamy orders him. He turns his attention to me and says, "You're in charge, Gemma. Just keep everyone in line and make sure they keep working. Murphy, you're going to stay here and work. We need someone to stay back in case of danger."

I tell Bellamy that I've got everything handled. Murphy and I take a break, and we talk for a little bit. It's very interesting how well the two of us get along. There's rumors going around that we actually despise each other and we're on each other's hit lists. Then, there's one that we're secretly dating. The second one is just hilarious. The first one is untrue. Although I'm still hesitant about him, I've grown fonder of Murphy. Murphy's got a lot to offer us. He's backed me up a few times and helped me a lot around camp. I can count him. He count on me too. We've become good friends—we're almost best friends actually.

According to Bellamy, I've been left in charge. However, I don't really act like I'm in charge. I perform various tasks, like helping the others build the wall or organizing supplies. At first, everyone is surprised that I'm so involved, but they seem to enjoy that I'm being so helpful. The fact that I'm acting so normal makes them more eager to get things done, which I'm happy about. I learn more of their names and get to know more of them, discovering that many of them have great skills and talents. I assign them tasks that will highlight these skills and direct them in ways that will help us all.

Being in charge makes the day go by incredibly fast. From checking on Jasper to performing tasks to keeping everyone in line, I'm exhausted. How does Bellamy do it? I wonder. Being such an active leader is tiring. Despite that, I've really enjoyed working with everyone and getting to know more of the people. I don't realize how busy I've been until around one o'clock. I sigh and make my way towards my tent to take a break. I sit down on my blankets and sip from my bottle of water. I lie down and sigh with relief. I'm relieved to finally have a moment of silence and a break.

"Hey, Squints."

It was good while it lasted, I think. I look up to see Murphy in the entryway of my tent.

"Oh sorry," he says. "I didn't realize you were sleeping."

"I wasn't," I inform. "I was just taking a break. What's up, Murphy?"

He shrugs, walks inside, and sits down beside me. "I've finished sorting through some fruit and other supplies... I'll be happy if I never have to see another berry again."

I laugh. Running a hand through my hair, I study my wristband. I'm tired of having it on. It's thick and a nuisance. I don't want to hurt my grandfather—not again. When I was sent to live in confinement, I know I hurt my grandfather very much, and I'm not sure if I could live with myself if I did. However, I'm tired of being controlled. I've never been able to completely be myself. The Ark's rules governed me and the expectations of being the Chancellor's granddaughter confined me. Now I'm being controlled down here too. I want out. And I want out really fucking bad.

"What are you thinking, love?" Murphy asks. His voice is serious, but even then he still manages to be flirtatious.

"I'm thinking," I say, "that I don't want to be fucking controlled anymore. I'm in charge of myself, and it's time the Council knows it."

Murphy snickers at my comment.

"Well," Murphy says. "Let's show them who the real Gemma fucking Collins is then."

Murphy and I head to the dropship where we know Monty is working on making contact with the ark. Monty looks up at us with surprise as the pair of us enter laughing and joking.

"Monty, I need a favor," I say.

Monty eyes Murphy before carefully saying, "What would that be?"

I hold up my wrist.

"I want it off. Now."

"Are you sure, Gem?" Monty asks.

"One hundred percent."

Monty stands up to get the tool he needs to get my wristband off.

"Want to do the honors, Murph?" I ask, grinning at him.

"Gladly, beautiful," Murphy says, smiling widely.

Monty returns with it a few seconds later and hands it to Murphy. I wince as Murphy takes it off, not liking how the wrist band digs into my skin. When the wristband pops off, I smile happily. Murphy high fives me, and I laugh. Although I'm happy to have it off, a strong bittersweet feeling washes through me. What will Pops think? I wonder. Will he think I'm dead? All I can hope is that he won't give up on me too soon. Murphy watches me closely, trying to figure out what I'm thinking.

Murphy distracts me from the somber thoughts by asking if I want to go throw knives again. I nod eagerly and race him out of the dropship. We push each other playfully to get to the ladder first, making Monty laugh. As we're exiting the dropship, I spot my brother talking with Wells and Clarke on a far side of the camp away from most of the others. I tell Murphy to start without me before jogging over to them.

"What's up, guys?" I say with a smile.

"We're trying to think of what we can do to save Jasper," Wells says.

"I don't know if we can," Finn says.

"We can," I correct him. I squint my eyes at him, unhappy that he's not giving Jasper a chance. "And we will. I won't let Jasper die. What can we do?"

"Wells thinks that seaweed might save him," Clarke says. "We need to go the river."

"Alright, you should go," I say. "I'll stay here and keep everyone in line."

I help the three of them pack up so that they can head to the river. Finn subtly flirts with Clarke, but Clarke doesn't return the gesture. However, I can see that she's struggling not to smile or blush. A strong bitter feeling creeps into me, but I refuse to say anything. It's not my place. Besides, Clarke isn't playing into Finn's game. Finn meets my eye when he glances over at me and Wells. My posture is straight, and I look at me as sternly as possible. Finn turns back around swiftly, knowing exactly what I'm thinking about.

Once everything is packed, they all say goodbye. Finn hugs me goodbye

"Be safe," I whisper, hugging him tighter.

Finn chuckles and pulls me close. "I'll be alright, Gem."

The day goes by swiftly. Throughout the day, I get more and more worried about Bellamy and the others, including my brother, Clarke, and Wells. None of them were supposed to be gone all day. By nightfall, I'm incredibly anxious. Murphy encourages me that they're fine, suggesting that maybe they're hiding out somewhere and are waiting to return in them morning. I nod but don't say anything; it's possible he's right, but there's still a strong possibility he's wrong. I order Murphy and a few other boys to cook what's left over from the animal we brought back yesterday.

I'm about to enter my tent, but I change my mind and decide to check on Jasper in the dropship. Quite a few people are sleeping inside the dropship. I don't blame them. It's particularly cold tonight after all. I tiptoe around and over sleeping bodies before crawling up the ladder to where Jasper is. I could hear him moaning as soon as I entered. People huff and complain as I move up the ladder. When I'm at the top of the ladder, I peek up and see Monty beside him.

"Hey, Monty," I whisper, climbing up.

Monty smiles as best as he can. "Hey, Gemma. I figured you'd be going to sleep."

"I couldn't sleep without checking on him... How is he?"

"About the same. I'm getting worried though. Why isn't anyone back yet?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure they'll be back by morning. There's no need to worry, Monty. We're going to be fine—and so is Jasper. He's going to make it out alive."

For a few minutes, we chat absentmindedly. There are some groans and complaints coming from downstairs. I tell Monty that I'm going to go to bed.

"Get some rest," I tell him, walking towards the ladder. "Seriously, Monty. You need to get some sleep."

Monty promises me he'll at least try to sleep. Everyone who's awake downstairs is still complaining. As I walk down the ladder, I hear some commotion behind me.

"That's it!" Murphy growls. "I'm ending this!"

I hop off the ladder, avoiding taking the last five or so steps. I turn around and stand in front of the ladder. Murphy's stomping towards where I am. I brace myself.

"Watch out, Monty!" Octavia shouts, sprinting after him. "Murphy's going to kill Jasper!"

Murphy comes barreling towards the ladder when he realizes that Octavia is coming after him.

"Move, Gemma!" Murphy sneers as he walks slowly to me.

Octavia slows down and stops a few feet behind him. I glance at her over Murphy's shoulder and hope she understands that I'll handle Murphy.

"Hell no!" I fire back. "You're not getting anywhere near Jasper."

"Let's not make this any more difficult than this has to be."

Murphy steps closer to me, but I push him in the shoulders. Murphy's caught off guard, surprised that I'd get physical. Don't mess with the injured kid who's fighting for his life, I think to myself, especially when it's one of my best friends. I glare at Murphy, daring him to come closer to me. Murphy's eyes are full of shock and rage. Murphy comes after me and swings, but I duck. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Octavia dash towards the ladder so she can help Monty. I try to move forward, but I stumble over a box of supplies. I fall to the ground. Murphy goes towards the ladder, and I know he's going to try to pull Octavia down.

Acting swiftly, I stretch my legs and knock Murphy's ankles, causing him to trip and fall to the floor like me. I crawl to him and straddle him so that he can't get up. Murphy swears profusely, tossing around some bit. Taking the knife out of its hiding spot, I show it to Murphy. Murphy goes still underneath me.

"This is for your own good, Murphy," I say as calmly as possible. "I'm not going to use it, but don't ever think twice that I'll let you get away with hurting someone."

I hear feet move above us. Something rests on the door.

"It's locked, Gemma!" Octavia and Monty shout.

I heave a sigh of relief, knowing Murphy won't be able to reach Jasper. Although I'm furious at him, I know something's up with him. There's a reason Murphy is so bitter and angry all the time. Behind his incredibly tough façade is a touching—perhaps tragic—reason that Murphy is the way he is. I get off of Murphy and sit beside him. Murphy sits up and runs a hand through his hair. Glancing around the room, I notice that many people are watching us. They turn their attention away, however, when I peer at them.

"You put up one hell of a fight, Squints," Murphy mutters, smirking at me. "Remind me never to be rougher with you.”

I chuckle. For a few moments, we sit in silence. I'm definitely not going to be able to sleep anytime soon.

"Hey, Murph," I murmur only loud enough for him to here. He gazes at me. "Want to go for a walk? I need some fresh air."

Murphy stares at me for a second without speaking or moving, but finally he nods his head slowly. The two of us walk out of the dropship. We're quiet until we make it to the forest.

"Why'd you cut me some slack back there?" Murphy asks, breaking the silence.

"Because I don't like using violence," I say. "Because even though what you did was wrong, you're still human. And believe it or not, Murphy, I think we all deserve to be treated as such. We all deserve to be given some sort last shred of dignity."

"I don't deserve it," Murphy mumbles.

I stare at him and try to figure out what terrible thing could've happened to make him so brutal, tough, and guarded.

"We all do, even you. You might not believe it, Murphy, but you deserve to be treated like a person. You deserve to be treated fairly. Hell more than that!"

Murphy is quiet. He won't even glance in my direction. We walk in silence for several minutes. As we keep walking, I make mental notes of where we are so that we can get back to camp. I take the knife out of my pocket and twirl it in order to ignore the silence.

"I know I'm an asshole some of the time," Murphy says. I raise my brow and fight a smile, making him chuckle. "Alright most of the time ... but I owe you, Gemma."

"For what?" I ask. I'm sure a confused look is etched on my face.

"You don't look at me like I'm an asshole, even though I know there are times I annoy the shit out of you. You don't treat me like a criminal or like I'm a waste of space. You're the first person in my entire life to really see me. You see me as me, as a person. And I'm not sure how to deal with it or how to accept it, but dammit I'm trying, Gemma."

I smile at Murphy. "Are you saying that we're friends, Murphy?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," Murphy says, looking at his feet to try and hide his smile. "I've never had a friend before—not a real one at least."

"Well, Murph," I say cheerfully. "I'm honored. I'll admit I've been weary of you, but I do enjoy your sarcastic, witty attitude. It keeps me sane believe it or not. It looks like the two of us are friends."

Murphy smiles at looks at me. I can tell by the look on his face that he's more excited than he's letting on. I smile back, happy to know that I can help him and be his friend.

"We better get back to camp," I say. "It's late."

Murphy agrees so we turn around and had back to camp. We laugh and joke around, flirting innocently. We're just friends, and that's all we'll ever be. Despite that, I think what Murphy and I have is special. It's a rare and incredibly special friendship. I'm going to do my best to protect it—and him too. When we enter camp, it's silent except for Jasper's moaning. We say goodnight and head our separate ways. I step into the tent Octavia and I share. It's not empty like I had expected it to be.

"Hey," Octavia whispers. "I got worried when you weren't here so I stayed up..."

"Sorry for keeping you awake," I mutter, crawling under my blankets. "How's Jasper?"

"He's the same. Monty is watching him with the door locked just incase."

"I don't think we have to worry about Murphy. I've talked some sense into him."

Octavia shifts to look at me. "What's up with the two of you?"

"Me and Murphy?" I ask with confused look. She nods. "We're just friends. Murphy desperately needs someone to help him, and I'm going to be that friend. And that's all we are, Octavia, so don't get any ideas."

"It's fine," she giggles. "Besides, I know you have eyes for my brother."

I laugh, but I don't speak. I'm not sure what's happening between Bellamy and I. Perhaps I do have a bit of a crush, but right now I'm just happy with how effortless and amazing our friendship is. Whatever happens between us, happens. I'm going to treasure the friendship we have because it's special too.

"Hey, Octavia?" I say quietly. Octavia raises a brow to let me know she's listening. "Can you tell me another story about the Romans?"

Octavia smiles and starts to tell me a story. I lie on my side and face her so that I can watch her as she tells the story of a Roman battle and emperor that I can't seem to remember. Listening to the sound of her voice, I drift off to sleep with the hopes that our brothers are both okay out there in the forest.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So as long as you can heal another’s pain, life is not in vain.” -Hellen Keller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

When I wake up, I burrow deeper into the blankets because I just don’t have the motivation to leave the comfort and warmth of my bed on this particularly chilly morning. I open my eyes to see that it’s only dawn outside. Camp is quiet too; I lie there for a few moments, enjoying the serenity of this still morning. And it finally hits me: it’s quiet—too quiet. Aside from the normal sounds of nature and the occasional cough from a sleeping camper, there’s not a sound to be hear. The silence is frighteningly loud, and it silence can only mean one thing: Jasper isn’t moaning anymore.

The shock causes me to bolt forward into a sitting position, but the ground seems to open wide and swallow me whole with the terrible possibility that my best friend could be… I close my eyes and try to shake the tingling coolness that crawled up my spine. The world falls away, drained of all color but the images of a happy, goofy, and safe Jasper Jordan. Silence hovers all around me in its attempts to crush my sliver of hope that my friend will soon wake up and finally come back to me. The weight of suffering through the unknown together becomes too much so I pat Octavia repeatedly on the shoulder, and she mumbles for me to stop. She pulls the blankets up under her chin.

“Octavia, wake up!” I plead, shoving her harder this time. “Jasper’s not moaning anymore.”

Octavia’s eyes open widely as the fear resonates with her too now. For a moment, he lies still to listen for Jasper’s moans, but when she doesn’t hear him, he realizes I’m right.

“Oh shit!” Octavia swears, jumping out of bed.

Octavia starts putting her boots swiftly on as I put on my grandfather’s jacket. I put socks on and bolt outside of the tent, not bothering to take the time to put my boots on. Octavia and I dash inside the dropship and climb up the ladder as fast as we can. Monty is already awake when we climb up to the next level.

“Is he okay?” I ask worriedly.

Monty nods. “He stopped moaning about an hour ago. He’s been muttering in his sleep. I think he’s going to be alright.”

Octavia and I both heave a big sigh of relief. We sit down on either side of Monty. Monty takes a swig out a flask; he shutters a bit as he swallows it.

“Are you drinking whiskey?” I ask, chuckling at his reaction. He nods. “You’re starting the day off right.”

“Want some?” Monty asks. He smiles and hands it to me.

“Hell yeah.”

Taking it out of his hands, I twist the top off. I take a large sip, and even though it’s not my first time drinking whiskey I still shiver as it lights up my throat on the way down. Octavia asks if she can try, excited to try it for the first time. I offer her the flask. She takes a sip and shivers too.

“Disgusting,” Octavia gasps, “but I love it.”

Monty and I laugh at her reaction. She hands it back, and I take another sip of it. There’s movement across the room, which causes us all to pause in our tracks and fear the worst. My grip on the whiskey bottle tightens as it rests on my lip ever-so slightly. 

“Can I get a hit of that?” Jasper asks in a raspy voice.

“Jasper!” Octavia squeals with delight.

The three of us swiftly make our way to him. Jasper tries to sit up, but I tell him to take it easy and take his right hand in mine.

“Let’s start with the soft stuff,” Monty chuckles.

I laugh again and brush Jasper’s hair out of his face. Jasper grins up at me, which makes me smile widely.

“Hey, cutie,” Jasper says, winking at me. I giggle at his flirtatious behavior, but I play along and kiss his right knuckles. “It’s good to see you, Gem… Was that a dream, or did I really get speared in the chest?”

“You’ve got a nasty scar to prove it,” a familiar voice says.

The four of us glance over to the ladder and see Clarke standing up.

“My savior!” Jasper says excitedly, making us all laugh again.

“It’s great to see you too, Jasper,” I say, smiling. “I’m glad you didn’t die. I mean, dying from a spear would’ve been one hell of a way to go, but I wasn’t quite ready for one of my best friends to die just yet.”

Jasper chuckles along with Monty and Octavia.

“Thank you for not dying,” Clarke says, smiling at him.

“I’ll try not to die for awhile if that’s okay with you guys,” Jasper says, making me roll my eyes. Jasper glances at Octavia, and his eyes light up. “Oh, hello.”

Octavia smiles brightly. “Hey, Jasper.”

Octavia and Monty chat with Jasper. I turn my attention to Clarke.

“My brother,” I mumble. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Clarke reassures me. “He’s outside the dropship, talking to Bellamy.”

I thank her and head outside of the dropship, but not before kissing Jasper’s forehead. Jasper’s cheeks flush a light shade of pink, and I wink at him. Outside the dropship, I look around wildly for my twin who I spot him across camp where he’s talking to Bellamy just like Clarke said. Finally, Finn glances in my direction and smiles warmly at me. Sighing with relief that he’s alright, I dash towards him; I wrap my arms around him instantly when we’re together.

“You’re alright!” I say happily.

I hug him tightly, smiling as he does the same to me. Finn chuckles.

“But you promised you’d be back before nightfall!” I complain, releasing him.

I smack his arm (playfully of course), but I keep a straight face. Finn’s face falls at my reaction. Bellamy starts to laugh. I poke Bellamy in the ribs and stare at him sternly.

“And so did you, Rebel King,” I say.

Bellamy puts his hands up in defense as he says, “I’m sorry, love. We got caught up because of this wicked acid fog.”

“Yeah, we had to hide,” Finn explains. “It cleared some time in the middle of the night. We all came home at the first sign of light.”

I smile, “I’m just glad everyone’s okay.”

I wrap an arm around Bellamy and smile up at him as I pat him on the chest with my other hand. Bellamy grins at me and slides on an arm across my shoulders. When I let go of him, he keeps his arm around me and pulls me closer to him—like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I fight back a smile and hope the blush on my cheeks isn’t too obvious, but my brother manages to sees. Finn grins at me because he knows what’s going through my mind. I look up at Bellamy instead because I don’t want to give Finn anymore satisfaction; he’ll joke about this later, and I don’t want to make it any worse.

The three of us chat for a little bit. Campers approach us every now and then to ask Bellamy and I questions. Wow, I think. The two of us really have become leaders. I never imagined I would become a leader, but surprisingly I have somehow. Pushing the thought away, I look around camp to account for everyone. I see Charlotte helping someone fix a piece of the wall, which causes me to smile; I got so scared when I couldn’t find her last night. Charlotte is one the youngest by far, and I’d hate for something bad to happen to her. I see Wells with a map in his hands, muttering to himself. Knowing that he’s safe as well makes me happy. A few minutes pass and that’s when I realize someone’s missing: Atom.

“Wait,” I say, glancing around camp. “Where’s Atom?”

Bellamy and Finn glance at each other. It’s as if they’re trying to decide who should tell me as well as how they should tell me.

“Atom got caught in the acid fog,” Bellamy says quietly. His eyes are full of sorrow so I wrap an arm around his waist again. “He didn’t make it.”

My heart falls when I think of Atom. I didn’t get to know him well, but I still feel sad that he’s gone. None of us deserve to die.

“C'mon, Gem,” Bellamy says, smiling widely at me. “I want to show you something.”

I glance over my shoulder at Finn, who raises his brow at me. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Bellamy who starts telling me more about their trip yesterday. As he guides me into the forest, he tells me how Charlotte snuck out to go with them.

“I’m glad she found you,” I say. I kick a pebble and watch it bounce in front of me. “I was worried sick about her all day and night. She’s just a kid—I can’t believe they would seriously send a little kid down here.”

“She’s going to be fine, Gemma” Bellamy assures me. “I see how you look out for her, even when she doesn’t notice it. Charlotte’s got a good guardian angel watching out for her…” I smile at his comment. “Did you know she’s having nightmares?”

I shake my head. “No. What are they about?”

“I don’t know. There’s something that’s scaring her, keeping her up at night, terrorizing her in her dreams. It’s plaguing her when she’s awake too. So, I gave her a knife and I told her to take control and slay her demons…”

“You know she’s only twelve, right?” I ask apprehensively. “What if she takes what you said seriously? What if she actually slays her demons and kills someone, Bellamy?”

“She’s never killed anyone before. Like you said: she’s just a kid, Gemma. Why would she have any motive to kill anyone? It was just a metaphor. It was supposed to make her feel better, make her feel brave ya know?”

“I don’t know, Bell… I’m just saying that you should be careful the next time you try to be all metaphorical and act as Yoda around one of the young kids.”

Bellamy stops in his tracks. I walk a few more steps before I realize; I stop and turn back to look at him.

“What’s a Yoda?” Bellamy asks seriously. His brows are furrowed in confusion.

“You didn’t watch many movies on the Ark did you, Bell?” I respond with a chuckle.

He shakes his head so I explain the reference. Bellamy asks me to explain the films as well. As we walk through the forest, I go into detail about the movie franchise my grandfather and I both hold near and dear to our hearts. We’ve been working for over an hour when a nervous feeling creeps inside. I peer around me, but I don’t say anything to Bellamy so I don’t worry him. Something just doesn’t feel right. I go quiet after a moment.

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy asks.

“Something’s not right,” I say.

Instinctively, I take Bellamy’s hand because I’m so frightened. Whatever’s happening is scaring me because I can’t quite a put a finger on what’s making me feel so scared. Bellamy squeezes my hand to comfort me. He offers to go back to camp, and I agree so we turn back. About twenty or thirty minutes later I notice that we still haven’t let go of each other’s hand. A small smile tugs at the corners of lips. Bellamy traces circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I’m not sure if he’s doing it absentmindedly or if he’s doing it because he realizes I’m suddenly aware that we’re still holding hands. Bellamy glances down at me, and he offers me a small that makes the butterflies in my stomach.

“You’re really cute when you do that,” Bellamy mutters.

“Do what?” I ask, unsure of what I did.

“When you bite your lip because you’re nervous. And when you let your hair fall from behind your ear to cover your face so that people won’t see how you feel.”

I smile, surprised that he knows that. Bellamy notices things about me that have become second nature to me.

“You’ve been watching me?” I ask.

Bellamy chuckles. “Well, you’re pretty and smart and hilarious. You’re brave, witty, and courageous… I think I might have a crush on you, but I want to wait until I know for sure before I tell you.”

The heat rises in my cheeks, and I’m sure they’re turning a bright shade of pink. I squeeze his hand to let him know I appreciate it.

“You know, Blake,” I say slowly, “I think I might like you too… but I want to wait to make sure.”

Bellamy smirks at my comment and slides an arm around my waist, tugging me closer to him. I giggle as I wrap an arm around his torso. We walk in silence for a bit. I look around the forest and enjoy the beauty of it; the sun mixed with the gentle breeze makes my skin tingle. A few yards away I see a bush, but something about it seems odd. We’re about twenty minutes from camp now, and all I can think about is how badly I wish we were already back. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but it seems like a part of the bush just moved. Are those really eyes staring back at me?

“Bellamy,” I whisper, taking my knife out of its holster, “get ready to run.”

Bellamy looks at me with wide eyes. I glance over to the bush again and hope he catches my hint. I look straight ahead and see Bellamy look over at the bush out of the corner. The bush is several feet behind us now.

“Run, Gemma,” Bellamy mutters.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, we both break out into a sprint. I hear loud thuds behind us, but I’m not sure I’m actually brave enough to turn around. I push forward with a newfound energy. Bellamy is a couple steps behind me. My lungs are burning already from how scared and fast I’m running. Bellamy catches up, and we run in sink now. A few moments later I trip over a tree root and tumble on the ground. Not expecting me to fall, Bellamy keeps running for a bit. I swear under my breath as my elbow and head receive most of the blow. In front of me, Bellamy shouts my name, but I don’t quite hear him over the fierce pounding of my heart and heavy breathing.

Turning over onto my back, I see a tall and very broad Grounder only a few steps away. I gasp and try to crawl while also trying to regain my footing as the Grounder raises his sword above his head. I close my eyes, expecting to die. My grandfather’s face comes to mind, and I fight the urge to cry as I think about how I’ll never see him—or my brother—again. I open my eyes because the thought hurts more than looking the Grounder in the eye. The Grounder steps closer with the sword still raised above his head. Bellamy shouts my name again as he comes running back.

There’s the whisper of something flying in the wind. Suddenly, the Grounder pauses and gasps. An arrow is stuck in his chest directly where his heart is, causing blood to spill from his mouth. I gasp too and scoot back as he falls forward. I roll to the side so that he doesn’t fall on me. The Grounder crashes onto the cool dirt next to me; his eyes are open with a cold light shining behind them, signaling that he’s dead. I stand up just as Bellamy approaches me.

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asks. One hand is on my waist and the other is on my cheek. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No,” I manage to say. “I’m okay.”

My eyes are trained on the dead Grounder, wondering why and how this happened. I finally meet Bellamy’s gaze and notice how worried he is.

“I’m fine, Bellamy,” I whisper. I run a hand through his hair and brush it away so that I can see his eyes. “Are you okay?”

Bellamy nods. There’s a thud several yards away that comes from the direction the dead Grounder ran from; another Grounder is standing in the distance now. Bellamy raises his gun, but I move so that I’m in the way of his shot.

“Don’t, Bellamy!” I plead. “He just saved my life! Please just leave him alone!”

“Who’s to say he won’t try to kill us on the way back to camp?” Bellamy argues. His gaze his fixed on the Grounder.

I look over my shoulder at the Grounder and notice that he still hasn’t reached for a weapon. If he wanted to hurt us, he would have by now because he had the chance to before we even saw him.

“Because he would’ve already tried to hurt us if he really wanted to. Now let’s go back to camp, Bellamy.”

Bellamy mumbles that I’m right and agrees to go back. I look back at the Grounder one last time; he nods at us before running the other way. I take Bellamy’s hand and start to jog towards camp. For about five minutes, we jog, but then we decide to walk the rest of the way. Neither of us have spoken since the incident.

“What were you going to show me?” I ask him, eager to end the silence.

Bellamy licks his lips (a habit that I notice he does when he’s angry or nervous) and says, “Well, Octavia told me about this spot with glowing butterflies. I knew you were mesmerized by the glowing forest, so I knew you’d be crazy about glowing butterflies. I really wanted you to see it, but I didn’t know where it was exactly. Mostly I just wanted to spend time alone with you because we never get to… You’re fun to be around, Gemma—I’m glad we’re friends.”

I smile at him and take his hand again. Bellamy grins, and if I’m not mistaken I see his cheeks turn a light a shade of pink.

“Who knew Bellamy Blake could be such a softie,” I say, giggling.

“And if you tell anyone—”

“You’ll deny it.”

We both laugh at our words. Not long after, we’re walking back into camp. Our hands are still intertwined, but neither of us seem to mind that people will see. Octavia sees us and comes running to greet us. I ask her how Jasper he is; she lets me know that he’s fine and he’s even walking around. She eyes our hands, and a smile appears on her face. Before she can say anything, Finn approaches us and demands to know what happened with the scrape on my forehead. The blood is mostly dry now, but my temple is throbbing immensely.

“What happened to you?” Finn asks. His voice is filled with concern.

“I’m alright,” I say, trying to reassure my brother. “I fell—”

“Why? What happened?”

“A Grounder tried to attack us,” Bellamy says. His voice is steady while attempts to to calm Finn down too. “Gemma was the first to notice something was off. We started running, and that’s when it started coming after us.”

“So now they’re just going to attack us unprovoked?” Octavia asks confused.

Letting go of Bellamy’s hand, I reach up to touch the scrape. My head is throbbing. I barely touch it and a sharp pain shoots through my head.

“That’s it, ” Bellamy says. His hand rests on the small of my back. “You’re going to see Clarke. The last thing we need is for it to get infected.”

I try to protest, but the other two agree with Bellamy. Bellamy guides me to the dropship where Finn said he last saw her. Once inside, Bellamy instructs me to sit down in a chair and orders me not to move a muscle until he returns; he goes to find Clarke and brings her back to me a few moments later. In her hands, Clarke is carrying some supplies.

“It looks like you took a pretty serious fall,” Clarke says, studying the scrape on my right temple.

I shrug. “I’m fine.”

Clarke tells Bellamy that I’m fine and he can leave. Bellamy protests. I huff, knowing he wouldn’t leave me alone. However, my heart is pounding with excitement that he cares so much.

“I’m going to wait for her,” Bellamy says. His eyes are fixed on mine.

I smile and thank him. Clarke takes out freshly torn piece of clothing and whiskey.

“This might sting,” she warns me.

It does, but it’s not completely terrible. It’s nothing compared to what Jasper went through for days—or worse than anything I’ve had before. Bellamy takes my hand and traces circles on the back with his thumb. He talks to me about what we need to work on for the rest of the afternoon. Finally, Clarke is bandaging the wound.

“Fortunately, you don’t need stitches,” Clarke says. “Find me tonight before you go to bed and I’ll take another look at it. You’re going to be fine, Gemma.”

“Thanks, Doc,” I say. “You’re the best.”

She smiles and goes back to what she was doing. Bellamy and I return outside to make sure everyone is working. He takes one half of the camp and I take the other half. I help each group of campers as I go around, trying to relieve some of their pressure. Murphy finds me a couple hours later and asks me if I can help him practice throw knives. I agree and say goodbye to Wells who returns his attention back to the map and stacks of papers. For half an hour or so, Murphy and I practice throwing knives. We goof off mostly, but he does improve quite a bit. His knives are finally sticking in the trees and his aim is getting more precise.

The day goes by quickly again, and before I know it nightfall is getting really close. At dinner, Bellamy and I sit together, laughing and joking while telling extravagant stories from our childhoods with Octavia and Finn. It’s wonderful to be able to have the four of them in my life. Octavia and Bellamy mean the world to me already; they’re practically family. I thought I’d never find anyone like them—I thought I’d only ever have my brother. To have them means more than I’d ever be able to find the words to say. Having such great friends makes me feel like I matter. I’d do anything to protect them—just like I would do for my brother, Jasper, or Monty. Clarke comes over and asks to eat with us after several minutes.

At first, I’m surprised, but I quickly say yes. Clarke and I have gotten closer since we came to Earth, and I’m interested to see how good of friends we’ll become. Sitting with the four of them, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have them all; fortunately, the five of us make a good team, even though not all of us get along a lot of the times. We sit by a fire until it’s really late, talking and daydreaming about various things. Finn is the first to say goodnight. He hugs me before going to his tent that he shares with Wells and another boy I can never remember. Clarke is next, and she checks my wound. She rubs some ointment on the scrape.

“Clarke,” I ask. I watch her as she works on applying the bandages. “Did you take off your wristband?”

She nods, but she doesn’t speak. I raise a brow, surprised that she finally did it. Clarke is silent as she keeps working on my wound.

“Was it because of what happened to your dad?” I add, forgetting that Octavia and Bellamy are still next to us. She nods; her face is stern, trying to mask her feelings. “You’re mad at your mom aren’t you? That’s the only reason you would do it…”

Clarke stares at me for a moment. “I wanted to make her feel it. My dad was killed because she exposed him. I wanted her to know what it’s like to be betrayed.”

I’m silent as she finished bandaging me. She smiles at me and brushes off her hands, saying that she’s going to bed.

“Clarke?” I say. She turns to look at me. “It wasn’t fair. What she did wasn’t fair. What they did to all of us isn’t fair. But … we can start over down here. That’s what we’re supposed to do and it’s what we’re going to do. And we’ll do it however it needs to be done because they don’t understand what it’s like down here. I’m sort of rambling so I guess what I’m trying to say is … what you did today isn’t necessarily wrong. Don’t beat yourself up over it, Clarke.”

Clarke chuckles, thanks me, and says goodnight. Then, Bellamy is next. Bellamy won’t leave until I’ve told him a few times that I am fine and I am not scared tonight. He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles before he goes to his tent. I blush at the gesture and hope that Octavia thinks it’s just the heat from the fire. Octavia hangs back for a few minutes. She pesters me about what’s going on between Bellamy and I. I remind her yet again that we’re just friends. After pestering me some more, I reveal that I do see the possibility of me being in love with him one day and perhaps us being a couple.

“For now,” I say, “we’re just friends. We’ve both recognized that something is happening between us, but we’re happy with how things are now. Our friendship is special, and we just want to leave it at that while we learn to survive down here.”

Octavia smiles. “I’m glad you’re friends. My brother needs someone as wonderful as you to get him out of his shell.”

I smile too. She says she’s going to be and asks if I’m coming, but I say I want to stay out here a bit longer. Most people have gone to their tents or the dropship. There are a few stragglers, but for the most part camp is pretty quiet. Staring at the fire, I enjoy the silence. Murphy comes over and sits down next to me.

“How’s it going, gorgeous?” Murphy asks, smirking at me.

“I’m fine, cutie,” I say. “How are you?”

“Fine for someone who was sent on a death mission to Earth.”

I laugh. For an hour, Murphy and I talk, telling each other a bit about ourselves. We learn about each other’s favorite school subjects, tell a few funny childhood moments, and learn some random other things about each other. Neither one of us have admitted how we ended up in the Skybox. I obviously know he killed someone—everyone does. However, I don’t know why he did it. Murphy doesn’t know about what I did to Kane either.

“Have you figured out what I did to get sent down here yet?” I ask, sipping some water.

“My guess is you were running an extensive drug cartel,” Murphy says. There’s a glimmer of humor in his eyes that sparkles in the fire. “Perhaps you killed five men—or maybe you stole large amounts of herbs like Monty and Jasper.”

“A drug cartel?” I question him, giggling so hard I cover my face with my hands. “None of those guesses are close.”

“You, like everyone else, already know why I’m here... So what did you do, Squints?”

My smile fades. “I attacked and threatened to kill Kane because he…”

The only people who know what Kane said are Finn and Bellamy because they were there. No one else knows—not even Octavia. I've been too furious and blinded by fury to admit what he said.

“Because what?” Murphy asks curiously.

"He said my grandfather was a good for nothing old man," I whisper. "That he takes up space and that he should never have been Chancellor. He couldn't see what Jaha saw in my grandfather... Kane said that he'd float him if ever had the chance because the Ark didn’t need people like him anymore."

While I talk, I play with my fingers; it's always been a nervous habit of mine. I can feel Murphy watching me, but he doesn't speak and gives me a moment to recollect myself instead.

"My father was floated," Murphy murmurs, "because he was trying to help me when I was sick. He was caught stealing medicine for me, and I’ve never been able to forgive myself for it. My mother became an alcoholic after that. She ended up drinking herself to death, but not before she could remind me day after day that it was my fault, that I was good for nothing—"

"But you are," I say earnestly, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "Thanks for listening to me, Murph. You could absolutely hate my guts because I know my grandfather was Chancellor when your father was floated, but you still gave me a chance. Neither of us are good at trusting others or dealing with people—new ones especially—but I’m glad I’ve got a friend like you, Murphy."

“You’ve given me a chance, Gemma. That’s what you and I do: give each people chances, even though we wind up hurt so often. But you know, I guess we’ve got each other now. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“That’s what friends are for,” I say, smiling.

We're quiet for a few moments before Murphy says he's going to bed. We say goodnight, and I watch as he enters the dropship. For a few minutes, I sit alone because I want some time to myself; it’s so rare to have any time alone. Finally, making sure the fire is out, I head to mine and Octavia's shared tent. I crawl quietly under my covers and try not to disturb Octavia. I look at my watch, realizing it's one o'clock in the morning. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep, happy with the thought of how I've got my friends in this crazy hell we call Earth.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

I sleep a little later than usual, but it's still relatively quiet outside when I finally wake up. A few people are up, but their voices are hushed as they eat or perform their tasks. I roll over and notice that Octavia is sitting up.

"Good morning, my ray of sunshine," I murmur. My voice is masked with sleep.

Octavia laughs. "Morning, Gemma."

We sit in the tent silently for a few moments because we're both too tired to move yet. After a couple minutes, we talk casually as we try to wake ourselves up. Fifteen minutes later we're both dressed and heading outside. Yawning, I look around camp to see who's up. The first person I see is Miller who's sorting through some berries. Octavia says she's going to look for Bellamy so I walk towards Miller alone.

"Hey, Nate," I say with a smile. "What's up?"

Miller looks up and smiles at me as he says,"Hey, Gemma... Want to help me sort through these?"

I agree and start to help him sort through the berries and other fruits. One of the things I like most about Miller is that he's not much of a talker; he doesn't talk unless he really has something to say—something important. It's nice to be with someone and not feel the need to talk a lot because, in the end, talking can be tiresome. Being able to be with someone and not feel the need to talk constantly, especially to fill the gaps in conversation, is really wonderful to find in such a great friend. We talk every now and then while we sort through the fruits for the next several minutes, but for the most part we work in silence. About fifteen minutes later I feel two large hands cover my eyes; the hands are warm and the fingers have callouses, but they're soft.

"Good morning, Bellamy," I giggle, placing my hands over his.

Bellamy removes his hands and asks, "How'd you know it was me?"

"Lucky guess."

A grin covers Bellamy's face, which makes me blush. He takes the berry out of my hand and eats it. I swat his arm and groan, claiming that he's distracting us from our work. Bellamy rolls his eyes; I laugh at him. Miller smirks at our interaction, but he continues working in silence. Bellamy picks up another berry from the crate and tells me to open my mouth. I catch it in my mouth when he tosses it to me. The two boys cheer, which makes me erupt in a fit of laughter because of their excitement. As I continue to sort the berries with Miller, Bellamy plays with my hair without speaking. I hadn't bothered putting my hair up when I woke up this morning because I was too tired and I figured I would later when it became too hot. Bellamy leans forward and whispers that he needs to talk to me. I say goodbye to Miller and follow Bellamy.

"Wells was killed last night," Bellamy whispers.

"What?!" I ask much louder than I intended.

By now all of camp is up so a lot of people look at me, and I notice that confused expressions are etched on their faces. I sigh and ignore their glances because this isn’t information that should be shared with too many people right now. With tears in my eyes, I look back at Bellamy and I raise my brows to tell him to continue. Bellamy must notice that I’m not myself because he reaches out and trails his fingers over my arms delicately; both his hands trail down to my own hands, which is when I notice how badly my hands are shaking. At first, I try to fold my arms in front of my chest in order to hide how my hands are trembling, but Bellamy stops and intertwines our fingers. I still can’t bring myself to speak as I gaze up at Bellamy’s face. He must know that I’m struggling immensely, so instead of saying anything, Bellamy leans forward and kisses my forward as he squeezes my hands in reassurance.

"His body was found a few yards away from camp," Bellamy whispers, ending the silence. "Something happened to his neck. It looked like he was stabbed."

"Fuck," I mutter and run a hand through my hair.

I look around camp, wondering who could've done this. My eyes move from person to person. Who is it? I think. Bellamy's watching me closely, but I keep looking around. I’m too anxious and sad and overwhelmed at the loss of my friend to speak what’s on my mind at the moment.

Bellamy must realize what I'm thinking because he asks, "You think it's one of our own?"

"Yeah, I do—and you don't?"

"It's hard to tell with his body found outside of camp."

"Hypothetically, if you were going to kill someone while everyone else was sleeping, would you really do it in camp?"

Bellamy nods as if to say I'm right. I'm about to say something when I notice Finn walking over to us.

"We need to talk," Finn says softly to me and Bellamy. "There's something you two need to know."

Bellamy and I raise our brows, but we follow my brother quietly. Bellamy still holds one of my hands in his; he traces circles on the back of my hand with thumb in order to soothe me. Finn leads us into a tent where we find Clarke and Octavia already waiting. Octavia’s eyes are full of worry as she mumbles hello. When I look at Clarke, I realize how angry she is based on how firm her stance is. Clarke’s shoulders are straightened with her held high. Her eyes are dark with a strong sense of fury and her feet are firmly rooted to the ground. I notice that Clarke is holding a bloody knife tightly in her hand.

"Is that what was used to kill Wells?" I ask, gesturing towards the knife with my free hand.

"Yeah," Clarke says. "It's made of metal taken from the dropship."

"Okay," Octavia says slowly. She and I share a brief look. "What does that mean?"

Bellamy glances at me with a knowing expression. I can see that what I told him earlier is finally resonating with him.

"That it was one of us," I tell Octavia, "and not a Grounder who killed Wells."

Clarke nods and continues, "Exactly—and I know who did it."

"Slow down, Clarke," Finn says, holding his hands up. "We can't just make accusations without—"

"It's not an accusation," Clarke says slightly annoyed. "It's a fact."

"Do you guys think there's a murderer in camp?" Octavia asks nervously.

"There's a lot of those around here actually," I mumble. I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly.

"But I know which murderer committed this specific murder," Clarke reiterates.

"And who would that be exactly?" Bellamy asks, raising a brow. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"Hold on," I say. "If we go out there and start screaming 'murderer!', we're going to have trouble."

"There's already trouble, Gemma," Clarke says exasperatedly. "Wells is dead!"

"Well no shit!" I reply annoyed. "Listen to me... Whoever killed Wells should be punished, but we need to be sure who did it before we take action. If we start pointing fingers before we get the situation under control, then this is only going to get worse—worse than we can imagine. Clarke, I agree that whoever did this does need to be punished, but please think this through first."

"She's right, Clarke," Bellamy says. He positions himself between her and the tent door.

Clarke sighs. "Move, Bellamy."

Bellamy doesn't move at all, so she pushes roughly past him and bumps his shoulder. I share a worried look with my brother and Bellamy as we all follow quickly behind the fiery blonde. Clarke marches up to Murphy and shoves him roughly.

"You son of a bitch!" Clarke shouts.

I gulp and realize I should've seen this coming. Although Murphy is an obvious choice, I really don't believe that he killed Wells because he’s changed and he’s been trying so hard to be better. Hell, he was with me until one in the morning. People start to stare and inch closer to see what all of the drama is about.

"What's your problem, Princess?" Murphy asks bitterly. She holds up the knife, and Murphy’s eyes widen in surprise. "That's mine! Where'd you find it?"

"Near Wells body," Clarke fires back. "You dropped it there after you killed him."

"No no no," Murphy rambles, bouncing on his heels. His eyes are as big as saucers, and I can tell that he's worried. "I didn't kill Wells."

By now, the entire camp is watching the scene unfold. People are moving even closer now to get a better look.

"You threatened him—and we all heard it! You can't get yourself out of this, Murphy."

"But I'm not the only who hated him! He was a Jaha!"

"Alright, but you're the only one of us who fought him. You're the only who got in a knife fight with Wells once before—or have you forgotten that?"

Murphy glares at Clarke as he says quietly but sternly, "I didn't kill him then."

"And he tried to kill Jasper!" Octavia says quickly.

"What?!" Jasper gasps.

Jasper looks around wildly before his worried gaze finally rests on me. In hushed whispers, I place my hands on his shoulders and I reassure him that there's nothing to worry about because I’m right here. I watch how Murphy's mouth falls open as he tries to find the right words to say. He looks at Bellamy desperately, but Bellamy doesn't say anything.

"He didn't do it," I declare, which causes everyone's eyes to rest on me.

"What makes you say that, Gem?" Bellamy asks. He seems guarded and confused.

"Last night Murphy and I sat by the fire until one in the morning," I continue. "I went to bed two or three minutes after him and didn't hear a thing—and I didn't hear anything when I was in my tent either."

"Who's to say he didn't do it after you fell asleep?" Clarke asks.

This time I'm the one who's mouth is open while I struggle to find the words to say. I can't answer that question. Clarke has a point, and I can't seem to refute it. I've defended Murphy as best as I can, but my heart falls to the pits of my stomach because my efforts just aren’t good enough. I look at Murphy and hope that he understands I'm trying; Murphy looks at me with fear in his eyes. My gut is telling me that he really didn't do it.

"This is ridiculous!" Murphy cries, throwing his hands up in the air wildly. "Bellamy, I promise I didn't do this."

"Murphy, his fingers were next to your knife," Bellamy says earnestly. That's his way of letting Murphy know he doesn't quite believe him.

"Guys," I say, struggling to help him. "Are we sure—"

"Is this the kind of society we want?" Clarke yells, interrupting me. "We need rules! We can't kill each other without punishment."

"Let's float him!" Two boys shout.

Others yell in agreement. My body goes still and I stare at Murphy with my mouth opened wide in surprise. Murphy's face is pale and scared; he tries to speak, but only incoherent mumbling escapes his lips. 

"No we can't!" I yell in fear. "Killing isn't the answer!"

"That's not what I meant!" Clarke cries worriedly.

"Float him!" More people yell.

Just as I'm about to leap to Murphy's side, two boys punch him and push him to the ground. I run forward and try to stop him, but one of the boys pushes me out of the way. I stumble backward, but I quickly run forward again once I’ve gained my balance.

"Leave him alone!" I shout. "He didn't do it! Get off of him!"

One boy goes to punch Murphy again. As he swings back, his elbow catches me in the face; his elbow collides with the bone beneath my eye, making me shriek with pain. Everyone's yelling, and the noise is ringing loudly in my ears. I hold my eye and try to regain my composure while I try to get closer to Murphy, but I'm pushed back again. More and more people get between us. I keep yelling for them to stop and let him go.

"Dammit, Bellamy!" I shout, running up to him. "Do something! They listen to you! You've gotta help him! Please, Bell!"

Bellamy glances at his feet rather than at me. I growl and my jaw clenches as I watch him do nothing. The crowd starts shoving Murphy towards the forest so Bellamy, Clarke, Finn, and I run after them. I'm shouting still, begging them to let him go.

"Murp, I'm sorry!" I holler and hope he hears me. Tears are burning my eyes. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Murphy!"

"Do something, Bellamy!" Clarke yells beside me. "They can't do this!"

Murphy is kicked down a small hill. I break through the crowd as best as I can, and I'm one of the first people to him. Murphy looks up and meets my gaze; his eyes are clouded with fear. We for each other at the same time and hold hands firmly.

"I'm going to save you!" I shout so he can hear me. A tear escapes my eyes. "I promise!"

A boy pulls me away as two other boys tie ropes to trees and around his neck. Clarke and I start screaming again for them to stop. A boy with it in his hands offers it to Bellamy, saying he should do the honors. The crowd shouts Bellamy's name; I shake my head and start pleading with Bellamy not too.

"You're not a killer!" Clarke begs. "I saw you with Atom! Don't do this!"

"Bellamy, you can save him!" I cry. Tears finally spill from my eyes. "Goddammit, don't do this! If you care about me or any of us, you won't do this!"

My last words strike a chord with Bellamy because I see his eyes flash with fear too. Despite that, he does it anyway. Over the crowd's screams, I hear Murphy gasping for air as he kicks wildly. My heart is beating loudly in my ears while I look around for something to cut the rope off in order to get him down.

"This is on you, Princess!" I hear Bellamy yell at Clarke. "You should've kept your mouth shut!"1

I see an axe in someone's belt loop, so I leap towards them and take it from them. As I run towards the rope, a voice rings throughout the crowd.

"Murphy didn't do it!" A shrill voice screams.

At the same time, I cut the rope and Murphy falls to the ground. Dropping the axe, I run to him immediately and start untying the ropes from his neck. Once they're off, Murphy's hand wraps around my wrist. The crowd's grown quiet now because of the person’s confession. Everyone is staring at Charlotte, who's standing in the center of the circle, but my eyes are still fixed on Murphy. Murphy is gasping for breath. With tear filled eyes, Murphy stares at me; I can see that he's grateful. 

“I’ve got you now,” I whisper just loud enough for him to hear. “You’re all right, Murphy—I promise.”

"Murphy didn't kill Wells," Charlotte says again. "I did!"2

"Oh my god," Clarke whispers. Her eyes are open wide with bewilderment.

No one is moving. We're all too stunned to move immediately.

"Thank you," Murphy manages to gasp. His eyes are trained on me still.

"Any time, stud," I say, which makes him grin.

I pat him on the shoulder and help him up. Clarke and Bellamy both look at me.

"We need to talk," Bellamy says, eyeing me and Clarke.

I nod, but I look at Murphy, who mutters for me to go. As I walk back towards camp, I kneel down in front of Charlotte.

"Hey, Charlotte," I say, trying to smile. "Will you come with me?"

She looks at me with a frightened expression, so I stand up and offer her my hand. She takes it, and I can feel her trembling as I guide her to the nearest tent. Bellamy, Clarke, and Finn quickly follow us inside. There's a bunch of talk going on outside the tent, which makes me nervous.

"What are we going to do?" Finn asks worriedly.

"Bellamy and Gemma, please don't let them hurt me," Charlotte pleads. Her eyes are glossy with tears.

I take her hand back in mind and tell her to give us a second to think.

"If you guys have any great ideas, let me know," Bellamy says, looking at the three of us. He stares at Clarke the longest. "Oh, now you don't talk, Princess."

"I just slayed my demons just like you said, Bellamy," Charlotte says quietly.

"Dammit, I told you Bellamy!" I swear, throwing my hands in the air.

Clarke eyes widen and asks, "What does she mean?"

"Charlotte," Bellamy says softly, bending down to look her in the eye, "that's not what I meant."

"Bring the girl out here, Bellamy!" Murphy hollers.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. This cannot be happening, I think worriedly. I peek outside the tent to see that a mob has formed outside—and they only want one thing: Charlotte.

"Are you going to deal with your boys?" Clarke asks scrutinizingly.

"Look," Bellamy spits back with a stern, cold expression etched on his face, "this is your fault, Clarke. You shouldn't have said—"

"Stop it!" I hiss. Everyone watches me quietly. "It does matter right now. What matters is that a mob is out there who's not going to stop until—" I pause and glance at Charlotte. "We just need to do something so that they don't hurt her."

"Let's a build a society, Princess!" Murphy shouts. "Bring the girl!"

"No!" Charlotte cries louder this time. "Please, Bellamy! Gemma, don't let them hurt me!"

Bellamy kneels down to look at her again and smiles as he says, "I've got an idea."

Bellamy whispers the idea to Finn, Clarke, and I. It’s the best plan we have, so I nod and agree earnestly. I kneel in front of the young girl and hold both of her hands in mine; I whisper for her to do whatever my brother and Clarke say, instructing her not to leave their side. Charlotte hugs Bellamy and I before we step outside.

"Well well well," Murphy smirks. "Have you come to make a deal?"

"You need to back off, Murphy," I say calmly. "Don't do anything crazy alright?"

"Crazy?" Murphy asks, pacing around in front of us. "Crazy was everyone beating me. Crazy was them hanging me. Crazy was them nearly fucking killing me! Don't tell me about crazy, Gemma!"

I walk closer to him, and Bellamy whispers for me stop.

"Murph, please just listen to me," I plead quietly. "You don't have to do this. This isn't right—"

"I am going to do this," Murphy says angrily, "and no one's going to stop me—not even you, Gemma!"

Murphy runs past me and towards the tent. I swear under my breath and run after him with Bellamy close beside me. Murphy curses and stomps out. I peek inside and realize they're gone; I can't believe it worked.

"I'm coming for you, Charlotte!" Murphy yells at the top of his lungs.

I'm sure the other three are still close enough for Charlotte to hear what he just shouted.

"Let's go," Bellamy murmurs.

We run after the other three and hope that we can help. As we run, I look up and notice that there are dark clouds rolling quickly overhead.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," I say bitterly.

Bellamy looks up and realizes what I'm thinking; he tries to offer me a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I extend my hand, silently asking for him to take it. Bellamy’s smiles a little bigger now as he takes my hand and jogs forward. An hour before nightfall it starts to sprinkle, but Bellamy and I still haven't found the other three. We assume they found a bunker to take shelter in and wait things out. We walk around mostly in silence, even when it starts to rain. I shiver in my grandfather's jacket, but I'm not sure if it's because of the cold rain or the events that are unfolding.

At nightfall, Bellamy and I keep walking in hopes that we'll find the other three. I hear a twig snap close by and I gasp in fear. Bellamy traces circles on my hands again—just like he always does to try and comfort me. In the distance, I can hear Murphy and his crew shouting.

"Did you hear that?" I whisper. My grasp on his hand tightens again.

"It's coming from over there," Bellamy says, pointing ahead to the right with his hand.

We go in that direction. I look behind the tree and find Charlotte.

"Charlotte?" I gasp. "Where are—"

"I'm coming for you Charlotte!" Murphy yells close by.

Bellamy and I look at each other nervously.

"I'm over here!" Charlotte screams.

I cover her mouth. "Stop! We're going to protect you."

Bellamy picks her up, but she continues to scream. We run in the opposite direction that Murphy and his crew are coming. When we break through the trees, we come to a clearing. I walk forward slowly and realize it's the edge of a cliff.

"Gemma!"

I turn to see my brother running out the forest with Clarke hot on his tail. Finn runs to me and hugs me tightly. Closing my eyes, I sigh in relief; I'm happy to know my brother's fine.

"It's a cliff," Clarke says worriedly. "What are we going to do?"

"You're going to hand the girl over," a voice says from the trees.

In the blink of an eye, Murphy steps forward with his group around him and grabs Clarke. He puts a knife to her neck so she stops struggling; Clarke puts her hands up to signal that she’s not going to put up a fight, but Murphy doesn’t acknowledge it. Finn takes my hand and steps back a bit as he pulls me with him to keep me away from Murphy. I glance behind me to see Bellamy standing slightly in front of Charlotte, protecting her.

"Hey, Charlotte," Murphy sneers. "C'mon, Bellamy! Hand her over!"

"Stop!" Clarke begs. "This has gone too far, Murphy! We'll talk about it—we’ll figure something out alright?"

Murphy's grip tightens around Clarke as he yells, "Shut up! I'm sick of you talking!"

"Please don't hurt her!" Charlotte shouts.

"Come with me then," Murphy smirks. "I won't hurt her."

"No, Charlotte!" Finn orders.

Bellamy doesn't let Charlotte move.

"Well, either you give her up," Murphy says, "or I—"

"Dammit, Murphy, stop this now!" I cry. "Let Clarke go now!"

It's raining much harder now. My hair is sticking to my neck; some of it is plastered to my forehead. Murphy's hair is a wild mess too. Murphy's followers stand behind him, eyeing me carefully. Bellamy stands a few feet behind me, protecting Charlotte. Finn is a few feet away from me on my left; my brother is staring at Murphy because he’s worried that I might get hurt. Murphy and I stare at each other in silence. I think about last night and how comfortable we were together—it was like we'd been friends for so long. I miss that Murphy, and I'm desperately trying to get him back.

I look at Clarke and see how frightened she is. Clarke watches me with fear in her eyes, and I just want her—and all of us—to be safe, but I'm failing. Murphy was nearly killed, Charlotte's in danger, and Clarke has a knife to her throat. Why can't I just save everyone from death and pain? Murphy must notice how I want him to let Clarke go because he loosens his grip on her. Clarke steps away and rushes towards Bellamy and Charlotte.

"What's it to you, Squints?" Murphy sneers. "You don't care! No one cares! They tried to kill me. And now they're going to let her"—he points at Charlotte—"get away with murder!"

"I care!” I throw my hands up in the air. “Is that what you want to hear? I fucking care, Murphy! Now just stop this madness. We can end this now!"

Everyone is silent while staring at Murphy and I. I've completely closed the distance between the two of us. I'm standing just a few inches away from him. Murphy's never known what it's like to have someone who cares. He doesn't know what it's like to have a friend, but that's what he is to me. He's one of my best friends down here, and I can't stand the thought of losing him. Murphy's eyes flash with anger and confusion and pain. He desperately needs a friend, but he's gotten so used to closing people off. For a moment, I see my friend Murphy flash in his eyes.

"Get out of the way, Gem," Murphy says softly. "I don't want you to get hurt. No one needs to get hurt—just give me the girl!"

Clarke blocks his view of Charlotte. Out of fear, Bellamy and Finn step closer to protect me, but I signal for them to stop. I turn my attention back to Murphy. I see my father reflected in him. My father secluded himself and suffered alone, which is what Murphy's been doing his entire life—and I desperately want to him help. I can see that deep down Murphy wants my help, but he's conflicted. He doesn't know how to drop his guard so that I can help him. Instead, Murphy continues to suffer alone just like my father always did.

"Murphy, I once knew a man who made all the wrong choices,"** I say calmly. I clearly remember the nights my father chose liquor over me and Finn. "You can make the right decision. You can redeem yourself if you stop. Please just stop! It doesn't have to be like this! Please just stop, John—"

"Don't fucking call me that!" Murphy yells.

Stumbling backwards, I gulp and fear what he might do next. I feel like I've lost one of my greatest friends.

"Let me go!" Charlotte pleads.

"You don't have to do this, Charlotte," Clarke says.

"I do!" Charlotte says. "No one else can get hurt—not because of me."

Charlotte turns and runs to the edge of the cliff. I swear loudly, close my eyes, and put my hands over my ears to block out the madness. I still hear Clarke’s screams as she peers over the cliff with Bellamy. Rage rumbles through me and bubbles in my fingertips. This isn't right—nothing's right. We're hurting and killing each other. We're turning into animals. I open my eyes just in time to see Bellamy lunge for Murphy; Bellamy tackles him and starts punching him.

"Bellamy, stop!" I scream, running towards them. "This isn't right! We can't keep acting like this. Dammit, Bellamy! Stop it already or you'll kill him!"

"He deserves to die!" Bellamy shouts.

Bellamy stands up and pulls Murphy up with him. He shakes Murphy who simply stares into space.

"You're wrong," I say fiercely. "None of us deserve to die."

"We don't play God," Clarke adds. "That's not how we're going to act down here—not any more."

"Then what do we do with him?" Bellamy growls.

Murphy's face is blank and masked with his own blood.

"I was wrong earlier," Clarke admits. "Sometimes telling the truth can be dangerous. If we want to survive, we can't do whatever we want."2

"We need rules," I add.

I watch Murphy. I'm filled with sadness at the sight of him. I feel my walls going up because I've lost my friend to the wild side of human nature.

"Who's going to make the rules?" Bellamy asks.

"We do," Clarke says. She looks at me and Bellamy. "For now, the three of us make the rules together."

"Are we just going to pretend like nothing happened?" Bellamy keeps asking.

Clarke shakes her head, and I prepare for the worse: death.

"We banish him," Clarke says. "Let him defend himself and survive on his own."

"You hear that?" Bellamy asks Murphy bitterly. "If you come back to camp, then you're done for. As for the rest of you"—Bellamy looks at Murphy's crew—"you can come back with us ... or go with him to die. It's your call."3

Bellamy pushes Murphy away. Murphy stumbles back and falls on his butt; he doesn't move, doesn't speak—hell, he doesn't even blink. Murphy just stares blankly ahead; it’s like he doesn’t even see the rest of us anymore. Clarke and Bellamy approach me and Finn. Bellamy brushes my hair out of my eyes; he must see the grief in my eyes because he pulls me in a tight embrace. Even when he's drenched in the cold rain, Bellamy is still warmer than me. I hug him and try to pull myself back together.

"Let's go home," Bellamy says softly.

Bellamy takes my hand, but I ask him to give me a minute. Finn and Clarke walk towards the trees. My gaze is fixed on Murphy, but I hear Bellamy tell the others guys to follow the pair of them. Behind everyone else, Bellamy walks to the tree line and looks at me for a sign. I nod for him to go so he turns and walks into the trees. Staring down at Murphy, I can't help but see the same boy from camp—the one who craved a friend.

"Take care of yourself, Murphy," I say.

Walking away, I drop a knife by his side. I head into the trees and jog to close the distance between me and the group. Bellamy glances over his shoulder when he hears me approaching; Bellamy and I are walking at the tail end of the group. I rest my head on Bellamy's shoulder as he wraps an arm around my waist. I feel everything at once yet I feel hollow at the same time. It's like I'm in a daze as we walk back to camp; we barely talk on the way back to camp—it's as if we're all too broken. Finally, after what feels like eternity, we make it back to camp. An eerie silence hangs over camp as the rain continues to fall. Bellamy guides me into the dropship to find dry clothes. I sit down and rest, waiting for him to come back with dry clothes.

"Stand up," Bellamy says softly.

Bellamy helps me remove my grandfather's jacket. I take the clothes and start to change, not bothering who's around; Bellamy turns his back anyway and changes too. He gets done before I do because I just can't seem to find any energy.

"Are you done?" Bellamy asks.

I'm facing him so I watch as he turns around with a hand over his eyes. I can't help but giggle at him.

"Is that a laugh I heard?" Bellamy asks happily.

"You can look," I say, still giggling. "I just have to put my shirt on."

Bellamy opens his eyes. He looks at my face to see how I'm really feeling. I start putting the long-sleeved shirt on, but somehow I get tangled in it. I stop moving and huff. My left hand falls to my side because I couldn't manage to get it through hole. My right arm and head are tangled in the shirt.

"Here," Bellamy chuckles. "I'll help you."

Bellamy takes a couple steps forward, closing what little distance there is between us. He helps me untangle my right arm and get my left arm through the hole. I straighten the hem of the shirt. It's a little big, but that’s how I like it. It makes my soul feel a little bigger and makes me feel protected. A small smile is etched on Bellamy's face, so I smile back. Bellamy and I are the only ones awake at the bottom of the dropship.

"Let's go upstairs," I whisper.

Exasperated sighs come from upstairs as I climb up.

"What happened?" I ask.

Monty looks at me with a slightly defeated look.

"I'm positive that we just fried all of the wristbands," Monty says sadly.

I take a seat next to him and wrap an arm around him, whispering incoherently in his ear to reassure him.

"Are you sure?" Bellamy asks.

Monty nods, but he can’t bring himself to speak up. I tell him it's going to be alright and rest my head on his shoulder, dripping water on him because my hair's still wet. Monty chuckles and scoots away; he playfully pushes me away from him. Finn swears from across the room and slams the wall with his fist. Everyone looks at him worriedly.

"Finn," I say quietly. "We’re going to be okay—"

"Don't tell me that," Finn growls. "It's not okay—and it hasn't been for a long time! It's a disaster down here! You of all people can't tell me things are okay because things have been screwed up for far too long! Nothing's been okay since you got yourself locked in the Skybox, Gemma!"

With that, Finn climbs down the ladder without so much as a glance back at me. I roll my eyes, annoyed that my brother is taking his anger out on me. Everyone is quiet, but I can feel their eyes on me; they’re worried about how I’m going to react to my brother’s words. I run a hand through my hair and brush it out of my eyes. Bellamy takes my hand and tries to reassure me. I swear under my breath and call my brother a name; it comes out so muffled and fast that I barely even understand what I'm saying. Bellamy huffs, trying to mask his laughter.

"I'll take care of Finn," Clarke says quietly, following him down the ladder.

The other three start talking again. Bellamy asks me how my eye is and reaches up to touch it with his thumb. There's a dull ache on my eye and temple from where I was elbowed as I tried to defend Murphy this afternoon.

"'S'fine," I mumble. "It just aches."

"It's starting to look like a mosaic of blues and greens," Bellamy says, chuckling. "Hopefully it won’t swell too badly."

"Yeah, let's hope not..."

"C'mon, Gem, let's get some sleep."

Bellamy guides me over to a spot across the room and tells me to wait before he goes back downstairs. I fix my hair into a braid while he's gone. When he comes back, Bellamy's is carrying a few blankets that he uses to make a pallet on the floor. I crawl on top and take another blanket from him. Bellamy follows suit and lies down next to me under the blanket. Wrapping an arm around me, Bellamy pulls me closer to him, which makes me smile and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Will you tell me about that emperor Augustus?" I whisper.

Bellamy grins. "What do you know about Augustus?"

"Only stories that Octavia has told me."

Bellamy's smile widens. He starts to talk excitedly about Augustus and one of his many adventures. I wrap an arm around Bellamy’s torso and snuggle closer to him. His whispers are soothing and enough to make me sleepy; soon I fall asleep, feeling safe and protected with Bellamy by my side.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 3 are direct quotes from the show. The sentence marked as ** is a quote from JK Rowling. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show and JK Rowling.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Every night I look up at the freckled sky and fall in love with the universe all over again. I will be counting the stars for the rest of my life.” -Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Around eight thirty in the morning, I wake up in a dazed state partly because of the injury I suffered to my face the day before and party because of my new surroundings. It takes me a moment or two for me to remember that I fell asleep in the dropship without the company of Octavia. I feel an arm dangling over my waist and legs tangled with my own under the covers. I move as best as I can without waking Bellamy up. Facing him, I smile at how peaceful he looks when he isn’t consumed with keeping us all safe, barking orders, and maintaining his tough—seemingly unbreakable and stoic—facade. I run a hand through his curly hair and gently massage his head. Bellamy scrunches his nose, which lets me know that he's awake; he sighs in content after a few moments.

"You know, Earth wouldn't be nearly as bad if it only consisted of this all the damn time," Bellamy murmurs.

His voice is masked with sleep and his eyes are still closed. I smile and bite my lip as I try to fight the blush that’s rising because of his words. Finally, Bellamy opens his eyes and grins at me; I swear that smile will be the death of me. Bellamy's fingers move up and down my arm so softly that it feels like feathers.

"Good morning," I whisper. 

I giggle as he tightens his grip around my waist with one arm and massages my leg that’s hooked over him. My heart flutters at how Bellamy still manages to politely keep his distance by not letting his right hand venture too high above my kneecap. Next, Bellamy places a gentle kiss to my temple and stifles a chuckle as my cheeks burn even more.

"Morning, Gem... What does it take to get breakfast in bed around here?" Bellamy asks.

"There's no such thing," a monotone voice across the room says.

I lean up to look over Bellamy's shoulder to see Monty messing with the wristbands. I giggle, and Monty smiles at me. Bellamy huffs and chuckles at Monty's comment.

"C'mon," I say with a smile. "Let's get up and give Monty some space."

When I try to sit up, Bellamy's arm tightens around my waist while he mumbles in protest and begs to cuddle for just a little while longer. Laughing, I'm pulled back into his chest. We lie and talk for a bit; a few minutes later we finally stand up and get dressed. I find yesterday's jeans and put them back on. Noticing that the t-shirt Bellamy wore yesterday is dry enough to wear, I put it on as well. From across the room, I hear Bellamy chuckle and I turn to look at him as I shrug my grandfather's jacket over arms.

I raise a brow and jokingly ask, "You got a problem, Blake?"

"No," Bellamy smirks. "I just—that shirt ... it suits you well, Gem. It's better on you than me actually."

My cheeks start to flush again. Like I usually do when I'm nervous, I let my hair fall in front of my face. I step into my boots and sit back down to tie them. Once we're both ready, we say goodbye to Monty and leave the dropship. Outside I look up to the sky and smile at the warm feeling of the sun on my face; there's not a cloud in sight, and I can't help but feel happy that it's such a beautiful day. Bellamy assigns for me to help Octavia with recounting stock. From working with Octavia to helping Bellamy maintain order to keeping Monty company, I jump around to help different groups and perform various tasks.

At dinner time, I manage to pull Monty out of the dropship to get food. It isn’t an easy feet because Monty is determined to make contact with the Ark; I convince him that he won’t be able to do much more work if he becomes ill from over-exertion and lack of nutrition. Mumbling in agreement, Monty finally takes my hand as I drag him downstairs and out of the dropship. I find Jasper near a small fire and ask if we can join him for dinner. Jasper nods exitedly and swallows quickly to let us know it’d be his pleasure; once we've gotten our food, Monty and I return to Jasper. I hear Bellamy announce to everyone to take the rest of the night. Jasper sighs in relief and claiming that he can't look at any more boxes of stuff. 

About five minutes later, Bellamy and Octavia join us with their food in hand. We laugh and talk for at least an hour after dinner. It's dark out now, but none of us seem to mind. Camp gets quieter quicker than usual tonight. Everyone seems to be more exhausted than usual, so they all retreat to their tents to go to sleep early. Octavia, Monty, and Jasper are among those who go to bed early. Bellamy wraps an arm around me, pulling me into his side; we talk absentmindedly while we stare at the sky. The quiet is peaceful, and we both try to enjoy it while we can. For half an hour or so, we swap stories from our childhood; I find myself blushing more often as Bellamy and I flirt back and forth.

As Bellamy softly tells me a memory from when he was younger, I break my gaze away from the fire and stare at the sky. I admire how the stars look. In space, the stars look so much sharpe; however, I've come to enjoy this view so much better despite the chaos here on Earth. Although the distance from the stars makes me feel smaller, it makes me feel more connected with everything around me. Our conversation lulls as we look for constellations, but it's okay. And that's when we see it. You can call it luck or fate that we manage to see it; whatever it may be, it's safe to see we're speechless.

"Holy shit," I gasp, watching it fall to the ground in the distance.

"You see it too, right?" Bellamy asks surprised.

I can't speak so I just nod, not tearing my eyes away from it. Those who are still outside excitedly wake up their friends and point towards the strange object in the sky. There's an audible gasp that echoes through camp among the excited, hushed voices. Octavia comes running out of the tent, gasping at the sight. I see Monty and Jasper come outside too. Bellamy and I are silent for a moment as we try to soak in the fact that what we just saw was real. My eyes are transfixed on where I just saw it land.

"That was a parachute," I whisper, ending the silence, “and a pod was attached to it."

I look around camp and see how everyone is talking excitedly amongst themselves. Octavia runs towards us with Monty and Jasper hot on her heels, and she asks if we saw it. We nod, and I try to speak but Octavia talks first.

"We've got to go after it!" Octavia says excitedly.

Bellamy's demeanor changes. He seems to stiffen ever so slightly, but he's excellent at covering it up.

"No," Bellamy says firmly, trying to be calm. "No one's going, especially at night. We can wait until morning."

Octavia rolls her eyes, but she ultimately agrees. We all talk enthusiastically about what we say, making guesses about what it could be. Bellamy is unusually quiet, but I try not to make it noticeable that I'm aware. Bellamy sits for a little bit longer. A few minutes later he says he needs some water. With squinted eyes, I watch him enter the dropship; he's up to something and he's not fooling me. If Bellamy thinks I'm not going after him, then he's a fool. Of course my curiosity is burning to know what's up with the dropship that just fell from the sky. Now that Bellamy is going alone, I'm even more curious—and yes, slightly worried.

I turn my attention to Jasper who looks a little dazed.

"What's up, Jasper?" I say cheerfully as I move to sit beside him on the ground.

"Just tired," Jasper mumbles. "I didn't sleep well last night because of the nightmares and I hadn’t had the chance to fall asleep yet tonight."

"I'm sorry... Things will get better soon. I promise. Is there anything I can do?"

Jasper shakes his head. "How are you, Gemma? Things have been wild down here from the start. Yesterday must have been hard because Murphy was your friend. And I know you're hiding how you really feel, but..."

Monty and Octavia are quietly watching us. I play with my fingers, which is usually what I do when I'm nervous or upset. Jasper puts an arm around my shoulders, which makes me smile as I lean into his embrace.

"I'm okay," I whisper. "Well, I'm learning to be okay at least. Life is hard down here, but with you guys it's a lot better... And I do miss Murphy—but if you guys tell anyone that, I'll kick your asses."

The three of them laugh. Octavia excuses herself and says she’s going to check out the dropship to find her brother. Jasper becomes quiet again, which isn't normal for him. I know he's still recovering from the incident and I don't expect him to heal—physically or emotionally—soon. It still pains me to see Jasper in pain nonetheless; I rest my head on his shoulder and talk to him about the dropship. We talk quietly as we sit like this. I see Bellamy exit the dropship and sneak away and wonder if his sister is still inside. Octavia comes out a few a moments later with a painful expression. When she sits down on my other side, she doesn't speak at all. By the look on his face, I know that Bellamy must have said something very shocking.

"Your brother loves you," I tell her. I know she must know about what he did to Jaha. "What he did was stupid and wrong ... but I hope you know that he loves you with every ounce of his being."

"I know," Octavia mumbles. "I just wish things were different. He never should've done that."

I take her hand and smile at her. Octavia offers me a small smile. The four of us start talking again. After a few minutes, Octavia mutters that she needs to be alone and walks away. About twenty minutes later two familiar faces enter camp. Clarke and Finn look around camp. Finally, they notice us and come over. Thoughts of where the two of them were last night and what they could've done cross my mind, but I try to block the thoughts out.

"Did you guys see it?" Finn asks enthusiastically.

"Of course," I say. My tone becomes blunt and slightly angry as I say, "That's why everyone's up. Way to finally come back and join the rest of us."

My sass is directed at Finn. Finn glances at me, realizes that I'm on to him, and looks at his feet. There's an awkward silence, but Clarke quickly tries to defuse it.

"Where's Bellamy?" Clarke asks.

"I saw him leave about twenty minutes ago," I say. "I planned to go after him in the next few minutes. My guess is, he's trying to make sure there's no radio for us to find."

"Dammit," Clarke mutters exasperated.

Looking at me and Finn, Clarke says that we should go after Bellamy and I agree. I tell the other three that they’re in charge and to make sure no one else leaves. Once we've collected bags of supplies and knives, the three of us head towards the dropship.

"I should've known!" Clarke grumbles.

Finn rolls his eyes. "How, Clarke? You couldn't have—"

"He's been doing everything in his power to make sure we can't communicate with the Ark." Clarke readjusts her pack on her shoulders. "That's how I should've known."

"I should've seen it coming too," I say, "but neither of us are mind readers, Clarke. Bellamy is just"—I pause briefly and try to figure out what to say—"well, he's Bellamy and he's got a mind of his own. He's one of my best friends and as much as I care, but he's acting like a selfish prick. Trust me when I say I'm gonna kick his ass when I see him. I promise, Clarke."

“Just your best friend?” Finn teases.

With one cold look from me, Finn quickly becomes quiet again. Although I'm pissed at Bellamy, I don't hate him (and I kinda want to after he's betrayed us all like this.) For a few minutes, we all walk in silence. Finn eyes my backpack before removing it from my shoulders so that he can carry it. Of course, I think. My brother is always on the look out for me. I'm still pissed at him for behaving this way with Clarke considering the circumstances; however, I act civil to keep the peace. The three of us make predictions about what's inside, but little do we know that none of our guesses are close to being right. After a couple hours, we make it to the pod. It's daytime now, but there's still some smoke coming out of it.

"Finn, stay here," I say. "Stay on the lookout for any signs of Grounders or other danger. I'm going to check and see what's inside."

"Gemma, be careful," Finn orders.

"I'll be fine, Finn!"

Finn opens his mouth, but keeps it shut. Good call, I think. I'm trying not to be too angry at my brother, but what he's doing isn't right. Clarke steps closer to me.

"I got your back," Clarke says, smiling softly.

I smile back, and we both start walking closer to the pod. The pod is lying on its face so I walk to the opposite side that way I can look in through the door. When we get to the side, the door is already open. Clarke and I share a fleeting look. I keep moving closer. Stepping in front of the doorway, I gasp and take a half-step back.

"Well, I'll be damned," I mutter as a small smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

In front of me is the last thing—well, person—I had expected to see inside. The dark-haired girl inside the pod stirs as her eyes open. She groans and looks to the side right at me. Her eyes widen just as mine did a moment ago, surprise shining in her golden brown eyes.

"Gemma?" the girl mumbles.

"Hey, Raven," I say, grinning.

"Man, it's great to see you, especially in one piece. After your wristband signal went out, I was worried that you were..."

Raven's voice trails off, but I know what she means.

"It's good to see you too, Raven—now let's get you out alright?"

Raven unbuckles herself, and I do my best to make sure she won't fall or touch any broken glass. I hold her hand as she steps out of the pod. Raven smiles as she steps onto the grass.

"This is grass," Raven whispers. "This is real grass! I'm stepping on grass, Gemma!"

"This is most definitely real grass, Raven," I say, giggling.

Clarke smiles our interaction. Raven walks and looks up at the sky with a wide smile etched on facel her eyes are bright with excitement. Even though I'm excited to be reunited with one of my greatest friends, I'm worried about her. I don't want Raven to have to be a part of the chaos and suffering on Earth, and I'm very worried about what's going to happen with her and my brother now. Clarke and I follow Raven, moving past the dropship. Raven spins slowly in a circle; her eyes are closed as she looks up at the sky.

"It's everything I ever imagined," Raven whispers.

I can't help but smile at how happy she looks and sounds. Clarke is grinning too. The moment of tranquility is quickly ruined when a familiar voice behind us speaks.

"Raven?"

The three of us look in the direction of the voice and notice Finn is moving toward us. Raven's eyes light up again at the sight of my brother.

"Finn!" Raven says excitedly.

Raven jogs towards Finn and wraps her arms around him. Finn appears shocked, but he wraps his arms around her waist nonetheless. Raven caresses his check, smiling up at him like he hung the sun. I turn to face Clarke just in time to see the hurt expression before she puts on a tough façade. I'm angry that Finn let this go on at all, especially for this long, but I'm also sad for Clarke. We quietly watch as Raven kisses Finn.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to her.

"If I had known..." Clarke mumbles. She looks at her feet rather than over at me.

"I know... I believe you, Clarke."

Trying to distract her, I turn to examine the pod and ask her how old she thinks it is while Raven and Finn have a moment. It looks to be as old as the Ark. Clarke is talking now, but I glance over my shoulder at Finn instead. Finn meets my eye, which is when I notice how confused and terrified he is. As much as I want to feel bad, I don't. My brother got himself into this situation when he knew better; his made his bed and it’s time for him to lie in it. Raven looks over at me too, and I fight a smile for her sake. Finn instructs her to sit down, so that we can make sure she’s okay. Clarke reaches for a cloth in her bag so that Raven can apply pressure to her head wound. Handing her my bottle of water, I crotch down in front of my close friend and ask how she’s feeling.

"I'm sorry," Finn whispers, watching Clarke closely.

"Save it, Finn," I hiss.

"I don't want to talk about it," Clarke whispers as she hands it to him.

"Raven," Finn says, "this is Clarke."

"Clarke Griffin?" Raven asks. Her tone is full of surprise. "Your mom is the one who came up with this plan! We were going to come together, but the Council stopped her. She came up with this plan so that the Council wouldn't kill three hundred people today to save air. We have to tell them you're alive!"

Raven and I both run to the pod. Raven curses when she realizes that the radio is lost. We tell Raven that it's not her fault and that it's Bellamy's fault instead. The dark-haired girl is pissed, so we head off to search for Bellamy. After searching for half an hour, we find him walking back to camp. Stomping into towards him, I can feel my blood bubbling; Bellamy must hear me walking towards him because he turns around. A small smile starts to break across Bellamy's face, but it fades when he recognizes that I'm beyond pissed.

"Hey, beautiful," Bellamy says, trying to defuse the tension with his charm. "What's up—"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shout, shoving him and ignoring how he stumbles backwards in shock. There are only a few inches separating us. "This isn't just about you, Bellamy! Did you even take a second to think about any of us? Do you ever put any of us first?"

Bellamy sighs and tries to remain calm as he says, "I always do, Gem. That's why—"

"Bullshit! If you'd been thinking of us, you wouldn't have fucking stole it!"

"Where is it Bellamy?" Clarke says calmly, walking quickly towards us.

"Where's what, Princess?" Bellamy asks, scoffing.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Where in the hell is the radio?!" I cry. "They're going to kill three hundred innocent people, Bellamy!"

"And it'll be normal people," Clarke adds, "not Council members—your people, Bellamy!"

"Where's the damn radio?!" Finn asks, shoving Bellamy.

Bellamy shoves my brother back. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

I step between them before Finn can move any closer to him because I refuse to let my brother get hurt, even in the slightest. My left side is facing Finn and my right side is facing Bellamy; I put my arms up to keep them from moving any further. Looking to my right, I gaze at Bellamy with a somber expression. I'm hurt that he betrayed us and that he's lying about it now.

"Bellamy Blake?" Raven asks curiously. "They've been looking all over the Ark for you."

"Why?" Clarke asks.

"Because he shot Jaha," Raven and I say at the same time.

Bellamy looks at me; his brows are furrowed out of disappointment that I've exposed him.

"You really have been looking out for yourself this whole time!" Finn shouts.

Bellamy turns and starts walking away, but Raven follows him. I walk after him too. Raven demands to know what he did with her radio. Hastily, Bellamy grabs Raven and pins her to a tree, but not quick enough because Raven still manages to grasp her knife and hold it to his throat.

"Raven, stop!" Finn begs. His eyes are wide in fear and trained on Raven.

"Let her go!" I plead, standing stand close to the pair of them. Quietly, I add, "Please just stop... this isn't you, Bell."

"Where's my radio?" Raven spits, not moving the knife away from his throat.

My heart starts pumping harder as I eye the knife that's resting against Bellamy's neck. My blood is boiling because I'm angry at Bellamy, but that doesn't change how I feel about him. I would do anything to protect him—no matter what the costs would be for me and I hate myself for that. He promised me he'd let us maintain minimal control with the Ark, but he ruined our only chance. He’s betrayed our promise, and the resentment is pooling in my heart. What crazy stunt is he going to pull next?

"Look," I say softly. "We're not going to act like this. Listen to me, guys—we're going to stop this now and figure out what to do. You got it?"

Bellamy lets her go and walks the other way.

"Well you know what?" Bellamy says, not looking back. "Jaha deserved to die."

"Well, I've got bad news for you," Raven says. "Jaha's not dead."

My jaw drops, and I look at Bellamy. He abruptly comes to a halt; he turns around slowly, which is when we all notice that Bellamy's eyes are wide with surprise. I'm glad Jaha is alive because I don't want anyone to die and I do respect Jaha despite some of the things he's done; however, Bellamy could be in serious trouble if anyone from the Ark ever makes it down here. Bellamy looks at me fleetingly, and I can see the fear in his eyes before a blank expression covers his face.

"You know what this means, Bellamy?" Clarke asks, walking closer to him. "You're not a killer. I've seen what you do for Gemma and Octavia—you protect people! That's who you are! Help us protect three hundred people on the Ark. Do the right thing, Bellamy..."

Bellamy is quiet while he stares at his feet for a moment. I can see that Clarke's words are registering deeply with him. Bellamy does his best to mask his emotions, but I know him better than the others. Bellamy finally looks up and fixes his gaze on me. His eyes are full of regret as he stares at me. He knows he's in serious trouble and he stumbles over his words because he can’t figure out what to say to me. My jaw clenches as I bite my lip; I don't want to give in so easily. What he did was idiotic and selfish, and no matter how much I want to I'm not going to forgive him so easily.

"Where's the radio?" Clarke asks again.

"It's too late," Bellamy murmurs. His eyes are still transfixed on me, and I'm doing my best not to let my guard down.

We return to camp in order to round up some people to help us search for the remote. I haven't spoken another word to Bellamy. Throughout the walk to camp and to the river, I feel his eyes burning on the back of my neck. I'm too hurt and betrayed to talk to him—much less acknowledge him at the moment. Bellamy acted irrationally and out of fear, I know that; however, that doesn't change the fact that three hundred people are going to die within the next several hours nor does it change how he broke his promise.

At the river, we search for thirty minutes before the remote is recovered and boy who's name I can't remember finds the radio. Standing next to Finn, I stare at the radio in Raven's hands. I still haven't spoken a word to anyone since we found Bellamy earlier. Finn drapes an arm around my shoulders, and I lean into his side. My brother always knows how to make me feel better, even if it's just a little; sometimes you just need someone's presence to feel like things might be okay.

"Can you fix it?" Clarke asks Raven.

"I can try," Raven says, examining the radio. "It will take at least half a day to dry it out for me to find out though."

"It's too late," Bellamy repeats his statement from earlier.

Squinting my eyes, I glare at him because he’s poor attitude combined with what he’s done burns like a fire in my heart. Bellamy stares back with a sad expression. Clarke turns her attention to Bellamy and steps closer to him.

"Does any piece of you care?" Clarke asks angrily. "Does any part of you realize how terribly you've messed up? Three hundred people are going to die because of you!"

"I know that alright!" Bellamy growls. "You asked for help and I helped!"

"That was an awful way to help," I murmur loud enough for him to hear.

I glance at Bellamy across the circle and notice that Bellamy looks incredibly hurt, but I won't fall for his puppy eyes. Not yet.

"I got an idea," Raven says. A smirk is plastered on her face. "We don't need a radio to let the Ark know we're alive."

"But how?" Finn asks.

"I'll explain on the way back to camp," Raven says.

On that note, we all head back to camp. The others all converse on the way back, but I'm silent again. Finn walks next to me because he knows that I don't really want to talk to anyone, especially Bellamy. Since Finn is next to me, Bellamy keeps his distance. With what's happened, Bellamy knows better than to mess with Finn while he's in over-protective brother mode. At camp, others come up to ask questions. Bellamy dodges their questions and goes to his tent. Most people ask me, but I tell them that I'll give them answers once we've figured things out.

Others start cooking dinner since it's late. I take a seat on a log away from most of the crowds. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts, but I don't want to be with too many people so this is the best thing I can think of. Jasper brings me a plate when it's finished cooking. He smiles at me and tells me to come find him if I need anything. I thank him quietly. Slowly I eat my food and wonder what's happening on the Ark. What is Jaha planning? Is Kane helping him or working against him? How is Abby playing a role in all of this? My grandfather is the main person on my mind; I hope he's okay. I hope that he hasn't lost hope on me (or Finn) and most importantly: I hope that he's happy.

Sitting on a log, I twirl my knife in my hands. I'm trying to collect my thoughts, but my head won't stop spinning. I've been avoiding the man I care so much about all day because I'm infuriated. I'm furious at Bellamy for ruining our only chance to communicate with the Ark, but I'm torn because I still care immensely about him. As angry as I am at him, I'd still do anything and everything for him. I'm mad at myself for that because I've let myself get hurt. It's growing dark, but people are still performing their daily tasks; looking around, I notice that a small group is preparing tonight's meal.

I turn my attention back to my knife and continue to twirl it in my hand; somehow it manages to soothe me somewhat as it serves as a good distraction from my thoughts. I stare at the ground and avoid everyone’s gaze—including my closest friends—because I still don’t want to talk with anyone. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone approaching me, so I glance up but quickly turn away when I notice it's Bellamy as he sits down next to me. I don't look over at him because I’m still unsure of what to say. Bellamy is watching me, I know it. I fiddle with my fingers and curse myself for the noticeable nervous habit.

"I know you're angry at me," Bellamy says softly, “and you have every right to be..."

"You promised me, Bellamy," I whisper.

I look up at him; my eyes are full of pain. Bellamy's face softens even more. He reaches out with his left hand, silently asking to take mine. I take his hand in my right hand and intertwine our fingers.

"What I did was beyond stupid. God, I can't believe I did that!" Bellamy pauses and traces circles on the back on my hand with his thumb. "Gemma, I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't add up to much, and I don't expect you to forgive me. I'm a stupid, selfish prick, who doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness—"

"You're forgiven."

Bellamy doesn't speak immediately. I put my knife back and look up at Bellamy. He's staring intently at me, searching my eyes for more answers.

"I forgave you awhile ago," I continue. "I'm just not sure how to feel about it. You've put a lot on the line, and that's a hard pill for me to swallow... But I care about you—I fucking care about you a lot, Bellamy, which is part of what’s making me so mad. I know you acted out of fear and did it to protect me and Octavia yet that doesn't erase what happened. I trusted you completely, but you didn’t think about our promise—or how what you did what affect all of us. I want you to know that I forgive you and I care deeply about you. That scares the shit out of me because my brother and grandfather are the only two I've cared more about than anything else in this world. But then there's you. I'd do anything for you, Bell."

Bellamy takes my other hand too. "I'd do anything and everything for you, Gemma. I'll spend my whole life making it up to you."

"You don't have to. I've got you, and that's more than enough for me."

Bellamy smiles and kisses my knuckles; I giggle as I rest my head on his shoulder. Bellamy talks absentmindedly, playing with my hair as he does. It's dark now, and I feel incredibly tired. After forty-five minutes or so, I yawn for what seems like the millionth time.

"You need to sleep," Bellamy whispers.

"But I want to stay with you," I say, smiling up at him.

"Get on my back. I'm taking you to bed."

I wrap my arms around his neck and chuckle as he walks through camp. When Bellamy passes by my tent, I grow confused when Bellamy heads towards his tent instead of mine. I smile and feel the blush creep on my face, so I burrow my face in his neck so no one will notice. Biting my lip, I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. I know nothing's going to happen, but the thought of the first few days on Earth come to mind. The nights that various girls would leave his tent cross my mind.

"What are you doing?" I ask as we enter his tent.

"It's not what you think," Bellamy assures me. "I promise."

Bellamy kneels down so I let go and sit down on his blankets. I look around his tent and observe it for the first time. He's got the best blankets and pillows. How many other girls have been here exactly? I wonder.

"You know I only ever actually slept with one of them," Bellamy adds, ending the silence. "The others just kept coming, and I turned them all down. They wanted to keep up the façade ... and I didn't know how to tell them no, so they would just spend the night."

"I'm not worried about that," I say. "What you did with them isn't important to me. What's done is done. Right now I’m just consumed with fear and worry, Bell. I'm worried about you and my brother because I care so much for you both I'm worried about Octavia and Raven because they’re the closest things I have to sisters. Clarke has become one of the most genuine friends I have. And I’ll be damned if anything happens to Monty, Jasper, or Miller because I’d lose my mind without them. I don't want to lose them—or anyone else for that matter. I'm scared that something bad will happen to you and I can't lose anyone else important to me. The people I care about always end up leaving or getting hurt... I don't want that to happen to you, Bell."

Bellamy smiles softly as he lies back on the blankets.

"You're not going to lose me," Bellamy whispers. "We'll go through hard times—hell we already have, Gemma. I'll disappoint you again. You'll be stubborn and piss me off. I'll say something stupid, which will make you angry. You'll be reckless and make me nervous as hell. That's what you and I do. We compliment each other, Gem."

I lie down next to him; lying on my side, I prop my head on my elbow. Bellamy smiles at me and rests a hand on my hip. We talk and laugh for another hour or so. I hold my stomach and complain that my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Bellamy claims if I make another joke, then he just might pee his pants. At some point, I find myself tangled with the curly haired and warm eyes. I smile as I grow sleepy in his arms while he plays with my hair. For once, everything is okay; the world is quiet and time is still. For once, life on Earth seems manageable. Perhaps Bellamy Blake is my remedy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And we hereby commit these souls to the deep, who at their last gave all to the world of the living and may be remembered forever until there is no more pain, no more suffering, and the abyss itself shall give her dead and return them to us.” -The 100 Season 1, Episode 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

From my spot outside the dropship, I can hear Raven still giving orders to the others who are helping with her plan. I work tirelessly on the control panel that Finn brought back from the pod. Everyone is back from the pod now, and we’re all doing our best to complete Raven's plans with enough time to spare. Growing up on the Ark, I lived in communication; I was particularly adept at science as well as proficient with technology of many sorts. There's not many people Raven trusts down here yet, so she assigned this job to me. I'm not completely familiar with this stuff, but I know enough that I trust myself to do it.

As I fiddle with the wires on the control panel and other bits of tools, an eerie feeling rumbles through me. Is it because it’s early evening now, which means we're running out of time? Is it because I'm nervous that I'll mess this panel up—and ultimately ruin one of the most important parts Raven needs to complete her plan? Is it because I'm thinking too much about my grandfather and his safety? Perhaps it's a little bit of everything; there’s so much pressure to do this in hopes that we will be able to prevent three hundred people from sacrificing themselves. Trudging on, I keep working on the control panel so that we can be finished as soon as possible. I found a spot just outside the dropship with shade and far away enough from everyone that way I wouldn’t be interrupted. I'm incredibly focused on what I'm doing so I don't notice Jasper sit down next to me at first. I keep fiddling with the buttons, but I'm distracted by Jasper's waving hand in front of my face.

"Oh hey, Jasper," I mumble, offering him a small grin. "What's up, cutie?"

Jasper shrugs and says, "Not much. I'm just trying to find something good to do, but I just feel in the way..."

"Stay here and keep me company please."

Jasper agrees and offers me some of his water to drink; it isn’t until now that I realized how incredibly thirsty I am. As I work, Jasper asks me what the control panel and other items will be used for in Raven’s plan. I do my best to explain to him and remember what I discussed with Raven earlier. Like me, Jasper is incredibly curious, so he keeps asking questions about the mission that we're on and Raven's plans. We both make guesses about the outcome and discuss the different parts. Jasper is very intelligent for a fifteen-year-old, which I believe is an admirable trait. I ask Jasper about a concept of chemistry that we learned on the Ark, wondering if he understands something that I'm uncertain about.

A massive smile covers his face as Jasper discusses the concept with me. He’s always so eager to discuss things that he’s passionate about, and I’ve noticed how much he loves it when people ask him about it when they’re genuinely interested—not because they just need his help for their own agenda. I pause for a brief moment to stare at Jasper while he's talking. His warm brown eyes are wide and shining with excitement; his smile still hasn’t wavered. Jasper’s hands are moving while he talks quickly, as if he’s telling a story just with his arms and hands. I admire the floppy dark hair that’s plastered to his forehead because of the heat, the few freckles splattered across his face and neck, and the way his smile is lopsided.

Studying the young boy beside me, I’m warmed with such a strong sense of happiness because I am so lucky to know him and call him a best friend. I notice how his Jasper is such an amazing person and totally adorable. Jasper and I instantly became best friends the first day I entered the Skybox; he saw how I secluded myself in the rec hall with a familiar book, so he decided to sit with me and talk about it. From that moment on, Jasper and I were inseparable, but this is one of the few times that I've ever taken a moment to seriously look at him—really pay attention to him. It saddens me that his big heart tends to go unnoticed because of his quirky nature.

Perhaps if everything was different and timing was better, then I could feel something for Jasper now. Jasper must notice that I'm studying him because his cheeks start to turn pink and his voice trails off. I return my attention to the control panel so that he doesn't feel too embarrassed. As I keep working on the task at hand, I think about how much Jasper's been struggling to recover after the attack and I make a mental note to pay better attention to my friend. I vow to be a better friend to him and stick by him better. Jasper still keeps me company. We make small talk as everyone around us, including myself, completes the tasks that Raven assigned us.

At nightfall, the energy heightens because we’ve reached the final stage of Raven’s infamous plan. Everyone is nervous yet excited to see if this will work. Once I had finished with the control panel a few minutes ago, Raven took it from me so that she could complete the final step. From a few yards away, I watch with Jasper as Raven fiddles with the contraption. Others are jogging from place to place to get tools for her so she can complete the final step. Jasper pats me on the shoulder and says he's going to find Monty; I smile at him and say goodbye.

The nervous feeling hasn't left me at all today; staring up at the sky, I see the bright light that's from the Ark. I think of my grandfather, wondering what's going through his mind. Has he given up on me and Finn yet? What's he going to say when we can finally talk to each other? I cross my arms in front of my chest in order to keep the pain from escaping. I miss my grandfather so much that it physically hurts. I’m broken from my daydream when someone approaches me and stands on my left. Looking over, I see my brother standing beside me.

"He's thinking of us too, ya know," Finn says quietly. He offers me a small smile. "Pops probably hasn't stopped thinking of us or quit pestering Jaha and Abby for news since we were sent down here. Pops would do anything for us."

"I know," I say, smiling back. "I just miss him a lot and I can't help but think about how much I've let him down and hurt him... Do I even deserve his love?"

Finn wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Of course you deserve it! You're a wonderful person, Gemma, who deserves the world. The way you've looked out for everyone down here, protected us all, and made sacrifices for others says more about you—and who you are—than you realize. You're a great sister too. If anyone doesn't deserve someone else, it's me. You've had my back since we were kids and you've always forgiven me and stood up for me. Who knows where I'd be without you... I love you, Gem."

"I love you too, Finn."

I squeeze him, and he hugs me back just as tightly.

"Alright!" Raven hollers. "It's time! Let's light it up!"

Everyone shouts with glee. I cheer along with the others. Finn claps and jogs over to Raven, who smiles up at him as she takes the control panel and gets ready to set the flares. I look around with a wide smile on my face, admiring the smiles on everyone’s faces. We're just kids who have been pit against all odds—yet here we are. Today we've worked together, pushed the limits, and completed a seemingly impossible task. My smile somehow manages to grow as I think of how we just might make it down here after all with each other’s support. I spot Bellamy and Clarke standing a few yards away so I walk over to join them. Bellamy grins when he spots me coming towards him.

"Hey, that's my girl," Bellamy says happily.

Bellamy wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my temple. I giggle as I wrap my left arm around his back; my right hand rests on his chest. I hear Clarke laugh and see a smile on her face. Smiling widely up at Bellamy, I study his features. We might fight and annoy each other, but in the end we need each other. Is this what it's like to be in love? I wonder. I've only ever known familial and platonic love. I’ve never been in love, so I’m not sure how to detect if this is what it really is after all. All I know is that Bellamy and I have something special, and I'm not going to lose it.

I stand next to Bellamy with one arm still wrapped around his torso and I elbow Clarke playfully, which makes her laugh. Raven starts to count down from five. The energy is indescribable in these few seconds; for a moment, time seems to calm to a halt just before the sky is lit up as the sparks race upwards. Everyone cheers and whistles again. Bellamy, Clarke, and I don't speak; we watch the scene unfold in silence. I think about how I and the two people next to me have become leaders on the ground. I never would've imagined that I'd become a leader, especially with the two of them. Can I really be what the others need me to be? Am I really going to be able to make tough decisions when things are worse than I can imagine? How will we be able to keep protecting everyone else and taking care of ourselves?

"You think they can see it from up there?" Bellamy asks. He's the first to end the silence.

Clarke and I both say that we hope so.

"Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?" Clarke wonders out loud. Bellamy looks confused. "Forget it."1

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for,"2 Bellamy mumbles.

I look to my right just in time to see how Clarke glances at Finn and Raven. My heart drops at the sight—and that’s when I know what I'd wish for.

"I would," I mutter.

The two of them look at me with confused and curious expressions. I stare at the sky and wonder what’s happening on the Ark. I think about my grandfather and hope that he’s okay; I think about the hundreds of people who may sacrifice themselves for us all. I recall the pain and anxiety my brother and I both suffered growing up without our parents. The same sickening feeling of despair I had when Finn joined me in the Skybox pools in my chest now. All of the chaos and suffering that we’ve endured on the ground comes to mind as well. If I could I have one wish, it would be for all of this to end.

"I'd wish for tranquility," I say softly. "I'm tired of the suffering and terrible things we all do to survive. I don't want to keep feeling this way or any of us to feel this awful because none of us deserve it."

Clarke looks at me with a bittersweet expression. Bellamy pulls me closer to him and hugs me tightly; I rest my head on his shoulder. The three of us stare back up at the sky that’s glimmering in purples and pinks and even some blues. It’s ironically beautiful. My eyes stare at the sight in wonder. Do we deserve peace? Do we even deserve anything good after what we’ve done?

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 and 2 are direct quotes from the show. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars.” -Neil Gaiman, Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Groaning quietly, I stretch underneath the sheets with my arms extended above my head and my toes curled further into my bed. I pull the covers up higher and tuck the blankets firmly under my chin. With my eyes still closed, I turn around and burrow deeper into my blankets; I sigh softly and enjoy the silence. There’s not much noise outside of my tent, so I assume it’s still early in the morning and that most people are asleep. The brisk air is another sign that let’s me know it’s early morning too. For a moment, my thoughts rest on Murphy and I silently pray that he’s alright.

When I finally open my eyes, I notice that it’s dark—completely dark. I see fire glimmering in the distance and soft hum of quiet conversations outside. I find my flashlight and turn it on, pointing it at my wrist watch, which reads 00:03. I remember retreating to my tent far earlier than I usually do around ten o’clock I fell asleep. It’d been one of the hardest days I’ve had on earth—perhaps my hardest day; I could barely keep my head up or keep my eyes open during dinner in our usual spot by the fire Lifting my head off his shoulder, Finn managed to coax me into going to get the sleep I very much deserved. I remember the girls giggling at me as Jasper and Monty spoke in baby voices while I walked towards my tent. 

Sitting the flashlight in my lap, I rub my eyes and try to adjust to its bright light. My eyes slowly scan the tent as I enjoy the peaceful serenity. After a few seconds, the sudden realization that I’m alone hits me. My gaze rests on Octavia’s empty spot next to me. Where is she? I wonder. I shift slightly, resting my weight on my elbow to peer around my tent better. I see the same pile of her clothes that were resting there night before last when … when we saw Raven’s pod fall … when Bellamy ran off … when Octavia said she wanted to be alone. I sit up swiftly and ponder more about what this could mean; I ruffle my hair and worriedly think about Octavia. When’s the last time I saw her? How was she acting the last time we spoke?

Yesterday I was so preoccupied with making contact with the Ark and thinking of my grandfather that I didn’t really have much room in my mind to wonder about anything else. The last time Octavia and I spoke was two nights ago when she said she wanted to be alone after she learned the details surrounding how Bellamy shot the Chancellor. I rack my brain and try to remember if I saw Octavia friend at all yesterday. Did I smile at her in passing? Did I see her across camp as she worked on something? No—not once; in fact, I didn’t see her at all yesterday…

Putting socks on, I decide that I should go outside and check for her as well as talk to Bellamy. I don’t bother to put my boots on yet since there’s a chance nothing’s wrong. There’s a chance that Octavia is still awake; perhaps she’s still talking to Monty and Jasper by the fire. I scan the area, noticing that most of camp has gone to sleep.

“Octavia?” I call.

I walk around and try to find her, but her face is nowhere to be found. Just as I’m about to repeat her name a little louder, a familiar voice rings nearby.

“Octavia?” I hear someone call much louder. “Where’s my sister?”

I look over my shoulder and see Bellamy walking around with a torch in his hand.

“Bell!” I say, raising my voice.

Bellamy meets my gaze, and I wave him over. He offers me a tight, forced smile. I’ve seen this look countless times since we arrived on Earth. It’s the look he always gets when he’s worried about his sister or when he’s frustrated with something (better yet: someone) or even when he’s confused about what to do. His facial expression is blank and his eyes are fierce with determination. Bellamy’s free hand rests on my arm; his fingers trail up and down my arm, soothing me.

“Do you know where my sister is, Gemma?” Bellamy asks me. He looks down and notices I’m not wearing shoes. “Where are your shoes, Gem? You’ll get sick!”

I shake my head and smile softly, giggling slightly at how he’s so concerned about helping others. 

“I’m fine, Bell,” I say. I squeeze his hand in reassurance. “And no, I haven’t seen Octavia since dinner. I woke up just a few minutes ago and I realized she wasn’t in our tent, so I got worried… When’s the last time you saw her?”

Bellamy is quiet as his eyes drift away from mine and look over my shoulder blankly. He’s racking his brain for any idea. Slowly, Bellamy shakes his head because he can’t seem to put a finger on the last time he saw Octavia. Fear glimmers in his eyes, but Bellamy does his best to hide it. Bellamy eyes scan camp again in hopes that he will finally catch a glimpse of his sister’s ponytail swinging behind her as she follows Jasper over to Monty. I take his free hand in mine and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper. “We’ll find her.”

Bellamy nods, but he’s quiet for a moment. Just when Bellamy opens his mouth to say something, he’s interrupted.

“What’s up, guys?”

Bellamy and I look over to see Clarke approaching us with a confused look. I glance at Bellamy to see that he’s doing it again; whenever he’s nervous, he bites his bottom lip and avoids eye contact.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks more firmly this time, raising a brow. She stares at me because she notices that Bellamy is too worried to speak right away.

“It’s Octavia,” I say. “She’s—”

“She’s gone,” Bellamy says affirmably, but his voice is still laced with fear. “Have you seen her?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and says, “She’s probably off chasing butterflies.”1

“I’ve checked everywhere, Clarke,” Bellamy says desperately. His forehead is covered in worried lines and his eyes are full of fear. “Octavia isn’t here!”

Clarke shares a brief look with me. I can tell that she’s worried about Octavia just like we are, but I can’t help but notice that she’s still slightly annoyed with Bellamy. If Octavia weren’t missing, I might still be a little upset with him too. What Bellamy did with the radio was wrong, and it still hurts me immensely. Despite what happened earlier, I’m doing what I can to move on for everyone’s sake because we can’t get caught up in the smaller things.

“Let’s search camp again,” I say, clearing the air because it’s time to get to business and find Octavia. “Clarke, check all of the tents. Bellamy, you should search the dropship. While you guys do that, I’ll fill in the gaps.”

Clarke nods her head, but she doesn’t speak as she glances between Bellamy and I.

“Thanks, Clarke,” Bellamy says sincerely before she can utter a single word.

“I’m doing it for your sister,” Clarke says nonchalantly.

Clarke nods at me just before she turns on her heel. She walks towards the nearest tent and peeks inside before moving on to the next tent. I sigh partially out of relief that Clarke is helping us and slightly out of frustration because she and Bellamy still aren’t seeing eye to eye. Bellamy and I are left standing in silence for a few moments. He looks down at me with a worried expression; however, Bellamy quickly looks at his feet, not wanting to seem weak.

“It’s okay to be scared, ya know,” I say softly. “But we’ll find her—I promise.”

“I can’t believe that I didn’t notice,” Bellamy whispers, still staring at his feet. “She’s my sister, my responsibility, Gemma! I didn’t even notice all day that she was gone! I finally got her back—but now she’s gone again. I’m a terrible—”

“You’re an amazing big brother. You’re human, Bell—we all are. We all make mistakes, ya know. None of us is perfect, and that’s okay. What matters is, that we recognize our mistakes and do better next time… Now let’s find O.”

Bellamy offers me a small smile. It hurts me to see the smile not reach the corners of his face, even though there’s still a strong piece of me that’s furious at him. I close what little distance there is between us, stand on my tiptoes, and kiss his cheek. My lips graze the corner of his lip as I do so, and I notice how his lips twitch as he fights a smile. My actions surprise Bellamy just as much it does me. I smile up at him in hopes that it will lift his spirits some. I whisper that I’m going to start look around camp for Octavia. Bellamy doesn’t speak so I turn and walk way to start searching for my best friend. I’ve only taken a few steps when a hand encloses mine and pulls me backwards. A quiet gasp leaves my lips, but I smile when I turn around to see Bellamy right behind me.

Suddenly, his arms are wrapped tightly around my torso; I wrap my arms around him, hugging him back just as tightly. Behind him is the torch that he stuck firmly in the ground. Bellamy burrows his face in the crook of my neck, and I rest my head on his chest. For a few moments, we stand like this in perfect silence because right now he just needs to know that someone cares and has his back. As for me, I need to be reminded that I matter to someone too—that I’m not just a burden and that I can ease someone’s pain. Bellamy’s grip on me loosens after a moment; he peers down at me with a wide smile.

“Thank you,” Bellamy murmurs. “Thanks for being there me and Octavia—especially Octavia… She cares a lot about you, and it would really mean a lot to her to know that you care so much.”

“She would do the same for me,” I say with a bright smile. “I really care about the both of you—a lot actually.”

My cheeks to start to blush, but I hope that Bellamy doesn't notice in the dark. He must notice after all because a smirk covers his face. Bellamy leans forward and kisses my nose; I crinkle my nose in attempts to act annoyed and I giggle.

“Meet me back here as soon as you’re done looking,” Bellamy says.

Finally, we go our separate ways to keep searching for Octavia. I return to my tent so that I can put my shoes on and properly search for my best friend, and then I make my rounds. After five minutes or so, I make my way towards the spot I agreed to meet back up with Clarke and Bellamy. Clarke says she didn’t find her; Bellamy looks at me with hopeful eyes as I take the remaining steps towards the pair. My jaw clenches just like it normally does when I’m upset or angry or overwhelmed with any emotion. I’m upset that Octavia is nowhere to be found, and most of all I’m angry at myself for not noticing sooner. If she’s dead—

“Gemma,” Bellamy says, interrupting my thoughts. “Did you find her?”

I sigh and shake my head. Resting my hands on my hips, I stare at the pair and quietly try to think of a plan. My first thought is to search for her in the woods immediately, but who else will join me? Who will be allowed to have weapons? When will we go? It’s dead of night, and we have no experience fighting Grounders; we’re at an incredible disadvantage, especially at night. I run a hand through my hair and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I start to become desperate. Octavia is my best friend, my greatest confidant. I can’t won’t lose her.

“I have to go out there and find her,” Bellamy continues. “We all need to go out there. Can you help me, Gem?”

I nod. “Of course. Let’s get a search party rounded up. Bellamy, get the weapons and then meet me by the big fire Miller built tonight. While you do that, I’ll get a search party together.”

Bellamy nods and walks toward the dropship. Clarke looks at me; she seems apprehensive.

“Weapons?” Clarke asks wearily. I stare at her, trying to figure out what she means. “Are you seriously going to give some of them weapons?”

“Well, I can’t really ask someone to go out there without anything to defend themselves,” I say. “I’m not the biggest fan of weapons either, Clarke, but we can’t go into the woods without any. Besides, I’m not going to make anyone go if they don’t want to and I’m not going to let anyone join the search party who shouldn’t go out there to begin with. Seriously, Clarke—do you really think I’d ever give a weapon to anyone who shouldn’t have one? Now, c’mon and help me round everyone up.”

I take a few steps, but I pause when I realize Clarke isn’t following me. I look back over my shoulder at the blonde who’s face has fallen. Clarke meets my eye, but she stands still for a moment and watches me. I raise a brow as if to ask her again if she’s coming. Clarke bites her lip and steps closer to me.

“You know,” Clarke says softly, “Wells was right—you are the best leader we have down here.”

My brows furrow as I recall our first day on Earth when Wells told Clarke and I that we were both becoming leaders alongside Bellamy, ranking us all on a scale.

“He never said that,” I say with a confused tone. “Wells only said that I was on the middle of the spectrum—”

"Wells did say you were our best leader, Gemma, but he only told me. At first, I didn't really think anything of it because I was just trying to help us survive, but now that I think about it, Wells was completely right. You've been connecting with everyone, learning about who we all are, and becoming our friends. You see each of us as human, special, and important. You've been working tirelessly to protect all of us from the very beginning without expecting anything return. Everyone means something to you, Gemma.”

Clarke pauses and smiles softly at me. I open my mouth, but I stumble over my words, unsure of what to say.

“I don’t know any of them like you do,” Clarke continues, “because I’ve had my head in the clouds, simply trying to get us through each day. While you’ve been doing that, you’ve also been getting to know them all for who they are. All I know is how to be logical, but you can do that and be personable. Gemma, I wish we had more people like you down here. You’re a brave kind of reckless, a fierce kind of loyal, and a smart kind of warrior. You’re selfless and smart and kind. I’m just book smart and stubborn and scared. All of us who are alive because of you, and we’ll keep making it because of you. Without you, I’m not sure where we’d be or what we’d do.”

Her voice is barely audible as she says, “I’m really scared, Gem...”

“Clarke, you’re doing amazing,” I say earnestly. “Without you, we’d all be done for because you saved Jasper and you helped establish order. You’re going to save more people because you’re an amazing doctor. Now listen to me: if we want to save Octavia and if we want to survive, we’ve got to come together—all three of us. You, me, and Bellamy have to be a team. It’s going to be insanely difficult, but we have to do it if we want to survive. We’re all so different, but we’ve got to be a team.”

Clarke nods in agreement as a small smile covers her face.

“Now, c’mon, Doc,” I say, smirking. “Let’s go round up a search party.”

Clarke chuckles at the nickname. I throw my arm around her shoulders as we take off to find certain people and ask them to follow us. Once I have a little more than a dozen people together (not including me and Bellamy), we wait for Bellamy to join us. The others ask lots of questions, but I ask them to wait until Bellamy joins us so that we can all be on the same page. A few moments later Bellamy approaches us and drops a pile of weapons in front of us. Other campers start to gather around, and I make a mental note to ensure that only those in the search party I selected gets a weapon.

“Everyone grab a weapon,” Bellamy orders, looking at the search party that I collected. “My sister’s been missing for twelve hours. We’re going to find Octavia, and we won’t come back until we do.”

Everyone in the search party grabs the weapons, leaving just enough weapons for the three of us. They all turn to look at us for more instructions. Bellamy and Clarke glance at me, not sure if I’m going to take the lead.

“Listen up,” I say. “The Grounders’ knowledge and experience is unparalleled. It’s night time so don’t underestimate them just because it’s dark and we can’t see them. Stay close to us and take our instructions seriously. The most important thing is that you listen to our instructions. If you notice anything at all—no matter how insignificant you think it may be—tell us before things get out of hand. Watch each other’s back. Don’t shoot unless you’re being attacked or we’ve given you orders. Our purpose is to find Octavia, and we’re not going to stray from that. Don’t do anything that could harm us all. Stick to the plan and don’t do anything stupid. Got it?”

Everyone nods. I look at Clarke and Bellamy, who both nod as well. Bellamy looks around at the group.

“Where’s your brother, Gem?” Bellamy asks.

I shrug, but I don’t bother saying anything because I know Bellamy isn’t oblivious to what’s wrong. I haven’t been in the best of moods when it comes to my brother because of the situation with Raven and Clarke. I love my brother, but I’m angry at him for what he’s done to the two girls.

“I couldn’t find him so I made up for it by asking others to join us.”

“We need a tracker,” Clarke says, “and he’s one of our best.”

“Finn, get out here now!” Bellamy’s voice rings through camp.

A few moments later my brother comes out of his tent with Raven trailing behind him. We tell them the plan, and he agrees to come with us so Bellamy goes to get him a gun from the dropship. Finn turns to me once Bellamy walks away.

“Hey, are you okay with going out there?” Finn asks softly. A concerned expression is etched on his face, and he places a hand on my elbow.

“You don’t want me to get hurt,” I say. A small smile is on my face. “I know that, Finn, but this is Octavia—she’s my best friend. I’m not going to rest until we find her alive and in one piece.”

Finn is about to reply when a voice rings out. I look around to see who it was.

“Look at the sky!” Someone else shouts. “What is that?”

I turn my face to the sky to see what almost appears to be stars cascading down to Earth. My stomach crashes to my feet at the sudden realization of what it is. We failed, I conclude. Three hundred people were sacrificed for nothing—all because we didn’t have the damn radio. Swearing under my breath, I kick the ground and stir up dirt. I hear someone say how beautiful it looks. At their words, I gulp and try not to think about the guilt that’s washing through me because we failed to save them.

“The flares didn’t work,” Raven says disappointedly.

I turn to look over my shoulder and see her approaching Finn and I. On my left, I see the sad look on Clarke’s face as she watches the scene unfold above us. An eerie, uncomfortable feeling that I can’t explain crushes down on my chest. A hand encloses mine so I look to my right; Finn looks at me with a worried expression that I’m sure is reflected in my own eyes. He squeezes my hand reassuringly.

“A meteor shower tells you that?”2 Bellamy asks.

“It’s not a damn meteor shower!” I groan.

“It’s a funeral,”3 Clarke adds, staring at Bellamy with a serious and slightly annoyed expression.

“If you ever wanted to know what it looks to float someone,” I say nonchalantly, “well this is what it looks like from the other side.”

Crossing my arms, I look around at the crowd of campers and notice how many of their faces fall with the weight of my words. About half of the group still stare at the sky with a confused and intrigued expression. Not all of them have experienced losing a loved one this way before so they wouldn’t have realized what was happening. I shouldn’t be so angry and so nonchalant about this, but the anger of losing both of my parents this way bubbles inside me. I think of three hundred people who sacrificed their lives for our people when we’re nothing more than fickle and emotionally unpredictable beings.

“This is all your fault!” Raven bellows, darting towards Bellamy.

Clarke and Finn pull her back. I move forward to stand between her and Bellamy. My left side is facing Raven and my right side is facing Bellamy. I stare at Bellamy and I bet he can tell the wound he created is opening again. What if someone I know is one of the three hundred who sacrificed themselves? I wonder. Shuddering, I push the thoughts away, but even then it shouldn’t matter because they were all human; all of their lives mattered.

“I helped you find the radio,” Bellamy refutes.

“Only after you stole it!” Raven shouts.

“He knows,” Clarke and I both say.

With Raven’s reaction, a sudden realization registers with me. Clarke and I share a brief look, which is when I realize she knows so too. Creating order is going to be a lot harder than I originally hoped, I think to myself. Clarke seems to be thinking so too.

“It’s on him to own up to what he’s done now,” I say, still looking at Raven.

Raven meets my eye and nods as if to say she understands. Finn and Clarke let her go. Raven’s shoulders slump; she crosses her arms in front of her shoulders. When I face him, his gaze is fixed on the sky. Bellamy must feel me staring at him because he finally looks back at me. He doesn’t have to speak or make a move for me to know that he’s beating himself up for what he did. I could say “I told you so,” but I know self-punishment and guilt are some of the worst forms of punishments.

The search party and a few others remain standing around us; some of them adjust their backpacks and glance at one another. They all look at me for instructions, which leaves me stunned for a moment. When did they start looking at me as much as Bellamy for instruction—if not more? I wonder.

“Is everyone ready?” I ask, ready to take my mind off this and move on to the task at hand. 

My hand rests on the strap on my right shoulder while my eyes scan the small crowd that remains. Some of them say that they’re ready, but most simply nod without speaking.

“Now let’s go find my sister,” Bellamy says sternly, adjusting his hold on the gun.

Bellamy takes the lead and most of the others follow immediately after him. Clarke and Raven gaze at me. Finn awkwardly stands between us.

“Raven, can you try and make contact with the Ark?” I ask while the search party moves around me to follow Bellamy.

Raven shrugs. “The radio is smashed. I don’t think—”

“Yes, you can because you’re Raven Reyes. You can do anything.”

Raven smiles at me. I look at Finn and Clarke who are both awkwardly avoiding eye contact with one another.

“Are you guys going to stand there or help us come up with ideas?” I ask annoyed.

“I have an idea,” Clarke says. I raise a brow as if to tell her to keep going. “The art supply store should have something.”

Finn nods and agrees with her. I remember the bunker she’s talking about; it’s the one my brother found blankets for me and pencils for Clarke. Finn says that it’s still full of items that could be useful for virtually anything.

“I can take you there,” Clarke tells the haired girl on her right.

Raven nods and mumbles that it sounds like a great idea. She glances between Clarke and Finn with a fire in her eyes, obviously not liking how the two of them share something. Raven steps forward and kisses Finn. I gulp and look away. We all four know what’s going on, but no one can bare to talk about it. Clarke meets my gaze, and my heart falls at the look on her face. Raven and Finn say their goodbyes. Clarke tells Raven to follow her, and they go in the opposite direction.

“Guys, we really need to go,” Jasper says desperately.

“We’re coming, Jasper,” I say.

Finn and I share a look. He’s struggling, but what’s happening between him and the girls is on him. There’s nothing I can do for him, which is hard for me since I’m always looking out for my twin brother. I nod at Finn and gesture for him to follow us. I tell him to take the middle since Bellamy is leading the group; I claim him that I’ll be at the rear of the group. Finn nods and jogs in order to catch up. I follow after the group and I notice Jasper dragging at the end of the pack.

“Jasper,” I say, closing the distance between us. “You know you don’t have to go out there, right? We’ll all understand if you want to stay here.”

“Gemma, I have to,” Jasper says. Although he’s quiet, his voice is strong. “She did the same for me.”

I stare at Jasper. He’s only two and a half years younger than me, but I still feel the need to protect him; Jasper is family. For more than a year, I’ve been best friends with Jasper. He’d do anything for me, and I’d do anything for him. I pat him on the shoulder and trail behind the others. Jasper and I talk quietly about a project we’re working on. We’re trying to create ways to defend ourselves so we’ve been spending lots of time in the dropship alongside Raven and Monty. Plus, the pair of us have been making lots of gunpowder per Bellamy’s request.

I always feel at ease with Jasper—usually that is. For some reason I can’t shake the eerie, uncomfortable feeling that I got early. Jasper must notice how uneasy I am because he stops talking, letting me be alone with my thoughts. The rest of the group talks quietly amongst themselves. Although Jasper and I are silent, it’s the best conversation I could possibly have right now. I try to understand the terrible feeling inside me, but I do what I can to shake it off as best as I can. But what if something is really wrong?

I silently pray that things are getting better on the Ark. I hope with all my might that my grandfather is alright because if he’s hurt—no he can’t be. I take a deep breath and push the thoughts and bad feelings away. I’m full of determination, certain that we’ll find my best friend. Right now I need to focus on Octavia. I tell myself that’s what it is, and it works because I finally start to forget about the uneasy feeling.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 3 are direct quotes from the show. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s when I realized what a true friend was. Someone who would always love you—the imperfect you, the confused you, the wrong you—because that is what people are supposed to do.” -Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

For several hours, we roam in the dark and push on through the chilly wind; the cool, eerie fog that hangs over our shoulders like a phantom we can’t shake—just like the constant fear or dread we wake up with everyday. Finn is doing his best to find any clues that could lead us to Octavia. For what seems like the millionth time I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I’ve considered cutting my hair short so many times since I landed on Earth because it won’t stay out of my eyes and it sticks to the sweat on my face or neck, but I can’t manage to find the courage to do so. A quiet sigh escapes my lips when I push on through the mist; each moment I grow more and more worried about our likelihood of finding Octavia, especially uninjured. Like Bellamy, I haven’t lost hope yet in, but some of the others don’t seem so certain. I’m about to suggest we take a brief break when someone shouts at the front of the pack.

“Bellamy, Gemma! You guys really need to see this!” The same voice shouts again.

I jog past those in front of me, catching up with Bellamy. The two of us make it to the boy first. The boy points in front of us towards the brush. I squint and try to figure out what he sees, but I can’t seem to see anything until I finally notice what looks like a piece of clothing hanging in the bushes.

“Is that your sisters?” He asks Bellamy.

Bellamy hands me his stuff and tucks his gun into the waistband of his pants. He takes some rope and tosses it towards the bushes. I hand him my flashlight.

“Can you watch the rope?” Bellamy asks me. “I’ll need to get back up here.”

“Yeah,” I tell him. “I got it.”

With that, Bellamy walks over to the bushes. My breath hitches in my throat once he makes it there. What if it is Octavia’s? I think.

“It’s her’s!” Bellamy hollers back at us. “I’m going further down.”

I heave a sigh of relief, knowing that we’re closer to finding Octavia. I look around at those around and see Miller on my right.

“Miller, can you watch the rope?” I ask him. “I’m going with Bellamy.”

Miller smiles and takes the rope from my hands, assuring me that he’s coming right after me. I follow Bellamy’s lead and grasp the rope. Behind me I hear Finn and Jasper claim that they’re going too. When I finally make it down the steep hill, I see Bellamy crouching a few feet away. I walk over to him and see him reaching out towards a rock, which is stained a familiar rust color that’s all too familiar. The sight makes me nauseous; I gulp, not liking where this is going. Bellamy looks at his fingers that are now stained red. Miller approaches me on the right and curses under his breath when he notices Bellamy’s blood stained fingers. Bellamy peers up at me with a frown tugging at the corners of his lips.

“It means she’s close,” I whisper. “She had to be here not too long ago, Bellamy, if the blood is still fresh.”

Finn and Jasper crouch down next to us. They observe the blood on Bellamy’s fingers with frightened looks etched on their faces too. We all look around for more clues.

“She’s not alone,” Finn concludes. He points to the large, deep footprints that definitely don’t belong to Octavia.

“They’ve got her,” Jasper gasps. “She’s alive … like I was.”

Bellamy groans and stands up swiftly. I follow suit and stand up next to him.

“We’re going to find her,” I remind him.

“Let’s keep going,” Bellamy says.

The four of us keep moving forward. I can hear a few of the others coming after us; when I peer over my shoulder, I realize that very few have decided to keep following us. I’m not all that surprised considering how far we’ve trekked already tonight in the cold. I silently hope that the others all make it back to camp safe in one piece and update the others on what’s happened thus far . After a while, we come across some skeletons scattered around. My breath hitches in my throat again; on instinct, I grab Bellamy’s hand. Bellamy intertwines our fingers, squeezing my hand to let me know it’s alright.

“I don’t speak Grounder,” Finn says, “but I’m pretty sure this means keep out.”1

Others start muttering about how crazy this and how we should go back. I glance over my shoulder at them all.

“Go back if you want,” I say calmly. “But I came for my best friend, and I’m not leaving without her.”

I look between Bellamy, Miller, Finn, and Jasper. I ask them what they’re going to do.

“She’s my sister, my responsibility,” Bellamy mumbles. “Let’s go, Gem.”

Bellamy and I move forward in hopes that Octavia is close by. As we keep going, I look back to see the other three boys and even fewer campers the only ones following us now. Daylight breaks after another hour or two yet we still haven’t found her. We’ve all scattered a bit in hopes to cover more ground and find another clue soon.

“Anyone see any signs of her yet?” I ask loudly so that everyone can hear me.

Everyone replies that they haven’t seen anything. I swear under my breath and kick the ground, which makes dirt flies around ankles.

“Don’t stop looking!” Bellamy orders.

I tell everyone to start making their way towards the center so that we can regroup and figure out what our next step will be now.

“Maybe we should back track,” Finn says once we’re all together.

I look at Bellamy to see how he’ll respond. I know him and I know he won’t rest until we find Octavia. We’re all exhausted; we need to rest and eat, but we can’t rest with the chance that Grounders could attack us easily out here.

“No way,” Bellamy says, shaking his head. “I won’t go back without Octavia.”

Although I agree with Bellamy, I can’t expect the others to feel the same way. I’ve asked a great deal of them by staying out here this long—or by even coming with us at all. They’ve been working so hard for us, for Octavia. I look around at the others so that I can make sure everyone is accounted for, but something doesn’t feel right. Roma meets my gaze, and I can tell that she’s thinking the same thing as me. I glance around again. Why does it feel like someone’s missing?

“John?” Roma asks in a trembling voice. “Where is he? He was just here!”

“We’ll find him,” I reassure her.

We all take a few steps away to search for him when a loud thud stops us. I turn around and see John’s body. His neck is bloodstained from a long gash. My stomach does summersaults as I star into his bright blue eyes that are open wide.

“Holy shit,” I gasp, stepping back.

“I want to go back,” Monroe whispers.

Finn nudges me in the side, and I see him staring at the trees when I glance to my right. All of this time we’ve been focused on the ground or where our eyes can easily see, but we should’ve known they could scale the trees.

“They can hide in the trees,” Finn murmurs.

Bellamy looks up and around too. I look to my left and several dozen yards away a Grounder stands; he looks like he’s ready to pounce.

“They’re here,” Jasper whispers, staring in a different direction than I am.

Looking around, I see more of Grounders; they’re surrounding us from all sides and above our heads. We’re outnumbered and w’re inexperienced. We’re in deep shit. And there’s only one thing I can think of to do.

“Run!” I shout.

I take off in the only direction in which I don’t see a Grounder. Because I started first, I have a head start. I can hear the others chasing after me, breathing heavily as they try to run away from the Grounders too. Peering over my shoulder, I realize that the others aren’t very behind me at all.

“Stay together!” I holler. “We’re stronger in numbers!”

I push myself harder. In my head, I replay the defense training I had taken for a few years on the Ark. (All thanks to of my grandfather being well in with the Council.) Bellamy is the first to catch up with me and he immediately takes my right hand in his; with him next to me, I feel safe and ready to fight.

“Gemma!” Jasper shouts behind me. “I can’t run anymore! It hurts! My chest feels like it’s boiling, and I can’t breathe. Gemma, please!”

My heart breaks hearing Jasper’s pleas. I look over my shoulder again and see that Jasper is starting to fall behind the rest of us, so I slow my strides ever-so-slightly. I’ll be damned if anything happens to Jasper out here on my watch again.

“Keep running, Jasper!” Finn yells. My brother puts a hand on my left elbow to make me keep running.

My gaze falls on Jasper as I glance over my shoulder a third time. “It’s okay, Jasper! You’re going to be alright—just don’t quit now!”

A broken cry leaves Jasper’s lips while he keeps running in despite of how much it hurts. Still running, I sling my backpack around my shoulders so that I can get my water bottle. I notice a small box of medical supplies in the bottom of my backpack, which Clarke or Raven must’ve packed for me when I wasn’t paying attention. I silently thank whatever god made sure they did.

“Stop!” Bellamy orders. “Stop running now!”

Bellamy comes to a halt completely, but I let go of Bellamy’s hand rush back to Jasper. The others slow down and close the distance between us. Finn stares at Bellamy with a bewildered look in his eye. Jasper comes to stand on my left. I examine how he bends over at the waist with his hands resting on his knees; it looks as if his knees are going to buckle any second. I brush hair out of his eyes and mumble for him to sit down. Without hesitation, Jasper follows my instructions and plops down on his butt. I kneel in front of him and hand him my water bottle while I ask him to left his shirt up so I can examine his wound. I peel back the bandages tenderly, and I’m relieved when his wound doesn’t appear to have reopened. 

“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper to him. I brush his hair off his forehead again and take his free hand in mine. “Where else does it hurt?”

Jasper clutches his chest. “Just here—it burns like hell, Gemma. It makes it hard to breathe.”

In the small box, I find some pain medication and offer it to Jasper who gladly accepts it. With closed eyes, he takes a big gulp, and I tell him to slow down. For a few moments, he keeps his eyes closed while he tries to regain his breath. When Jasper opens his eyes again and meets my worried gaze; despite everything, he offers me a bright smile. My heart melts at the sight of how my best friend can manage to smile, even though he’s in pain. A small tugs at the corners of my lips too. I rustle Jasper’s hair and kiss his forehead before standing back up; I extend my arms forward and help the goofy, freckled brunette back up. 

“Why did we stop running?” Finn asks Bellamy between gasps for air.

“They’re trying to lead us astray,” Bellamy says. “They know where my sister is, so we need to confront them.”

“Wait,” Monroe gasps. “Where’s Dave? Dave!”

When we realize Dave isn’t anywhere to be seen, we start running again to find him. Nearby we hear a strong breeze of something heavy move swiftly that’s followed by a guttural scream. We run towards the noise. When we make it to a clearing, we find Dave impaled; Roma screams and runs off.

“This is where they wanted us to go,” Jasper pants.

Worriedly, I look around for the Grounders, but there isn’t a single one in sight.

“They’re gone,” I say. I curse under my breath when I realize what game the Grounders are playing. “They’re going after Roma! Roma!! You need to come back!”

We all run in the direction Roma ran off. After a few moments, there’s another scream in the distance; when we get there, Roma has been speared and she’s stuck to a tree.

“Damnit!” I shout, throwing my arms up in the air. “I promised her! I promised her last night that I’d get her back safely!”

I plop down and sit on the ground. I rest my head in my hands, propping my elbows on my knees. Bellamy kneels down next to me.

“You did everything you could, Gemma,” Bellamy whispers.

I look up at him. Tears brim my eyes, but I rub my eyes to push them away. Bellamy brushes a strand of hair behind my ear; he whispers again that I did good, that it will all be fine. I nod and try to convince myself that he’s right.

“They’re messing with us,” Finn says quietly.

“Get it over with!” Jasper screams at the top of his lungs.

I flinch, snap my eyes shut, and I place my hands over my ears. Jasper doesn’t mean to, but his screams frighten me. They remind me of how vulnerable and defenseless we are. My lips are shaking with fear because no matter how much I want to forget—I did this. I’m the one who’s pushed everyone to their limits. I keep asking them all to keep push forward all the time, to keep fighting every day. Don’t give up, I tell them all the time. You’re strong, I remind them as often as I can. What’s transpired over the last several hours is all my fault. Tonight I did this to all of them. I asked Roma—I asked them all—to come out here. It’s my fault she and the others are dead. It’s my fault if we all die today.

“Jasper, stop!” Finn pleads.

Bellamy picks me up. He places his hands on my shoulders and asks me to look at him. I open my eyes and I try to be brave. Bellamy cups my face in his hands and whispers that we’re going to be alright.

“They’re coming!” Monroe shouts.

Bellamy wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer to the others. We stand in a small circle, watching the Grounders run closer. My heart is pounding, and I know this is it, but they stop suddenly. A loud horn rings through the air and stops the Grounders in their tracks. For a moment, they all hesitate and don’t move forward anymore to continue their attack; instead, the Grounders start to retreat. We’re all still and quiet for a moment.

“It’s acid fog!” I exclaim. “We need to find shelter right now!”

Finn and I both take out tents from our bags, telling the others to hide beneath it. Bellamy and I share one while Finn hands one to Monroe. Miller, Jasper, and Monroe drop to the ground. I make sure that they’re both covered before I take care of myself. We all lie still silently for a few minutes; Bellamy and I start to grow impatient. More time that we have to hide means that we’re less likely to find Octavia. I hear Monroe ask how long we have to wait.

“We’re not waiting anymore,” Bellamy tells her.

Bellamy flips the tent off his head, and I crawl out from underneath when acid fog doesn’t seep inside. Bellamy hisses that the Grounders could still be nearby and tries to pull me back, but I stand upright anyway. If the Grounders want to attack, bring it on.

“Come out, guys,” I tell them all. “They’re all gone.”

The other four stand up next to me; everyone dusts off their clothes. None of us speaks for several moments as we mull over what’s transpired today. Miller takes a pack of berries out of his backpack and hands me a couple. I share my water with Jasper again and make sure he doesn’t drink too quickly again. Finn writes down some notes in a journal; he’s keeping track of things he’s seen for future reference I assume. Since we crawled back out, we’ve all barely spoken a few words, but the silence is quickly broken.

“Oh my god,” Monroe mutters. “Do you see him?”

She points towards a Grounder who’s jogging in the opposite direction. Finn stands in front of me protectively, and Bellamy holds my hand. We watch in silence for a few seconds, trying to determine what we should do. The Grounder keeps jogging and doesn’t glance back at us once. Is it possible he never noticed since we were so quiet? Looking around, I realize that he’s the only Grounder in sight.

“I don’t think he noticed us at all,” I whisper. “He’s not coming towards us.”

“So we go to him,” Bellamy declares with a stern expression and cold look in his eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” Jasper asks surprised. His eyes are wide and fixed on the freckled young man next to me.

“Then what?” Finn questions. He raises brows as he asks, “Kill him?”

“We’re going to capture him,” Bellamy explains. “We’ll make him tell us where Octavia is … and then we’ll kill him.”

My jaw clenches when he says the last part. Don’t get me wrong—the Grounders have been causing us trouble and I’d like to get rid of them too. But killing them? I can’t justify that. Bellamy jogs after the Grounder. I turn to the others and tell them to follow us, but I remind them to do their best keep quiet. As best as I can, I keep a close eye on the Grounder ahead of us because he’s our only hope at the moment. If we lose him, we could lose Octavia forever. I push harder and run faster to catch up with Bellamy while doing my best to remain as quiet as possible. Ahead I see the Grounder descend into a cave of sorts; it almost blends into the scenery. I stop and whisper for the others behind me to stop too.

“She could be in there,” Bellamy murmurs.

“Yeah, she could be,” I whisper, “but let’s not get carried away. Weapons ready, everyone, because we’re going inside. I’m going in first, so protect my back, Bellamy.”

With that, I creep forward and guide the group towards the cave. I do my best to be as silent as possible so that no one, especially the Grounder inside, can hear me. I hear clanging when I start to walk inside, but it’s gone so fast that I think it’s my ears playing tricks on me. Bellamy is so close behind me when we enter that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body and his breath on my eneck. I turn a corner and enter a small room of sorts.

On the floor, I see an unconscious Grounder—the same one we saw outside I assume. A few feet away from him another body is crouching. I start to step closer to it in hope that it’s her. The person turns around, which makes me gasp.

“Gemma?” Octavia whispers happily.

“Octavia,” I say, heaving a giant sigh of relief.

I move to her quickly and kneel next to her. Immediately, I wrap my arms around my best friend’s shoulders and hug her tightly. When I let her go, Octavia smiles at me and hands me the key to the handcuffs so that I can get them off her. She looks over my shoulders and smiles when she sees her brother.

“Bellamy!” Octavia says cheerfully.

Once I’ve removed the chains, the siblings hug one another.

“What happened to the big guy?” I ask nonchalantly, nodding towards the Grounder.

“I knocked him out just before you guys came in,” Octavia explains.

Whispering good job, I smirk and tiptoe closer to him. When I see his face, I pause quickly in my tracks—I’d never forget that face.

“Gemma, what’s wrong?” Finn asks concerned. He comes to my side; he places a hand on my arm to make sure I’m okay.

“It’s him!” I mutter. “Bellamy, that’s the same Grounder who saved my life the other day!”

I’m so surprised at the sight of the Grounder, and I look around at the others to make sure I’m not going crazy. Monroe is guarding the entrance and Jasper is standing with the other two. Finn kneels down to examine the Grounder. Bellamy looks at me with a stern face. I know that it doesn’t matter to him that we’ve met this Grounder before when he saved me. To Bellamy, it doesn’t matter this Grounder once did something good, like saving my life. The Grounder hid Octavia, which is the worst thing he could’ve done in Bellamy’s eyes.

“Let’s go,” Octavia begs. “Let’s go before he wakes up.”

“Don’t worry,” Bellamy says, moving closer to the Grounder with a spear. “He won’t.”

“Bellamy, you can’t!” I plead with him. I move and stand in front of him; my back is to the Grounder now. “You can’t kill him.”

“Why can’t I?” Bellamy growls.

“He didn’t hurt me, Bell,” Octavia says, looking at her brother with fearful eyes.

“Who’s to say he wouldn’t have if we hadn’t gotten here in time?”

“Well, he had plenty of time to hurt me so why didn’t he when he had the chance?”

Bellamy is quiet for a few seconds before he finally says, “Move, Finn.”

Everything happens so fast that I stand there in horror, watching it unfold. The Grounder stabs my brother and pins Bellamy down in a matter of seconds.

“No, stop!” I shout, moving into action.

I run to the Grounder. He glances at me, and I see something flash before his eyes. Is it recognition? I wonder. He returns his attention to Bellamy a few moments later.

“Leave him alone!” Octavia shouts. “He’s my brother!”

“Please!” I beg. “Don’t hurt him! We’ll leave! Just don't hurt him too—please!”

A click signals beside me. The Grounder tenses, but he doesn’t move. I look to my left to see Jasper pointing a gun at the Grounder; Jasper pushes it against his back.

“Let him go,” Jasper orders, “or I’ll shoot.”

Despite how much his hands are shaking, Jasper’s tone is cold and stern so I’m not quite sure if he’s serious. The Grounder looks back at me, and I stare at him for a moment.

“Please,” I say softly. “Just leave him alone.”

The Grounder drops the spear, holds up his hands as a sign of peace, and backs a couple steps away. Bellamy stands up swiftly and ties the Grounder’s wrists together, so he can't do anything else; the Grounder doesn’t put any sort of fight, but he keeps his eyes trained on me. I kneel beside my brother who’s moaning and writhing in pain. Finn is still faintly conscious as he grabs my hand and squeezes it. Brushing the hair off his forehead, I whisper that we're going to take care of him, that he'll be alright. When I look back up at the others, I notice the Grounder is staring blankly at Finn. I’m fuming with anger and trembling with fear because my brother is injured and may very well—no, I won't think like that because Finn will live. Standing up, I approach the Grounder; only a few inches separate us.

“What did you do to him?” I ask angrily. Spit escapes as I yell because I’m so enraged. The Grounder watches me silently; he doesn’t move or even try to speak. “What did you do to my brother?! You saved me—you can save him too! Please help him!”

“It’s no use, Gem,” Bellamy says bitterly. “The Grounder won’t help any of us.”

I look away from Bellamy and back at the Grounder. I stare into his eyes and silently plead for him to help. The Grounder doesn’t speak; it’s like he doesn’t understand. My jaw clenches as the rage bubbles within me. I don’t want to hate him or hurt him, but my brother is in danger.

“Let’s get back to camp,” I order the others. The others all hesitate because they’re not used to me barking orders so harshly. “You heard me! Let’s go now! My brother needs help.”

Jasper and Octavia both rush towards Monroe near the entrance in order to get as far away from as they can. Monroe stares at me with wide eyes and a loose grip on her gun because she’s also shocked by the fierceness radiating from me. Unlike the others, Miller approaches me and pauses directly in front of me; he nods at me. Miller doesn’t seem phased by my behavior at all, but he knows me best out of everyone here besides my brother—or even Bellamy. Since we were very young, Miller knows that I’m not normally one to let my emotions get the best of me. Right now he knows I’m in the zone and concentrated on getting all of us back safely so we can get Finn the help he needs. Few people have ever trusted me so wholeheartedly without question, especially someone who’s known for as many years as Miller has.

“What can I do, Gem?” Miller asks calmly. 

Little does Miller know that his calm demeanour and display of complete trust reassure me slightly, helping me relax just a little.

“Can you help Bellamy carry my brother?” I ask quietly. “Maybe you guys can take turns...”

Miller nods and mumbles ‘of course’.

Bellamy speaks up next. “Gemma, what do we do with him?”

Bellamy is staring at the GrounderI stare at the Grounder, and he stares right back at me.

“Leave him,” I say. “We can’t worry about him with Finn hurt. He’s not going to follow us. He’s alone with no one else around, and he knows it’s a stupid move. We’ll be fine—now let’s go!”

Bellamy is reluctant to follow my instructions, but after a few seconds, he picks Finn up in his arms. 

“Let’s hope that leaving him here won't be a bad decision,” Bellamy says apprehensively.

Relief floods my body as I sigh because I’m happy that Bellamy is listening to me this time. With that said, Bellamy turns around and walks outside with my brother in his arms; Monroe and Jasper follow him outside immediately without saying a single word. I don't move at first because I need to know that the Grounder is alright. For a moment, the Grounder and I stare at each other in silence. Without speaking, I move towards the Grounder and take my pocket knife out of my jacket. Looking up at him, I raise my brow and gesture towards the ties with my pocket knife. He nods, so I cut the ties.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

A soft gasp surpasses my lips upon hearing him utter the two simple English words. I’m about to respond, but Bellamy shouts for me to hurry up from outside. I nod in reply and run out of the cave to catch up with the others. I pass Bellamy and don’t acknowledge him because I just need some time to think by myself; after a few minutes silence, I look over my shoulder to check on the others. Leading the pack, Miller walks next to me and hands me berries ever so often. Miller must feel how uneasy I am because he finally wraps an arm around my shoulders while we keep walking in silence. Bellamy meets my gaze, and his expression is voice of emotion. I look at my brother next who’s moaning loudly still and on the break of passing out in his arms. My eyes start to feel warm and my throat is tight, so I look away from Finn because it's just too hard.

Turning back around, I keep my eyes trained ahead and guide us back home. I wrap an arm around Miller’s torso because I need to let him know how much I appreciate him and his friendship. It feels like the walk back to camp is an eternity, but we make it back in good time.

“Clarke!” I shout, barreling into camp. “Clarke, help please!”

Everyone comes running towards me at the entrance. Clarke comes into view and rushes to me.

“Gemma, what’s wrong?” Clarke asks. Her hand is resting on my arm.

“My brother,” I manage to say between gasps for air. “He’s been stabbed.”

Bellamy comes up behind me with Finn in his arms. Everyone gasps. Clarke checks for a pulse and orders the boys to take him inside the dropship. I watch hopelessly as the boys carry my brother away.

“You can save him,” Raven says. It’s as if she’s trying to convince herself. “You can save him right, Clarke?”

Clarke shakes her head slightly. “Not without my mom’s help. I need to talk to my mom.”

“But the radio isn’t working!” Raven groans.

“Then fix it!” Clarke orders.

Clarke runs to the dropship to start helping Finn. Raven stands still and stares at the ground. I can see the uncertainty etched on her face.

“Raven,” I whisper. Raven looks at me with scared eyes. “You’re the brightest person I know. If anyone can fix that radio, it’s you. I’ll always bet on you to fix anything the quickest and make it the best.”

“What if I can’t this time?” Raven asks quietly.

I hug her tightly. “You can! Now go and ask Monty for help.”

Raven takes off towards the dropship to work on the radio. I turn back around, noticing that Octavia hasn’t moved. Octavia glances at me, and then she heads back towards the entrance. I follow her, but Bellamy makes it to her first; he takes her hand and pulls her back.

“Bellamy, leave her alone!” I order. My voice doesn’t waiver and my tone is fierce.

Octavia looks at me. She’s surprised, and I can see the worry in her eyes because no one ever talks back to her brother—not even me.

“She’s going to get herself hurt,” Bellamy says.

“I am not!” Octavia groans.

“I said leave her alone!” I repeat. My voice growing stronger by the minute.

“Why are you two defending him?” Bellamy growls. “He could’ve killed you more than once, Gemma. And you know he almost killed Octavia!”

“He didn’t though!” I growl back. “He didn’t kill either of us. And that’s the point, Bellamy! That Grounder saved—”

“She’s right, Bell,” Octavia says exasperatedly. “He didn’t hurt me. He saved me from the spear that killed Roma—”

“I saved you from him!” Bellamy interrupts her. The annoyance is evident in his voice. “You don’t know him! He could’ve been using you, Octavia.”

“I don’t think so,” Octavia says confidently.

I’m not sure what to say exactly as I watch the sibling rivalry unfold. The air is full of energy and electricity. I look up to the sky and notice how dark clouds are quickly rolling above us, but I don’t think all of the energy that’s sparking is because of the coming storm.

“Maybe you should think more, O! Three of our people died today because of Grounders. All because they were trying to save you!”

“They died because I let them be a part of the search party!” I say ferociously. “They died because we asked them to join us out there!”

Bellamy doesn’t seem to acknowledge what I said because his attention is still focused on his sister.

“Finn is hurt in there,” Bellamy continues and gestures towards the dropship, “because we were looking for you!”

“Don’t blame me for what you did!” Octavia says, pushing Bellamy’s shoulders. “I’m not responsible for that. I was ready to leave so if Finn dies, that’s your fault, Bellamy! Everything’s your fault!”2

I gulp, not liking where this is going.

“You got me locked up,” Octavia sneers, “because you took me to that stupid dance—and you got mom killed!”3

“No no no,” Bellamy groans, shaking his head. “My mom is dead not because of me, but because you’re alive. You had it rough? Well so did I, Octavia! My life ended the day you were born!”4

Octavia’s lips are trembling and hands are shaking. My jaw is clenched as anger boils in my veins and heartache pools in my stomach because of the siblings’ fight. Both of them have said things that they shouldn’t have, but Bellamy’s words are perhaps the worst of all. They stare at each other in silence, almost forgetting that I’m here. Tears are welling in Octavia’s eyes, just like mine. Bellamy’s face is stern, but I can tell better than anyone else—even his sister—that he is breaking behind his tough facade; however, I’m worried about the younger girl next to me and more preoccupied with helping her at this moment. I step forward and rest my hand on Octavia’s shoulder.

“O, c’mon,” I say quietly. “Let’s go to our tent. We need to rest.”

Octavia nods and quietly follows me to our shared tent. We’re both silent, even inside our tent. I kick my boots off and leave them on the inside near the door. Octavia plops down on her blankets without changing first; she sits still and stares into space. I remove my t-shirt and put my oversized sweatshirt on before grabbing a pair of wooly socks. Sitting down on my bed, I decide to put on different socks and decide to give Octavia some space before I try to get her to talk.

I’m putting my last sock on when I hear a sniffle. Octavia’s face is turned away from me so I can’t see what she’s thinking, but hr body language gives her away. She’s crying even harder now, but she doesn’t want me to see.

“Octavia,” I mumble. “Look at me please.”

Slowly, Octavia faces me. I see tears roll down her cheeks.

“Lay down,” I whisper.

Octavia lies down, crawls under her covers, and faces me while the tears keep staining her cheek. I lie down too and pull my covers over me too. I watch her as I take her hand in mine.

“I’m so sorry about what happened,” I mumble. She sniffles and tries to fight back tears. “I’m glad we found you. Your brother was going crazy over you, but what he just said wasn’t okay. Bellamy’s kind of hotheaded and emotional if you couldn’t tell.”

Octavia chuckles. “Thanks for being my best friend, Gem.”

“Don’t worry, O. You’ll always have me.”

We’re silent for a bit, simply enjoying each other’s company. It starts to rain, and the soft tapping of the rain on the tent is soothing.

“I just want a nice, easy life,” Octavia sighs, breaking the silence. “What’s wrong with that?”

“The only wrong thing with it is that things don’t work that way. Wanting it is perfectly fine, but it’s cruel that no one can have a nice and easy and normal life. For whatever reason, we got stuck with this sick world, this twisted galaxy.”

“Gemma?” Octavia asks. Her voice is full of sleep. “Can you tell me a story?”

Unlike her and her brother, I didn’t grow up on Greek and Roman mythology. Of course I knew about it. I could never get my nose out a book when I was on the Ark. However, my family told different stories. My grandfather told Finn and I about revolutions that defined a generation and movements that rocked the world. I tell her about how in nineteenth and early twentieth century America, women turned man’s world upside down and made a place for themselves. I tell her about how these women fought for justice and suffrage.

Not sure how to stop, I keep going. I tell her about Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass and Sojourner Truth. All of whom broke barriers for people of color. I make sure she knows that these people—who were stuck between a rock and a hardplace with every odd against them—kept fighting. They kept striving for their freedoms and for justice. They were brave and dedicated. I make sure she knows about them so that she knows if they can keep battling when the road was tough, then so can we.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 4 are direct quotes from the show. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It hurts to become.” -Andrea Gibson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

I’m not sure how Octavia managed to fall asleep because the thunder rumbles throughout camp and the wind shakes the tent. Ten minutes after she’s fallen asleep it starts to downpour outside and the thunder increases. My mind is are full of thoughts and visions the Grounder—and Murphy too. Murphy will have difficulty surviving this storm if he doesn’t find shelter and I pray that he does. I do my best to not imagine the strong possibility Murphy is no longer alive because it hurts too much to think that I—his only friend—couldn’t protect him. Trying not to think of that, I let my mind be consumed of questions about the Grounder. Why did he save Octavia and I? What did he do to my brother? Whatever it is, I’m sure there’s something he can do to help Finn now.

Temptation seeps through my veins, and all I really want is to get out of here because trying to sleep feels a whole lot like doing nothing. I desperately want to find the Grounder and beg him to help Finn because things aren’t getting any better for my brother. He saved Octavia and me, so I firmly believe that he can save Finn too. Part of me believes that he’s not as bad as Bellamy and the others might think. Of course I’m furious that he stabbed my brother and took Octavia. If I see him again, I’m not completely confident that I would be able to refrain myself from striking out and yelling at him in my despair; however, I want need to find him again so that I can try to make things right with him and save Finn. When I pleaded with him in the cave today, my words seemed to resonate with him. He has to know English, I conclude.

Unable to think straight, I put my shoes on and decide to head to the dropship. I pray that my brother’s condition is stable. As I approach the dropship, I notice that there are a few people trying to tie tarps down to keep the rain. I recognize Miller once I’m close; I run to his side and attempt to help him keep the tarp from blowing away. Miller offers me a small smile and moves aside a bit to give me space to enter.

“It’s okay, Gem!” Miller yells over the thunder. “I’ve got this! Go inside before you get sick!”

“Alright, Mom!” I shout back, smirking.

Miller grins at me and nudges my hip with his. I pat him on the back and holler at him to be careful. I’m soaked when I enter the dropship, which is crowded with people who all stare at me as I walk in. I take a few steps forward and do my best not to let their whispers make me angry or upset. I ignore everyone’s stares, knowing that they’re looking at me because my brother is hurt—maybe even dying. Raven greets me with a soft smile and orders the others to mind their own business; no one ever hesitates listens to Raven whenever she gives orders, whether it’s given softly or harshly, because they know she’s serious no matter what. I glance towards the far corner where I see Clarke tending to Finn, who is still clearly unconscious.

“He’s going to be okay, ya know?” Raven murmurs. She offers me a soft, sympathetic smile.

I raise my brow, not quite believing her. My voice is so soft I’m not so sure how she hears me when I ask, “How can you be so sure, Raven?”

“Because he’s Finn,” Raven says quietly, taking my hand. Her voice doesn’t waiver, and she sounds so sure. “That’s what you and your brother do: survive.”

A soft smile covers my face, but I don’t say another word while I stare back at Finn and pray that Raven is right. My mind is wild with thoughts of what will happen to my brother. I also can’t help but think of the Grounder; as angry as I am, I can’t fight the feeling that I need him. I know he knows how to fix my brother—because there’s no way that he doesn’t have an antidote or treatment, I think. Even though I’m incredibly distraught, I know I need to find him and beg for his help. The others would all think I’m crazy if I go after him, but I know that’s what I need to do. Clarke is trying so hard to save Finn, I know that, but there’s only so much any of us can do.

I know if I even mention the idea of going to talk to the Grounder, the others will throw a fit, especially Bellamy. The thought of hiding it from him makes my feel incredibly guilty, and that’s why I’ll at least wait to tell him at the last minute. All of these thoughts are consuming so I distract myself by telling Raven that I’m going to see my brother. She smiles, squeezes my hand reassuringly, and guides me towards Finn. Once we make it to the far corner, I sit down on a bucket next to my brother who is lying still beneath a pile of blankets. Raven whispers to Clarke that she should take a break; Clarke mumbles incoherently in agreement and walks away with Raven.

Now that I’m alone with Finn, a fresh wave of anxiety and dread washes over me because I can see how broken he looks up close. I move my brother’s sweat-stricken hair out of his eyes; I notice that he has a slight fever when I feel his forehead with the back of my hand. Earlier Clarke said the fever was because of his body fighting the poison. My brother looks so fragile and so broken. Knowing there’s not a single thing I can do right now to help help him infuriates me, but it also makes me want to break down and cry. My lungs struggle to function properly because the fear and anxiety weigh down on me like a ton of bricks. I take Finn’s hand in mine; I whisper a short story to him, hoping that it will make him feel better if he can hear me. I tell him about my day and absentmindedly tell him other things after I’ve told him a short story. I just hope he can hear me. I just hope that he isn’t worrying about me as much as I am about him.

After a few minutes, I decide that I need to be alone in order to have time to get myself together somewhat. I lean forward, kiss my brother's forehead, and head towards the ladder. No one objects when I climb up, and it’s as if no one really notices me. Peaking my head up, I heave a sigh of relief when I realize that it's empty upstairs. Eventually, I find a makeshift backpack and start to fill it with things I will need: two guns, two knives, and rations of food. I pause to consider if there's anything else I might need. Since I'm going to be gone only for a few hours, I conclude that I've got everything I need as I sit down on the floor in front of all the boxes and lean back to rest. My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts that it makes it difficult to think properly; most of all, I remain still because I'm trying to hear what's happening below me on the first level of the dropship. I'm afraid someone might catch me before I have time to explain myself, and sure enough a voice rings from below that’s followed by the sound of boots on the ladder follow right behind the voice.

“Gemma?”

Looking directly at the hole several feet to my right, I see Miller's head pop up from the hole. He looks around and smiles once his eyes find me.

“Hey, Nate,” I say, smiling. “C’mon up.”

“We finally got it all tied down,” Miller replies, walking towards me, “and Bellamy sent me to look for you…”

His voice trails off when he sees the full pack next to me. Miller sits down in front of me and stares at me with a confused expression. With a raised brow, he asks, “Are you going somewhere?”

“I’ve got to find that Grounder, Nate.”

“Okay…” Miller says slowly. I can tell that he’s pondering my statement. Miller won’t tell me not to go because he trusts me; he won’t exactly tell me to go because he’s one of my best friends and he knows it’s treacherous. “But why? You know it’s dangerous out there—even he might be dangerous, Gemma.”

“I know that—trust me I really do. I’m well aware that it’s not safe down here at all, but I have to find him so I can save my brother. That Grounder is the only hope we have—”

“No he’s not,” another voice says.

Miller and I look at the ladder swiftly, not expecting anyone else to be here. We look just in time to see Bellamy crawl up.

“Gemma, listen to me,” Bellamy says calmly. “We can’t trust anyone but ourselves.”

“No, you listen to me,” I plead. “He’s the only one who can save my brother. That Grounder was living on his own there. I’m sure he interacts with other Grounders from time to time, but it appeared to me that he lived alone in that cave of sorts.”

“Where are you going with this?” Bellamy questions. His brow furrowing.

“What kind of person who lives alone and owns poison covered weapons and doesn’t have an antidote? He has to have an antidote, Bell! No person in their right mind would make a poison without an antidote because ya know—what if they get hurt themselves? You’ve seen him, Bellamy. He’s curious and very smart and quick on his feet. That Grounder knows how to survive, and he can help my brother!”

Bellamy and Miller are both quiet for a moment, staring at each other. Then, they both look at me.

“She’s right, you know,” Miller says quietly.

“Alright,” Bellamy sighs. “We’ll go after him as soon as the weather clears up. Us three and Monroe will go—we’re the four best soldiers that we have.”

A small smile covers my face as I whisper, “Thank you. I just … It’s Finn, and I can’t lose him, Bellamy.”

“I know,” Bellamy replies softly. “There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for your sibling—I know that. And I won’t going to stop you from helping him.”

Bellamy reaches forward, takes his hand in mine, and rubs patterns on the back of my hand with his thumb in order to reassure me that he has my back in this. I lean forward and kiss Bellamy’s nose. Bellamy’s cheeks flush a light shade of pink; he squeezes my hand as if to say he cares. Miller scoffs and pretends to be disgusted by covering his eyes, which makes the both of us chuckle. Poking his side, I laugh harder when Miller opens his and jaw drops. I crawl closer to Miller, whose eyes widen as he tries to get away.

“Nate, don’t move away from me!” I squeal. “Accept my love dammit!”

“Only because it’s you,” Miller sighs, pouting. A small grin tugs at the corner of his mouth, which lets me know he doesn’t mind.

I wrap my arms around Miller’s neck and kiss his cheek. Bellamy laughs and rolls his eyes at us before he tells us to make sure we have everything ready to go so that we can head out as soon as the weather clears. Miller and I salute him, which makes him laugh even harder this time. Bellamy retreats back downstairs in order to find Monroe so that he can explain what’s going on. The two return a few minutes later as Miller and I are finishing collecting the weapons and other things that we might need on our journey. Together the four of us map out a path to the Grounder’s cave from what we can remember from our previous trek.

After an hour or so, we finally come up with the best map and game plan that we possibly can. I compare it to other maps that we’ve created since we’ve come to Earth, just to double check everything one last time. The other three are talking quietly amongst themselves, but I’m not quite listening. This could all be for nothing, I think with a heavy heart. What if the Grounder doesn’t have an antidote? If our map is completely wrong, will we even be able to find him to ask? Will I be able to keep my cool and not overreact? How can I be sure the four of us will make it back in one piece? I can’t stop the questions that are flooding my mind.

There is a brief silence, which interrupts my thoughts. This is when I realize the storm has stopped and daylight is breaking. I turn back around and look at the others who are still standing around the table. We all stare at each other in silence for a moment. None of us speak a word, but we don’t have to. We all know we’re on an incredibly dangerous mission considering everything that's led to know—that’s nothing new; however, this time it’s just more real. Perhaps it’s because we’re going to talk to someone whose people have hurt and killed so many of us. Perhaps it’s because it’s difficult to know who to trust anymore, especially considering that we’re still learning to trust ourselves.

“If my parents knew what I was doing,” Monroe sighs, ending the silence, “they’d kill me.”

I shrug and adjust my pack as I say absentmindedly, “Well, both of my parents are dead so I have no one to disappoint.”

My gaze is fixed on the wall behind them. I don’t bother to meet their gaze because I know they’re all staring at me with sad and confused eyes.

“Now let’s get going,” I order, desperate to change the subject. “The sooner we get going, the sooner we get back with something to save Finn.”

The three of them don’t object; instead, they simply pick up their respective packs and follow me down the ladder. Once downstairs, I tell the others that I’ll meet them outside near the fence doors in a few minutes. Monroe and Miller both nod before they walk out of the dropship side by side. Bellamy takes my hand in his, leans forward, and kisses my forehead. I squeeze his hand to let him know I’m okay. Then, Bellamy leaves, but not before hugging me tightly. I walk across the dropship to say goodbye to my brother, even though I know he might not even be able to hear me. Clarke is wiping his face with a wet cloth when I finally come to a halt by his bedside.

“How’s his temperature?” I ask, kneeling on the opposite side of Finn.

“About the same,” Clarke responds. We share a brief look that not many would understand. “You’ve got to get something, Gem. There’s nothing I can really do until Raven makes contact with the Ark so that I can talk to my mom. Even then, I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to really help Finn.”

I nod, knowing that our options are running short.

“I don’t want him to die, Gemma,” Clarke whispers after a moment. Her voice is fragile; I notice that her hand is shaking. “He’s not perfect, but neither I am... your brother is important and he’s so good, Gem. I can’t let him die—not like this.”

“We’re going to save him,” I say earnestly. “I promise that we’re going to do whatever it takes to save Finn. We can do this, Clarke. We’re more than capable. Besides Finn is strong, and he’ll survive.”

Clarke forces a tight smile. I put my hand on hers as I try my best to make her believe in herself as much as I do. I lean forward and kiss my brother’s forehead before whispering that I’ll be back soon.

“I’m going to fix this,” I murmur. “I promise, Finn.”

Finally, I say goodbye to Clarke and make my way towards the fence door. I approach the other three nod swiftly, and walk through the entrance without saying anything. The others don’t hesitate to follow and walk in a line next to me. Nothing looks familiar until we’ve been walking an hour or so when I notice the device that killed Dave. Bellamy instructs us to stop in order to take a quick break. I decide to walk around the area for a bit; this area hasn’t been observed by us yet because it’s so far from camp. I look for plants—and anything else—that could serve us any use. Perhaps there are plants that Clarke could use for medicine or food nearby.

I can still hear the others talking casually behind me, but I know that I’m starting to wander too far. For a brief moment, I admire the beauty of the ground. We’ve been fighting for our lives every moment that it’s been difficult to enjoy our time on Earth. In space, I never imagined that it would be so beautiful, so serene down here. Earth was always painted to be a war zone, a death trap, and a waste land by our teachers; however, I think they got it all wrong in school. Because as I admire how the sun causes the leaves to sparkle, how it comes in waves through the treetops, how it casts an alluring light, I’m rendered speechless. The breeze is light and causes the fallen leaves to dance across the ground like tumbleweeds. Although the trees tower above me, they seem to welcome me, encouraging me to walk farther.

My breath hitches in my throat when I turn to my left. How anyone, especially someone as physically built as him, can move so gracefully, so quietly in the woods is a mystery to me. My eyes examine the Grounder’s face, noticing how calmly he’s watching me. I study him too. I’m much tinier than him, and it’s obvious that he’s so much fitter and stronger than me. It’s evident that this Grounder is a smarter and better warrior than me too. He could have hurt me so easily again, but he didn’t—and this fact stands out so much to me. He’s had so many chances to hurt just me yet he never has, and I highly doubt he ever will.

This Grounder is definitely different than the other ones we’ve come across. He's cautious and more curious than the others; I notice how he always seems to be studying me just as closely as I study him. This Grounder is trying to figure me out—and my people too—but he isn't quick to act, especially in haste. He thinks things through and he acts confidently with precision based on his conclusions. I can tell by the way he observes me silently that he means no harm. The thing is, he never has meant harm to me or to anyone else. What he did to Finn was out of self-defense; he didn’t intend to hurt my brother. My heart rate returns to normal when I realize that it’s him and not someone else. Something about his demeanor tells me that he remembers me.

“You remember me,” I whisper. He doesn’t move at all. “You do—don’t you?”

For a moment, the Grounder doesn’t move at all. He nods his head in response to my question, which makes my eyes up. I feel my heart beating excitedly in my chest out because our interaction is going very well so far.

“I need your help,” I continue in a hushed voice. “My brother—the one you stabbed—really needs your help. He’s not getting any better and he’s dying quickly, but there’s nothing we can do. You must have an antidote. Please help me! I need you! If my brother dies…”

I pause for a moment, unable to think clearly when I imagine Finn dying. Looking back at the Grounder, I notice that his eyes scrunch together and his brow is furrowed. Is he confused? Does he understand me?

“Sorry. Do you understand me?”

I stop again and hope that he’ll respond.

“I understand,” he mumbles in a deep voice.

I smile softly. “I’m Y/N. My brother is Finn. He’s my only family—and I can’t let him die.”

The Grounder nods and asks, “So, why are you coming to me?”

“Because I trust you. You’ve saved me and my friend too—you know the thin girl with dark hair? You’re good, and I really believe that.”

The Grounder and I stare at each other. I’m not sure if he’s going to help me or not. His face is unreadable; his mouth is in a tight line. He’s giving nothing away, making it difficult for me to figure out what he’s thinking.

“Please,” I plead. “I won’t let them hurt you…”

“You can’t promise that,” the Grounder says nonchalantly. I sigh quietly partly because I’m growing slightly frustrated and partly because I know he’s right. “I will help you though, but I’m only doing this for you and the other girl because I trust you two.”

A wide smile overs my face as I say, “Thank you.”

“I’m going to get the antidote. Can you meet by the—”

“Gemma!” Bellamy’s voice booms in the distance.

My face falls and my eyes widen. If Bellamy sees me with the Grounder…

“What the hell are you doing, Gemma?!” Bellamy shouts.

Monroe and Miller stand on either side of Bellamy. Bellamy’s features are mostly shocked, but I can tell that he’s frightened and angry too—mostly angry. Even from here, I can tell that he’s furious and confused.

“Meet me by the creek where the boy was speared,” the Grounder says, putting a hand on my arm to get my attention back.

I nod and say goodbye; with that said, the Grounder runs away. I look back to see Bellamy tighten his grip on his weapon and pick it up.

“Don’t!” I beg, jogging towards them. “He’s going to help us!”

Bellamy eyes me as I approach. He lowers his gun, but he doesn’t loosen his grip.

“Help us?” Bellamy asks in a fierce tone.

“Yes,” I say with my hands on my hips. “We’re going to meet him by the creek. He’ll meet us there with the antidote.”

“Or an army of Grounders,” Bellamy murmurs.

I sigh, knowing Bellamy would be like this. Bellamy is supportive, but I also know that his bad feelings towards the Grounders is just as strong. I look to Monroe and Miller for support. With wide, pleading eyes, I silently pray that they’ll go through this with me. Monroe shrugs and says she’ll do whatever the rest of us do. Miller nods at me, and for a moment I think he’s simply agreeing with Monroe; however, a small grin quickly covers his face.

“I’m with you, Gemma,” Miller says. “Always have been, always will be. We’re in this together, you and I.”

I smile widely and chuckle. I rush forward and quickly pull Miller into a hug before he has much time to register that I am. Miller laughs and wraps his arms around my waist. I hug him tightly in hopes that he’ll understand how grateful I am. When I release him, I pat him on the shoulder; the smile on Miller’s face is big and I can only imagine mine must look the same.

“Well, Monroe,” Bellamy says. I can see him fighting a smile. “I guess, we should follow them so they don’t get their asses kicked out here while they’re having all the fun.”

Monroe smiles; I loop my arm with hers and head towards the creek. Once we’ve made it to the creek, I suggest that we find a place to find cover—just incase. We’re crouched beneath some rows of trees and bushes, doing our best to watch for the Grounder and also remain hidden. We whisper absentmindedly while we wait. After about a half an hour or so, I hear something close by. I peak over the bushes in front of me and see the same Grounder coming in our direction. I tap Bellamy’s shoulder and point towards the Grounder.

With the others walking behind me, I leave our hiding place and I approach the Grounder, who eyes the other three suspiciously. His stare falls on Bellamy, which signifies that Bellamy is the one he distrusts most. I pause a few feet away from the Grounder; the others are standing several feet away. The Grounder nods in my direction, greeting me.

“Hi,” I say softly. I offer him a small smile. “Thanks for coming.”

The Grounder reaches into his pack without speaking a word. From his pack, he brings out the antidote I’ve been praying for, for hours.

“Thank you,” I say happily, closing the distance between us.

“How can we be sure that it’s actually the right antidote?” Bellamy questions loudly from behind. “Or even an antidote at all?”

My gaze still rests on the Grounder. I don’t acknowledge Bellamy at first, not even through my body language; instead, I still keep my eyes trained in front of me and stare the Grounder. The Grounder and I share a long, hard look. We’re both analyzing one another and we’re even building our trust more.

“Because he’s different,” I say firmly after a few seconds. “Because he wants to help. I trust him—and I don’t expect you to understand, Bellamy. I only expect you to stand with me on this, to have my back.”

The Grounder still doesn't speak. I look over my shoulder at my friends and offer them a small smile in hopes that they'll trust me on this. Miller and Monroe are hesitant, but I can see that they really want to believe me; Bellamy, on the other hand, is having an incredibly difficult time trusting him. I turn my attention back towards the Grounder. The Grounder looks away from the others too and looks back at me. I wait, wondering if he'll speak in front of them. I notice how his head twitches ever so slightly—like he notices something that I don't. My brow furrows, and I try to understand what's going through my mind yet nothing could ever prepare me for what happens next.

They came in a blur of shadows.

I don’t even fully register that we’re being ambushed before my senses do and ignite my fight-or-flight skills. I pull the two knives out of the side pockets and run forward. My senses are so heightened that it’s almost as if I feel the blood pumping in my fingers and my heart beating in my ears. As each second passes, my survival skills grow stronger in attempt to protect myself. Surrounding us are two—no there’s far more than that—six maybe even eight Grounders are closing in on us from every side.

“Run!” I shout to the others, taking off in a full sprint.

The other three don’t hesitate to follow my orders. Bellamy and I are in the lead, but Miller is right on my tail and Monroe is close behind as well. I look over my shoulder to see approximately half a dozen Grounders are still hot on our tail. If anyone else dies today, it will be all my fault; I wish I could protect everyone and take all of their pain away. If anyone has to get hurt, I wish I could always sacrifice myself for the others. I stop abruptly in my tracks as I yell for the others to keep going, no matter what.

Pulling a dagger from my boot, I thrust it at a Grounder dashing towards me on my left. The dagger lands in his left eye—exactly where I intended—and the Grounder falls with a shout. I look around for the Grounder who helped us and see him tailing us. I manage to see him throw a knife at one who falls to the ground instantly when the knife strikes him in the cheek. Why is he helping us? I wonder. Our ally uses his other weapons to take down the one on his left. Although the Grounder I hit is lying in agony on the Earth’s floor, I need to make sure he’s down for good so he won’t follow us and hurt anyone. As I pull another one of the many knives hidden on my body, my ally finishes the job for me with a slit to the throat. He signals for me to keep running, and I don’t hesitate to do as told.

I heave a breath I didn’t know I was holding and nod at my new ally. Turning around, I sprint in the direction that my friends are running and manage to catch up with them because they’ve slowed their pace. I pass Monroe who’s at the end of their line and I pass Bellamy too who’s running beside Monroe so she won’t be left behind. After a few more sprints, I manage to be a few paces ahead of Miller now. None of us slow down because every time we look back there are still Grounders chasing us.

“What the hell is going on, Gemma?” Miller gasps, trying to regain his breath.

Five Grounders down. I look back around to see that there’s only two left. Maybe if I hadn’t turned around. Maybe if I hadn’t moved an inch to the right. Maybe if luck had been on my side, this wouldn’t have happened. A whimper leaves my mouth as time stands still for a moment and my body registers that it’s been attacked. Finally, I screech in pain and fall forward, but two arms snake around my waist from behind just before I collide with the ground. I shout again and cry loudly. An intense pain that I’ve never felt before rockets through my entire back, radiating from my right shoulder.

“I’ve got you, Gem,” Miller pants, tired from running. His voice is steady, but I can detect the slight fear in his voice because he’s afraid that I’m hurt.

My breathing is jagged and heavy. I’m dangling in Miller’s arms, unable to find the strength to hold myself up. My finger tips brush the grass, but I can’t manage to find the strength to move at all because the fire burning in my shoulder is far too strong. Wheezing, I squeeze Miller’s arm because I am afraid I might just melt away with hot the fire is burning and seeping through my veins. I look around wildly and try to find Bellamy.

“Monroe, put your gun on the Grounder!” Bellamy growls somewhere nearby.

Are the other two Grounders gone? Are we still being chased? Bellamy comes to stand in front of me and Miller. I reach out for him, and Bellamy takes me in his arms. Bellamy orders for Miller to stand behind the Grounder with his gun pointed at him. Bellamy scoops me into his arms as best as he can without hurting me. I huff and squeal in pain, even though I do my best not to let them know how much it hurts.

“Let’s go home,” Bellamy orders. “Don’t let the Grounder out of your sight!”

“Bellamy,” I whisper, struggling to keep my eyes open. “What’s going on? The Grounder—the one who helped me—where is he?”

Bellamy doesn’t answer at first, but he finally says, “He’s here with us. We’re taking him to camp. He’s got a whole pack of antidotes on him, and we’re going to make him tell us which one’s the right one. Who’s to say he hasn’t handed you more poison, Gem?”

“No, Bellamy. It’s okay. We can trust him…”

My voice is weak. I trail off, unable to keep talking. I rest my head on his shoulder and try not to let the pain overtake me. I’m not sure how long it takes for us to get back to camp, but we finally make it. I’ve concluded myself that the arrow in my shoulder isn’t laced with poison because I’m still conscious; I’m just weak, is all. When we enter the dropship, I see everyone sitting down and whispering amongst themselves. Clarke and Raven are huddled over Finn with the radio on a table. A voice comes from the radio, surprising me. Jasper and Octavia gasp when they see the Grounder behind us.

“Clarke!” Bellamy cries. “We need you. Gemma is hurt, and we don’t know if it’s poisonous.”

Other campers look at us with wild and scared eyes. They’re probably frightened because the Collins twins are hurt and both are possibly dying.

“Mom, I’ll be back,” Clarke says to the radio. “Raven, care for Finn and do what my mom says. Jasper, come with me. And Octavia, help Raven. Everyone got it?”

The three nod vigorously and don't hesitate to follow her orders. Clarke approaches us swiftly, gasping when she realizes what's wrong with me. She looks around fleetingly for a place she can tend to me down here, but I beg Bellamy not to leave me down here because I don't want anyone else around. Bellamy soothes me and promises he'll take me upstairs. After about five minutes of struggling and whimpering from me, Bellamy finally manages to get me up the ladder to the second level of the dropship with Miller's help. Once we're on the second landing, Bellamy scoops me up in his arms like he had been carrying me before. I sling an arm around his shoulders and watch as the other boys hang the unconscious Grounder up. I inhale sharply as I think of what they're going to do to him. Bellamy carries me across the room towards a makeshift table; I can feel Bellamy's eyes trained one me, but I don't look at his face.

The fire radiating from my shoulder is so searingly painful that it makes it difficult to think; however, it doesn't erase the frustration and pain I feel when I invasion him doing to the Grounder—my new ally—tonight.Bellamy carries me across the room towards a makeshift table. He glances at me, but I still don't meet his gaze. Finally, Bellamy comes to a halt in front of the table. My left arm is still wrapped around his shoulders, and I'm afraid to let go because I know that means Clarke will have to start fixing my injury; however, I'm ready to have some space from Bellamy for a bit. I glance at the table and then at Bellamy. He opens his mouth and stumbles over his words.

“I want you to leave me alone,” I mutter. I look at him solemnly because I’m not trying to hurt him, but it’s hard to look at him right now when I know what he’s going to do to the Grounder. “Please just leave until I’m ready to see you again. It hurts, and I know what you’re going to do to him … so I want to be alone. It’s nothing personal.”

Bellamy’s facial features drops, and his eyes are full of pain. He just nods and sits me down the makeshift table. Clarke whispers to me that she's going to start examining my injury and orders me lie down on my stomach as possible. Even though I don’t look up, I hear Bellamy’s steps as he walks down the ladder. My eyes are transfixed on the floor below while I try to ignore the fire radiating from my shoulder. Clarke mumbles something as she fiddles with her medical supplies.

“Clarke,” I gasp. “Did she do it? Did Raven make contact with the Ark.”

“Yes,” Clarke replies quietly. “And we’re doing what we can to save Finn.”

“The Grounder can help us. He gave me an antidote. It’s in my pack, but Bellamy”—I hiss in pain—“doesn’t think it’s the right one since he has more.”

My hands are shaking wildly so I try to train my thoughts on something else, but it’s so hard when my brother is unconscious and a Grounder is tied up a few feet away. I groan, not liking the pressure on my shoulder; I sit up and sigh quietly at the slight amount of pain that subsides. As she studies the arrow in my right shoulder, Clarke speaks quietly to me in attempts to soothe me. She moves behind me to examine the wound from the backside since it entered my body there. I feel her start to cut my shirt with scissors and I try to ignore how the sharp end sticks out the front of my body because the sight makes me almost vomit every time. I shrug the shirt off as best as I can, but I grimace as pain rockets through me. Clarke whispers an apology.

After a few moments, I glance across the room and I meet Miller’s gaze. He normally doesn’t show much emotion either, but he offers me a small smile in hopes that it’ll help, even if it’s just a little. I try to smile back, but the smile doesn't quite reach my eyes.

“I’m going to have to take it out,” Clarke says softly from behind me.

I gulp and don’t say a word. I’m scared out of my wits. Sitting in the seat, I stare straight ahead at the Grounder Bellamy and the other’s hung up. His face is scratched and beaten from where Bellamy punched him. Although I’m still frightened from being attacked, I can’t help but trust this man because he saved my life as well as Octavia’s life. Guilt washes through me as I think of what’s going to happen to him. I’m also afraid fear of what’s going to happen to my brother and me as well. Will Finn ever wake up? Will my shoulder heal fine? My lips are trembling as I grip the side of the makeshift table.

I try to regain my composure, but I can’t seem to shake the fear or the pain. My shoulder is throbbing; a sharp pain rockets through it every few seconds. For a moment, I close my eyes and try to calm myself down. All I want is my brother, but he’s injured worse than me. Finn hasn’t even woken up yet, and that alone is terrifying the wits out of me. Since I can’t have my brother here to console me, there’s only one other person who can. Clarke’s footsteps echo as she moves to stand in front of me. My eyes are full of tears when I finally look at her.

“What can I do to make this better?” Clarke mumbles.

“Bellamy,” I whisper, struggling to fight back the tears. “I want Bellamy.”

As livid as I am at Bellamy for what he’s going to do to the Grounder, he’s the only one who can comfort me right now. Finn is who I want more than anything because he is the only who can comfort me best, but he’s still unconscious. I can feel Miller’s eyes on me as I ask for Bellamy, but I don’t glance at him. Clarke nods and says she’ll be right back. She returns a few moments later with Bellamy coming up the ladder directly behind her. His eyes immediately fix on me; his eyes are calm and welcoming, which helps ease my anxiety some. The pair walk over to me.

Since the arrow entered my shoulder from the back, Clarke stands behind me so that she can pull it out. She says that she needs to clean around it a little bit first. Bellamy takes his place directly in front of me; my eyes are level with his shoulders. At first, he doesn’t speak. Bellamy tucks a loose strand of my hair that has fallen out of my braid behind my ear before placing his hands on my knees. Clarke cleans the wound silently. I lean forward and rest my head against his chest. Pushing my knees to the side as gently as possible, Bellamy stands between my legs and places his hands on my waist. A moment later Clarke says that she’s going to pull it out.

Bellamy places one hand on my cheek, stroking it with his thumb. His other hand is intertwined with my left one. Tears are welling in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.

“You can squeeze as hard as you want,” Bellamy murmurs.

“Are you ready?” Clarke asks.

Straightening up, I nod as I say, “Just do it.”

I can feel Clarke’s hand wrap around the arrow, sending small shocks of pain through my body. I close my eyes and place my right hand on Bellamy’s forearm while my left hand holds his firmly. Then, pain I’ve never felt before sears through my body. It feels as if burnt metal is pressed against my shoulder, as if electricity is seeping in my veins. My screams are loud enough to hurt my own ears and fierce enough to burn my throat. My grips on Bellamy’s hand and arm tighten while I shriek with discomfort. Once the arrow is completely out, I sigh heavily; a quiet whimper escapes my lips. Bellamy traces circles on my back, but he doesn’t speak. The tears stain my cheeks as my shoulder throbs and my body aches.

Everyone in the room is silent. It's obvious that they're trying not to look at me and attempting to ignore my pain. I'm kind of grateful that they do so. After a few moments, I finally open my eyes. My eyes rest on mine and Bellamy's hands, which are still intertwined; then, I glance at how my other hand is still gripping his forearm. My gaze travels up his arm, admiring how every inch of him is beautiful. When I finally peer at his face, I study his eyes and notice how hurt he appears. His beautiful brown eyes that I love are deeply saddened and full of tears. I squeeze his hand in hopes that it will reassure him.

“I’m so sorry,” Bellamy whispers.

A few more tears escape my eyes while I cup his cheeks in my both my hands, wincing at how the movement hurts my shoulder. Bellamy leans down and rests his forehead so that I can reach him better. I kiss him softly on the lips in hopes that he realizes I'm okay—that we're okay. One hand trails to the back of his neck, playing with his long, curly hair. We kiss for what seems like forever before we both pull back to admire each other. Bellamy smiles and kisses me again but more passionately and much stronger this time. I start to lose my breath with how fiercely we're kissing; however, I can't help but smile into the kiss as well.

“I really hate to ruin this sickeningly cute moment,” Miller says quietly as he approaches us, “but the Grounder is awake.”

My gaze immediately turns to the Grounder across the room. His head is drooped, but he still manages to look in our direction. First, his eyes land on Miller and then on Clarke; he appears confused because he doesn’t exactly recognize either of them. His eyes fall on Bellamy next, and it’s clear by the way he tenses and the way his eyes burn with fury that he’s not happy to see him. The Grounder and Bellamy share a long, furious exchange. I let go of Bellamy’s hand during this exchange, not enjoying how Bellamy stares at the Grounder like he’s not even human.

I'm not suspicious of the Grounder like everyone else; I'm very willing to give him a chance. He saved my life and Octavia's life too, which is why I'm not willing to believe that he's as dangerous as the other Grounders we've come into contact with. Yeah, I'm breaking my brother's condition is unstable because of what happened with the Grounder, but when I look at the man that's exactly what I see—I see a person. I can't just oversee that. Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves, and until this Grounder proves to be deadly, I'm going to give him the chance to prove his trust to me. I am willing to sacrifice my own pride and make myself vulnerable to him. Unlike the others, I am ready to make an ally. God knows we need one. We could use an ally to help us all survive down here, especially one as smart and accustomed to Earth like this one.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” -John Green, Paper Towns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Silently, I watch Bellamy and Miller approach the Grounder; Miller is mostly intrigued by the quiet man, but rage is fuming off Bellamy so strongly that it’s almost suffocating. Upon our arrival at the dropship roughly half an hour ago, Bellamy ordered a couple other boys to take care of it and knock the Grounder out before taking him upstairs after ensuring I made it upstairs safely. I wanted to protest in the moment, but I was rendered voiceless by my pain. I remember straining, which caused myself more pain, to look over Bellamy’s shoulder at the Grounder as he hoisted me up the ladder into Miller’s arms. There was fear in my eyes the moment the Grounder’s eyes met mine, and I had hoped he saw the way I was silently pleading for forgiveness before he fell to the floor unconscious.

Chills ripple down my spine as I recall what happened. I shake my body in attempts to rid myself of them. I try to move to get off the table because I can’t bear be useless by sitting here any longer, but Clarke stops me by placing a hand on my uninjured shoulder.

“I need to finish cleaning your wound,” she says. “Then, I’ll wrap you up. You can do whatever you want when I’m done okay?”

I simply nod because I’m not exactly sure what to say; wincing, I readjust myself on the table so that she can take care of me. In silence, Clarke starts to clean the front of my wound. Thunder erupts outside, masking the sounds of the voices and radio downstairs.

“Clarke,” I say quietly. Tears are welling up in my eyes. “Is Finn going to be okay?”

“I think so,” Clarke replies. “I got the knife out. He’s better and he’s stable now. We just need the antidote in order to ensure that he’s one hundred percent okay.”

A tear falls, but I wipe it away as I manage to whisper, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Gem, but let’s save thank you’s until Finn is completely better. Please.”

I smile and nod, letting her know I understand.

“Have you had a chance to talk to your mom?” I ask. “Besides asking for her help to fix Finn, I mean?”

Clarke shakes her head and doesn’t meet my eye.

“I understand,” I continue slowly. “There’s someone I never want to talk to ever again or even see at all for that matter, but ya know what? I probably will talk to him one-on-one at some point. Based on our last conversation with Jaha, he still alive far as I know. Whenever this talk happens, it’ll be because Jaha made the both of us because I know I’m the last person he ever wants to see. What this person has done makes it difficult for me to even think about him without my blood boiling and my vision blurring because of the anger ... but I’m doing my best to prepare myself for the inevitable. It’s going to happen eventually whether I want to talk to him or not, and I need to prepare myself because it’s important for the people I care about that it goes well.”

Clarke sighs heavily, places the bloody cloth on the table, and asks, “What’s your point, Gemma?” 

“Clarke, I’m saying this because I care. I don’t want you to be forced to talk to your mom. You should because you want to. Just talk to her. I’m not saying you have to like what she says, but talk to her please. She’s your family, and I don’t want you to regret anything if this is your last chance. We all deserve to have some peace and serenity, even with the people we don’t particularly like. Just try to have a conversation and hear what she—”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Clarke asks, interrupting me.

Clarke is trying to mask her pain, but I know better than to push it anymore right now so I mumble a yes and look away. With that, she goes back to cleaning my wound in silence. As best as I can, I look over my shoulder where the others are across the room. The Grounder stares at Bellamy, but he glances at me out of the corner of his eyes; for a moment, we have a conversation that no one else would understand. It’s as if he’s telling me that he knew that this would happen. His eyes are telling me that he’s accepted it, that he doesn’t regret being kind to me. I hope he can understand by the look in my eyes that I’m sorry I couldn’t keep Bellamy from bringing him here, but I’m going to do everything in my power to fix this—to save him.

“Hey,” Bellamy sneers. “Where are you from? Where’s your camp?”

The Grounder doesn’t move an inch. He simply glares back at Bellamy. My jaw clenches; I’m angry at the way Bellamy and the others are treating him.

“Bellamy, look at this,” Miller says, crouching in front of the Grounder’s stuff.

I strain from where I’m sitting to see what Miller’s looking at. Bellamy kneels next to Miller and picks up a small box. Inside there are numerous liquids. More antidotes, I conclude. Bellamy’s fingers then graze over a journal, which causes the Grounder to lunge forward. The restraints hold him back.

“Bell, just stop,” I say firmly. “This isn’t what we do. This isn’t who we are.”

Ignoring me, Bellamy picks up the journal and looks at the Grounder. The Grounder looks furious. Clarke finishes cleaning my wound and starts to wrap it up.

“Well, I think we’ve found something he doesn’t want us to see,” Bellamy says matter-of-factly.

I understand that Bellamy is angry and is trying to protect our people, but why does he have to do this? Can’t he see that the Grounder will work with me? That the Grounder and I have developed a partnership of sorts? Clarke pats me on the elbow of my uninjured arm, whispering that I’m good to go. Thanking her, I approach Bellamy as he flips through the journal. He stops on a page and he doesn’t seem happy. I look over his shoulder and see a drawing of Octavia along with a list of numbers. Adding up the numbers, I realize that’s how many of the hundred have died. My eyes look fleetingly at the Grounder; surprise is surely etched on my face.

“He’s been watching us,” Bellamy concludes, strutting towards the Grounder. His voice is laced with a venomous anger. “He’s been watching from the start.”

From where I stand, I watch the two men quietly. There are no words spoken between them, but the energy in the air is enough to tell all of us that neither one will back down. I realize now that it’s going to be difficult to get Bellamy to listen to me. It’s also going to be a challenge for me to be alone with the Grounder in order to have the opportunity to help him. Bellamy walks back to us a few moments later. He and the boys look through the Grounder’s stuff some more. While they do so, I glance around the room for my pack. I notice it sitting in the corner beneath the table I was sitting on just moments before.

Looking back at the box of antidotes, I recognize that the one the Grounder gave me is missing. I feel relieved knowing that it’s still with my stuff. I sneak a glance back at the Grounder, whose head is drooped. He looks up nonetheless; it’s as if he can feel me staring. The boys are talking so they don’t seem to notice our interaction. The relatively quiet room is broken by Clarke’s orders.

“Move,” Clarke says to a boy. She’s quiet for a moment while she stares at the Grounder. “If you think he hated us before, then he’s loathes us now.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes and says, “Who cares? How’s Finn?”

“Alive, but barely,” Clarke replies.

“I care,” I say bitterly. “He’s never going to help us after this. His people care too. And in case you’ve forgotten, Bellamy, they’re much more equipped at survival down here than we are. And you saw what they did to Jasper! Don’t you think they’ll notice he’s gone without a trace? Who’s to say they won’t come here?”

“And what happens if they do?” Clarke adds, studying Bellamy.

“He was alone when we found him,” Bellamy says. “He had Octavia chained up alone in a cave. Besides, it’s still storming—they’re not coming here. Our people are still dying. Don’t you see that? We’ve got to do what we can to survive!”

Raven’s voice calls from below, begging for Clarke’s help with Finn. Clarke rushes downstairs, but not without a final angry look at Bellamy. There’s a brief silence among us all.

“Bellamy,” I say. “If you do what I’m thinking … if you hurt him, you can’t take that back. And you won’t be able to fix how angry I’ll be.”

Bellamy’s face falls slightly at my last statement.

“I’m protecting us,” Bellamy tells me urgently.

I can tell that he truly believes that. I know with all of my heart that he’s always trying to protect our people, but this isn’t right. Looking at my best friend and boyfriend, I’m reminded of how survival makes people do crazy things. Things they never imagined they would do—or things they even want to do.

Crossing my arms, I confidently say, “I won’t be a part of this.”

“I’m not asking you to, Gem.”

There’s banging on the door, and it’s followed by Clarke’s shouts so Bellamy walks to the door to let her up. Clarke darts towards the Grounder and holds a bloody knife in his face.

“What’s on this?” Clarke asks furiously. “Tell me what’s on it.”

Bellamy and I stand closely behind her. I eye the Grounder and notice how he’s showing no emotion.

“What is it?!” Clarke shouts.

“It’s no use, Clarke,” Octavia says. “He doesn’t understand you.”

“What about you, Gemma?” Bellamy questions. “How’d you get him to meet you at the river?”

I cross my arms. “I don’t have to answer that.”

Rolling his eyes, Bellamy crosses the room and picks up the box of antidotes. Clarke drops the knives as she takes it from Bellamy. I turn around, watching as she scrambles through them.

“Get the one from my pack,” I stammer, glancing around.

Miller nods at me and rushes past me to get my pack across the room; he comes back a few seconds later and hands it to Clarke.

“Which one is it?” Clarke asks.

The Grounder still doesn’t speak. He looks between Bellamy and Clarke. I notice how his gaze rests on Octavia and I longer.

“Answer the question!” Bellamy orders.

“Please!” Octavia begs.

I look at him with pleading eyes.

“My brother is dying!” I cry, choking on my words. A few tears fall and stain my cheeks. “Just tell us which one. Please!”

Bellamy walks closer to the Grounder. He brings his arm back, ready to punch. Octavia rushes forward to stop him.

“Don’t, Bellamy!” Octavia pleads fearfully. Her eyes are as wide as saucers and crinkled at the edges with worried lines.

“He wants Finn to die!” Bellamy roars. “Don’t either of you get that?”

Bellamy glances between me and his sister. My jaw clenches while the anger bubbles through my body, settling in my fingers. I push my shoulders back and stand tall. I’m not going to give in; I’m not okay with hurting someone—no matter who it is. Because the Grounder isn’t one of us, it’s easier to distance ourselves with him. For me, it’s not that easy because I’ve seen him be kind and helpful. I refuse to dehumanize him for one action.

“Do you want Finn to die?” Bellamy asks Clarke, looking at her for permission.

“Clarke, this isn’t right,” Octavia interjects with a shaking voice. “You’ve said it before: this isn’t who we are! He saved me—and Gemma too!”

“He saved himself!” Bellamy hollers. Veins are popping in his neck and arms as Octavia stares back at him just as angrily.

“Do it,” Clarke orders in a solemn voice. Her eyes are transfixed on Bellamy, and she won’t even glance at Octavia or me because she doesn’t want to see the shocked and disapproving looks that are etched on our faces.

“No!” Octavia shouts.

Bellamy orders the boys to move her. I cross my arms and turn away as Octavia is dragged back.

“You can leave if you want,” Bellamy says, looking at me. His voice is calmer.

“Oh so I get a choice?” I wonder out loud. “I’m not your little sister so you can’t tell me what to do—is that how this works? Well, that’s great because I don’t have to listen to anyone. I’m going to stay so that when you all finally come to your senses I’ll still be here in case he’s still willing to help us. Face it: torturing him isn’t going to make him help. He’ll help us, but only because of me.”

Bellamy stares at me angrily, but I refuse to back down from him because this isn't right. Hurting this Grounder—innocent or not—isn't right and isn't who we are. For what seems like an eternity, Bellamy and I glare at one another without speaking a word; the tension hanging in the air could be cut with a knife. After a moment, Bellamy gets a knife and cuts of the Grounder’s shirt. One of the boys hands him a seat belt from one of the seats.

“Bellamy, please,” Octavia whispers. Her voice trembles.

I cringe as Bellamy’s arm swings back, and the Grounder groans in agony. I gulp and close my eyes because I can’t bear to witness this. I hear the seatbelt hit his skin and his moan fills my ears once more. There’s a rustling of footsteps so I open my eyes to see Clarke rush forward; Clarke kneels in front of the Grounder and spreads the antidotes out in front of him on the floor.

“Just tell us which one will save him,” Clarke begs.

I watch Bellamy put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, silently asking her to move back. Clarke does as instructed.

“Tell them,” I say in a rush. “If you just—”

My voice is cut off by a muffled groan and metal hitting skin; my body shudders as the sounds continue to echo around the room. As much as I try to drown it out, I can't shake the terrible feeling that's settling in the pit of my stomach because I hate not being able to help. Tears pool in my eyes, and I know this moment will haunt me for the rest of my life. With tear filled eyes and quivering lips, Octavia turns around after a few seconds. She glances at me and immediately walks towards me; she reaches out to me so I hug her without hesitation. Her back is to the Grounder, but he is in my direct line of vision. I bite my lip and feel a few hot tears fall. 

After several minutes, Bellamy stops because he realizes this isn't work and he needs to change his strategy. The room is eerily quiet except for the Grounder's heavy breathing. The Grounder glances over at me and Octavia, who I'm still hugging tightly. A single tear falls as I make eye contact with him; his torso is bleeding and his face is set in stone, but nonetheless his eyes convey to me that he is still on my side—that he still wants to believe in me. Raven starts to shout for Clarke again, but no one says anything and Clarke doesn’t move either. We all watch as Bellamy picks up a piece of metal.

“Bellamy, you don’t have to do this!” I plea. “Please just stop!”

Bellamy meets my gaze, but he doesn’t say a single word. He approaches the Grounder again and gives him a moment to say or do something. When the Grounder doesn't do anything besides stare back, Bellamy reacts by grabbing the Grounder's hand. My eyes snap shut and cover my ears as Bellamy sticks it through the Grounder’s hand. This time his moans are much louder and even a small whimper surpasses his lip; however, this form of torture still doesn’t get him to speak up. I squeal because I can still hear the Grounder’s moans of discomfort despite having my ears covered. The rest of her silent and still as statues, unsure of what to do. A few moments later a voice breaks the silence.

“Finn needs help,” Raven claims, climbing the ladder. She looks at Clarke. “He’s breathing again, but he might not start again the next time he stops.”

“He’s not talking, Raven,” I say, nodding towards the Grounder.

“Well, I’ll make him talk,” Raven grumbles.

Raven pulls wires from the wall, which causes me to gulp because I realize instantly what she has in mind.

“Raven, what are you doing?” Bellamy asks in a confused tone.

“Something you all haven’t done,” she hisses.

Raven puts two wires together, causing sparks to ignite. 

“No no no,” Octavia murmurs in a trembling voice.

I take a few steps towards Raven. “Raven, please don’t do this! This isn’t what Finn would—”

“I’m doing this for Finn!” she firebacks.

With that said, Raven steps closer to the Grounder, who starts to flail against the chains. I look back over my shoulder at Octavia whose eyes are wide with fear. I cover my ears just in time to muffle the Grounder’s screams although it doesn’t really work that much. The lights flicker, and his screams fill the small room.

“Stop it!” Octavia cries.

“He’s killing Finn!” Raven yells.

Raven holds the wires against his skin again. Everyone is so shocked by Raven’s actions that they don’t seem to be focused on anything else. My startled gaze that’s fixed on Raven is broken when I see Octavia star to walk towards the chaos with a glint in her eye. I watch her closely because I’m worried that she’s up to something dangerous. Octavia’s eyes are trained on something on the floor ahead of her. No one else seems to notice her movements, but I struggle to see what she’s intent on getting. Finally, I see the bloody, poisonous knife lying on the floor near the Grounder’s feet. The breath hitches in my throat, afraid of what she’s about to do; my heart stops as Octavia gets closer. I try to get around Raven so I can stop her, but it's extremely difficult with the wires in the way. Octavia falls out of sight, and I push my way around Raven the best I can.

“C’mon!” Raven shouts while poking him again. “He’s all I have! Just tell us which one—”

“Octavia, no!” I scream, lunging toward her but I’m too late because I can already see Octavia holding the knife against her forearm.

Octavia slices her arm and blood immediately starts to ooze from the cut. I fall to my knees next to her and hold her elbow while her blood drips from my best friend's arm. The buzzing of electricity has ceded; out of the corner of my eye, I see Raven toss the wires aside.

“He won’t let me get hurt,” Octavia says confidently with her eyes fixed on the wounded man above her. And I know she’s right. “Which one is it?”

Octavia points at each antidote, taking her time to make sure he can see. The Grounder watches her closely and moves his head to get better view of the antidotes; his face is full of worried lines. His eyes fleetingly land on flask on Octavia’s far right so I grab it and hold it up for him to see.

“This one?” I ask, opening it as quickly as possible. My eyes are trained on him.

The Grounder nods impatiently so I immediately pour some over Octavia’s cut. I grab the nearest piece of cloth that I can find, not realizing it’s the Grounder’s shirt until I’m tying it around Octavia’s arm. The silence in the room is deafening.

“Thank you,” Octavia whispers.

With my arm around her shoulders, we both stand up. Bellamy, who’s eyes are glistening with worry, reaches for Octavia immediately.

“Don’t touch me!” Octavia sneers. She steps away from her brother, cringing at his extended arm.

Bellamy frowns, and I notice that his eyes are even softer now. Octavia walks to the ladder without saying another word, but she’s the only one who moves at first. The others are silent and hesitant to even look at one another. I’m inches away from the Grounder now; facing him, I study his face in hopes that he’ll communicate something with me. The Grounder meets my gaze, but he doesn’t speak. He doesn't have to, though, because his eyes say it all: I’m trying. I’m trying to believe in your people. I nod my head just enough so that he’ll see; once I do, he lets his head fall.

Turning to Clarke, I take one of her hands in mine, place the antidote in her palm, and close her hand around it. Raven is standing next to the both of us so I rest my hand on her shoulder.

“You two need to take this down to my brother,” I say softly, knowing that they’ve gone through a lot today. “You guys have worked hard to save Finn, but he still needs us okay? Go down there and give him some of this antidote now.”

Clarke nods and immediately walks to the ladder. Raven doesn't move as fast; her eyes are full of pain and her face is covered in a somber expression when she finally looks at me.

“What I did,” Raven murmurs, “wasn’t easy.”

I know what she’s talking about. Raven is exceptionally brave, and she’s not normally one to back down from any challenge nor is she one to normally lose said challenge. Her exterior is so tough that many believe she’s unbreakable; however, Raven faces more trouble than she lets on. Although she is tough, Raven isn’t superhuman.

“I know,” I reply sincerely. “That’s what you do: protect people… Go be with Finn. I’ll be down in a little bit.”

Raven nods, but she doesn’t say anything else as she walks away. Bellamy orders the boys to take a break. None of them hesitate to listen, except for Miller; he glances between Bellamy and I, wanting to know what to do. Miller respects Bellamy, the leader who saw his potential and helped him grow into a helpful and necessary leadership position. I, on the other hand, am one of Miller’s few close friends who's been through so much with him; I’ve been there for him since we became best friends in school when we were young. I listen to him whenever he vents to me about his worries and problems as well as serve as his partner on every mission outside of camp. Miller knows me as well as I know him, and he will always want to help me in a time of need.

“Go on, Miller,” I say, trying to smile at him. “You’ve done enough today. Thanks for having my back out there today—I owe you, Nate.”

Miller offers me a tight lipped smile before following the others downstairs. When Bellamy and I are left with the Grounder, an eerie silence fills the air because neither of us are ready to deal with the other after tonight’s events.

“How’s your shoulder?” Bellamy asks quietly. He stares at me gently, but I can’t help be react the way I do.

“Fine,” I snap.

My arms are crossed in front of my chest, which hurts my injured shoulder tremendously. Doing the best I can, I bite my lip and try to mask the pain so that he won't pity me. We meet each other’s eye briefly, but neither of us maintain the visual contact. A piece of my tough facade starts to crack the bitterness radiating between us so I try to lessen the tension.

“Take a break,” I whisper. “I’ll stay on first watch.”

Bellamy nods and steps towards the ladder. I face the Grounder and take a seat on the ground, wincing when I put too much strain on my injured shoulder. Behind me I can hear Bellamy start to walk down. My thoughts of today’s events are broken by Bellamy’s voice.

“Gemma?”

Peering over my shoulder, my eyes meet his soft brown ones. All of Bellamy’s features are soft at the moment. I raise my brow, silently telling him to continue.

“I’m really glad you’re safe,” he says. “And I’m glad Finn is going to be all right again.”

“Thank you,” I reply genuinely.

Bellamy smiles at me and finishes climbing the stairs, closing the trapdoor behind him. I stretch my legs out. Until now I hadn’t realized that pounding dull ache in my right shoulder. I heave a long sigh, close my eyes, and recall today’s events. After several minutes, I open my eyes and stare at the Grounder. His head body is covered in blood; I can already see bruises forming on his toso.

“You were right,” I say heartbrokenly. “I couldn’t protect you. I can’t protect anyone that well, not even myself.”

The Grounder raises his head to watch me. He doesn’t speak.

“I’m sorry,” I continue. “What they’ve done to you is wrong. And you have every right to be angry at them—and me too because I didn’t stop them, because I couldn’t protect you. I wish I could’ve stopped them. I wish I could do something right…”

The Grounder glances at the trapdoor before he speaks.

“I’m not angry at you,” he says. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt for me.”

“Why did you save me and Octavia? Why did you protect us from that ambush of Grounders? We’ve invaded your home. None of us have done anything for you to help us. I haven’t either… You don’t know me or Octavia yet you keep helping us. Why?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do. You two haven’t done anything to harm anyone since you’ve been here. And I believe that everyone is good at heart. It’s just up to that person to act on the good rather than the bad.”

I stand up and walk towards him. I eye the metal that’s still stuck in his hand, knowing full well that I shouldn’t take it out because I don’t know how to fix it.

“What’s your name?” I ask softly, wanting to get to know him.

He doesn’t respond immediately; he watches me very closely. It’s as if he’s still figuring me out.

“Lincoln,” he says.

I smile for real this time, happy that he’s opening up slightly.

“Well, Lincoln,” I say slowly, watching his face. “I might not have been able to save you earlier, but I will get you out of here.”

“Don’t get hurt for me,” Lincoln pleads.

“I won’t,” I say assuredly.

In my pack, I find my bottle of water. Then, I manage to find some cloth lying around. I walk to the trapdoor and open it, hoping Octavia will be nearby. Octavia walks by just in time.

“Octavia!” I hiss.

When she looks up, I gesture for her to come up. Octavia looks both ways before hurriedly climbing the stairs, and I quickly close the door behind her. Handing her the bottle and cloth, I ask her to help me clean the Grounder up. I don’t refer to him as Lincoln because I’m not sure if he wants her to know that he can completely understand us or how comfortable he is with knowing personal things about him. Octavia just nods and slowly approaches the bruised and beaten man. I walk around the room, looking for more cloth and water if possible.

“Thank you,” Octavia says to Lincoln.

While walking around, I peer at the two. Lincoln watches her with a soft expression, but he doesn’t say anything. The way he looks at her warms my heart because, despite everything our people have done to him, Lincoln still finds it in himself to be patient, understanding, and caring. I turn my attention away from the two and keep looking for another cloth.

“Do you understand me?” I hear Octavia ask in an excited whisper. Lincoln must nod because she continues. “Really? What’s your name?”

“Lincoln,” he says after a moment.

“Hi,” Octavia whispers. “I’m Octavia… Why did you tell me your name?”

“So that you’ll remember me,” Lincoln mumbles, “when this is over.”

Lincoln’s words makes the warmth I felt when I saw how he looked at Octavia disappear; to hear him sound so defeated makes me feel awful and desperate. Giving up on finding any cloth or water, I sigh and walk over to the other two. Octavia smiles at me while she continues cleaning Lincoln’s wounds.

“Will you help me save him?” I ask her.

“Of course,” she says with a smile. “He saved me—I owe him that.”

“I’m going to check on my brother. If Bellamy or anyone comes up while I’m gone, blame me that you’re here alone. Knowing your brother he wouldn’t like it if you’re up here alone.”

Once downstairs, I hear Clarke speaking in a rushed, frustrated tone. I look around, but there’s no one else down here—and that’s when I hear Abby’s voice. I don’t move because I’m afraid that Clarke will get mad if she sees me overhearing their question. I know I should leave and let her to talk to her mom in private, but I’m rooted to the spot because I’m paralyzed by the topic.

“Wells let me blame him!” Clarke cries. “My own best friend let me hate him so that I wouldn’t hate you! You ratted Dad out—how do you really expect me to get over that?”

“It wasn’t supposed to end like that,” Abby says in a rush. I can tell that she’s desperate. “Jaha was supposed to talk your dad out of it—”

“I don’t want to talk to you!”

Clarke hits the radio and the buzz dies, which signals that she’s ending the connection with Abby. I jump at her reaction because I’m not used to seeing Clarke so distraught. Clarke hands run through her bangs, and she turns around in a haste. She comes to a quick halt upon seeing me. Neither of us speak at first; from here, I see that her face is stained with tears. My heart manages to break even more at the sight of my new best friend in such despair. Clarke just isn't my co-leader—she's my confident, my shoulder to lean on, and one of my few constants in my new life on Earth. She supports me just as much as I support her, and that's all I can ask for in a friend down here.

Without saying a word, I walk to her and close the distance between us. My eyes fill with tears as I watch her unfold before my eyes.

“Clarke, I’m sorry,” I whisper. “This isn’t the life any of us deserve. You don’t deserve this, but hey … you’ve got me. We’ll get through this together.”

Clarke starts to cry harder, so I wrap my arms around her without hesitation and feel her do the same with me. Originally I hugged her to make her feel better, but now I understand that she’s helping me too. A few tears escape my eyes too, realizing that Clarke and I are in this together; without someone there to help me and guide me, I’d go crazy. I’m not sure how long we stay like this, but eventually Clarke lets me go and wipes her eyes.

“Thanks, Gemma,” Clarke murmurs. “It’s hard, and it really means a lot that you’re here.”

“You’re welcome,” I say with a small smile. “What are friends for?”

Clarke returns the smile, and it’s bigger than I would’ve imagined after everything that’s happened over the last day. We both turn our attention to my brother, who’s finally lying still on his plethora of blankets and pillows. His face is shining with sweat and his damp bangs are stuck to his forehead. From his belly button down, Finn is covered in blankets; his torso is shirtless and glistening with sweat too. My brother is sickeningly pale and fragile. My throat tightens slightly and my eyes start to sting because of tears.

Forcing the tears away, I look back at Clarke and say, “I was coming to check on him and ask for your help.”

“What’s wrong?”

“That Grounder”—I still don’t use his name because I don’t want the others to become suspicious—“still has that metal in his hand. I don’t know how to treat it once it’s removed so I thought you should do that.”

“Alright,” Clarke says. She grabs some cloth and alcohol. “Let’s go.”

Following Clarke, we climb up the ladder. Lincoln straightens up and becomes very stoic when he sees Clarke, but his face calms when he sees me come up behind her. Octavia moves away from Lincoln so that Clarke can look at his hand.

“I don’t know what it is about you and Octavia,” Clarke says as she moves forward, “but you guys have an interesting effect on him.”

I simply shrug, unsure of what to say. Lincoln is watching the pair of us closely, and I can feel his eyes on me when I step away from Clarke to get some stuff. She walks closer to Lincoln instead of following me; then, I walk towards the both of them. Taking the cloth and alcohol from my hands, Clarke starts to examine his injured hand. Lincoln's studies Clarke closely, trying to figure out if she's actually going to help him.

“I’m going to take it out,” she says after a moment.

Clarke looks up at his face and glances back at his hand; when she looks back up at him, she raises a brow as if to ask if that’s okay with him. Lincoln looks at me with a sincere expression, silently asking me if he can trust her. I nod, tell him it will be okay, and order Clarke to get it over with. Lincoln stifles a groan when she pulls it out. He clinches his fist and struggles against the chains when she tries to open his fist.

“I need to clean it,” Clarke says, looking him in the eye.

“Listen to her,” I say calmly. “She’s not going to hurt you, I promise.”

Slowly, Lincoln opens his hand and Clarke starts to clean the wound.

“I’m sorry, Octavia,” Clarke says, noticing the anger radiating from Octavia. “I never wanted him to get hurt. I just wanted to save Finn.”

“For the record, I saved Finn,” Octavia says bitterly, “but tell yourself what you need to make yourself feel better, Clarke.”

I sigh and glance between the two girls. I raise my brow at Octavia, silently asking her to calm down. Octavia’s shoulders fall as the weight of our reality starts to crush down on her. I walk over to her and rest my head on her shoulder as we watch Clarke clean his hand. Octavia takes my hand in hers, reminding me of the nights she held my hand when I got nightmares on the Ark. We’ll get through this together, I think. We have to. Is there really anyway we could survive down here without leaning on one another for support?

I walk down the ladder after Clarke and Octavia. The pair walk outside of the dropship where the rest of the hundred are starting to go back to normal, which gives me time to be alone with my brother. Raven is asleep on a cot nearby so I try to be quiet and not wake her up. I sit down on a crate and watch my brother in silence. Finn looks so fragile, which breaks my heart. My brother has always been my rock; he’s the only constant in my life. When our father drank himself away at night, I had Finn. When I couldn’t understand a school assignment, Finn would it figure it out with me. Whenever anything went wrong or right, I could count on Finn to be there and get through it with me.

All of my life Finn has been there. I can’t seem to find a single memory that doesn’t include him one way or another. My brother and I have survived everything together, and I’m struggling to believe that we can survive this too. We’ve always had each other’s back so how can I go on without him? We fight together; we even stand up and fight for the other if it really comes down to it. The two of us balance each other out so well that many people have joked over the years that it’s almost as if we’re one person. I’m reserved yet Finn is open and more social. I think more critically, but Finn sometimes acts in the moment. I study people and try to figure them out, and Finn is more willing to let people open up to him.

There’s no way I’ll be able to stay sane here on Earth without Finn. Down here we are alone. Our grandfather is in space, but we have no idea what’s happened to him since we came to Earth; both of our parents are dead, and we’re left without any other family down here. For as long as we can remember, we’ve only really ever had each other. How will I ever do this—living on Earth, leading our people—without my brother? With tears in my eyes, I stare at my brother and wishing he never had to go through this. He deserves so much better than the life we were dealt; the tears finally fall, cascading down my cheeks.

“You need to wake up,” I cry, “because I can’t do this without you, Finn. We’re supposed to do this together remember? We’re supposed to survive together down here... Please wake up.”

I sob silently with my hand still holding Finn’s and my head in my other elbow. For a few minutes, silence echoed the dropship; except for my cries, nothing else can be heard. A squeeze around my hand brings me back to my senses. I quickly lift my head up and see a smiling Finn looking back at me.

“Hey, kiddo,” Finn murmurs. “It’s good to see you.”

“Hey,” I say, heaving a sigh. A smile covers my face as I wipe my tears away. “How do you feel? Do you need anything?”

“I feel like I’ve been thrown around like a rag doll, but I’m fine, Gem.” Finn grins at me. His eyes land on my wounded shoulder, causing his smile to waiver. “Why is your shoulder wrapped up? What’s happened since I’ve been out?”

I explain what’s happened while he’s been unconscious. Finn’s eyes widen as I tell him about Lincoln and how I went to get the antidote; he cringes when I explain how I got hurt. I describe what happened upstairs, leaving out the fact that I’m going to save Lincoln.

“Your shoulder is fine though?” Finn asks worriedly.

I nod. “It’s fine for now, but what’s really important is that you’re alive, Finn. If you hadn’t woken up, I was going to steal all of your pillows and blankets. It’s cold as shit down here, and I’m tired of freezing at night.”

Finn gasps and stares at me with wide eyes.

“Do it and I’ll shave your eyebrows,” Finn threatens. He tries to fight the smirk, but he ends up chuckling.

I giggle and roll my eyes. I’m about to reply, but someone enters the dropship; we both look to see Clarke standing in the entrance. She pauses in her tracks when she realizes Finn is awake, but soon enough she walks swiftly over.

“Good save,” Finn says, smiling at Clarke. His hand caresses her elbow.

“I wasn’t the only one who saved you,” Clarke says. She smiles at me, and then she looks over my shoulder at Raven who’s still asleep. “They both helped too.”

Finn smiles at me too. He peers at Raven as best as he can in his position; he watches her silently for a long time.

“She needs you,”1 Clarke tells him earnestly. “She needs help—and only you can help with what she’s going through, Finn...”

I watch the interaction unfold in silence. Finn looks back at Clarke with a sad expression. I hate seeing my brother so fragile, and it’s worse when he’s caught in an emotional dilemma.

“Raven,” Clarke says, raising her voice. Raven wakes up. “He’s awake. He was asking for you.”

Clarke stands up and walks back towards the dropship entrance. Finn looks at me somberly, and I know he’s struggling with his feelings. As Raven sits next to me with a smile on her face while she stares at Finn, I brush his hair off his forehead and tell him that I’ll be back in a bit. I put my arm around Clarke’s shoulder and guide her out of the dropship where we realize that it's a mess outside. Parts of the wall have holes and other parts of the wall have fallen down completely; debris is everywhere. Fortunately, everyone seems to be playing a part in fixing things. Octavia comes up to us and says she’s not sure what she can do to help.

“The storm was a doozy,” I say casually. “We’ll just have to take it hour by hour, O.”

“We’ve got a mess on our hands,” Bellamy says, approaching us.

“I wish it was the only mess on our hands,”2 Clarke says in a defeated voice.

“We’ve done good, Clarke,” I remind her. “What’s life without a little mess here in there? We’ll get through this, I promise.”

Bellamy nods and takes the knife from Clarke. He looks between the two of us with a worn out expression.

“Who we are and who need to be to survive are two very different things,”3 Bellamy tells us.

“What are we going to do about him?” Clarke asks.

“If we let him go, you know he’ll return with more Grounders,” Bellamy says.

There’s a silence that unfolds between us. Octavia and I share a look, knowing what the two of us are planning to do.

“It’s not easy being in charge, huh?” Bellamy asks Clarke and I.

Clarke doesn’t say anything; she simply looks around camp, studying the damage done to our progress. I look at my people and try to find solace with what we’ve all done to make it this far. The rest of the hundred collect and attend to the camp’s needs, trying to fix what we’ve lost so that we can stay alive. But after all we’ve done, do we even deserve to survive?

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 3 are direct quotes from the show. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.” -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: If you’re familiar with the TV show, then you know that there are violent scenes. I don’t consider what I write to be as graphic as the show, but I do include some scenes so please be careful reading my fic if you could be triggered.
> 
> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

The first thing I register when I’m awake is the intensity of which it is burning. My shoulder is throbbing and burning so strongly that it feels like the wound has it’s own pulse. A groan escapes my lips, and I pray that Octavia doesn’t wake up because I can’t bear the thought of what someone will do when they know I might not be getting better. The last thing I want is for the others to be worried and to take care of me like I’m a small child because I can’t afford to not act like the leader everyone needs me to be right now. Finn is the one who needs help; his recovery will be longer and much worse. Not only that, there’s no time for me to be hurt when camp is destroyed and when I have to make sure Lincoln gets out of here alive.

“Fuck this,” I mutter, sitting up. I stifle a groan as I push myself up.

As quietly as possible, I rummage around the tent to find the small mirror Octavia and I took from the drop ship. Squealing, I try to get my shirt off, but it hurts more than I imagined. My left arm doesn’t have any trouble removing my shirt, but any small movement of my right arm and shoulder causes pain to rumble through the right side of my body. My head is covered by the shirt so I don’t notice that Octavia wakes up. Finally, with a low groan, I manage to pull my right arm out of my shirt. The shirt falls on top of my blankets. With closed eyes, I gasp for air. My breaths are shallow as I try to focus on anything but the pain.

“What’s wrong?” Octavia murmurs sleepily.

“Nothing,” I say, hoping she’ll roll over and go back to sleep.

I shift around and try to find the right angle to hold the mirror so that I can say the wound. Octavia watches me in silence for a few moments obviously getting the hint. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as she shifts on her knees and moves closer to me.

“I can check your shoulder for you,” she says softly.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m—”

But she’s already pulling the bandages off as delicately as she can. I hiss because of how much it stings. Octavia mutters an apology, but I assure her that I’m fine. Once the bandage is off, she doesn’t speak. I think I hear her gasp, but it was so quiet that I think I might’ve made it up. Octavia’s index finger moves so softly over my shoulder that it feels like a feather—almost like a ghost. I wait another moment to see if she will.

“Octavia, how does it look?”

Octavia stammers incoherently.

“Out with it already,” I demand.

“It’s bruised really bad,” Octavia begins. Her voice is laced with concern. “Your right shoulder is painted navy and indigo like the night sky with hints of yellow and lime green. This is the nastiest bruise I’ve ever seen, Gemma. And the puncture wound is leaking a clear liquid, but the edges are tainted with puss.”

My eyes widen while she describes this to me. I peer over my shoulder, wincing at the pain. Octavia stares back at me with wide eyes.

“You need to see Clarke,” Octavia says.

I shake my head and say, “No, I’ll just use the cream that she gave me last night. That will help, O. I must not have put any last night.”

I know for a fact that I put cream on last night, but I hope that Octavia doesn’t remember.

“I watched you put it on. Gemma, you need to let Clarke—”

“Octavia, it’s fine. Just hand me the cream.”

My tone was harsher than I intended, but I really don’t want to be treated like a child when I need to be helping everyone. Octavia stares at me for a moment, questioning my sanity I assume. I raise my brow, and she gives in. Instead of handing it to me, Octavia applies the cream to my shoulder; I sigh happily, enjoying how the cream dulls the heat that’s radiating from my shoulder blade. Once she has applied lots of cream, Octavia puts new bandages over it.

“Thanks, O,” I say quietly.

Octavia simply smiles and asks, “What shirt do you want to wear?”

“The big navy one. It’ll be better if I don’t wear a shirt that clings to me.”

Octavia finds the faded navy shirt that I love. The shirt is rather big on me; it dangles a little bit past my fingertips, but that’s how I like it. I put my jeans on and ignore how my shoulder still stings slightly as I move. With closed eyes, I breathe deeply through my nose and attempt to relax. A few seconds later I walk around the tent in order to find my small bag of berries. I had snuck a few when Miller and I were organizing them. An “ah ha!” escapes my lips when I find them between my shoes. I pick up my shoes and berries in different hands.

“What are we going to do about—” Octavia stops herself before she says his name. In a hushed tone, she continues with, “You know…”

“That’s what I was just about to talk to you about,” I whisper, sitting down in front of her. I pop a berry in mouth. “We’ll need some sort of diversion so that no one sees us sneak him out of the dropship and into the woods.”

“I could pretend to be hurt. You know Bellamy’s attention will be trained on me. Clarke will be paying attention to me.”

“That would be a good idea … if Bellamy wouldn’t carry you to the dropship in an instant so that Clarke could check to make sure you’re all right. I don’t know if we could insure that plan would give me enough time to get Lincoln out.”

I eat two more berries and silently ponder another plan. Octavia quietly murmurs to herself as she tries to think of what we can do. While I think, I eat two more berries, but it’s becoming slightly harder to focus on developing a plan. I assume it’s because I’m tired and anxious that nothing will work. A loud bang echoes outside as I reach for another berry, interrupting my thoughts. Surprised by the intensity of the sound, I jolt forward; with wide eyes, Octavia and I quickly make our way outside. Well, I stumble slightly, but I deduct that it’s because I’m rushing and trying to tug my boots on as I hoping outside of my tent.

Turning in a slow circle, I try to make sense of what’s happening in camp. My berry bag dangles limp in my left hand by my side. Other campers are behaving very strangely. From mumbling under their breath to rubbing their arms with frightened eyes to rocking back and forth on a log, it’s evident that something is wrong. My eyes scan camp slowly, trying to figure out what’s wrong. Was there attack? No, I would’ve heard it. I look around worriedly and try to figure out if there’s anything out of place.

As much as I try, I can’t find anything out of place. The wood is stacked along the wall where it always is. There isn’t a fire out of control. The berry crates are exactly where I remember seeing them last night. The walls are as intact as usual. Wait. The berries! I reach into my bag and pull a berry out swiftly, studying it with wide, fear-filled eyes. How could I have missed this? I should’ve known these were poisonous; I briefly read about these berries one night on the Ark.

“Don’t eat any more!” A shrill voice shouts, breaking me from my thoughts.

I look up just in time to see Octavia lunge towards me. She swats the bag of berries out of my hands; the berries fall out of the bag, bouncing on the ground.

“They’re poisonous!” Octavia warns me in a desperate tone.

“I figured that how much myself thanks,” I reply nonchalantly.

“Are you okay?”

Octavia places a hand on my elbow and looks at me carefully.

“My vision is slightly blurred, but other than that I’m fine. I don’t think I’ve eaten enough to be as crazy as everyone else.”

Octavia pats me on my elbow before looking around camp. Everyone seems to be high as kites. A part of me wants to laugh at the sight, but a larger part of me is worried because we are incredibly vulnerable if Grounders would attack us. I gulp and think about what we’d do if that happened; we barely stand a chance against the Grounders when we’re all sober and coherent. My mind trails to Finn, who still has a long ways to recover. It would be so hard for him to fight back as weak as he is, which makes my heart break.

I try not to think of that because I don’t want to focus on the negatives. Instead, my thoughts fill with images of Lincoln; I try not to think of what his people would do to him if they found him alive. I’m not sure what will happen to him if we manage to help him escape, but I have to get him out of here because he’s not safe in our camp either. High or not, our people are a threat to him.

“Hey Gemma!” A voice breaks me from my trance.

I look up just in time to register who’s calling my name as Moose wraps his arms around me tightly. I giggle and hug him back, patting him on the shoulders.

“Hi Moose,” I reply.

Moose unwraps his arms from around me, offering me a lopsided grin. He wobbles slightly side to side so it’s clear that he is high too.

“Have you seen it?” Moose asks excitedly, almost like a small child.

I ark my brow. “Seen what?”

Pointing towards the sky, Moose says, “The pink birds! There! They’re right there!”

Octavia and I both look up, only to see nothing but a clear blue sky.

“Of course!” I say, smiling at him.

Moose jumps excitedly before running away, trying to find someone else to tell. Octavia giggles as she watches all of the others act crazily. The hallucinations seem rather mild for now so I’m not too worried. If the others are seeing things, I wonder what else they’re experiencing… If Moose thinks he’s seeing pink birds, then would they ignore something that’s really there because they think it’s an illusion?

“Octavia,” I say with a glimmer of glee in my eyes, “I’ve got an idea.”

I lean closer to her and whisper my plan, explaining how we could probably just walk Lincoln out of the dropship. We could lead him to go directly behind it before anyone notices anything peculiar; even if they saw him, I doubt they’d probably think anything of it because they’re high. If the rest of the core wasn’t around, then we’d be more successful. I tell Octavia to stay out here and look after the others. I need to tell the Clarke and Bellamy what’s going on before checking on my brother.

When I enter the dropship, I hear an all too familiar voice.

“Here’s the good news,” Kane says, describing to Clarke how we can seek shelter to survive the cold during the winter months.

My hands form into fists at my side, which makes my injured shoulder tingle. I let out the breath I’m holding through my nose and try not to let my anger get the best of me. Clarke looks over and smiles at me.

“Who’s there with you?” Kane asks.

Clarke and I stare at each other silently for a moment. I close the distance between us and sit down next to her.

“How can I help?” I ask, trying my best to remain calm as I stare back at Marcus Kane.

Kane straightens up. I notice how the lines on his face tighten upon seeing me.

“Hi Gemma,” Thelonious says, breaking the silence. “We were explaining to Clarke how to find shelter. There should be a place that survived the war, and it should also have supplies.”

“That sounds great. You sent us the coordinates, correct?”

“Yes we have,” Thelonious replies.

“Chancellor,” an unfamiliar blonde woman says, “I think the kids should sit tight until the first dropship lands.”

“Kids?” I mutter. I quit talking after Clarke elbows me in the side.

“That’s not a safe plan,” Thelonious counters, “because the hundred could die of exposure before that dropship even lands… I’d like a moment alone with Clarke and Gemma please.”

The rest of the Council whisper amongst themselves as they stand and exit the room. Thelonious watches them all leave before returning his attention back to us.

“We’re all very proud of what you’ve done,” he begins. “Clarke, your mother—”

Clarke sighs quietly and says, “I don’t want to talk about her.”

Sitting silently, I cross my arms and look between the two.

“Please, Clarke. It’s time to forgive. I can schedule a time for you and your mom to talk—”

“I said no alright? I know that you both think betraying my father was an unavoidable tragedy, but that’s not how I see it. I never will see it like so let’s stop talking about it. Let’s stop wasting time and let others who want to talk to their parents have a turn. Alright?”

Thelonious glances at me before nodding and telling Clarke that she’s right.

“My grandfather,” I say eagerly before either of them can speak another word. “Where is? Can I talk to him? I need to talk to him!”

“He’s doing just fine, Gemma,” Thelonious says with a bright smile. “But I don’t know if now is a good time because your grandfather is helping me on a project, but I’ll go get him right now.”

My breath hitches in my throat; my gasp is audible. My grandfather is alive! I am so relieved to know that Pops is alive; I’ve been thinking of the worse possible outcomes. My biggest worry has been that Pops was one of the hundreds of people who sacrificed themselves in the culling. A bright smile breaks across my face too, and I feel Clarke squeeze my arm excitedly. Clarke tells Jaha that I’ll be waiting because I’m a bit too shocked to say anything.

“Clarke,” I finally manage to say. “Can you go get Finn please? I can’t do this without him. He needs to be here when Pops gets back.”

“I’m on it.”

Clarke moves as swiftly as she can to find my brother. Finn’s name leaves her lips before she even exits the dropship. My eyes are glued on the computer in front of me, hoping to catch a glimpse of Pops any second. A few moments later I hear the pounding of footsteps approaching the dropship door. Then, Finn’s cheeky grin is the next thing I see; in this state, you’d never think my brother nearly died yesterday.

“Is it true?” Finn asks excitedly, taking a seat next to me. “Are we getting to talk to Pops?”

I nod eagerly and hand Finn the extra set of headphones. Finn puts them on immediately; the child like grin never leaves my brother’s face. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tad bit nervous. What will Pops say when he sees us? Has anything bad happened to him since we’ve been gone? Is he mad at me because I took of my wristband? What has Pops been doing since we left the Ark? Did he have any voice in sending us to Earth? A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind.

Like always, I start to pop my fingers when I get nervous. Finn must notice because he takes my hand in his so I squeeze his hand to let him know that I’m alright. With our headphones on, we can hear a door shut somewhere in the room on the Ark. Finn and I hold our breath because this is it—this is what we’ve both been waiting for days. I’m expecting to see Thelonious, but the man I’ve admired my entire life appears instead. There’s For a few moments, the three of us don’t speak; we simply take in the sight of one another through the pixelated screen.

“Hi kids,” Pops says. A smile spreads across his face and tears sparkle in his eyes. “It’s you—it’s really you! I don’t think either of you have any idea how happy I am to see you, to know you’re alive. Thelonious told me about both of your injuries. Are you okay? How much danger are you in? What are the Grounders like? Are the rest of the hundred getting along with you two?”

“Breathe, Pops,” Finn chuckles. “We can’t answer it all at once.”

I laugh. “We’re just fine, Pops. My shoulder is alright, and Finn is healing just fine. The Grounders have been a bit quiet the last couple of days. The rest of us are doing okay too considering everything we've been through.”

“They all love, Gemma,” Finn adds. I roll my eyes and chuckle. “It’s true, Pops! Gemma has been incredible down here! She’s kept everyone in line, but she’s become their friends too. Gemma is the greatest leader I know.”

“Thelonious told me that you had shown impressive strength on Earth, Gemma,” Pops says. His smile widens. “I’m so proud of you both. You two have been so helpful down there and you’ve worked so hard. I can’t wait to see you—actually see you and hug you both.”

My throat tightens and my eyes feel warm from the tears. I wipe some tears away with one hand. Finn squeezes the hand that he’s still holding.

“I miss you, Pops,” I whisper. “I miss you so much. Are you okay? Is everyone else on the Ark alright? What’s happened since we’ve been gone?”

“I’m just fine, Gem. I’m doing everything I can to help Thelonious make sure we all make it down to you … but things haven’t been normal since you all left. Things are starting to get scary, and it’s hard to predict what will happen at any moment. But you all don’t need to worry because we’ll make it down there. I promise you that.”

“Take care of yourself, Pops,” Finn says encouragingly. “We’ll keep everything in tact here for when you guys arrive.”

Pops smiles and in a sincere voice says, “Finn, promise me you’ll take care of your sister okay?”

“I always do,” Finn replies proudly, throwing an arm around my shoulders. “She’s much better at taking care of herself—and everyone else—than I am though.”

“Stay safe,” Pops orders. “Don’t do anything that could cause any danger for you or the others. Look out for the rest of hundred, but don’t let yourselves get hurt in the process. Please stay safe—promise me alright?”

Pops stops speaking with his eyes resting on me. I know what he’s thinking: I’m the most curious one and the biggest risk taker.

“Promise,” Finn and I say at the same time.

“I’ve got to go now because I have to help Thelonious and the Council with plans, but I’ll try to talk to you all again soon. Now get going and help the others. I love you both so, so much. See ya later, kids.”

Finn and I say our goodbyes. I turn the computer off before removing my headphones. Although it hurt to say goodbye again, I do feel much better now that I had a chance to talk to Pops. Based on how Finn can’t stop smiling, I guess he feels the same way.

“Can you go somewhere for me?” Finn asks.

“Where?” I question him.

“I need stuff from the bunker I found. Bellamy and Clarke both headed out when I came in here because they needed to check on a trap Bellamy made.”

“Can someone else go? I’m exhausted and my shoulder is really sore.”

I hope I sound as convincing as I’m trying to be. If the others are all gone, then hopefully Octavia and I will be able to sneak Lincoln out of here.

“Oh okay… I’ll find someone to go. Are you sure you’ll be able to hold the fort down if I go nap?”

I roll my eyes and smirk. “Are you questioning my abilities?”

“Calm down, kiddo,” Finn laughs, standing up. “I just know everyone’s a mess out there right now.”

“I’ll be fine. Go sleep. If I don’t hear from you after a while—”

“Then, you’ll come find me. I know.”

We both laugh as he exits the dropship. I wait a solid minute before rushing to the stairs and climbing up. I peak my head through and notice that Lincoln is awake.

“Hey you,” I say, smiling at him.

Lincoln looks up and offers me a small smile. I look back down at the floor below to make sure no one has come inside.

“I’m going to get you out of here today,” I mutter just loud enough for Lincoln to hear.

“No!” Lincoln pleads quietly. “You can’t! You’re people will be angry!”

“I don’t care!” I shout in a whisper. “You’re my people too, Lincoln. I’ll be back soon okay?”

When I exit the dropship, I spy Octavia across camp as she tries to reign the high campers. I meet her gaze and wave at her to come to me. Octavia walks jogs over to me and asks if it’s time.

“Where’s Finn?” I ask her.

“In his tent,” Octavia informs. “Bellamy and Clarke are still gone and Raven is in her tent alone. We need to hurry.”

We walk quickly inside the dropship. I tell Octavia to pretend like she’s organizing supplies on the main floor so she can serve as a lookout. I climb upstairs and jog toward Lincoln; as I start untying his wrist restraints, he speaks.

“You don’t have to do this you know,” Lincoln mumbles.

“I know,” I reply. “I need to. You’re my friend, and I’m going to help you.”

Lincoln is quiet while I untie his second wrist.

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

“You’d do it for me,” I reply confidently. “You always look out for me.”

Lincoln nods, smiling at me. We’re both quiet as we walk towards the stairs. I climb down the stairs first to make sure it’s safe for Lincoln to come down.

“Octavia,” I say, “go stand in the entrance and stand guard. Make sure no one comes near the dropship.”

Octavia nods eagerly and rushes towards the dropship’s entrance. She looks back several seconds later and signals a thumbs up so that I know it’s safe. Looking back up at Lincoln, I gesture for him to come down. Once Lincoln is standing next to me, I glance at Octavia for another update.

“Coast is clear,” Octavia tells us.

“Aright, Lincoln,” I say, staring at him. “When we walk outside, we’ll bear immediately to our left and walk behind the dropship and then past the wall. Understood?”

Lincoln nods to let us know he understands. We both walk towards Octavia, who's trained her gaze outside to make sure no one is watching. When Lincoln and I approach her, she takes my hand; I grasp Lincoln's wrist with my free hand.

“Now, Octavia!” I hiss.

Without hesitation, Octavia guides us outside and and we’re behind the dropship within seconds. It feels like I hold my breath until we’re outside the wall; after we’ve exited camp, I heave a sigh of relief. Octavia lets go of my hand and checks behind us.

“We’re still okay,” Octavia says as the three of us jog.

“We’ll be okay the rest of the way,” I assure them.

The three of us continue to jog mostly in silence, heading towards Lincoln’s cave. While we run, my mind fills with worry. What will happen to Octavia and I if we run into other Grounders? Is Lincoln going to be safe? What will the others think when they realize we helped Lincoln escape? Will the core group be mad at me?

* * *

No one has spoken very much to me in the last couple hours since Octavia and I returned. It’s been approximately four hours since the camp erupted into questions, angry and confused stares, and cold shoulders. I don’t exactly blame any of them; I know they all count on me and look up to me. I’ve disappointed them all in some way. To them, I’m perfect. I take risks, but I survive. I’m smart, relentless, and trustworthy. I keep them safe, but I took an incredible risk and not many people understand what I’ve done. I’ve cracked their perception of me. I know that it’s not broken yet, but it’s not whole anymore.

After half an hour or so of questions, everyone backed off and went back to their duties. My closest friends haven’t spoken that much to me, but granted, I’ve avoided them because I’m worried that they’re pissed at me. At first, they were all frustrated and confused; once I explained myself, they all cooled down (some more so than others). Finn was always on my side, which helped me gain Clarke’s understanding. Raven was angry, but she trusts me—she always does. Jasper and Monty haven’t taken strong enough sides on the Grounder situation so they weren’t standoffish to begin with. As for Bellamy? He spoke less than ten words when we all met in the dropship.

As I organize canned goods on a log in the middle of camp, I can’t help but think about what I’ve done. Will we be at risk? Is Lincoln alright? What is Bellamy thinking? Bored, I look around camp; when I do, I met Bellamy’s gaze. His demeanor appears calm and unreadable yet his eyes tell a different story. As he approaches me, I see that Bellamy’s eyes are full of anger and disappointment … and something else that I can’t quite read. Is he sad? I wonder. I quickly look back down at the crate in front of me and try to organize the canned goods, but it’s difficult because I’m so worried about what Bellamy is thinking. I look up only to peer around camp to see if anyone is paying attention to us. I see a pair of boots stop in front of me on my right.

When I glance up, my eyes meet Bellamy’s stare. His demeanor is still unreadable.

“We need to talk,” he whispers. “Meet me in my tent when you’re finished.”

I nod and barely manage to mumble, “Okay.”

Turning around, Bellamy leaves without speaking another word or even so much as nodding at me. I gulp and return my attention back to the task in front of me. My mind is trained on Bellamy rather than organizing the canned goods. For a couple minutes, I continue doing my chores, but I quickly realize that I’m probably not doing my chore properly anymore. My hands are shaking slightly because of nerves; I heave a long sigh and run my hands through my hair, trying to force myself to think straight.

“Hey, I can finish this for you,” a voice says softly.

I look up to find Miller standing above me. Miller offers me a small smile as he sits down on the log next to me, and I smile weakly back.

“For what it’s worth,” Miller says, “I respect what you did and I don’t think you did anything wrong. I trust you, Gemma. We’re in this together.”

“Thanks, Nate,” I mumble, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and hugging him.

Standing up, I pat Miller on the shoulder before I walk away. I approach Bellamy’s tent slowly; there’s rustling inside so I know he’s still inside.

“Bellamy?” I ask. “It’s me.”

“Come in,” he responds.

I unzip his tent door and enter his tent, making sure to zip it back so that no one can come in as easily. Bellamy is standing on the farthest side of the tent. We’re both silent as we watch each other because neither of us really knows where to begin. I’m frightened to say to initiate the conversation because I'm worried that I might say the wrong thing.

“What were you thinking, Gem?” Bellamy asks solemnly. “Something could’ve happened to you and Octavia out there. Were you thinking of her at all—or only yourself?”

“We were fine,” I reply. I’m offended that he would think I wouldn’t try to protect Octavia. “Octavia knew what she was getting herself into. I didn’t make her help me. I did think about what I was doing. Did you think about what you were doing when you hurt an innocent man?”

“Gemma, you could’ve gotten hurt,” Bellamy whispers in a shout, trying not to let his frustration get the best of him. “You do realize that right? You’ve got to be more careful. With your shoulder injured—”

“I’m fine, Bellamy! I can take care of myself. Now quit pestering me!”

“I’m only pestering you so that your shoulder doesn’t get worse! And I know that you can take care of yourself, Gem, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t help you. Sometimes it’s okay to accept help. Don’t take it the wrong—”

“I’m not a child!” I declare, trying to remain calm but failing to do so. My jaw is tightly set and my gaze is full of fire. “I am more than capable of looking out for myself. I’m stronger than you think, Bell. It’s just a wound! It’s not holding me back! If you left me be, then maybe you’d see that—”

“I didn’t say it was holding you back!” Bellamy groans. “I just told you to take it easy. I’m trying to help, ya know? It’s okay for you to take it easy for a little while. Clarke and I just want you to heal—”

“But it is holding me back, Bellamy! You’re telling me that I shouldn’t help in the same ways! I can’t be held back when our numbers are decreasing every day or when the younger ones have nightmares every night or when Monty forgets to eat because he’s so consumed with fixing things. I can’t be held back when my brother just faced death and somehow made it back to me alive. I can’t be held back when I’m scared I could lose Octavia or Jasper. I can’t be held back when Miller is given so many tasks to complete and people to look after that it’s near damn impossible for him to do it without his brain exploding. I can’t let this injury hold me back when you and Clarke need me to keep the rest of the hundred safe. You guys need me—all of you need me!”

“Gemma,” Bellamy says earnestly. His voice is softer now and his eyes are warmer, yearning for me to calm down. “You shouldn’t be tearing yourself up like this. You’ve got too much on your plate.”

“Well what do I do?!” I sigh exasperatedly.

My voice is strained; I’m trying to remain calm because I don’t want anyone outside to hear us arguing. Bellamy sighs, rolling eyes. It’s clear that Bellamy’s frustrated with me, but I can tell that he’s trying his best to help.

“Everyone needs me!” I cry. Tears are welling in my eyes. “I’m hurting all the time, but I can’t just stop! But no matter how hard I try, I let someone down—or worse: I fail not to save someone. Jasper was just out my reach when he was speared, but I couldn’t help him at all! Roman died when I asked her to help find Octavia! Murphy was banished because I couldn’t defend him or save him. I lost my friend that night Murphy was banished! I couldn’t protect Charlotte either! My brother nearly died, and I couldn’t even protect him from just a few feet away. Then, that Grounder”—hating myself for not using Lincoln’s name— “was tortured right in front of me. Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

I pause, staring at Bellamy. My blood is bubbling; adrenaline is pounding in my fingertips. Bellamy’s jaw clenches when I mention Lincoln and what he did to him. His eyes are burning with anger, annoyed that I’m bringing this up.

“Do you know what it’s like to watch a man, who has every intention of helping you, be tortured right before your eyes?!” I ask. My tone is rising more and more. “Can you imagine how much it hurt to see my friends torture him and not being able to stop it? Or what it’s like to see your best friend risk her life to help save your brother? You don’t know what it’s like, Bellamy!”

“I do know what it’s like!” Bellamy shouts at me in a whisper. “I don’t like waking up every day with the fear that more of us could die! I hate feeling helpless and don’t think I don’t, Gemma! I don’t like feeling as if every second is our last. I don’t like how danger is around every corner. I don’t like seeing others die or get hurt—much less hurting them myself!”

“But you did! You tortured him!”

“Finn almost died! We did what we had to in order to save him. Can’t you see that?!”

“I’m fully aware of that, Bellamy!” I shout. My voice is much louder than his; my cheeks are hot with rage and my eyes are full of tears. “And you did that stuff! I didn’t do it—and I didn’t want you to either! Now I’m trying to make up for how we treated him. That’s why I did it—that’s why I helped him escape! We have to trust him for fucks sake! This Grounder has helped us before, and he can help us again! I trust him—”

“But we can’t trust him! That’s insane!”

“Nobody trusts anyone! That’s what’s insane!”

Bellamy rests his hands on his hips. His cheeks are red and his voice booms as he yells, “Gemma, your brother nearly died! And you were nearly killed trying to save your brother because we met this Grounder in the woods. Can’t you see what’s wrong here?! Can’t you see what we’re up against? I’m doing what I can to save our people! I’m doing everything I can to protect you, Gem! Why can’t you understand that?!”

Without saying a word, I simply stare at Bellamy. My face is somber and my eyes are full of pain. I’m terrified that my brother could still die, that my shoulder could still not heal correctly. Not only that, I’m worried that more of us are in danger. As much as I want to save everyone, I can’t bring myself to be okay with what happened to Lincoln, even if it was to save my brother. As tears stain my cheeks, questions run through my mind: Is causing someone else so much pain worth our gain? How can we expect to live with ourselves after what we did to Lincoln? What if he never trusts me—or any of us—ever again because of what happened? If so, we definitely won’t have gained anything at all.

My gaze rests on Bellamy’s face, noticing how stressed he truly is. Bellamy might be fooling everyone else in camp, but I can see the dark bags under eyes. His hair's a mess and his eyes are exhausted. Bellamy is struggling to keep himself together because he’s so busy trying to save everyone else and being a leader. He is so preoccupied with protecting us all that his vision is slightly clouded; he’s only thinking about us and not how our actions can affect this man.

“I wish I could think like that,” I almost whisper, “but I can’t. I wanted to save my brother as much as you did. You know that I’ll always do whatever I can to protect Finn, to help him, and to support him. I want to give him everything, but I can’t function if I hurt someone else in the process. You didn’t just hurt him—you’re tortured him, Bellamy! Can’t you see why I had to let him go?!”

“Grounders don’t think like us! He nearly let your brother die, Gemma! How could you help him escape? Why are you so nice to him? How can you just trust a man whose people are wild and have hurt—”

“You know,” I say calmly, suddenly forgetting how we were both angry, “my grandfather always reminded me that you should strive to see the good in people. Of course, it might not always be there, but that’s beside the point. My grandfather encouraged me to look anyway because you just might be able to find the good in someone and help them see it for themselves. If it’s not … well, then I’m not so sure what’s the best protocol or right thing to do…”

“Where are you going with this, Gemma?” Bellamy asks desperately, running a hand through his hair.

His voice is full of confusion, but Bellamy is no longer angry. He's a bit frustrated, yes, but not angry anymore; instead, Bellamy is curious now.

“My grandfather once told me, ‘Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.’”1

I pause, staring at the man in front of me that I care so much about. I sigh and say, “Bellamy, the Grounders are different from us. They’ve had to live and survive differently than us. They operate in the only way they know how. It’s not right, but I don’t think we’re any different than them. That Grounder behaved the way he did because he wanted to survive! And you know what I think? I think he actually cares. I truly believe that a piece of him cares, whether you believe me or not. We just have to give him the opportunity to prove he’s different than the rest.”

Bellamy stares at me. It appears as if he’s admiring me, and I look away as I grow flustered.

“I wish I could be more like you,” Bellamy whispers. “I wish I could be as dedicated to doing the right thing and saving everyone as you are. I’m not sure how you do what you do, Gem, but damn you do it well. You’re so good—too damn good for this world. And me … well, I’m just a monster. I’m not good for anything or anyone. All I do is hurt people. I wish I could be better for them—and you too.”

I sigh. “Bellamy, you’re human. None of us is perfect, including me. It means a lot to have you in my life. I’d go completely crazy if I didn’t have you… But if we want us to work as a couple, then we’re going to have to work better at it. Right now we seem to be on different pages about survival, and it gets in the way of how we connect. We work so well together, Bell, and we deserve not to let what we have go. Whether we’re friends or a couple, what we have is special. If we want to keep it, we’ve got to promise each other that we’ll try harder not to just lead our people but also learn to live and be there for one another. We’re just surviving right now, and we’ve drawn a huge line between us using our differences.”

“You’re right, Gemma,” Bellamy says, wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry for all the things I do to help us all survive.”

“Me too,” I mumble against his chest. “We’re all guilty of terrible things.”

“Thanks for sticking by me through everything. It means more to me than you’ll ever know, Gem… You know, you don’t have to stick up for me when we talk to Jaha if you don’t want to. I don’t want him to have an excuse to get you into trouble.”

“I have to—and I want to, Bellamy. You’ve been a huge part of why we’ve survived down here. Clarke and I couldn’t have done all of this on our own. We’ve both made mistakes too. Shit everyone has! Nonetheless, you deserve to be pardoned just as much as the rest of us, considering all the sacrifices you’ve made to save our people. I’ll be damned if Jaha doesn’t realize that.”

A grin covers Bellamy’s face. Neither of us speaks again for a few moments. I stare at the man before me. In the short time that we have been on Earth, we have both drastically changed. I notice the scrapes and bruises that cover his body and how Bellamy’s hair is a curly mess; it looks like he’s running on his last bit of energy. His eyes say it all: he is exhausted and drained—both physically and emotionally. Standing before me is an incredibly strong man. Yes, he’s made mistakes, but he’s made so many sacrifices to protect his people. He looks so much older than he did when we landed several days ago.

I find it strange how circumstances can be so cruel, impacting us in every way. Despite his hard shell, I know that the softer parts of Bellamy are in there—no matter how deep he’s buried some of them. As I stare at him, I am reminded just how fragile we all are and how much I care about him. I would do anything for Bellamy. In a heartbeat, I would do anything to protect him just like I would for Finn or Octavia; however, as I study my friend and the man I’m falling for, I can’t help but feel that we are growing apart. Are we still falling in love—if that’s what this is? I’m fully aware of how much I care for Bellamy, but there are just some things that I’m struggling to get past.

From “whatever the hell we want” to destroying the radio to torturing Lincoln, I’m not so sure that we operate as similarly as we both think. He cares about me just as much as I do him, but does that really mean we’re two peas in a pod? Are we really meant to be together—as a couple at least? I’ve come to believe that Bellamy and I are meant to be in each other’s lives one way or another. We’re meant to be each other’s protectors and confidents I’m sure of that. If there’s such thing as soulmates, then I think it’s possible Bellamy is mine—in a platonic sense at least. Are we capable of being anything more when we both behave so differently in moments of pressure, when we seek information so differently?

“Are you wondering the same thing as me?” Bellamy whispers, breaking the silence.

I gulp, afraid to have this conversation. Because if my speculations become true, then that would mean the end of a relationship that’s barely begun.

I crack my knuckles, like I usually do when I’m nervous, and ask in a hushed tone, “What are you thinking?”

“For years, my world only revolved around Octavia,” Bellamy begins. “When I met you that day on the Ark, I knew I’d spend my whole life trying to make sure you’d fit in it. I don’t know how, Gemma, but I just knew you were special to me. Since we came to Earth, I’ve realized that feeling is still true, but … do you ever think of how we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives?”

I stare up at Bellamy, noticing how his brow is furrowed. He’s worried about what I’m thinking.

I nod. “Yeah, I have thought about it, Bell… I care about you a lot. I know you’re supposed to be in my life. I feel like I’m meant to be in yours, but sometimes—sometimes I wonder how too.”

My voice trails off, signaling to Bellamy that I’m worried and scared. Bellamy reaches forward and takes my hand in his; he locks our fingers together and gently squeezes my hand.

“We’ll figure us out, alright?” Bellamy reassures me. “No matter what we both know that we’re supposed to be a part of each other’s lives. We’ll figure out how together. I promise I’ll never give up on you, whether we're best friends or a couple.”

With fresh tears in my eyes, I hug Bellamy tightly. Bellamy hugs me back and tucks his face in the crook of my neck. I can feel him smile, which makes my smile widen. For a few moments, we’re both silent as we simply enjoy the silence. Holding Bellamy, I can’t help but think about how he—as well as the rest of the core group—is one of the only people that I would protect and fight relentlessly to defend. He needs to know, I think.

“I’ve never loved anyone but Finn and Pops,” I whisper into his chest. “I think I love you. You’re my best friend, Bell, and I’ll always care about you.”

Bellamy unwraps his arms from around my waist and cups my face. “Thank you for reminding me everyday of what it means to be loved and cared for unconditionally. I hope you understand that I feel the same about you, Gemma.”

“I know. You show me everyday.”

“Sorry, guys,” a voice says from the entrance.

Bellamy and I turn to see Miller peeking his head inside the tent.

“I don’t mean to interrupt this sickeningly cute moment,” Miller continues, “but Clarke wanted me to remind you both that you’re meeting with Jaha in five minutes.”

“Shit!” I swear under my breath, dragging him towards the dropship entrance. “We better go, Bell!”

Bellamy and I thank Miller as we follow him outside of the tent. Still holding hands, the two of us jog towards the dropship and find Clarke waiting for us inside. When I look around, I notice that the rest of the core group is sitting inside in the far corner. Finn smiles and waves at me; I return the gesture as I sat down on the box next to Clarke. Bellamy finds another box and pulls it over to sit next to me. Clarke hands us both a pair of headphones.

“Where’d you find the third pair?” Bellamy questions.

“The third pair is courtesy of Raven,” Clarke answers. “It was in her pod.”

I look across the dropship and smile at Raven.

“Thanks, Reyes,” Bellamy says sincerely.

Raven nods at him and mutters, “You’re welcome.”

“Are you guys ready to do this?” Monty asks.

Monty’s finger hovers over a button that must be the one that initiates the call to Jaha. Bellamy remains quiet. I can tell that he’s not comfortable with the fact that he’ll be confronting Jaha. To be honest, I’m nervous about this conversation too. I’m not quite sure that excited to talk to him after my talk with him this morning, but as one of the three leaders I know I must. For Bellamy, I must talk to Jaha in order to convince him that Bellamy should receive amnesty like everyone else. I, as one of the three leaders on the ground, must talk to the leader in the sky.

“I think I’d much rather chug an entire bottle of Jasper’s moonshine,” I say, which makes everyone else laugh.

“Do you think Jaha would be proud of my moonshine?” Jasper asks, sitting next to Monty.

Bellamy chuckles and I roll my eyes at Jasper.

“Do it, Monty,” Clarke says calmly.

With that, the computer starts to run. After minute or so, a connection is established. Once the image clears more, the three of us find Thelonious Jaha staring back at us.

“Hello, Clarke,” Jaha greets us. “Hi, Gemma.”

"Hi, Thelonious," Clarke and I say together.

“Mr. Blake,” Jaha says slowly, emphasizing each word, “I had hoped that I would be speaking with you soon. I’m glad we can talk.”

Bellamy is listening tentatively and watching Jaha cautiously. He nods and opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but he hesitates to reply.

“Before you do, sir,” Clarke intervenes. “There’s something Gemma and I would like to say … if you don’t mind.”

Jaha raises his brow, silently telling us to continue.

“You originally sent us all down here to die,” Clarke continues, “but miraculously most of us have survived. Believe it or not, Bellamy has played a big role in helping us survive. He’s one of us now, sir, which is why he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes like the rest of us.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jaha says.

“It is, sir,” Bellamy interrupts. “It’s important if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead.”

Jaha is quiet as he thinks about this. Clarke and Bellamy are both silent while they stare at Jaha intently.

“Without Bellamy,” I begin, ending the silence, “I don’t know how many of us would be alive. Like Clarke said, there are a lot of us who have survived—thanks to Bellamy. It would be a shame if you didn’t grant Bellamy amnesty for his crimes too. None of us is perfect, Thelonious. We were all sent here to die without any say whatsoever in the plans you made. You and the Council knew full well that we could have died on impact, but we didn’t. You all knew full well that we could have died the moment we walked outside of the dropship or within the first few days if we were lucky. Everyday that we’ve been down here has been difficult, but because of Bellamy, we’ve survived. Clarke and I have worked hard, but we couldn’t have done all of this on our own.”

I take Bellamy’s hand in mine as I continue, “Please, Thelonious, you have to help Bellamy. He deserves amnesty just as much as the rest of us. Tell me that you’ll pardon him too and give him a second chance?”

There is brief period of silence. It feels like it lasts an eternity, but Jaha finally speaks.

“You’re both right,” he begins. “No one expected that you all would do so well—of course we had hoped and dreamed that this would happen. That you all would survive and help us learn about Earth, but what we didn't expect us how much progress you've made on your despite the obstacles you've faced. A hundred teenagers have achieved more than our people have ever believed was possible. A hundred teenagers have managed to survive on their own at the one place we thought was inhabitable. Can you understand how surprised and amazed we are by what you’ve done? I’m at a loss for words. How—how has this happened?”

As I ponder Jaha’s words, I think of Monty, Jasper, and Raven. The trio serve as the intelligence; they build and invent things to keep us all alive. I think of Miller and Finn, who are street smart, fit, and quick on their feet. Miller hunts and fights resiliently to help us survive. Finn tracks well and is good with his words. Clarke, who’s gotten the title of “princess,” comes to mind and I think of how she’s much stronger, helpful, and wonderful than people give her credit for. Murphy, Bellamy, and I are the ones who protect at all costs. We’re the criminals. The three of us have done things we can’t speak of, but we’re always ready to help, defend, and take of the ones we love.

“You see, Chancellor,” I say, taking a deep breath, “the thing is, we’ve done more than just survive down here. We’ve done a lot of growing up since you last saw us all, and you’d be happy to know that our people are working together down here. We might be kids, but we’re doing more than just surviving. We’re actually living together. You see, we’ve come together—it’s like we’ve become our own. It’ll take a lot more than just some enemies or even authority to tear apart the hundred. I guess you could say we’re sort of like a family.”

I pause and watch Jaha quietly. For several seconds, we watch each other closely with an intent expressions, but finally, Jaha turns to look at Bellamy.

“Bellamy Blake,” Jaha declares with poise, “you are pardoned for your crimes.”

I heave a sigh of relief. A quiet and relieved chuckle surpasses both mine and Bellamy’s lips. I share a fleeting look with Clarke and notice that she’s grinning widely. In the corner, the others are talking enthusiastically and clapping quietly. I turn to face Bellamy who’s already looking at me with a huge smile.

“Thank you,” Bellamy says, looking between Clarke and I.

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly; Bellamy hugs me back just as strongly. We release each other after a few seconds.

“Bellamy,” Jaha speaks again. “I need you to tell me who gave you the gun.”

Bellamy begins to tell Jaha the story about what happened. Clarke gets up, but she doesn’t walk away before patting Bellamy on the back. I say goodbye to Jaha before removing my headphones. Before I walk away, I ruffle Bellamy’s hair, which makes him smile; I walk towards the others who greet me with high-fives and hugs. As I stand amongst my best friends and the greatest people I have ever known, I feel light for the first time in awhile. Life on the ground hasn’t been easy, but for the first time it feels manageable. With the assurance from my friends and help from the Ark, it feels like we just might be able to do more than survive.

INDEX  
1 - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A leader can’t lead unless he knows where he’s going.” -Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: If you’re familiar with the TV show, then you know that there are violent scenes. I don’t consider what I write to be as graphic as the show, but I do include some scenes so please be careful reading my fic if you could be triggered.
> 
> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

“Wake up! Everyone, wake up!!”

A piercing voice rings through camp. Groaning, I curl into a ball and burrow myself deeper under my blanket. The voice shouts again, and whoever it is also beating a piece of metal with a stick. I open my eyes and notice that Octavia isn’t sleeping; I check my watch and notice that it’s nine in the morning. A small smile covers my face because this is the latest I’ve slept in weeks—before we came to Earth in fact.

“Gemma, c’mon!”

When I look up, I see that Jasper has poked his head in my tent door. His face is covered with a wide, cheeky grin.

“It’s Unity Day!” Jasper continues cheerfully. “Monty and I made a lot of moonshine batches. Raven is almost done wiring the computer so that everyone can watch Jaha’s Unity Day speech outside.”

“Alright, I’m coming,” I reply, stretching my shoulders.

Jasper smiles again before retreating outside my tent. I find my black jeans and tug them over my ankles before dancing into them because they’re tight from being washed yesterday. I put on my oversized black long sleeve shirt with thin white vertical stripes. My shoulder still throbs like a bitch, but it does feel somewhat better today. I swear under my breath when I can’t find my socks; kneeling down, I start to crawl and move my stuff. I finally find them and then put my boots on. Finally, I walk outside to see that most of camp is already celebrating Unity Day.

I walk towards the very small crowd that’s standing around a computer. Over shoulders, I manage to see Thelonious Jaha on the screen. I take a deep breath and sigh, unsure if I’m ready for the typical Unity Day speech from the Chancellor. I can't remember a time where I ever got so enthusiastic about Unity Day because, to me, it has always served as a reminder of destruction—as an example of what had been taken from me and what had been sacrificed nearly a hundred years ago to get us all here.

“My friends, this is a historic Unity Day,” Jaha declares. “Every year, we mark the moment our ancestors of the twelve stations joined to form the Ark, but this is the last time we do so while aboard her. Next year, on the ground.”1

“Right,” Miller scoffs, rolling his eyes. “We do all the work and he gets the credit.”

I smirk and roll my eyes. Does anyone really expect any less? I wonder. Someone behind us mutters “shut up.”

“Yeah, Miller,” Raven says. “It’s not like you’re being forced to watch.”

Miller mumbles something under his breath that I don’t quite catch as he walks away. I move over a little so that I can be next to Raven, who smiles at me as she throws an arm around my shoulders.

“Good job, Reyes,” I say. “This is really nice. It feels almost like home, ya know?”

Raven smiles and says, “That was the plan.”

Everyone watching is silently again while Jaha continues talking about how our people have united throughout our history in the Sky so that we could finally return to Earth.

“It’s all a load of bull,” Finn murmurs next to me with a scowl etched on his face. His arms are folded tightly in front of his chest, and he huffs a big sigh that signifies his annoyance.

“C’mon,” Clarke says with a grin. “Are you saying that you don’t like Unity Day?”

"It's a hoax," Finn explains in a dissatisfied and exasperated tone. "Our people only came together when the thirteenth station was blown to bits. We weren't together at the beginning—and we haven't stopped hurting each other. We haven't stopped recking havoc over the last hundred years."

“But Unity Day gives people hope, Finn,” Clarke adds. Her voice is laced with concern and her brown is furrowed slightly. “Peace came from all of that hardship and violence.”

“There shouldn’t have been violence in the first place,” Finn tells her firmly.

Clarke looks at me. I simply shrug and mumble, "He's right you know." I agree with my brother because I'm not really a fan or believer of Unity Day at all either. Living on the Ark, I saw what most of our people went through to survive. I lost both of my parents because of how our government rules; so many other families suffered worse than mine. I watched countless people suffer as they said goodbye to their children who were sent to the Skybox for petty crimes. I saw families torn a part by the daily struggles and stress of survival. I saw families get in disputes with guards or the Council in attempts to fix our way of life on the Ark, but nothing good ever came out of those moments. Considering it all, have we really ever been unified?

“Here have some Unity Juice,” Jasper says with shit eating grin, approaching us with some cups.

Finn and I both take a cup eagerly, ready to wash away our terrible mood.

With a grin, I say, “We’re already shit out of luck in this hell hole we call Earth so why not make the most of it. Whatever the hell we want, right?”

“Whatever the hell we want!” Finn says excitedly.

We clink our glasses together and both take a sip. The warm feeling of the alcohol swims down my throat, washing away my worries for a moment. My lips tingle, and I close my eyes. As I shake my head with pursed lips, I’m reminded of the truly awful taste of moonshine. Monty chases after Jasper, pleading for him to make sure that there’s still some left for himself. I look back towards the computer and quietly listen to Jaha.

“To our sons and daughters on Earth listening to this message,” Jaha continues confidently, “we will see you soon. The first Exodus ship will launch in under sixty hours, carrying you the reinforcements that you need, so stay strong. Help is on the way.”2

My gaze rests on Bellamy, who is standing at the end of the half-circle we’ve formed in front of the computer screen. His arms crossed tightly in front of his chest, his feet are planted firmly on the ground, and his brows are furrowed. Feeling my eyes on him, Bellamy turns to face me. I stick my tongue out at him, giggling along with him. I turn my attention back to the computer just in time to see it transition the pageant; the pageant only last for a few moments before the connection cuts out and static replaces the image. The few people watching groan and slowly disperse in search of more moonshine. Raven retreats to the dropship so that she can work on making more bullets and other stuff. Clarke, Bellamy, Finn, and I move forward slowly until we’ve formed a close circle.

“Best Unity Day ever, uh?” Bellamy asks nonchalantly.

Clarke sighs softly. “Do you guys think we should be having a party right now when the Grounder is out there?”

“Grounders actually,” Bellamy corrects her, emphasizing the plurality of the word. “He’s definitely made it back to his home by now and talked to the other Grounders. But relax alright? Security is still actively working. We’ll be fine, Clarke. Now why don’t you get a drink? You could use it.”

“I could use quite a few to be honest,” she mutters, which makes us all chuckle.

“Seriously, Clarke,” I say. “Bellamy is right. When the first Exodus ship arrives, any shot we have at fun will be gone for a long, long time. We might as well make the most of it.”

Clarke smiles, and it’s one of the most genuine smiles I’ve ever seen cross her face. Perhaps it’s the most genuine smile I’ve seen on her face in a very, very long time. Clarke nods her head and walks away, claiming that she’s going to find Jasper. Bellamy says that he’s going to check on the security team. With that, Finn and I are left alone; I meet his gaze and glance around to make sure no one is close enough to eavesdrop.

“I was thinking…” I say slowly. “I think we should go check on Lincoln. I need to make sure he’s okay and I figured maybe you’d want to meet him since you’re so keen on keeping peace with the Grounders too.”

“I like that idea,” Finn replies. “Do you think he’d be fine if I came along?”

“You’re my brother, and he knows how much you mean to me. Now, pack a bag for a day trip and meet me at the side of the dropship that’s always in the shadows pronto.”

Finn nods and walks to his tent, attempting not draw attention to himself. I grab my water bottle, an apple, and throw a fresh pair of clothes in my pack. I shrug my grandfather’s leather jacket on as I exit my tent. As I walk towards the side of the dropship, I look around to make sure no one notices me. Finn is already waiting for me when I make it to our meeting spot. Without a word spoken, the two of us head off to Lincoln’s cave. Finn and I discuss what we’re going to say to Lincoln. Can we convince him that his people should work with ours? How will he respond to this and to seeing us? Will Lincoln be able to help us? What will do if more Grounders are there? Is Octavia still there—and is she okay?

After an hour and half, Finn and I finally arrive at Lincoln’s cave; we would have made it a little sooner, but we goofed around and took our time because it’s been so long since we had a chance like this to spend together. We come to a halt several yards away, unsure of how we should approach. Finn is the first to break the silence.

“You should go first,” Finn says. “Lincoln trusts you a lot and knows you better than me.”

I agree and start towards Lincoln’s cave. It’s relatively quiet when we enter, but I do hear voices the further we go inside. I immediately recognize Octavia and instantly feel relieved; the second voice I hear is Lincoln. Turning the corner, I see the pair in the middle of room with knives scattered on the ground before them. I clear my throat to get their attention. For a moment, they’re startled, but they sigh with relief once they realize it’s just me.

“Gem!” Octavia says excitedly.

Octavia rushes forward and hugs me. I hug her back tightly, happy that she’s still in one piece. When I left her with Lincoln, I knew that she’d be in good hands, but that didn’t keep me from worrying of course. Octavia takes my hand and pulls me forward. Finn is hesitant to follow us because he’s afraid of what Lincoln might say or do, but he finally moves from behind the wall. Lincoln swiftly picks up a knife and crouches, as if he’s ready to attack.

“No don’t!” I plead. I raise my hands to show Lincoln that we mean no harm. “Finn is with me! He only wants to talk. Lincoln, I promise you that Finn doesn’t want to do anything that could cause you harm. He and I just want to talk with you; we want to apologize.”

Lincoln sets the knife back down next to the others. He gestures for the three of us to sit in front of the fire. Octavia follows Lincoln towards the fire. Looking over my shoulder, I notice that Finn is watching Lincoln wearily; Finn meets my gaze. I offer him a small smile and gesture him to come sit in front of the fire. Finn follows me slowly and takes a seat on the floor on my right, furthest from Lincoln and Octavia.

“I have something that belongs to you,” Finn says. He reaches into his pack and removes Lincoln’s horn.

“I didn’t know you found that,” I whisper, eyeing the horn.

“It must’ve fell when they carried him upstairs in the dropship,” Finn explains. “It was laying under my cot.”

Finn extends his arm, offering Lincoln to take it. Lincoln shuffles forward and slowly takes his horn back. For a moment, Lincoln is silent as he studies my brother’s face.

“Thank you … Finn,” Lincoln says softly, smiling when he says my brother's name.

“Why are you guys here?” Octavia asks us.

“I could ask you—and Gemma—a lot of questions just like that one, Octavia,” Finn refutes. “Like, how long you guys knew that he spoke English, but I really just want to ask him for help. He saved our lives when he blew that horn”—Finn points to the horn that Lincoln is still holding—“he’s saved all three of us especially. I want to ask if he can help us again.

“We really just wanted to talk to Lincoln,” I reply, “to see if he can help us reach a truce with the Grounders. We want there to be peace—”

“I can’t,” Lincoln interrupts me calmly. “I don’t have the power to suggest a truce. I don’t think I even have any capability to suggest one.”

“Lincoln, we don’t have much time,” I say. “More of our people are coming in a few days. They’re landing in another dropship by the of end this week. On that dropship, there will be incredibly powerful people—militants, doctors, engineers. We won’t have much power once they arrive.”

“Our people don’t understand truces that well,” Finn adds. “The soldiers will enforce our laws without thinking about how it impacts you. Our people focus on survival, and they will do anything to survive here. They won’t let you or your people get in their way. Please help us help you.”

Lincoln stares at us. “I’m not sure if I can help.”

“Can you introduce us to someone who can?” Finn asks.

“I can do that,” Lincoln agrees. “You bring your leader, I’ll bring mine.”

“There’s no way Bellamy will go for this,” Octavia says.

“Who says he was talking about your brother?” I reply, arching one brow.

Finn smirks and Lincoln chuckles too.

“She’s right, Octavia,” Lincoln continues. “Gemma—and maybe Clarke—is the best one to talk to my leader.”

“Tell me where I should meet and I’ll meet you there,” I tell him.

Lincoln gets up to find a map in order to draw a route for us to meet his leader. I pay close attention to everything he says; from the map to tips about how to interact with his leader, I focus on only Lincoln so that I can be prepared. Although I am determined to do this, I can’t help but be a little nervous. What is his really leader like? Will they listen to us? How will I be able to communicate with them effectively? A thousand thoughts are rushing in mind. No matter what, I have to do this.

Trudging through the woods back to camp, I ponder on how we should tell the others. Maybe Finn should tell Clarke and I should tell Bellamy. Bellamy will definitely take this better from me, and I think that Clarke would do fine with hearing this from my brother.

“So I was thinking,” I say, “you should talk to Clarke as soon as we get back. I’ll talk to Bellamy about this. Does that sound good?”

“Sounds great to me, kiddo,” Finn replies, draping an arm around my shoulders.

I smile and think about how incredibly lucky I am to have my brother. Finn supports me yet keeps it refreshingly real with me; he’s always honest without being mean. Finn always knows when I need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen to me when I’m excited, upset, or angry. He keeps me sane and from letting my strong will and curiosity from getting me into too much trouble. Since we were children, we’ve balanced each other out—who knows where I’d be without my twin brother?

“I love you,” I say sincerely. I look up at Finn and hope he can see the honesty and sincerity in my eyes. “I just want you to know that. Nothing down here is guaranteed so I just want you to know—no matter what happens or what either of us do—I love you. I’ll love you until the very end, even if this world tries to take us down.”

By now, we’re only a few yards from camp; we’re staring at the backside of the dropship. Finn pauses in his tracks, causing me to stop too.

“I love you, Gem,” Finn says. “I’ll be by your side no matter what too. We’re partners in crime, and nothing can tear the two of us apart. Nothing is guaranteed, but we're in this together until the end no matter what, I promise.”

I smile and loop my arm with his, leading us towards camp. We sneak back into camp and search for Bellamy and Clarke together. It doesn’t take us long to find them; Bellamy and Clarke are standing near a fire with their arms crossed in front of their chests. Their eyes light up when they see us making our way towards them.

“Where have the two of you been?” Clarke asks immediately. “What were you thinking when you left without a trace? Why didn’t you tell—”

“Give them a chance to breathe, Clarke,” Bellamy chuckles. He winks at me, making me grin.

“We need to talk,” Finn says while staring at Clarke. He’s never been afraid to cut to the chase.

Bellamy raises his brow and follows me when I nod in the direction of my tent after I tell him that we need to talk too. Clarke and Finn go in the direction of the dropship to talk about what’s happening later today. I tell Bellamy about how my brother and I visited Lincoln to ask for help. He sighs quietly because he's disappointed that I went off to talk to a Grounder, but I ignore it and continue by telling him that Lincoln is going to get his leader and let me—and maybe Clarke—talk them.

“And you think that they’ll actually talk to you—actually listen to you?” Bellamy asks. His tone is full of surprise and confusion. “Do you seriously believe that you can make a truce?”

“I have to try, Bell,” I tell him urgently. “We can’t keep fighting without at least trying to talk to them. You can’t blame me for trying can you? At some point, you have to stop fighting and confront who’s fighting you.”

With his hands on his hips, Bellamy stares at me with a sincere look etched on his face. “Do you think this will work?”

“I’m 20% sure this plan will work.” Bellamy’s eyes widen at how low I’m aiming. “The other 80% means we could die horribly, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”

For a moment, Bellamy doesn’t speak, which only makes my nerves grow; he shifts and kicks a rock. I straighten my backpack straps, ignoring how he’s staring at me silently. I cough in attempts to defuse the increasing silence.

“This is by far the stupidest plan you’ve ever had,” Bellamy says slowly. I shrug, knowing full well that it’s not the smartest plan. He smirks as he continues, “This is perhaps the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard, but I’m in, Gem. I just want it on the record that it wasn’t my plan.”

I laugh and playfully punch him in the ribs. Bellamy chuckles and ruffles my hair, laughing at how I try to lunge away from him. For a few moments, Bellamy and I sit in the privacy of my tent and ponder about nothing in particular. From the weather to herbs to the current camp drama, we talk about nothing in particular. Will be successful? I wonder. Can we find Lincoln and convince him to help us? For all of our sake, I fucking hope so.

Bellamy sighs again, but much louder this time. He rests his face in his hands. After a moment, he runs his hair through his hair and watches me closely.

“Are you going alone?” Bellamy asks quietly.

I bite my lip before I say, “Lincoln told me that I needed to be extra careful at this meeting. He said that I need to be careful about who I bring with me and how I present myself. He said I need to be careful about bringing any type of weapons because if I present myself as a threat in anyway, then any chance we have at becoming allies with the Grounders is off the table.”

“So you can have backup?”

Just as I’m about to tell him that Lincoln encouraged me not to bring guns or backup, I’m interrupted.

“The three of us need to talk,” Clarke says. She sits down next to us. “I’m going with you, Gemma. I can’t imagine you doing this on your own.”

I smile and thank her.

“What can I do?” Bellamy questions.

“I need you to be our backup,” Clarke says. “Finn said that Lincoln told them that they couldn’t have weapons and that it couldn’t be anyone but Gemma and I talking to his leader. I need you and maybe two other people in the woods with guns. The less people the better honestly so you’re not caught.”

My mouth hangs open slightly, as if I want to say something but I can’t find the words to say. I’m usually all for weapons. 100%. No doubt about it. This time, however, it doesn’t feel completely right. The Grounders are insanely skilled at battle and survival. I’m not sure having backup loaded with guns is the best way to greet their leader.

“Sounds good to me,” Bellamy answers, standing up. “Get ready, you two. We need to leave as soon as possible if we want to make it to the bridge with enough daylight to get back home.”

With that, Bellamy and Clarke exit my tent. I adjust my pack and leave as well in search of more water to refill my bottle with. I enter the dropship just in time to hear Bellamy telling Jasper and Raven that they’re coming with us. Octavia is sitting in the corner and packing a bag for the trip. She smiles at me when I sit down next to her. As I fill my water bottle, I eye the trio wearily. I’m grateful for Jasper; he’s one of my best friends, but he hasn’t quite gotten over his near death experience. I don’t blame, but I’m not sure if he’s reliable enough to take with us on this mission considering we’re meeting with the Grounders’ leader.

When Finn and Clarke arrive, I tell them that the other three should wait about fifteen or twenty minutes after us before they embark on their journey. Bellamy informs us that he knows a good place that they can hide where they can see the bridge but still be far enough away. Finally, Octavia, Clarke, Finn, and I set off on our journey to the bridge.

“Did you guys ever think this could be a trap?” Clarke ponders. “I know you mean well, but we haven’t really had any good interactions for us to believe in them.”

“It’s Unity Day!” Finn groans. “I figured we could really use some hope down here for once, ya know?”

“Hope is good, Finn, but I just want to keep us alive.”

“And so do we,” I reply earnestly. “If we want to survive down here, we can’t keep fighting with the Grounders. We have to find a way to coexist.”

“Let’s just hope you’re right about this,” Clarke mumbles.

After some time, we finally make it to the end of the bridge. Immediately, my eyes scan the woods to our left in hopes that the others have already set up out of sight. From the trees, Lincoln appears at the opposite end of the bridge and begins to make his way towards us. I smile at the sight of him; as nervous as I am, I’m happy to see Lincoln because I know he’ll help and protect us. Octavia murmurs his name under her breath in excitement. She turns her attention to me, which is when I notice the happiness in her eyes and way a sense of calm settles on her shoulders at the sight of him.

I nod and tell her that she can move forward to see Lincoln. I’ve barely finished the sentence before Octavia rushes forward and Lincoln does the same. I follow quickly behind my friend while Finn and Clarke drag behind me. Once he’s close to us, Lincoln picks Octavia up and hugs her tightly. Behind Lincoln, I notice that Grounders on horses appear at the opposite end of the bridge; a young, fierce looking woman walking in front of them. The two men on the horses are just as muscular and tall as Lincoln. Like the warrior that I now call my friend, the other Grounders are covered in tattoos and paint. Now that I’m studying them, I notice that they have weapons on their hips—and I can see that they’re hiding other weapons too, but I’ve been trained to notice that.

Their demeanor is frightening and stoic, but the two male Grounders are not what scares me. It’s the way that the young woman in front of them carries herself. She walks with a vengeance—like she knows exactly what she’s doing with every step she takes. Her shoulders are straight and her eyes follow our every move, evaluating our presence before we even begin to initiate a truce. Her aura radiates power and resilience. It’s almost as if she carries the world on her shoulders, but it’s more than that; in all reality, she walks as if she already has the world figured out. Finally, I meet the young woman’s eyes and hold her gaze. My gaze is soft because I don’t sense a threat, but I still keep my wall up because I can’t take any chances. I can’t quite tell from here, but I think I see a smirk tug at the corner of her mouth—like she’s intrigued by the way I’m presenting myself and studying her just as much as she’s evaluating me.

“I thought you said no weapons,” Clarke says loud enough for Lincoln to hear.

“I tried,” Lincoln tells her. “I was told there wouldn’t be any weapons… Gemma, she’s ready to talk to you. I told her that Clarke might be joining you.”

I nod and say, “Thank you, Lincoln.”

I step forward and make my way towards the stoic, hazel-eyed woman who can only be a few years older than myself. Her dark blonde hair flows around her and small pieces of it are braided, keeping it out of her eyes. She is dressed in black leather, and I’m certain she could have me pinned to the ground before I could even blink. The woman stands a few yards away from her guards who sit silently behind her on their horses as they study me with dark, weary eyes.

I've walked a few yards, but I realize that Clarke isn't following me. Looking over my shoulder, I meet here gaze and gesture for her to follow me. I turn back to face the unnamed woman and continue walking towards her once Clarke has reached my side. Finn must start to follow us because I hear Lincoln speak up.

“No,” Lincoln says. “Only they may go forward.”

I pause and look back at my brother. “We can handle this, Finn.”

Finn holds my gaze for a moment, making sure that I am fine. After a moment, he nods and steps back closer to Lincoln and Octavia. Clarke and I continue until we’re face-to-face with the warrior. She examines Clarke and I from head to toe silently; it’s as if she’s trying to figure out what we’re thinking.

“You must be Gemma,” she declares, staring at me.

“Yes, I am,” I reply calmly.

“Lincoln told me you were the quiet one … but perhaps the wisest and strongest warrior among your people. He said that you think every move and plan. He told me that you do not act hastily yet you are quick to defend your cause.”

“Lincoln is very kind, but yes—I do think and act quickly on my feet.”

“I’m Anya,” she says. Her lips twitch, and I can’t quite tell if that’s supposed to be a ‘nice-to-meet-you-smile’ or not. “And you are the one they call Clarke?”

“Yes, I am,” Clarke says. “I think we might’ve gotten off on a wrong start. Our people want to find a way to live at peace with yours.”

“I understand,” Anya begins, “but you’re people have started a war that you don’t know how to fight.”

“No, we never meant for things to be like this,” I say with a furrowed brow. “We never wanted to be at any kind of war with you and your people. I’m not even sure I understand what you mean by saying that we started any of this.”

“We were attacked for no reason,” Clarke adds.

“No reason?” Anya states nonchalantly. “Your missiles burned a village of ours to the ground.”

“The flares,” I mumble, sharing a glance with Clarke.

“The flares were never meant to harm you or any of your land,” Clarke explains. “We were trying to send a signal to our families at home. We had no idea—”

“That’s right,” Anya interrupts her. “You and your people have no idea about us or what life is like here. You are the invaders. You have entered our territory.”

“But we didn’t know,” Clarke says desperately. “We thought Earth was uninhabitable.”

“But you did know that we were here when you captured one of our people and tortured him.”

Anya glances over my shoulder at Lincoln who’s still standing at the opposite end of the bridge.

“I understand why you feel this way,” I say. “This is why I think we need to have this meeting.”

Anya is quiet for a moment. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Clarke glance at me, but I don’t look back at her; instead, I keep my eyes focused on Anya.

“Lincoln instructed me that these new people of yours that are coming soon are warriors. Is that so?”

“Yes, they are our guard,” Clarke says. “There are doctors, farmers, and more coming as well. I promise that we can help each other, but we can’t be at war.”

“But can you promise that your people won’t break our truce once they arrive?”

“If we establish a truce before they arrive,” I add, “then I can help ensure that it is sustained. I—and Clarke too—have strong connections with our most powerful leaders. We can explain it all to them, and they can assist us in maintaining our truce.”

Anya doesn't respond immediately. I can see it in her eyes that she is pondering on our words. Will she collaborate with us? Have Clarke and I succeeded? There is something unrecognizable in Anya’s eyes, but part of me feels as though she just might agree with us. Suddenly, a gunshot echoes around us; I hear Jasper’s broken shouts in the distance.

“Run!” A voice—Bellamy’s voice—breaks through the clearing. “Run, Gemma! Clarke, run!!”

With that, arrows fly from behind me and cries echo from the trees. I look at Clarke, whose eyes are filled with fear as she stumbles backward as arrows land at our feet. I crouch and balance on my heels; I cover my ears with my hands in attempts to block out the noise. I cannot—I will not—run. We have come too far for this opportunity to crumble. I have sacrificed too much for my people and I refuse to let this chance fall.

“Run now!” Lincoln orders behind me. “Finn, take Octavia with you! Don’t stop until your inside your walls!”

“Clarke!” Finn shouts. Clarke runs back to him immediately. “Gemma, dammit! C’mon!”

“No no no!” I shout—almost pleading with Anya—with my arms over my head.

I’m wobbling on the balls of my feet now. Looking up, I notice that Anya hasn’t moved since the attack first started. She’s studying me with a curious, intrigued look in her eyes. There’s a look of confusion etched on her face, wondering why I haven’t moved a single step. I stand straight up and ignore the arrows landing at my feet in attempts to scare me away.

“Please I can fix this!” I beg. My voice is rising, and I hope that she can’t tell I’m slightly afraid. “We can fix this together! Please, Anya!! Give me a chance!”

Anya raises her hand up and with a booming voice she yells, “Stop! Ceede fire!!”

For a moment, I don’t move—not even a finger. When I realize that the arrows have stopped and that the woods are quiet and still, I look behind me only to find that none of my people are there. Clarke, Finn, and Octavia have ran; I sigh, thankful that they’re gone and that they're safe now. Lincoln has moved closer to us, and he's silently watching us closely. Anya is still silent so I look back at her and noticed she's raised a brow, as if to say it’s handled.

“In normal situations,” Anya begins, “I would ask for the person who took the first shot…”

I gulp, afraid to hear what she has to say. My gut tells me that it was Jasper who took the first shot because of how on edge he’s been lately.

“However,” she continues, “I am more impressed by you, Gemma, during all of that. Lincoln, you were right about her—she is excellent.”

I glance back at Lincoln who offers me a small smile.

“Gemma,” Anya says, “I will consider a truce … if you will listen to what I’m about to say and agree to my offer.”

I straighten my shoulders. “I’m willing to listen to your offer, but I won’t confirm whether or not agree until after I hear what you have to say.”

Anya smirks at my response. At first, it catches me off guard, but I smile back because I’m happy that we are closer towards peaceful interactions with the Grounders.

“Tomorrow,” Anya begins, “I would like to meet you back here. My people have traditions and ceremonies. For us to make this truce possible, we must follow my people’s tradition. By completing a ceremony, our truce will be valid and must be followed by my people. I am willing to make a sacrifice for my people to make this truce possible; I am willing to forget the missiles and live in peace. What sacrifice are you willing to make, Gemma kom Skaikru?”

A ceremony? I wonder. A ceremony can’t be too bad. My people have their traditions and customs too, and this is just something that’s natural for the Grounders. I glance back at Lincoln; he stares at me for a moment before nodding at me. His support makes me feel more comfortable about this plan.

“I accept your offer,” I state confidently. “I am willing to sacrifice any desire my people may have to make Earth entirely their own. I am willing to sacrifice whatever desires my people have so that we may coexist.”

“We are one step closer to a truce,” Anya says. Her lips curl into a small smile. “We will meet here in this spot tomorrow at the same time. Will I see you again?”

“Yes,” I say, smiling back. “I am happy that we can work together to form a truce.”

I say goodbye to Anya and nod at her guards, who nod so subtly that I’m sure I imagined it. I turn around and close the small distance between Lincoln and I. Lincoln and I take a few steps across the bridge towards the opposite end so that I can return to camp.

“Gemma?”

Stopping, I turn back around to face Anya.

“I trust that you will come entirely alone tomorrow?” She asks but it’s more of an order.

“You have my word,” I say firmly.

With that, Anya turns on her heel and disappears into the woods with guards and horses. Lincoln mumbles that we should go as well. The walk home is a bit of a blur, considering that I’m trying to process everything that’s happened today. When I see the walls of my home, I pause. Suddenly, I feel afraid about what I’ve set myself up to do. What if it all goes wrong? Will I be successful? I sigh and run a hand through my hair.

“You did great today,” Lincoln says quietly next to me.

“But what if it’s not enough?” I ask fearfully. “What if it all fails tomorrow?”

“Don’t think like that. A strong warrior lives day to day and takes things in strides.”

I smile. “Thank you for walking back with me.”

“That’s what friends do,” Lincoln says, smiling back at me.

Lincoln wishes me good luck one last time before turning back around to go home himself. I hesitate and choose to wait to go inside camp; I need a moment to collect myself and attempt to process what's happened today, even if it's just a little bit. I can only hear a few voices and some movement behind the walls, but it sounds like normal activity inside. Behind the walls, I expect people are sitting around fires and eating, chatting like always. A part of me wants to retreat to my tent and ignore the others so that I don’t give too much away; however, I know doing that would give the wrong impression. Right now all I really just want to spend time with my closest friends and forget how difficult the world is, ignore how the world seems to be crashing in on us. After a moment, I heave a sigh and decide to embrace myself for what comes next before finally making the move to enter camp.

INDEX  
The sentences/sections marked as 1 - 2 are direct quotes from the show. I do not own these particular sections. All credit is given to the show.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Live together, die alone.” -Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Tired and winded, I squeeze through the secret entrance in the wall next to the dropship. I can hear loud voices coming from a distance, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. I swear under my breath, confused as to what it is happening. Once inside camp, I walk past the dropship just in time to see many people dash toward the opposite end of camp towards the gates. I pause for a moment and seem to be rooted to the ground because of the fear that’s consumed me. My heart starts to beat wildly in my chest as I dash forward, trying not to think of the worst possibilities. Most of the others are standing several yards behind what seems to be the core leaders circled together.

Pushing past the other campers is far more difficult than I would’ve imagined because everyone is whispering and focusing on what’s happening in front of them. I hear Bellamy’s voice booming and see Clarke staring at him intently with a frightened look etched on her face. At their feet, there is a body on the ground that I manage to see around the heads of others as I criss cross around them. Finn and Raven are standing off to the side and slightly to the right of the other pair, whispering about whatever is happening. I finally break in front of the rest of the others and close the distance between us. My senses are on high alert, but I can’t quite catch what everyone is saying nor do I hear myself shout “I’m here!”

My closest friends all look up just in time to see me force myself past Clarke and Bellamy, only to stumble at the sight before us all. At first, the only sound that can be heard besides the occasional whispering is my jagged breath that halts in my throat. I fall to my knees before the young man who’s barely unrecognizable behind the swollen scars and painfully black and blue bruises covering his face.

“John,” I finally whisper, shocked to see my friend sitting before me.

For the first time since I arrived back at camp, Bellamy is no longer speaking and the rest of the core leaders are also silent. An eerie silence echoes around camp as Murphy and I study each other quietly, taking in how each other has changed—one of us far more than the other. Murphy does not respond, but his eyes speak for him instead; he’s watching me earnestly and filling with a sense of ease to be back in my presence. Strands of his hair start to fall in his face, breaking our eye contact. Slowly, I reach forward with my right hand to brush his hair back while studying the deep cuts on his chin. My fingers are just centimeters from his face when his hand swiftly wraps around my right wrist.

A small gasp escapes my lips at his rough touch. My gaze quickly turns back to meet his fierce gaze. Murphy hasn’t stopped staring at me nor has he let go of my wrist. I gulp, finally swallowing the breath lodged in my throat.

“Squints,” Murphy manages to murmur. His voice is raspy, indicating that he is dehydrated and exhausted from the abuse he has endured.

Murphy lets go of my wrist, but I take his hand before he lets it fall in his lap. Our fingers slowly intertwine, molding together in the most intimate platonic sense. I squeeze his hand to let him know that he’s safe now, that I will protect him better this time. The whispers have begun again with Murphy’s name being passed around quietly behind us.

“Connor, Derek,” Bellamy orders. “Take him to the dropship. Now!”

My eyes, gleaming with concern, look fleetingly up at Connor and Derek who are suddenly standing directly behind Murphy on either side. I stumble over my words and trip over my feet after them, trying to stop them—and Bellamy—from being so rough with him. Connor and Derek hook their arms under Murphy’s armpits, already draging him towards the dropship.

“Everyone else stay outside,” Bellamy commands.

The rest of the campers part to the sides in order to form a path for Connor and Derek to haul Murphy away.

“Please be careful with him,” I plead, watching the boys as they drag my friend to the dropship.

As I take another step after them, Bellamy does too and sneaks a glance at me. Bellamy and I follow behind the trio; we’re on their heels every step of the way.

“Bellamy,” I continue, peering up at him, “whatever you’re thinking, please talk to the rest of us first. We need to talk this out before we act hastily.”

Bellamy meets my gaze. He’s silent, but he nods as if to indicate that he heard me. If he actually listens to me, I’m about to find out. Connor and Derek tug Murphy to the very back of the dropship, letting go of his arms once they reach the far wall. I immediately move forward to be next to him; I kneel next to him on his right and start to examine his wounds closer. One of his eyes is nearly swollen shut from the beatings he so clearly endured. His face is covered in cuts and bruises that are all different colors, signifying different stages of healing. Murphy is so fatigued that he it’s all he can do to keep his head up, much less adjust his entire position.

Clarke comes forward next with two wash cloths, alcohol, and a bucket of water in her hands. She kneels on the opposite side of Murphy, who watches her wearily. For a moment, Clarke doesn’t look at him nor does she speak; instead, she dips the two wash cloths in the bucket. She rings the water out before handing one and a bottle of alcohol to me. I smile softly at her before dabbing at the wounds on Murphy’s face with only the wet wash cloth, leaving the alcohol for later after his face is free from dirt and dried blood. While I clean Murphy’s face, Clarke addresses his other wounds. Bellamy clears his throat and fixes his gaze on the younger pair of boys.

“He claims he was with the grounders,” Derek explains, taking the cue to speak up. “We caught him trying to sneak back into camp—”1

“I wasn't sneaking!” Murphy exclaims in an exasperated tone. “I was running from the Grounders.”2

“Anyone see these Grounders?” Bellamy asks mockingly. His question was merely rhetorical. “Right right. In that case—”

“Bell, stop it!” I hiss, staring up at him through squinted eyes. “Can you at least give him time to explain?”

“Gemma, we were incredibly clear what would happen if he came back,” Bellamy refutes. “That night on the mountain top—”

“I know what was said!” I answer angrily. “I was there, your Highness! But can’t you see what’s happened to him? The Grounders kept him for days and nights, Bellamy— torturing him the entire time! He has to know more about them than we do.”

“So?” Bellamy continues bitterly. His hands are now on his hips as he looks down at Murphy and I with fire burning in his eyes.

“She’s right, Bellamy,” Clarke says. She pauses from attending to Murphy’s wounds. “We have to take care of him for a while and let him tell us what happened to him.”

“If Murphy was with the Grounders,” Finn adds, “then he knows things that can help us understand their ways. He can give us insight that will help us understand so much more about them!”3

“Help us?!” Bellamy asks surprised. “You’re all insane! We hanged him, we banished him, and now we're gonna kill him!”

“No! You’ll have to go through me if you try to kill him now!” I shout.

“Blake, shut up for a minute,” Raven interjects, “and listen to your girlfriend alright?”

Bellamy’s jaw tightens, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. He doesn’t like being outnumbered on many things, especially when it comes to something like this.

“What about Charlotte?” Bellamy questions us. His voice is lower now. “Is anyone thinking about her? About what she deserves?”

I sigh and say, “Of course we’re thinking of Charlotte, Bellamy! It’s just that we can’t act hastily and do anything that will hurt all of us."

“He’s not lying, Bellamy,” Clarke says. “Look”—she lifts up Murphy’s hand—“his fingernails were torn off. They didn’t just beat him—they tortured him. The Grounders know we’re at war now after what happened earlier on the bridge, and we need Murphy’s help whether you like it or not.”

“What did you tell them about us?” Bellamy sneers, staring at Murphy.

“Go float yourself, Blake,” Murphy hisses.

“Once he's better, we find out what he knows,” Bellamy concludes. “Then, he's out of here for good. Understood?”

Bellamy turns to face the opening of the dropship. He signals for Jasper to come closer, and Jasper stumbles forward.

“What if some of us don’t want him to leave?” I ask sincerely.

Everyone looks at me with a bit of surprise etched on their face because they're not used to Bellamy being challenged like this. Clarke and Raven smirk as they attempt to fight their chuckles. Octavia smiles brightly at me, happy to see me not letting Bellamy have his way without a challenge. Finn offers me a worried expression because he’s afraid of how Bellamy will react. Bellamy peers at me over his shoulder with a cold expression on his face, but he doesn’t respond to my question.

“Hey, Jasper,” Bellamy says surprisingly calm as he turns back around. “You're on patrol next.”

Jasper nods and follows him outside with Monty following close behind. The dropship is relatively quiet for a moment before Raven breaks the silence and says that she’s going to work on her equipment. She wants to check if the signal is still out from the Ark as well as ensure that the radio doesn’t break and nothing else malfunctions in the meantime. Finn follows her so that he can help her with anything if she needs it, but he mostly wants to give us space and time alone with Murphy. In silence, Clarke and I go back to cleaning Murphy’s wounds.

“Squints,” Murphy mumbles.

I turn my attention away from the spot on his forehead that I’m cleaning and meet his soft gaze.

“Don’t go and get yourself in trouble sticking up for me, alright?” Murphy states. Although his tone is nothing but serious, he smirks up at me, which reminds me of our old ways.

I roll my eyes. “I can handle myself, Murph. Besides, it’s not me I’m worried about. If you haven't noticed, you don’t look so good.”

“I’ll be fine—you’ll see, Gemma.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips; my smile widens when Murphy grins again. The three of us talk quietly as Clarke and I tend to his wounds. Occasionally Murphy hisses and groans when we touch a particularly tender spot or pour alcohol on a wound. After twenty minutes or so, Raven calls my name from across the room. I leave the two of them alone and walk over to where she’s sitting with my brother in order to see what she needs; Raven motions for Finn and I to follow her outside. We pause outside the dropship and say hi to Bellamy when he approaches us.

“What’s up?” I ask. “Have you made contact with the Ark again?”

Raven shakes her head and says, “No, there’s still nothing. It's like they shut it down from their side. I can’t bring our visual connection back, and I’ve been trying to send written messages to them too. I can’t be sure if they’re receiving the written messages or not though… There could be solar flares blocking the signal.”4

Clarke comes out of the dropship just in time to catch the last bit of Raven’s statement. She coughs hard a few times, but I don’t really think anything of it.

“But you don't really think that’s the problem,” Finn says. “Do you?”

“I got a bad feeling about this one, guys,” Raven replies, looking back in the dropship.

“You’re not the only one,” I mumble.

Raven sighs heavily and rests her head in her hands. I pat her on the back, but just as I’m about to say something my brother interrupts me.

“Holy shit!” Finn shouts in a whispes, staring at my face. His eyes are full of surprise and Raven’s eyes are full of fear. “Gemma, your eyes!”

I touch the corners of my eyes and run my fingers over the bottom of my eyelids. When I look at my fingers, I feel my stomach do a somersault. A lump is stuck in my throat as I try to comprehend why my fingertips are covered in dark crimson blood. Frown lines cover Bellamy’s face while he stares at me with fearful eyes.

“What the hell is happening?” I ask more to myself than anyone else. My voice is soft and fragile.

Clarke coughs again, but this time she coughs hard repeatedly without much of a pause in between. It takes her a few moments to be able to stop.

“We need to get inside, Gem,” Clarke says weakly.

“Can you walk?” I ask, noticing how weak she looks.

Clarke nods, but then her knees start to crumble; in the blink of an eye, my brother lunges forward to assist her. Finn puts one arm under the back side of her knees and the other around her shoulders, carrying her inside the dropship bridal style. I know my brother fancies Clarke, but I’m beginning to realize how serious he feels for her. He willingly picked her up when she’s obviously sick with something unknown. Bellamy and I share a look of surprise before we both glance at Raven. Raven’s face is stone cold and free of any emotion; she’s the first one to follow them.

When I enter the dropship, Clarke is sitting on a bucket with a wet washcloth pressed to her forehead. Murphy looks up at me from across the room; he looks just as worried and scared as the rest of us. Clarke is breathing long and slow while we all watch in silence. The silence doesn’t last for long because a shout soon breaks out.

“Clarke! Where's Clarke?” Connor manages to yell through his coughs.

Then, he runs into the dropship with bloodshot red and bleeding eyes. It’s difficult for Connor to talk because of his coughs.

“Connor?” Clarke says, standing up and walking towards him.

“I can’t stop coughing,” he says hoarsely. “And Derek”—Connor coughs again—“he just collapsed in our tent and stopped breathing. I checked his pulse, but I couldn’t find it… He didn’t wake up, even after I performed CPR.”

My jaw drops because whatever this sickness is, it’s already killed one of us. What will happen next? Who will be next? We’re all silent, except for Connor as he can’t stop coughing. I glance around the room and notice that everyone’s eyes are open wide with shock. My gaze rests on Clarke, which is when I realize that she’s just as sick as Connor. Clarke glances at me and frantically touches her eyes when I point at them with a troubled look on my face.

“Are you guys alright?” Raven asks worriedly.

“Raven, you need to get out of here right now,” Clarke orders. “You all need to get away from us!”

“What?!” Finn questions her. “No way! My sister needs me, Clarke!”

“Finn, don’t you see?” I ask intently, wiping blood from my cheeks. “A virus is taking over, and we’re all contagious. We need to keep everyone from getting sick or else we’ll be in some serious trouble if the Grounders come to fight when all of us are sick.”

“Listen to your sister and get out of here,” Clarke manages to say between her coughs. “Derek and Connor are the ones who found Murphy outside the gates and brought him in. They had direct contact with him, which means that we need to keep everyone away from Murphy and the rest of us who’ve had contact with him.”

“Murphy!” I whisper, suddenly remember that he’s in danger too.

I rush towards my best friend, worried that he has it worse than us. Murphy’s eyes are bleeding so I hand him one of the wash clothes so that he can wipe it away.

“Murphy, you need to tell us what happened,” I say. “And you need to tell us now. What was the last thing the Grounders did or said? How did you escape?”

“I don’t know, Gem,” Murphy grumbles through broken coughs. “I woke up and saw that my cage was unlocked. I didn’t question it alright? I wasn’t going to wait for them to figure it out; I was ready to get out of there. When I looked around, I was alone so I took off without looking back, but I couldn’t really remember how to get back here because it was dark when they took me and they knocked me out. I was farther away from here than I thought because I had to cross a bridge I didn’t recognize to get here.”

“They let you go?” Bellamy growls, moving closer to us. His eyes are shining bright with anger. “Just like that? Do you think we’re crazy enough to believe they just let you go?!”

“Bellamy, get out of here!” I say worriedly.

“Please,” Clarke pleads. “All of you—”

“What the hell is going on?” Bellamy asks fiercely.

“Biological warfare,” Clarke declares. “This is how the Grounders are retaliating for what happened on the bridge today. This is how they are striking back.”

Bellamy glares at Murphy. His nose flaring and his arms are crossed tightly in front of his chest—a clear sign that he is livid. Standing up, I step closer to Bellamy until only a few inches separate us. He’s still glaring at Murphy, but he finally tears his eyes away to stare back at me after a few moments; unconsciously, I reach for Bellamy’s forearm to hold it, but I stop myself mid-air.

“Bellamy, it’s not his fault,” I say. I’m trying to remain calm, but it’s not working. “I know you’re angry—”

“No, Gemma, I’m enraged! How do we not know if this is his revenge?”

“That doesn’t matter! Right now we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. We have to trust him! If we don’t start trusting some of the very people that we don’t want to believe, then we’re doomed, Bellamy. Please give him a chance!”

For a moment, the dropship is silent, except for the other’s coughs. I’m not sure why I’m not coughing yet like the other three. Maybe the side effects are limited, I wonder. Or maybe there are more side effects besides coughing and bleeding eyes, but no one is showing signs yet? Hopefully not.

“I didn't know that this was going to happen,” Murphy says, begging us to understand. “I don’t know what they did to me to make this happen. All I know is, that they tortured me in ways that you all could never imagine. They’re vicious.”

“If anything at all comes to mind,” Clarke tells him, “you need to tell us alright, Murphy? No matter how unimportant it might seem.”

Murphy nods, but he remains silent.

“What can we do?” Finn asks.

“You can start by separating everyone into groups,” Clarke instructs the others, pointing to the three people who aren’t showing signs. “This virus is spreading by contact so it’s crucial that we know who’s had contact with Murphy. Everyone who hasn’t had contact with him needs to go to the upper level of the dropship—no questions asked, no exceptions. Those who have had contact with Murphy or anyone who is already sick will stay down here.”

“Connor,” I say, looking up at them. “Was there anyone else who was with you when you found Murphy or carried him through the gates in with you? Think hard.”

“Octavia,” Connor answers.

“Bellamy, check on Octavia now and make sure she's okay,” I order. “Now, the two of you”—I point at my brother and Raven—“need to start separating the rest of the camp into two groups.”

They all quickly exit the dropship to do so, and I follow them to the edge of the dropship’s entrance. Clarke instructs Connor to lie in the other corner before joining me at the dropship’s entrance. We’re silent as we watch the other campers slowly being split into groups; confusion and fear is etched on their faces. From where I stand, I see Bellamy approach Octavia. He nods towards the dropship, and his sister glances our way. Raven and Finn start to lead two separate groups towards the dropship.

As they both approach us with their groups, we hear Raven order her group to go upstairs to the second floor of the dropship. She moves to the side of so that they can all file in. When all of her group has entered, she follows them inside to make sure they all get inside. Finn’s group is incredibly small; he explains that these are people who directly touched Murphy or who were very close to him before he was taken to the dropship. Clarke nods and tells them all to stay on the first floor of the dropship but not to get too close to Murphy—"just in case," she says when they all stare at her worriedly. Finn glances between Clarke and I, but he doesn’t say another word before entering the dropship too. Finally, Bellamy and Octavia approaches us.

“Man, you all look like crap,” Octavia smirks.

“Shut up, Blake,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “How do you feel?”

“I’m totally fine. Don’t worry, Gemma.”

“Octavia, this is serious,” Clarke says earnestly. “Did you touch Murphy earlier?”

Octavia thinks about it for a moment before she says, “I don’t know, Clarke—I might have. I don't exactly remember because everything happened so fast… Why? What's wrong?”

“The Grounders infected Murphy with a virus that he wasn't aware of and let him free on purpose because they knew he'd come running back here for our help,” I explain. “Derek just died from it, and we don’t know how common that will be. Clarke needs to examine you since you’ve been in close proximity with him.”

Octavia nods and follows Clarke into the dropship. Clarke immediately goes to work, giving everyone on the first floor orders. I stand inside at the entrance with Bellamy still by my side; I am mentally exhausted and can’t believe this is happening.

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asks, obviously sensing how I feel. I nod, unable to speak. “What happened with the Commander after we were all gone?”

“I will tell you, Bellamy,” I assure him. I mostly say it so he'll let it go for now. “I’m just tired and stressed is all. Can it wait?”

Bellamy studies my face in silence to figure out if I’m hiding anything I assume. I’m not sure if he believes me, but eventually he whispers ‘okay’ and wraps an arm around my shoulder to hug me.

“Bell, no!” I squeal. I can’t help but giggle right along with him. “Seriously, you idiot! You’re going to get sick!”

“I probably will, whether or not I hug you, because I’ve been as close to Murphy as you have.”

“I don't care! The fewer the people that get sick, the better.”

“We’ll get through this, Gem. We always do.”

I sigh and cross my arms. “But at what cost?”

Bellamy doesn’t respond to that; instead, he kisses my temple before going inside the dropship to check on his sister. Now that I'm left alone, I realize that night is starting to fall over camp, and in a few minutes, it’ll be completely dark. Sneaking off to meet with Lincoln tomorrow and talk to Anya will be damn near impossible with the entire camp living together in even closer proximity than before. No matter what I have to do, I have to get out of here in the morning to meet them. Guilt overwhelms me when I think about abandoning my people in a time of need to take such a huge risk—to make a deal that I might not actually be able to do. Perhaps I can meet with Lincoln earlier than we planned to explain what's happening and get an extra day before I have to meet Anya.

When we last spoke with the Ark, they said they would be sending people on Saturday. Today is Sunday so I have until the end of the week to meet with Anya before the rest of my people arrive; it's not a lot of time, but I have to deal with the cards I've been dealt. Is it possible that tomorrow I could convince her to meet with me in two days to perform the ritual instead? If we did that, then we’d meet on Wednesday and still have a considerable amount of time before more of my people come. Heaving a long and heavy sigh, I pray that the plan to meet Anya could be altered slightly.

“Gemma!” Raven calls to me while hopping off the ladder. She quickly jogs over to me. I raise my brow at her, as if to ask ‘what's up’.

“We have an idea,” she says. We both look around to make sure no one is eavesdropping before she continues. “I was talking with Monty and Jasper upstairs just now about what’s going on. The Grounders obviously let Murphy go on purpose because they infected him with something and they knew he’d come back to us for help—and of course that’s why they did it. Anya is probably upset about what happened at the bridge today with Jasper firing that first shot and everything that happened afterwards. They want us to feel vulnerable—to be at our absolute weakest so we can’t properly fight right? Because why else would they do it?”

“Where are you going with this, Reyes?” I ask. “What are you thinking we should we do?”

“More of us are likely to get sick over the course of the night, and we need to be ready to fight. They didn’t infest our camp with an illness just for a laugh. They did it as a counter measure so that we wouldn’t be able to fight back if they attack us. We don’t know when that will be, which is why we need to act as soon as possible. The three of us came up with a great plan to go out with a bang. We need to blow up the bridge because it seems to be the main—and perhaps only—path that leads them directly to us… So, what do you think, Gemma?”

In silence, I ponder on everything she’s said; Raven's plan does make some sense to me. Did I mistake Anya’s fascination with me as appreciation when she was really just amused with how she was playing games with me? Had Anya already started to plan how to attack us after Jasper’s actions today before we went our separate ways? Was I falling for her tricks? Is it possible that she told me the truth when I was alone with her? I can’t possibly know all—or any—of these answers. I’d like to believe that I can settle things with Anya, but Raven presents a very valid argument. Some of the Grounders might want to coexist with us; it’s been clear since Day 1 that they’re not happy with us. It’s beginning to look more and more like that they don’t want us here.

I agree that we need to be prepared for anything, which is why I think we need to consider our next counter measure. The idea to blow up the bridge is actually rather good because it does seem to be the main way the Grounders reach us—if not the only way, like Raven suggested. This plan has been thought out pretty well considering the three of them have had such little time to think of something. I may never know Anya’s true intentions until I met with her again. Meeting her with again after what’s happened this evening is reckless, and I am well aware of that fact, but if I don’t want to fall behind, then I must meet with Anya still. I have to keep up in whatever game the Grounders are playing if I want to protect my people.

“I think you’re right,” I say after a moment. “I have one condition though. You can build whatever you need to blow up the bridge, but we shouldn’t act as soon as it’s finished. We need to let things unfold just a little bit longer. You know I’ll always believe in you no matter what, Raven, but can you honestly demolish a bridge that’s survived everything it has? It’s survived a nuclear war and ninety-seven years of weather … can you do it?”

With a smirk on her face, Raven says, “It isn’t won’t survive me.”5

I laugh at her statement. “Get Jasper and Monty to help you because they know a thing or two about gunpowder and explosives, but make sure someone like Finn, Monroe, or Miller stays upstairs to keep the healthy people in line. Now do your thing, Reyes.”

Raven jogs back inside to get to work, making me smile because of her excitement. I wipe below my eyes again, turning sleeves a darker shade of red. I go back inside to clean myself up while I wait for Clarke to give me some sort of diagnosis. Once I’ve cleaned up, I decide to sit with Murphy for a bit; he has no friends or allies, except for me. After what he’s been through, I know he needs me now more than ever. Murphy is curled up in a blanket on the floor when I sit down next to him.

“Hi, Squints,” he mumbles.

“Hi,” I murmur, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“You’re still being nice … you’re still being a friend to me after how I acted that day and treated you at the cliff. Why?”

“No one would believe me if I told them this, but I know you’d be there for me if our roles were reversed.”

Murphy watches me closely in silence for a few seconds before he whispers, “You’re the only person I’d ever do it for, Gemma. You're all I've got—”

His words are cut short because he starts to cough hard again, shaking from the intensity of it.

“Why aren’t you coughing?” he asks grumpily between coughs. “It’s not fair. Why can't we be this miserable together?”

“I’m just a little tougher, I guess,” I smirk, which makes Murphy rolls his eyes. “I honestly don’t know, Murph. Whatever this virus is, it's wilder and more than we can handle ... but we're going to be okay—I promise. Now, get some sleep alright?”

“As long as you take your own advice. You could use some sleep yourself, Gemma.” Giggling, I find two extra blankets and toss one to Murphy who eagerly covers himself up with it. I sit down next to my friend and curl up, happy to have him back at camp. With all the talking and coughing that's echoing in the dropship right now, it seems impossible that I'll be able to fall asleep... I’m not sure how long I rest with my back on the wall, trying to fall asleep, but a tap on my shoulder catches my attention. Octavia is smiling at me when I open my eyes; she hands me a canteen full of water. It’s not until now that I realize how thirsty I am. I glance at my watch as I take the canteen from my friend. When I look at my clock, I realize I did fall asleep after all because it’s 1:37am now.

“Drink this,” she says. “I just got back from talking with Lincoln about how we can treat this. He said that we need to stay hydrated and let the virus run its course. He told me very few people are immuned, which is why I think I haven’t gotten sick at all yet… Maybe you have a little bit immunity too and that’s why it’s not affecting you as bad as the others.”

I take a long sip of water before asking, “Was Lincoln in his cave when you left?”

“No,” Octavia whispers, shaking her hand. “He’s outside behind the dropship.”

My eyes light up at that. Glancing around the room, I realize most of the other sick campers are sleeping.

“I need to talk to him. Will you cover me if someone comes looking for me?”

Octavia nods and walks towards her brother where is lying on the ground. Bellamy has a blanket tucked up to his chin. His eyes are bloodshot, and now he’s coughing too. I sneak by them without Bellamy noticing. When I make it through the small hole in the fence, I spot Lincoln immediately, but he’s not alone. Lincoln notices me instantly and waves me over. I approach them cautiously because I’ve never seen the Grounder next to him. He’s just as fit Lincoln, but he looks a bit younger; this Grounder looks to be very close to my age. His eyes are a deep shade of mahogany and his skin is dark like Lincoln’s. This Grounder’s ear cartilages are lined with gold looped ear piercings and his septum is pierced with a small silver piercing.

Unlike the few male Grounders I have seen, his hair is buzzed very short on the sides but much longer on the top. My eyes follow the tattoos that wind up his neck, stopping at his hairline. Tattoos also cover his arms, mesmerizing me. He is dressed in the same attire that I have come to associate with the Grounders; I can see weapons that he has hidden on his body because I have been trained to find them since I was young. Finally, my eyes rest on his face only to find that he is studying me as well.

“Gemma, it’s good to see you,” Lincoln says, hugging me. I smile at him. “This is the one I told you about, Benjamin.”

This so-called Benjamin’s eyes light up.

“So you are the young and fearless warrior from the Sky that serves as her people’s leader?” Benjamin says impressed. “You didn’t tell me she was this beautiful, Lincoln.”

My ears and cheeks are growing warm because of his compliment. A small smile covers my face as I thank him.

Benjamin smiles back and continues, “Your name has been whispered through our village all day. You are a curious, unknown figure to my people. You are being whispered about over fires and everyday exchanges.”

I raise my brow at Lincoln, surprised by his friends words.

“Since Anya spoke with you today,” Lincoln says, “some rumors have begun. Your name was discovered by the villagers, and they have started to spin their own stories. Anya has also spoken highly of you with the few people she is closest with.” 

“I feel that that might not be good for me in the long run,” I admit wearily.

“Only time can tell,” Benjamin says.

“Lincoln, my people are in great danger,” I continue wearily, turning my attention back to him. “I’m supposed to meet with Anya in the day time, but I can’t fathom leaving my people in a time of need and when we are most vulnerable. Is it possible that I could convince her to meet with me in two days instead?”

Lincoln and Benjamin share a look, but I can’t quite understand what they’re silently telling one another.

“That’s why I brought Benjamin here with me,” Lincoln says. “After Octavia visited me this morning, I raced to Arkadia to find my friend here. Benjamin is very close with Anya, and he serves as a prominent leader so she will trust him if he conveys your message to her.”

“Can you do that for me?” I plead.

Benjamin nods. “You have my word, Gemma kom Skaikru. I will return immediately to speak with Anya. Will you wait for my call upon my arrival back here?”

“What will be your signal?”

“A whistle.”

So softly that I can't quite tell if it's real, Benjamin whistles so I know what it will sound like when he calls for me. A tremendous weight falls off my shoulders with the possibility that the meeting time with Anya could change. I thank the pair and hug them both before I retreat back to camp. Once inside, I stop to sit next to my Bellamy. Bellamy’s eyes are drooping; he can barely keep himself awake.

“Hi, cutie,” I whisper. I run a hand through his hair, brushing it off his sweaty forehead.

“Hi, love,” Bellamy mumbles. “I feel awful.”

“Just rest for now, okay? You don’t need to do anything else.”

“Will you sleep with me for a bit?”

Nodding, I smile and crawl under the covers with Bellamy. This time it doesn’t take much for me to fall asleep because I have the comfort of knowing I have another alliance who is helping me settle things with Anya. I’m not sure if I’ll be successful in establishing a truce when I meet with Anya. I don’t have the faintest clue if I’ll be able to protect my people at all down here; the only thing my heart knows how to do is fight to protect and save my people. I don’t think about this all too much because I fall asleep within seconds wrapped in the arms of someone I love and someone who loves me.

When I wake up in the morning, the dropship is the quietest it has been in several hours. Everyone seems to be asleep, including those upstairs because I don’t hear any voices or footsteps. I peer around the first floor to make sure everyone is alright; Murphy is asleep in his original spot and Clarke is sleeping in a makeshift bed near him. Bellamy's quiet breathing signifies that he’s still asleep too. I guess that it’s seven in the morning based on the amount of sunlight illuminating the dropship. Squeezing out of Bellamy’s grip carefully, I make my way out of the dropship and to my tent so that I can change.

So much happened over the course of the night that I didn’t have time to change out of my dirty clothes. The sky is a pale bluish grey this morning and full of clouds. I get the feeling that it won’t be a pretty day, but I doubt that it will be a particularly nasty one either. Perhaps it’ll just be a gloomy day. It is rather chilly outside this morning as well, which is odd because it’s chillier than I can ever remember it being. Because my hair needs to be washed, I decide to braid it in two French braid ponytails in hopes that it will be less noticeable that it’s dirty. My sleeves are tie-dyed with blood from where I kept wiping my eyes; I sigh, knowing that I’ve ruined the shirt. I slip into a very large dark green and navy flannel that I found in a bunker during one of our first adventures on Earth; it hangs about halfway down my thighs so I’ll have to tuck it in so it won’t be in the ay when I do work an help the others. A fresh pair of grey tube socks are laying by my bed so I put them on.

Next I step into my dark wash jeans, shimming them over my hips. I manage to tuck half of the flannel into my jeans when a peculiar noise distracts me. There is a soft call of some sort. Initially, I think it’s a bird, but it almost sounds like a person.

“A whistle!” I whisper surprised, remembering what Benjamin told me last night.

I grab my boots and rush outside of my tent, not bothering to fix my shirt that's half-tucked in my jeans. Tossing my boots through the hole first, I squeeze through the hidden entrance. I walk a few yards away from the dropship to find Benjamin, but for a minute or two, I can’t find him and an eerie feeling spreads from my fingertips to my shoulders down my back. Goosebumps rise on my neck and arms. Have I been fooled? I wonder. A quiet sigh of relief escapes my lips when I finally find Benjamin leaning against the tree about fifteen to twenty yards from the dropship. He smiles widely at me when he sees me approaching him.

“Hi,” I say, smiling back at him.

“How are your people?” Benjamin asks. I sense of feeling of worry, making me trust him more.

“Many of us are still sick, but we’re keeping everyone hydrated as best as we can so this should all past soon … I hope.”

Benjamin nods. “I spoke with Anya… She is willing to meet with you two days from now at the same time and place.”  


A small smile breaks across my fast as I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Gemma,” Benjamin says earnestly. “She is incredibly suspicious of your people--and you now more than ever. You must be there in two days and on time if you want to make this truce possible. You must keep a close eye on your people so that they don’t do anything before then to ruin your chances. My people don’t take betrayal lightly.”

“I’m doing my best,” I say. My voice is soft and fragile. “I want our people to establish this truce, and I’m doing everything I can to make it possible.”

Benjamin nods slowly, but he doesn’t respond immediately. I look around the forest and admire its tranquility.

“Aren’t your feet freezing?” Benjamin finally says bluntly. I giggle. “There’s a fallen log a few yards this way”—pointing behind himself—“if you want to put them on.”

We walk to the fallen log, and he sits with me as I put on my shoes. The two of us talk for nearly an hour, learning more about one another and sharing small bits of information about our people’s customs. I learn that Benjamin is nineteen and that he is a part of a tribe known as Trikru; he explains that there are twelve different tribes. That they all come very different parts of Earth and have slightly different customs, like clothing, food, and such. Benjamin is very curious about space and asks me all sorts of questions about where I lived, what I lived in, how we had water and grew food, etc. I am fascinated by his curiosity of what is unknown to him. I’ve never thought about space the way he has. To me, space just ... it just is. Space is normal to me, and it’s not something I think of as different or ponder a lot about at all.

As much as I’d to keep talking to Benjamin, around eight o’clock I tell him I must go back inside before the others get suspicious. He bids me farewell and explains that he’ll meet me back at this fallen log Wednesday morning so that I don’t have to walk through the woods alone. Stories of me are becoming too popular amongst his people so Benjamin fears that I might not be safe alone. I thank him and jog back to the hidden entrance in the camp’s wall. I am crouched ready to enter the camp, but before I enter I look back over my shoulder at Benjamin; I wave and smile when he does the same.

Without another word, I enter camp. Without a sound, I creep back inside the dropship. Without any sign, I carry secrets and plans that no one knows.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do not go gentle into that good night,  
> Old age should burn and rave at close of day;  
> Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” -Dylan Thomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also read this fanfic at teddyiam.tumblr.com OR on wattpad.com/user/teddy-i-am.

Bright and early at six o’clock Wednesday morning, I stomp out of my tent that I still share with Octavia and fail to rub the sleep out of my eyes completely. It was difficult to get sleep last night because I couldn’t stop inventing different scenarios about what could happen when I meet Anya today. I’m eager to get today started; perhaps my apprehension is fueling my zeal. After the talk I had with Anya a few days ago, I’m desperate to get done what I agreed to do. I don’t see my two co-leaders anywhere so they must still be asleep. Thank God, I think. I don’t want to waste any time speaking with Clarke because I really need to head out as soon as possible, and she’ll probably want to spend time talking or planning something to keep her mind off things.

As far as my other co-leader, I can’t bear to even think of him at the moment—much less see him while I’m still trying to piece myself back together. What he doesn’t know is, that I heard what happened between him and Raven last night. I close my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in attempts to keep myself calm. Around twilight, I was sitting outside; the weather was nice and the woods were very calm. It almost felt serene. Most of the ill campers were finally recovering at that point; the only side effect that wouldn’t seem to go away were the bloodshot eyes. I had decided to sit outside my tent and enjoy my meal in peace outside. Camp was relatively quiet because most people had retreated to their tents to sleep in their own beds for the first time in days. There were a handful of people sitting in front of fires on the opposite side of camp. Because camp was so empty, it wasn’t hard to miss how Raven stomped towards Bellamy’s tent with smoke practically blowing out of her ears.

At first, I chose not to run after immediately. Perhaps Raven wasn’t pissed at him this time; it’s possible that nothing was wrong. I waited a few minutes before quietly walking towards his tent. I tiptoed towards his tent door and hesitated for a moment in order to assess the situation, which is when I realized what was happening. My heart was caught in my throat because it just couldn’t to seem fall after being shattered from up so high; hot tears brimmed in my eyes, but I didn’t dare let them fall—not there. My feet felt like led as they slowly dragged me back to my tent. I’m not sure how I mustered the energy to take my shoes off, but I do remember how my bed welcomed me home as crawled beneath my blankets. I curled my knees up to my chest and tucked the blankets beneath my chin. The hot tears finally fell, staining my cheeks and exposing my wounded heart. I hadn’t noticed Octavia enter the tent until she laid down next to me; I didn’t try to hide my feelings, not in front of my best friend who took my hand and held me until I fell asleep.

Opening my eyes, a quiet sigh leaves my lips as I thank whatever god above for making sure Bellamy wouldn’t be outside right now. Jasper and Monty are sorting through some supplies a few yards away. Because camp is quiet and relatively empty, the pair notices me and wave so I wave back in attempts to appear normal. I notice that Miller is cooking some of last night’s meat over a small fire from a spot on across camp. Miller must feel my eyes on him because he looks over at me; he nods at me as if to say hello. With a small smile on my face, I nod and make my way over towards him.

“Morning, Squints,” Miller says once I’ve approached him. His eyes are still trained on the food he’s making for breakfast.

“Good morning,” I say, sitting down next to him. “How’s it going, Nate?”

Miller shrugs. He scratches the back of his neck as he says, “I’m alive another day in this hell we call Earth … so that’s something, right?”

I chuckle at his sarcasm. Miller laughs as well and turns over the meat.

“Want to share this?” Miller asks.

“That would be great,” I say. “Thanks.”

We make small talk and eat. Since we arrived on Earth, I’ve always loved this point of the day. The world is silent, except for a few creatures. It’s as if you get to watch nature unfold before your eyes. When we finish eating, Miller and I play a small game in which we make a pyramid of cans a few yards away from us. We see who can toss the most berries into the cans. We play for two rounds; I beat Miller each time, earning a disheveled sigh from him.

“We can play again later, Nate,” I say, smiling.

I pat him on the shoulder before I get up and make my way to the dropship. I hope no one’s in there. No one ended up sleeping in there last night so it should be empty. I walk as quietly as possible once I’m inside and do my best to sneakily take some poison that Clarke’s collected. Then, I quietly make my way up the ladder with the hope that no one is upstairs either. Still standing on the ladder, I peek up into the top and I find someone already sitting there—I’d recognize that messy, floppy dark hair anywhere.

“Hey hey hey, Squints,” Murphy says much too cheerfully for this time of day. I sigh in defeat because I had really hoped this would be much easier. “You seem as happy as ever to see me, love.”

“Morning, Murphy,” I say, climbing the rest of the way up. I hop up inside and notice that Monroe is sitting in the corner; we nod at one another. “Why are you up so early, hot stuff?”

“Last night Bellamy asked me to start helping around camp if I was going to stay here. Well, he ordered me to say the least. We needed to check our stock. He said I could count the guns and bullets as long as someone trustworthy watched me.”

“Ah…” I come to a halt next to him, eyeing the guns around us. “Monroe, you can take a break from babysitting Murphy. I’ll watch him for a while.”

“Thanks, Gem,” Monroe says, walking towards the ladder. “Just come find me when you’re done babysitting.”

The room is silent for a bit now that Monroe is gone. Murphy and I have become reacquainted over the last few nights; it feels great to have him back.

“How much supplies do we have?” I ask.

Murphy pauses and reads over his clipboard.

“We have enough guns for every qualified and trusted member,” Murphy says, “and a little bit more.”

“So that means if I just so happened to need one of these, no one would ever know since you wouldn’t be able to add it to the numbers on the stock?”

Murphy stops writing down information. He glances at me with a curious and confused expression. Murphy has seen me fire a gun on a few occasions so I know he’s not afraid that I don’t know how to use one properly. Hell, Murphy knows I’m one of the only delinquents with a sharp aim. The look on his face is one that’s full of curiosity and hesitance. Does he really want to protect me? Or is that a true sign of loyalty to Bellamy that I see glimmering in his eyes?

“Why do you need a gun?” Murphy asks sheepishly.

“Now, Murphy,” I say with a sly grin, “are you really going to start questioning me now? Since when have we ever questioned each other as far as necessities and motives go?”

Murphy raises a brow and smirks. “I’m just acting in as Bellamy—”

“You’re not Bellamy. And Bellamy isn’t here so let’s not bring him into this.”

Murphy shifts around placing himself between me and the boxes of guns.

“If you take a gun—no matter how small it is—both of our asses are gonna get kicked. Do you think that’s a smart idea, Gem?”

“What’s a good idea is for you to move. I need a gun, not an interrogation. So move, Murph, and let me get a gun.”

Murphy crosses his arms in front of his chest. He looks at me with a cheeky grin that usually makes me peer at him through squinted eyes.

“What’s in it for me if I just so happen to have my back turned when you take one?” Murphy asks mischievously. He bites his lips as he watches me closes and he wiggles an eyebrow, obviously insinuating what he wants.

“Are you serious?” I say, slightly annoyed.

A grin tugs at the corners of my lips because the thought of Murphy and I being that close and intimate with one another makes me chuckle. Murphy sits down in the wooden chair in front of the boxes of guns. He looks up at me with a flirtatious grin; there is a hungry look in his eyes.

“Look, we both know that we desperately need some sort of release for the tension we’ve created between us. So why not, beautiful?”

A few seconds have passed while I’ve deliberated what to do. I think of Bellamy, desperately trying to cling to the good that is left in our relationship. Bellamy cares about me just as much as I care about him; however, I’m not blind to how we’re growing differently and moving in separate directions. From how we lead to how we teach to what we believe about the Grounders, Bellamy and I are becoming different people. We’re still us of course. There are very few things I believe in, in this cruel and unfair world and whatever bond we have is one of them; nonetheless, we are growing into the versions of ourselves we’ve always meant to be. No matter how much Bellamy and I love each other, I know that I have to do whatever I can to protect us all—even if that means putting our love second to save everyone. I don’t want to hurt him either, but Bellamy has hurt me in a way that I’m not sure I’ll ever be to mend (not properly at least).

Bellamy has broken my trust in a way that no one else has, which has punctured a hole in me so deep that it’s making making me question everything. Did he ever care about me? Did Bellamy ever love me or want to be more than friends with me? To be honest, I’m not sure anymore. With what happened to Lincoln and what occurred between Bellamy and Raven, nothing is the way it used to be. These days there are times that I don’t even recognize myself because I’ve been stretching myself too thin to save my friends and my people. Am I the tough decisions I make and bitter actions I take to save us all? Yes. No. I don’t know.

All I know is, that I must do what I can to save my people. Right now that means having to meet Anya to establish this truce all on my own, even though it’s incredibly risky. I don’t want to hurt Bellamy or Murphy or make things worse between us, but I can’t not help my people. Everyone in this camp means something to me, whether or not they’re aware of it. They’re all important to me because they’ve all established a connection with me. The hundred have become the family I never had; they’re the family I got to choose.

Pushing the thoughts aside, I make a decision. I bite my lip and smile cheekily at Murphy as I move forward, closing the distance between us. Once I’m standing directly in front of him, I run a hand through his hair and watch him smirk up at me. Then, I sit down in his lap; I notice how Murphy inhales sharply, not expecting I’d actually do this. I lean forward and make sure I roll my hips just right against his. An animalistic groan escapes Murphy’s lips, and I didn’t expect it to turn me on considering I have such little experience with this compared to others.

Murphy makes the next move by taking my face carefully in his hands; he leans forward swiftly and kisses me fiercely. Although I know I’m doing this just to get what I need, I do my best to be as careful as possible with Murphy. I know that no matter what he’s going to get hurt, but I want to weaken the blow as much as possible. I think of how Bellamy will be hurt by this too, but it’s all crushing down on me and making it difficult to breathe. Or maybe that’s Murphy’s kiss. I kiss him back strongly, trying to push the fear away and ignore all the likely negative outcomes. So I give into him and fall into this messy hole that I’ve created.

When we’re finished, we lie on the dropship floor for a few moments. I don’t regret what I’ve just done (or that’s what I’m telling myself at least). I did what I needed to do in order to ensure everyone’s safety, including Bellamy and Murphy’s safety, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling incredibly guilty because of what I’m putting them through. What we just did has very little personal significance to me; I mean, of all the people that I could’ve had sex with under these circumstances, I’m glad it was with Murphy. Despite my hesitance towards him when we first landed on Earth, I trust him wholeheartedly now so I’m sort of glad that what I just did was with him. At the same time, I have no true romantic feelings towards Murphy, which isn’t fair to him.

Finally, I make the first move to leave. I find that mine and Murphy’s clothes are mixed together. A happy, quiet sigh escapes from my lips because our pile of clothes will make taking his gun and knife that much easier. Thankfully, the poison is already in my bag. I move my bag to the side so that I can get my shirt. My back is to Murphy as I eye his pants and notice how his knife and gun have fallen out of them. Being as sly and discreet as I can, I put his personal knife and gun in my purse. I put my bra back on, and then I put my shirt on.

“Are you really going to head out so soon?” Murphy says casually.

I stand up with my pants in my hand. Murphy’s hands are behind his head, and he’s got a cheeky smile on his face again. I can’t help but roll my eyes and giggle.

“Yes,” I say. “I promised Raven I’d help her with some stuff this morning.”

Once I put my pants on, I hop a little to get them over my hips and butt. Murphy chuckles at me.

“What is it now, Murph?” I sneer playfully.

“That little hop you do when you put your pants on is one of the funniest and most adorable things I’ve ever seen.”

The blush rises on my cheeks so I let my hair fall over my face to prevent Murphy from noticing. I roll my eyes at him as I make my way to the nearest gun box so that I can keep this front up. (Besides two guns means more ammunition, which means more ways I can defend myself.) I take the smallest handgun in sight so that it will fit inside. I stand up and put the handgun in my purse, making sure that Murphy sees me do so.

“Well, Murph,” I say, “thanks for the help.”

Murphy winks at me and says, “Anything for you, Squints.”

I make my way down the ladder, and then I head out of the dropship. It's still a bit early so there are only a few people up and walking around camp. No one seems to notice me when I walk out of the dropship, which makes me relax a little bit. That doesn't long because a few seconds later I notice Bellamy standing across camp; doing my best not to let him catch sight of me, I immediately go to my left and walk behind the dropship finally making my way to meet Lincoln so that I can go to the bridge to meet Anya. I know the others—Finn and Bellamy especially—will be angry with me. Finn wants to create good relations with the Grounders, but he'd never let me go alone. He's my twin brother so he'd do anything and everything for me; what most people don't understand is that there's not a bond stronger than the one siblings have and there's no not a stronger force than the one to protect and love than that of siblings. Because we're extremely protective each other as well, Bellamy would never let me go alone either. He's just as fiercely loyal to me and protective of me as I am of him.

But I have to do this on my own. I agreed I'd come alone and I don't break my promises. Plus, it's better for everyone's safety if I do this alone because if something bad happens, then ... well, it at least I'll be the only one in danger. Despite the incredibly big risk I'm taking, I'm certain that I can do this. What I'm trying to do can insure the safety of us all. I've accepted that I'm putting myself in danger and even putting my life on the line for everyone—and I'm alright with that. I can only hope that eventually everyone will learn to accept that and still treat me the same way after they're not angry anymore. I can still have hope, right?

After several hours of trekking, I finally make it to Lincoln’s cave and enter immediately. Lincoln greets me with a warm smile, saying that he’s ready to go; he peers around his cave to make sure he’s left nothing out of place. Then, we begin our trek to the bridge. The closer we get, the more nervous I become. Lincoln must notice because he makes small talk in hopes of distracting me, which helps some. Finally, we arrive at the bridge, but Anya isn’t there yet. Instead of remaining in the opening, Lincoln suggests that we hide so we’re not as vulnerable. We hide where we can still the opposite end of the bridge so we know when Anya arrives. And now we wait...

***

Finn paces around the camp, looking everywhere for her. He peeks inside her tent, but only finds her makeshift bed unmade. He glances around and notices that she’s not with Monty and Jasper, which is strange because the trio is usually tied to the hip. Finn walks around the camp some more in hopes of finding his sister. In the dropship, Raven is alone, and she says she hasn’t seen her all day. Raven just assumed she had been with the others. When that idea falls through, Finn pursues Bellamy and Clarke next.

“Hey, guys,” Finn says, approaching them. “Where’s Gem?”

“Wait,” Bellamy says. His brows crinkle together. “What do you mean ‘where’s Gem?’ When’s the last time you’ve seen her?”

“Last night,” Finn says. “We said good-night by the fire when we collected our dinner and went our separate ways.”

Bellamy swears under his breath. His eyes scan the camp for any sight of his small, brown-eyed goofy best friend and girlfriend. After everything, he doesn’t even know if the latter is still official. Are they even friends anymore either?

“When’s the last time you saw her?” Finn asks Bellamy, breaking him from his thoughts..

“Last night,” Bellamy says slowly, thinking hard. “She was eating outside her tent with a book next to her on the ground. She looked content and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I promise, Finn.”

“She might’ve just gone to get something and wandered off,” Clarke says, trying to comfort them both.

Finn and Bellamy roll their eyes, and both look at her with blank expressions.

“Gemma doesn’t just wander off,” Finn says bluntly.

Bellamy nods in agreement. "If she isn't here, then she's gone for good reasons—and I'm not so sure if the reasons are actually good at all. To her, they might be, but I'm not so sure her plans are good for her if you know what I mean."

“We’ll find her, guys,” Clarke says confidently, looking around the camp in hopes of catching a glimpse of Gemma.

The three decide to walk around the camp together to find her. The two stop to talk to Monty and Jasper, who claim they can’t remember seeing her at all today. Finn and Bellamy groan in defeat when the pair says they don’t recall seeing Gemma today. Finn runs a hand through his hair, muttering incoherently. With a frantic look in his eyes, Bellamy paces a bit and he bites his thumbnail while he thinks.

“Oh wait!” Jasper says excitedly. “She ate breakfast with Miller this morning. I remember seeing them playing a game after they finished eating.”

The group searching for Gemma now consists of five. They all find Miller who tells them that she went to the dropship once they finished eating and playing.

“She didn’t seem out of character,” Miller says. “She seemed just like normal Gemma. We ate, we joked around, and we played some games. Nothing seemed off about her. I fucking swear that she seemed normal, guys.”

“Normal? Is she ever normal?” The six of them all turn to find Murphy approaching them. “Are you guys talking about the same Gemma I know?”

Murphy comes to a halt when he’s standing amongst them. He smirks and tucks his hands in his pockets.

“You know something,” Finn accuses him. He pokes Murphy’s chest, which causes Murphy to swear under his breath. “What do you know? Where’s my sister?!”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?!” Murphy argues, swatting at Finn’s hand. “Squints does as she fucking pleases. Maybe you should be a better babysitter for your twin sister, Finn.”

Finn rolls his eyes.

“Last time I saw her we—” Murphy breaks off and changes his sentences, hoping no one notices. “We were in the dropship around six thirty this morning. She came inside while I was doing inventory, and we chatted for a bit before she went back outside. After that, I have no clue where in the hell she went. Scouts honor.”

That much is true. Murphy really doesn’t know where she went. Bellamy’s face changes as he works to figure out what Gemma might be doing or where she might be.

“Did she say or do anything odd?” Bellamy asks him. “Did she say what her plans were for today?”

“No, and I didn’t ask,” Murphy says somewhat annoyed. “Me and Squints typically don’t ask each other too many questions. That tends to make us a good team.”

“Wait, Murphy,” Clarke says slowly. Her eyes light up as she says, “Have you checked inventory again? What if she took a gun when you weren’t looking?”

Murphy shakes his head; he doesn’t break his promises—especially not with the only person he’s ever trusted wholeheartedly. Again, Murphy shakes his head as he says, “That couldn’t have happened I had my eye on her the whole time.”

Murphy’s face is blank as he puts his hands on his hips as he does his best to protect his friend. The word sounds odd in his mind, but he could get used to it. Then, his face falls and his eyes go wide when he recognizes that both his gun and knife are missing. His right hand ghosts over his hip, which is how he realizes that the space where he usually keeps his gun is empty.

“Murphy, where’s your gun?” Finn asks nonchalantly, already knowing what’s happened. His arms are crossed in front of his chest.

“Fuck!” Murphy swears, kicking the dirt.

“Fuck what?” Octavia says as she approaches the group.

The seven of them all look around at one another, waiting for someone to speak up in order to explain.

“Gemma’s run off,” Clarke explains in a hushed tone so that no one overhears.

Octavia’s features turn serious, and she does her best not to give anything away. She knew about Gemma’s plans all along, but she had promised not to tell anyone unless Gemma didn’t come back by nightfall. Octavia had made Gemma promise that she and Lincoln could come after if she wasn’t back in time. Like Gemma, Octavia doesn’t want a war with the Grounders so she was willing to let Gemma do what she thinks was right.

“What do you know, O?” Bellamy questions. “Whatever it is, you better spill fast because Gem could be in serious danger.”

Octavia clears her throat and says, “She said she had a meeting set up with Anya. She said she’d be back before nightfall... Even if she’s not, it’s Gemma—she can take care of herself. She’s stronger and braver than we give her credit for, you know. Plus, she has Lincoln”—she rolls her eyes at the way Bellamy huffs and crosses his arms—"dammit, Bell! Lincoln and Benjamin will protect her like she's their own and you know it!"

“Benjamin?” Monty asks confused.

"Who's Benjamin?" Jasper adds with a twinkle in his eyes, signifying that he's interested.

"He's best friends with Lincoln," Octavia says quickly, obviously worried about how they'll all react about Gemma having another Grounder as a new best friend. "Gemma's met him a few times, but I've never met him. Gemma really likes him; she says they've become best friends really fast. Gemma and Lincoln trust Benjamin so I do too. We have to trust her, guys! Gemma is smart, a fighter, and strong—she'll be okay!"

“Yeah, but she’s also insanely curious, stubborn, and selfless,” Finn says. “And I’ve seen those qualities get her into trouble more times than I count.”

“If she’s going to meet with Anya,” Raven ponders out loud, “how do we not know other Grounders aren’t coming after us? How do we not know that Anya tricked Gemma?”

Bellamy and Clarke share a long look, trying to decide what should be done.

“I think it’s time that we use that bomb, Raven,” Clarke declares. “Who can take it to the bridge?”

Everyone looks around at each other apprehensively. Raven notices how Finn gulps and stares at the ground. That’s when Raven quietly makes the decision to do it herself. 

“Let me take a final look at it first,” Raven says. “Then, we can figure that out.”

“While you get it ready,” Finn says, “let’s go find my sister. Now!”

The eight of them decide that Clarke and Raven should stay behind so that the others don’t suspect anything or nothing gets out of hand. Jasper also stays behind based on Bellamy’s orders to help them. With weapons in hand, the others leave the camp to find Gemma.

“Finn,” Bellamy says sincerely as he gathers his gear, “after what you’ve been through, I wouldn’t blame you if you stayed back. You’re still recovering, and Gemma wouldn’t want you to get hurt. She’d under—”

“I’m going,” Finn says with fierce determination, straightening the pack on his shoulders. “Whatever Gemma is doing out there is because she thinks it’s right. To some degree, I completely believe her. The only thing I know is, she’s out there alone and I can’t let her get hurt just to save us. Don’t you see? This is what my sister and I do: protect each other. You’d understand that, right, Bellamy?”

Bellamy nods and pats Finn on the shoulder. Finn mumbles thank you as he picks up a gun and glances at the others. Bellamy instructs the rest of them to follow him outside immediately. Everyone does as instructed and trails behind the two of them.

“If you know anything, Murphy,” Finn says as they make their way out of camp and into the forest, “I swear to god you’ll regret not sharing it if you decide not to.”

Murphy rolls his eyes. “I don’t know a damn thing, Collins, but even if I did, that’s not important. Maybe you should pay more attention to your sister and take care better care of her. Maybe if you were better at that, then she wouldn’t be going behind your back and lying. And then maybe she wouldn’t feel the need to seduce me to get what she needs!”

Murphy’s eyes widen when he realizes what he’s said. He didn’t mean to break the unspoken agreement he and Gemma made this morning. He was an asshole and he knew it, but he’d never intentionally break a promise with her.

“She did what?!” Finn cries, stepping closer to Murphy. “You slept with with my sister?! I’m gonna—”

“It’s not important!” Bellamy growls. He pushes Finn back and stands between the two boys. The others might not notice, but a twinge of pain flashes across Bellamy’s face upon knowing what happened between Gemma and Murphy. “Whatever your sister did with Murphy is none of your business, Finn. And it’s definitely not important right now when she’s alone at dusk. Now both of you shut the hell up so we find Gemma before it’s too dark. Got it?”

Murphy and Finn both grumble, but they follow Bellamy’s orders nonetheless and they are generally quiet afterwards. Octavia tells them everything she knows, hoping it’s enough for them to find her before it’s totally dark. Monty is looking in the trees or on the paths for clues that could lead them to Gemma. Miller tries to lighten the mood with a few jokes while Bellamy tries to keep them all in line. Little do they all know that everything is about to become incredibly insane.


End file.
